Chapter 19 – Episode 18 – Awareness! (NTR Reminiscence Caution)
There are NTR depictions that can be off-putting. Please pay attention to your impressions.
When I open my eyes, it is a black space. A black space that was like loading at the time of entering another world. It feels like that space. If there is a difference, it feels a little colder than then. Could it be that I’m dead…?
With that in mind, I looked around. I wondered if my body would look like a human, but what I see is the body of a hoofed horse.
“Ehh…How long has it been since you came, Shiba…”
Has it been about two and a half months since you came to this world? To die after just that much, I wondered if Shin, the homeless man who had sent me to another world, would stare at me with a pitiful pout.
No, even so, what is Erebus? Do you think destruction will happen in hundreds of years? Appear suddenly? Isn’t it too openly a scam to say that he is the one who calls for destruction?
Thinking of that, he sighed. Somehow, I’m in a bad mood. He had reincarnated in another world at best, and died without ever hugging a woman because he had the body of a horse and was so big that he was a vicious horse. What the hell did I come to this world for?
“Haa… Fuck…”
A strange feeling that I don’t know whether it’s irritation or not. For some reason, it feels like emotions are jagged up and down, as if drawing some kind of electrical signal.
“Ah… Shit… Really…”
As I was feeling such a strange feeling, something sluggish movement suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. Even though the surroundings were just a black space, I could see procrastinating movements. And when the procrastination stopped…
“…? Uh…?”
What I saw in front of him was myself. To be precise, on Earth, the time when it was going well for a while, the appearance of those days when it was decorated in its own way. This is the look of those days when it was popular in various ways around it.
“What the fuck, why is that…”
When I see myself standing in front of me and ask questions, the me in front of me smiles and speaks.
(Are you satisfied?)
What the fuck are you satisfied with? Are you kidding? At best, he came to another world, suffered only in the body of a horse, and died without ever hugging a woman.
Then, the me in front of me shook my head and spoke again.
(I’m not asking in that sense, you know?)
What are you talking about What do you know, son of a bitch. A guy who’ll get his back eaten by a woman in a little while.
As I thought so, the landscape of the black space suddenly changed. Classroom. To be precise, this is the classroom I was in when I was in high school. I see myself surrounded by familiar faces.
(Sema, are you going to school today?)
(Sema! Go play basketball!?)
(Sema, did you watch that drama yesterday!?)
(Hey, Sema, you said you were going to a competition! Do you have a prize money!?)
(Sema, call the PC room after today?)
(Sema, I brought a comic book. Do you want to read it?)
Scenes of friends talking to me pass one by one as if skipping a video. Yes. That era. I was the so-called hot guy. Excellent grades, decent looks, moderate height of 178, various talents, a family without shortages, and a good personality that anyone can get along with.
I’m a girl or a guy, from study bug friends who just study, to friends who quietly fall into fan culture like manga and anime. A sign that is popular with everyone. But…
Shhhhh. The scenery of the space changes again with the sound. This is the scenery of the prestigious university I passed.
(Sema! Will you join the student council?)
(Semaya! The professor asked me to eat together later!)
(Semaya! Did you do your homework?)
(Sema, if you need genealogy, come to our club!)
(Sema, will your sister give you a ride home today?)
…As a freshman in college. Even in those days, that life hadn’t changed. It was possible to hang out with anyone, regardless of classmates or seniors, and it was a life before smartphones were activated, so communication through text messages and computer messengers was constant. And I met you there…
(Semaya. So, is it our 1st day from today?)
Eunjin Ha. Seeing that face that appeared, I felt my teeth gnashing. Not the girlfriend I dated until high school, the level of studying and leaving school together, but the woman I met after entering college thinking about a deep relationship in earnest.
Her appearance was so pretty that it was said to be the most eye-catching among the female students who entered, and the innocence in her actions and neat clothes would have made any man at a college drinking party mention her name at least once. I also fell in love with such a woman, and since I came to a prestigious university, I confessed at a drinking party and started dating.
However, there are conditions to love. She said she was virgin before marriage and no sex. At this time, I naively believed and accepted it and started dating. I felt the integrity of keeping her virginity from her talking about her chastity before marriage, and I saw her sincerity in her actions, and because of a little pride and desire that if we dated deeply, maybe her thoughts would change and we could have a relationship. But I should have abandoned that stupidity quickly.
Other scenes from college pass by quickly. I go to a club once, then I refuse to go to the club again, I notice that other girls are coming and cut it like a knife. It was all an act of absurd narcissism.
My parents founded a company after working for a large company and made it to the level of a mid-sized company in less than 10 years. And I am an excellent son that any parent would envy with his polite behavior and the specifications of a prestigious university.
I lived thinking that I had to lead a proper life so that I would not have problems later, and that those women who came out to clubs or drinking parties were low-class women who did not fit my level.
The scene changes again. Military time. It was a difficult time in the military for everyone, but the existence of my girlfriend Ha Eun-jin was a great source of strength for me. A beautiful girlfriend who came to visit me whenever I was able to visit, who was always with me whenever I went on vacation, and the existence of a girlfriend who waited for me was a great source of strength in itself.
After returning to school after the military service, I went to her living room with a gift for her birthday. I had an appointment with her for the evening, but I wanted to meet sooner and congratulate her by giving her her present. Since I often visited and knew the password, I thought to sneak in and surprise.
The scene of her appearing in her space changes to the hallway of her house where she lives. Holding the present in the paper bag, I press the password for her room. Do not do that. Just go back Don’t open that door, just go home…!
Without my cry coming out, I enter her room. Quite spacious officetel to live alone. As I entered, a strange moaning sound that seemed to still linger in my ears entered my ears.
“Ah~ ang… ♡ Owner… Give the owner’s cock to the pervert-like Eun-jin~ ♡”
I walk slowly, one step at a time, into the bedroom where I can hear the shuddering sound. No. Go back now Don’t look at me like that…!
“Huh… Juin-sama’s cock… She’s drinking too much… ♡ To be able to receive Zooin’s cock on her birthday, Eunjin is such a happy slave… ♡”
Hehe, a bitch who has a boyfriend goes into heat on another man’s cock on her birthday and sucks it like that, what a pervert bitch?”
“Huh… He’s not a boyfriend… He’s just a wallet… I only have my master…”
“You crazy bitch. You are just my slave She’s just a bitch who obeys my orders. Don’t say that you’re dating arrogantly, bitch”
“Haha…Yes…Please punish the cheeky bitch…♡”
“Suck with all your heart. If you suck well, I’ll give you a lot of pussy today. Go meet your boyfriend with the pussy blocked in that state. Don’t forget to take your medicine”
“Yes~♡”
…Hearing that sound, I, holding the paper bag in front of my eyes, opened the door.
Chuu-up, chuu-up, chug…!!?
When the door opened, she saw herself naked, wearing a dog collar, squatting down like a dog, holding a man’s cock with her hands raised like a dog. She had a happy expression on her face as she grabbed the leash and put the cock of an unknown man in her mouth. When she saw me, she turned into a startled expression and got up and covered her body and hid behind the man. .
Hearing a man and a woman who was my ex-girlfriend say something, I dropped my paper bag and ran out.
I don’t remember what happened after that for a while. My girlfriend, who I used to say was virginity before marriage, who seemed to be nowhere in the world with her innocence, nobility, and beautiful appearance, acted like a slave while sucking another man’s cock with a happy expression. , I couldn’t come to my senses. When I couldn’t even go to college and didn’t know how many days had passed, the police station contacted me.
Ha Eun-jin, the day she ran out in that state, she sued for sexual assault. She is a boyfriend, but she was virgin before marriage and she tried to forcefully rape herself by opening the door of her house and entering. If the man next door, whom he usually greeted, hadn’t rescued himself through an open door as he passed by, he would have been raped.
If I had had a normal accident, I would have secured evidence and refuted CCTV or whatever, but until I went to the police station, I was so broken that I couldn’t even think about it. I couldn’t even think of this situation because of Ha Eun-jin’s collar. In the meantime, the CCTV to prove my innocence was erased after the storage period, and only the testimony of two people became evidence, and I became a rapist who had never done anything.
After this, his father’s efforts, insufficient evidence, and his father, who wanted to deal with it quickly, handed over 50 million won in money as an agreement with Ha Eun-jin, and I was released. It could have been delayed due to lack of evidence, but regardless of the amount, my father would have wanted to put an end to the controversy quickly.
After this, my life was completely ruined. My parents, who had never been angry with me, smashed things in the house and cursed at me, and among university classmates and seniors and juniors who didn’t know me well, I became trash who tried to rape my girlfriend. At least, my high school friends and some classmates who knew me well believed in me, but I, exhausted, took a leave of absence and left home with a bankbook containing a lot of money for a young age and my luggage.
After that, it took me almost a year to get out of the studio I saved, except for the convenience store. During that year, while clinging to the computer to soothe my mind, I fell in love with the culture of virtue and immersed myself in various cartoons, anime, and 19-karat gold cartoons. When I finally went out to a drinking party with my high school friends, everyone said they thought I had committed suicide. And at that time, I heard the story behind it from a friend who went to the same university.
Ha Eun-jin said that after extorting money from my parents, she went to college for a while and lost contact with her. She couldn’t even hear the details of her friend who told her, but after that, the man got into an accident and went to prison, and Eun-jin Ha was dragged to a bar after that, and there were also rumors that he committed suicide, but no one knew the details.
And what was even more shocking was that the clubbing girls and some of the girls I had avoided for being vulgar actually said that they knew that side of Ha Eun-jin. The girls who knew this thought about whether to inform me, but I didn’t bother to inform them because I wasn’t close and I was avoiding them…
Hearing this, it felt like a shock to my broken psyche. It was because the women I avoided because they were vulgar, on the contrary, knew that side of Ha Eun-jin, and I couldn’t figure it out because I was avoiding them in my absurd narcissism.
After that, she lost the motivation to do anything anymore and immersed herself in the Internet, games, manga, anime, and 19-karat gold manga that can be said to be hardcore every day. I missed the time to return to school like that, and before I knew it, I was 30 years old in Korea. I was only 29 years old.
“…Why did you show me this?”
The video that had appeared disappeared, and he asked me in front of me, who was standing in a black space again.
(You know?)
“Then what do you know?!”
Screamed at me in front of my eyes. You know what What the hell do I know!?
(…That memory discomfort you call trauma.)
“A sense of incongruity…?”
For a moment, I felt something wriggling deep in my chest. It’s a sense of incongruity, what sense of incongruity is it that a girlfriend who was said to be virgin before marriage turned out to be another man’s sex slave?
(What you felt when you saw it was not a feeling of betrayal or anger.)
Pounding. I felt my heart pounding. No, it was anger and sadness that came from a sense of betrayal.
(It’s not your enslaved girlfriend you were watching in that bedroom. No, you’re looking at it, but it wasn’t your girlfriend you were paying attention to.)
Pounding. My heart beats louder. No, I was shocked when I saw Ha Eun-jin at that time.
(What you were looking at… A man in front of you who made someone else’s woman his own. And a female who became that man’s.)
Thump thump thump
(The emotion you felt then… Was envy)
“No!”
(The act of taking someone else’s woman, the loyalty of a female who abandons her boyfriend and submits to another man.)
“No!”
(To you, who lived an exemplary life and regarded the pleasures pursued by others as something vulgar, the sight made you realize what you ‘really’ want.)
“No! I am different from others! Alcohol! Tobacco! Female! Gambling! Game! I am the right person who knows how to control everything and is respected by others!”
(The desire you really want. That’s the twisted sexual desire to make someone else’s woman your own. That’s the desire you want, and the identity of the sense of incongruity)
“No… No… I…”
(Look back on your 6 years of unemployed life. During that time, what did you focus on in the novels, animes, and 19-karat gold manga you were into? Even if you have a lover, you don’t focus on the kind of women who fall for other men. Or the scenes of stealing other people’s women. Was it?)
“That… That…”
(19-karat gold manga. I thought you simply fell into it to satisfy your sexual desire while avoiding real women, but what kind of 19-karat gold manga you were looking for? Conquering other people’s women and opening your pussy to other men, that’s the scene. Did you feel sexual desire?)
“…”
(Admit it. You didn’t feel betrayed by Ha Eun-jin at that time. Ha Eun-jin is pretty, but in fact, in your heart, you thought that such a woman was natural, right? You felt a bit confused, because you didn’t even know you had such a perverted sexual desire.)
“…”
(You’re going to come to another world and throw away your twisted view of women? Why? Why didn’t the gods send you to live as you please? I’ve lived a new life, but I have to suppress my desires here too? Why? Here, the best females are all over the place? )
“…”
(Don’t keep rejecting yourself. Accept it. Taking other people’s women and turning them into your own females, that’s the real you. Right now, that body has wonderful things that women can’t get their heads around, right?)
“…Who are you… Who are you…”
(I am you. I am your desire, deep within you. Do not reject me. It will only make you suffer.)
“No… You, not me. No, even if you, that desire, is my desire, it is not my will to actually reveal it.”
I tried to forget, but deep down I realized. Yes. My libido, my desire was perverted. However, to stop knowing that it is wrong. That too is my will. I am not such a scumbag as to reveal my perverted desires in that way. No, no.
(…A useless will. Do you think you can live like that for the rest of your life hiding yourself?)
“…No, since I’m aware of it like this, I can’t hide it for the rest of my life.”
(…)
“So I… I will accept my desire. But I will not reveal this desire to anyone.”
Yes. This desire is not a desire to be revealed to any woman you meet. You have to live in moderation, hide, hide.
(…Puch, it won’t work the way you want…)
Saying that, the me in front of my eyes seemed to overlap with my horse’s body, then melted away. I could feel myself sinking into my body just a little bit as I melted under my feet.
The exhilaration of realizing my own true desires. Fear of having that desire perverted. Feeling the frustration of having to control that desire, I opened my eyes thinking of Lisbeth’s face.
