Chapter 396 – I’ll Let You Hurt Me
Eunyul went to Min Gahee’s studio today as well. She said that up until just a month ago she was a confined to her home her, but now she is able to roam around her outside her on her own. Of course, I needed a hat, glasses, and a mask.
‘It’s all thanks to my brother.’
Eun-yul smiled as she recalled Seo Joo-hwan’s face in her.
His presence, which came suddenly one day, was like a tranquilizer for the nerves. Strangely, when he was by his side of her, his anxiety of her subsided and his head of her cleared. The psychiatric medications he once took did not have such dramatic effects.
Why does such a phenomenon appear? Is it because he is the writer who wrote ‘Eunah Healing’, which was the support of his life? From the first day I saw him, he came to me as a reassuring existence without any strange feeling, and now he has become a person I cannot be without.
“…….”
Eun-yul quickly shook his head at the thought that came to him at the moment.
‘It’s ridiculous that it disappears.’
He hates to think like that. Don’t do it. If, by any chance, he disappears, he will find himself again…….
“Garbage!”
Startle. Eun-yul suddenly looked back.
“…….”
No one is here. Therefore, the voice I had just heard was an hallucination of my own making.
‘Prostitute!’
‘Drug idol!’
‘Perpetrator of abuse’
Hallucinations. Can’t see anyone Even though I know that, I try to breathe fast.
“Huh, ha. Slowly, hu, ha. It’s okay, my brother said it’s okay.”
Yes, my brother said it was fine. Seo Joo-hwan said it was okay. He said no one was hurting him.
‘It’s okay. I don’t need to listen to people who know nothing and curse.’
No need to worry. You just have to believe that even if the whole world curses at you, it’s not just Seo Joo-hwan. Articles on the Internet are nothing more than cheap typographical combinations that are interesting and thoughtless. It is different from Eunah Healing, which came with sincerity. Seo Joo-hwan wrote Eunah Healing. So, you are a great writer. He’s a great writer, so he’s a good person. Are you a great writer because you’re a good person? I don’t know, but I feel relieved when I’m by your side. You are the one who saved me from dying We also went for a walk together. Holding his hand he puts my mind at ease. Oh, I want to hold hands miss you. I haven’t seen you in so long. How many days is it? No, you have to try You can’t complain. My brother helped me the most, so I should get well soon. So I have to reply
There was no proper logic in Eun-yul’s thoughts. He was shaggy just as it came to mind.
But it wasn’t without effect.
“Whoa, that’s it. He is also my brother.”
Eunyul smiled a little. As expected, when he remembered Seo Ju-hwan’s face, his fast breathing his quickly stabilized. I can’t even hear the hallucinations. It was like a panacea.
‘But you can’t show off. You can’t rely too much on it.’
Then you have to get away from Seo Joo-hwan. Hearing hallucinations should not be reported to the hospital. Then you’d think it was because of dependence. My brother is not bad. So he has to show that he can do well alone.
Paradoxical.
Because I don’t want to be separated from Seo Joo-hwan, I have to be self-reliant, and only when I’m self-reliant can we be together.
When that time comes, Seo Joo-hwan will not push himself away either. In order to do that, he it must be recognized as soon as possible. And the means.
‘Let’s work harder to complete the song.’
Recently, she was in the process of remaking her self-composed song ‘One Step’ with the help of Gahee Min. It was a collaboration that I accepted without hesitation, but the process was much more fun than I thought. She was still afraid of going to and from the studio alone, but it was fun to spend time with Min Ga-hee, the genius of her composition her.
However, the collaboration did not go smoothly. No, there were more unexpected difficulties.
– Unnie Yul, in this song, your voice is more important than the melody. To be more precise, it’s important to put emotion into the lyrics and fill in the melodies with that emotion. I don’t know if it was made with unnie aiming for it, but because the space between notes is left empty, the song will explode if your vocal skills aren’t good enough.
Min Ga-hee was a person whose personal and professional positions were very different. As her younger sister her, Min Ga-hee, there was a fierce atmosphere, but as a composer, Min Ga-hee was like a very strict teacher. Because of this, the work of ‘one step’ did not make progress.
If that happens, you will not be recognized by Seo Joo-hwan.
‘It can’t go on like this.’
In fact, the song itself is already better than before. This is thanks to Yoon Seul-gi replacing the clumsy acoustic guitar playing and Min Ga-hee supplementing the lacking melody with midi work.
However, what Min Ga-hee demanded was a higher level than that. In order to live up to that, she had no choice but to fundamentally improve her vocal skills.
Eun-yul did not give up and was more motivated despite being subjected to fierce production every day. She was mentally weak due to her long illness, but the reason why she was able to gain strength was entirely thanks to her Seo Joo-hwan.
‘I don’t want to disappoint my brother.’
I worked hard not to pass Min Ga-hee’s standards, but because I didn’t want to disappoint Seo Joo-hwan. Because Seo Joo-hwan said he liked the song ‘One Step’ the most.
“Okay, I have to work hard tomorrow too.”
Let’s work harder and make better songs.
When I came to my senses as I walked, I had already arrived home. She tended to lose sight of her surroundings when she was immersed in thoughts.
‘I wonder if my brother has arrived by now?’
When I got home, I thought of Seo Joo-hwan again.
Today, he won the grand prize in a literary contest. So he even sent a congratulatory text.
‘I also want to meet and talk to you in person. I want to take a walk.’
No matter how much I thought about it, I hadn’t taken a walk for too long. The time I always used to walk around Anyangcheon at 11:00 PM is gone.
It was after I went to the hospital that the walking time disappeared. Around that time, Seo Joo-hwan began to reduce the number of his walks gradually, devoting time to speeding up the serialization of Eun-ah Healing.
‘Hospital… Annoying.’
Dependency. Kim Hee-yoon also told her about her dependence on her. She didn’t say it outright, but she said that you shouldn’t rely too much on any one thing, and she recommended that you try a variety of experiences. In particular, he recommended music therapy.
‘I must have told my brother separately. The hospital separated me and my brother. Otherwise, there’s no way he’ll stay away from me.’
Eun-yul’s thoughts were made up of delusion without any logic, but the conclusion was close to the correct answer.
She immediately shook her head.
‘I can’t hold grudges.’
Kim Hee-yoon. Even the doctor will eventually make the diagnosis for himself. The same goes for her brother’s distance from her. It was to foster self-reliance, so you should never resent it. It is absurd to resent someone who is trying to help.
But the diagnosis is wrong. Does it make sense that it gets better when you separate it from your brother? But it wouldn’t be convincing if I went to the hospital because I was sick. So let’s act like we’re okay.
That was Eun-yul’s conclusion.
“But I miss you so much today… I want to congratulate you personally… I haven’t seen you in ten days…….”
Eun-yul murmured gloomily.
Mumble, mumble.
The self-talk that had become a habit during the time I was locked up in my room did not go away easily.
“Can I ask you to go out after a long time today? Communication… Shall we try?”
He said he would be back in the evening, so he should be home by now. Yes, let’s get in touch. Naturally!
*
Seo Joo-hwan stared at the name that appeared on the screen of his phone for a while before answering the phone.
“Hello?”
-Hi brother. That’s the rate
“Yes, Yulia. What is it?”
– Oppa, you won the grand prize today. Congratulations.
Seo Ju-hwan smiled at Eun-yul’s words. It was n’t because he was grateful for the congratulations, but because of his clear, consistent words of her. She has improved a lot lately, so she does n’t stutter if it is n’t for her overexertion of her.
“Haha. Are you calling for that? Thank you for congratulating me. I’ll send you one when the book comes out.”
– Thanks, brother. I’ll have to buy one and keep it.
After talking that far, silence came.
Seo Ju-hwan waited for a while without continuing her words her.
‘Is it still too much for Yul to continue the conversation first?’
There was a rather long silence as he did not bring up the next topic of conversation. For some reason, it was as if I could see Eunyul’s flustered face her through the phone.
There was a time when he was about to speak out. Surprisingly, Eunyul spoke first.
– Oppa, do you have a minute?
“Hour? Why?”
– I want to take a walk with you after a long time…….
Current time 11 o’clock.
Originally, at this time, the two used to walk together in Anyangcheon. But that was the story of ten days ago. Recently, Seo Joo-hwan deliberately avoided going for a walk, pretending to be busy.
‘Walking hand in hand with me would be something I should graduate soon.’
In order for Eun-yul to become self-reliant, she thought it was right to avoid it in order not to give her any more room for herself.
He thought for a moment and then said.
“Yula, today is a bit like that. I just got home and have just finished taking a shower.”
-Ah…….
Eun-yul let out a sigh. After a while, she said in a voice that could n’t let go of her lingering lingering feelings of her.
– So, then I’m going home?
“Uh? To our house? Now?”
Seo Joo-hwan asked with a slightly embarrassed expression. I was proud that she became so active after showing signs of avoiding people, but I was embarrassed because it was so unexpected.
“Yula, that’s…”
It was just when I was about to say no.
– I-I go to Kahi’s studio these days.
Eun-yul interrupted her and entered.
Seo Joo-hwan opened his eyes wide with a bewildered expression. It was the first time Eunyul had cut him off.
“Yes… Ji? He said he was working on ‘one step’ with Kahi.”
Recently, Eun-yul was on her way to Min Ga-hee’s studio by herself. It was because she had accepted Ga-hee Min’s collaboration offer on her last visit her. Seo Joo-hwan thought it was Eun-yul’s rehabilitation training her and deliberately did not accompany him.
– Yes. Kahi and Seulgi helped me make it again. It will be much better than before.
“Good. I’ll be looking forward to it.”
Not empty words, I was really looking forward to it. Eunyul’s self-composed song ‘One Step’ was his favorite song. Of course, that standard was the completed version before the regression.
‘I wonder if it could be better if Kahi composed it.’
Maybe Eunyul’s singing skills are not enough right now, so it’s impossible. I wish it would be better than before.
It was time to think so.
– But, there is a problem.
Eun-yul’s voice sank.
“Problem? What’s the problem?”
– Kahi’s studio is a little far away. I’m anxious because I want to go alone. I’m trying, but honestly it’s hard, a lot.
Eunyul’s voice was trembling. Unlike her normal speech until now, there were pauses between words.
‘Has the mutism struck again?’
It’s not that I don’t understand. Mental illness is heavily influenced by the psychological state. Because of this, even though it seemed to get better temporarily, it was a mental illness that suddenly worsened. Right now, it was highly likely that Eun-yul’s symptoms temporarily reappeared because of her fear of going out for a long distance.
“Yul, are you okay?”
– It’s okay now. I’m just thinking about going tomorrow too, I’m a little scared, yeah.
“Aren’t you having problems with the kids?”
– Oh, no. I like Kahi and Seulgi. Especially, Sua calls me often and takes care of me a lot.
“Ah, Sua.”
Han Soo-ah has been a big fan of Eun-yul since before. Even if she wasn’t like that, if she was a good person, she would have taken care of Eun-yul.
– But, while walking down the street, I keep thinking about what if someone recognizes me. Funny, right? It wasn’t even that famous.
Previously, Eunyul was an idol who hadn’t seen the light of day for quite a long time and was just starting to rise. It means that no matter how well she looks at it, she falls far short of Class A. Even in terms of appearance, the gap between her now and her idol days were huge, so it was a long way off to recognize her unless you were a fan.
But he doesn’t take Eun-yul’s worries lightly. In fact, she said that while going to the hospital alone a few months ago, she met someone who recognized her.
“I don’t think it’s funny. If it’s harder than that, don’t overdo it and ask Sua to go with you. If not…….”
She swallowed back the words, ‘Or I’ll go with you,’ which was about to come out naturally.
– That… No. I go alone because it is also a rehabilitation training. My older brother helped me like this, but I want to get well soon.
I am scared and scared to go far alone. But I don’t want to give up. I can’t go with Han Soo-ah because the meaning of rehabilitation training will fade.
It was a very frustrating sound to hear.
Sure enough, she said it as if Lucy, who was not good at emotions, couldn’t understand.
[What the hell is that woman saying to her master her? I don’t know why she brought her up if she’d just say no even if I offered a countermeasure. She is a frustrating woman.]
Seo Joo-hwan laughed inwardly. A lot of people, especially men, think like Lucy.
‘Lucy, what is needed at a time like this is the ability to empathize.’
It can be a bit frustrating, but sometimes simple comfort and sympathy are more helpful than clear solutions. Especially for those who are mentally and psychologically disturbed.
Seo Joo-hwan comforted Eun-yul with her soft voice.
“Yes, if Yul is you, you can do it. Let me know if you need my help.”
– Yeah, that’s what I mean.
She said as if Eun-yul had been waiting.
– After all, can’t we go to my brother’s house now? Looking at my brother’s face, I think I’ll be okay… Then I can do my best, there is…….
“…….”
Seo Joo-hwan smiled silently.
Look at this. Was it not a need for empathy, but a build-up to say this? I thought there were unexpectedly clever corners.
Eun-yul hurriedly added as if making an excuse.
– That’s not a lie… When I see my brother’s face, it’s strange, it’s because I’m really okay…….
“…….”
[This makes more sense. If you are with the master, you will actually be fine thanks to ‘pheromone’ or ‘calm down hand’.]
‘Ugh. Then it’s not a lie.’
Seo Joo-hwan finally nodded his head. He was about to tell me if he needed help, but I couldn’t say no right away.
“Okay. Then come be careful. Can you come alone?”
– Yes Yes! Thank you brother!
Eun-yul replied in a brightly lit voice.
Soon, the call was cut off, and Seo Ju-hwan smiled bitterly as he looked at the screen of his phone, which was stained black.
‘I don’t know if this is correct.’
Even though Eun-yul kept trying to push him away, Eun-yul kept coming closer and narrowing the distance. And he couldn’t bear to break her heart her.
‘I can’t help it because I’m sick. I don’t want it to get hurt and get worse.’
… I was well aware that the words, in fact, were just excuses.
Let’s draw a clear line today.
Seo Joo-hwan made that promise.
