## Chapter 194 – Mana Man Kim Kat
“Enlightenment, huh.”
I walked out of the castle gates as if possessed.
The time was around noon, after finishing my morning training. Normally, I would have returned to focus on mental training, but today, for some reason, I felt the need for a change of pace. I had been pouring all my time into training lately without a single day off.
— Swish.
A cold wind.
It felt chilly, as if winter was approaching.
Winter, huh.
Winter in this world was always harsh, but at least this year would be warmer in many ways. Winter is a terrible season. It was the same when I was in the army, and even more so in this world. It was fortunate that I had become an adventurer and spent the winter that way; if I had faced winter as a homeless person, I would have frozen to death.
I somehow endured it twice, I think.
I vividly remembered borrowing a corner of a cowshed with other beggars and sleeping huddled together. If we didn’t gather, we would freeze to death. And when we woke up, we would receive 3 coopers and a loaf of bread, and spend the whole day shoveling snow.
That was a big job too.
Seeing the trees turning reddish, I was reminded of that time.
Thinking about it just pisses me off.
I shook my head violently to erase the memory.
“…Winter’s coming soon.”
Anyway, outside the castle walls.
A world where monsters live.
Of course, I wasn’t planning to go hunting monsters alone without my companions. I was only going near the city. In other words, I just needed some time alone to breathe in the fresh air outside.
As always, the guards’ procedure was lax as ever. It felt so familiar that I had never seen them doing any work.
— Thud, thud.
I walked for about 30 minutes and entered the forest. I deliberately chose a path that people didn’t use. It was such a vast place that it was hard to see other adventurers even after coming this far.
A quiet space where no one was around, only the sound of the wind. Are there any monsters? I looked around and didn’t see any. It was too close to the city. Most monsters live at least an hour away from the city. There was nothing here.
After confirming the safety, I drew my sword.
Well then, shall we begin?
— Swoosh!
There.
Without worrying about anyone’s eyes.
“The sword.”
I perform a sword dance.
“Lightly.”
The Seal Master Sword Dance, starting with the first form of the Seal Master Sword Technique. — Swoosh, swoosh! Like exotic and alluring murderesses, I hold my sword and sway my body, enticing blood and violence.
Will I be able to reach it?
I don’t know.
I’m just trying to connect with mana through a sword dance that has reached its limit. The trajectory of the sword. The flow of air. The movement of the body. Karin said that the truth lies somewhere in there. Is that what I need? Or is it inner enlightenment?
“Straighten your back.”
An extreme butchering technique improved for actual combat.
The sword tore through the air, creating a sonic boom. It’s terrifyingly powerful. Most monsters wouldn’t be able to withstand my strike and would die instantly. There aren’t many beings I can’t cut down after all.
「Strength」
I can see it.
“Plant your feet.”
What are my chances of winning against an Orc right now? Through endless review and skill checks, I’ve exceeded 50%. But without being able to use mana, I’d only be at 60% at best.
If I fight 10 times.
I’ll die 4 times.
That’s the difference in race.
Ordinary humans can never win against Orcs in a one-on-one fight.
If humans acquired intelligence, then Orcs were those who acquired brute strength. From the start, they’re not opponents you can face in a one-on-one fight. It’s right to hold a spear and face them in a group.
“Infuse mana.”
That’s why people who can kill Orcs alone are naturally recognized. Come to think of it, Orcs are generally monsters that stand on the borderline between D-rank and C-rank… I think that’s how it was.
— Thud.
I stopped the sword dance.
Mana didn’t infuse after all.
Even though it’s clearly inside my body, I can’t control it freely. Bloodshed. Is it only through repeated actual combat, not training, that I can achieve results? The feeling of burning fighting spirit was spontaneous, so it was hard to know for now.
Rest for a bit.
I swung my sword again.
— Swish!
I recall the experience of killing.
The experience of killing that I now take for granted. Then, I felt something ominous stirring. Something with a dark red glow.
Of course, I didn’t know what it was, so I delved into it.
I kill people.
I end their lives.
I’m killing my own kind.
I’m killing intelligent beings.
People are beings who can think… but the ones I killed were beings who couldn’t think. Are they really people? In my eyes, they’re beings that can’t be called people.
Robbers are not people.
Then I didn’t cut down people.
Repeated thoughts.
Swelling delusions.
Affirmation or denial?
For me, living in this world with the sensibilities of a modern person, it wasn’t a problem that could be easily discussed and dismissed with simple logic, so I tried to ignore it.
Rationalization.
In the end, agonizing means there’s hesitation.
In the end, agonizing means,
I’m not a macho man.
In the end, agonizing means…
“…Difficult.”
When I came to my senses, my whole body was drenched in sweat. The high level of concentration had made me forget even the concept of time. I was thirsty, and I drank the water in my canteen. The time is… has it been about two hours?
I keenly felt how rapidly I was getting exhausted compared to training in the inner world.
In the end, this is what I am in reality.
A hyper-shit-idiot.
Kim Kat.
In the end, I returned to the city without any particular gain.
The stuffy feeling didn’t go away.
The change of pace didn’t work.
I just ended up thinking about last winter a lot.
Am I being too impatient?
Actually, it’s quite ridiculous to think that I can handle mana in just a month. If it could be done just by trying, then who in this world wouldn’t have mana? Effort and talent. And innate luck and sensitivity. Only those with such complex factors can become mana users.
It’s greed.
It’s avarice.
The desire to become strong in a short period of time is like a child’s stubbornness. You can’t become strong with will alone. You can’t become strong with effort alone. Then what’s needed is…
Still.
I want to be even a little faster.
I want to shorten the time.
I want to be able to freely handle mana even a little faster. And I want to tell Claudia as if it’s nothing. ‘Mana? Oh, that? I picked it up on the way. It wasn’t a big deal.’ How happy would she be? She would definitely be very happy. She would be overjoyed.
That’s why I’m so obsessed with training and enlightenment.
“To do that.”
Should I just grab a few people in the slums and relive the feeling of cutting them down? Karin said that killing people is the true experience. In fact, every time I cut down a person, I felt like my strength was mysteriously increasing.
That thought strongly captivated me.
“…”
A devil in my heart.
…Am I really going to become a serial killer like Karin said? My heart wavered. I had lost my reason for a moment because I had become too impatient. The path to evil ways. It tempted me.
Is this what it’s like to have a devil in your heart?
I’m not crazy.
I grabbed hold of my wavering heart.
— Creak.
As if walking in a dream, I walked through streets where reality and unreality were mixed. Before I knew it, I had arrived at the lodgings, and I was holding the circlet in my hand without realizing it. Reality is stifling. Training in the inner world is more efficient and seems to be more noticeable.
I can’t overcome the temptation.
I put on the circlet.
A world that I’m sinking into.
At the same time, darkness fills me, and I set foot in the inner world.
“Omnipotence.”
In front of me are iron bars.
This is not reality. That made me stronger. I immediately struck the iron bars with my sword. Just randomly. For now, I don’t have to think about anything. I’m focusing on destroying the target in front of me. I can think about it later.
— Clang! — Clang!
— Clang! — Clang!
In the noise of iron and iron clashing strongly.
— ….
A faint something.
“What?”
It felt like I could hear something. Even though it was my inner world, I couldn’t quite understand it… but what was certain was that, whatever it was, it must have originated from me.
— Clang! Clang!
The more I struck the iron bars, the louder the sound became. I strained my ears. But even though the sound got louder, I couldn’t understand the content, as if there was noise. It didn’t become clearer, it just got louder.
— A mournful wail.
It’s calling me.
“What the hell.”
I instinctively realize.
“What do you want to say?”
The owner of this sound.
“My inner self.”
It must be my inner self.
“Is it only by breaking this that I can know? But I still can’t break it. Even though I’ve tried so hard, I haven’t even made a scratch.”
— Clang! — Clang! Infusing mana, I strike down fiercely again. Unlike reality, I don’t get tired. Overflowing power. A sensation that I could only feel in life-or-death battles. That sensation burst out from my fingertips.
“Is it because I still don’t know about myself?”
I strike repeatedly. I strike and strike again.
Throwing an egg at a rock.
That’s what it felt like.
“Is it because I haven’t gained enlightenment?”
Will the rock ever break?
If I repeat it thousands or tens of thousands of times, will the rock crack?
It won’t work.
It won’t work because the egg is an egg.
“Maybe it’s both of those things.”
But.
“I don’t agonize.”
I’m not an egg.
“I don’t fret.”
If I had to compare, I’m a Secret Comet Strike.
“If it doesn’t work, I just move forward.”
Rocks are just chewing gum.
“That’s who Kim Kat is.”
— Clang!
“…!”
The iron bars began to crack. ‘I did it.’ That thought flashed through my mind, and I slammed my sword into it with the intention of completely destroying it before this overflowing enlightenment disappeared. — Clang! Fragments of metal flew. My attack was working.
“A being that can be broken.”
Something that I can destroy.
Something that gets hurt.
In the end, a being that I can overcome.
“Burning confidence.”
Weakness Disregard.
ON.
“I won.”
A mythical power that erupted from the depths of my heart enveloped my entire body. There is a cause, and there is a result. Therefore, if there is a result, there is a cause.
In the end, if my destroying it is the result.
I don’t need a cause.
If there’s only a result, that’s enough.
— Clang!
Cracks began to appear in the cracked iron bars. The cracks spread like black ink being poured, scattering the painted shell and fragments. Then — Woooong! The trembling lump of iron wailed strangely.
Is it telling me not to do it?
Or is it telling me to do it faster?
“…”
Even if it’s the former, I can’t allow myself to give up because of the time I’ve poured into it so far. Without hesitation, just rigidly. I finally swung my sword at the iron bars that were about to be destroyed.
I swung.
I swung.
— Slice.
The blade didn’t stop.
It passed through as it was.
“I succeeded.”
— Rumble!!!
At the same time, the iron bars shattered.
The shattered bars collapsed and disappeared, and in the place where the giant barrier had disappeared, the land of the inner world, which was infinitely close to nothingness, spread out. As if it had never existed from the beginning, the iron bars disappeared forever.
— Thump!
“…This is.”
A strong impulse.
An unstoppable impulse swallowed me.
— …!!!
The voice of my inner self was strongly leading me!
“What the hell…”
What is at the end of this?
I looked at the other side, where the iron bars had disappeared.
“…”
And.
It was at the end of that.
“…That is.”
A blurry shape in the distance.
It looked like a cage for birds, and at the same time, it looked like a prison for people. Yes, to express it in a complex way, it was a ‘cage’. All the bricks that were lying around were cracked or broken, and the bars of the cage didn’t look very good either.
A strange impulse.
The pressure to confirm that.
As if possessed, I approached it.
