Chapter 80 – Conversation (2)
“Honestly, I was worried even after I spoke at that time. To be precise, I was anxious even after I spoke at that time. I was worried that I would hold on to this kind of person and teach him.”
After a series of her words, my thought was ‘Is that so?’
It was nonsensical when you look at it, but I wanted to say it inadvertently.
I know it’s nonsense, but it was strangely persuasive.
To the extent that I think the current situation is because I accepted the offer at the time.
No.
It was not me who was wrong.
Seria’s words were skillfully melting people.
As if she didn’t do anything wrong.
She had to come to her senses.
“That’s when Ed accepted her offer, it was actually half-and-half.”
“Half and half?”
At some point, I noticed myself expressing my doubts about the question.
Even if I set aside the feelings that have already been hurt, is it the feeling that I should rather die knowing that this has happened.
“I thought that this person would be a little different and that this person would leave sooner or later.”
What I do know is that she, too, had a hard life.
The reason why I can’t blindly deny that feeling is because there was evidence for it and, crucially, I too have lived a similar life, albeit with a different resolution.
I had to hold on to the heart that kept going over.
I don’t know if it’s because of memories or affection, but when I heard it, I hated the way I tried to understand.
Am I the kind of person who is swayed by affection like this?
From a certain moment, there was something strange about myself that I knew.
A person who is not interested in others and only sees one.
I was the kind of person I defined myself as.
Other people also felt the opposite of that evaluation, so I only thought so… It was strange.
I know that people can’t live without changing, but I’m not sure about the current situation.
Did exchanging emotions with someone and that kind of thing bring about this kind of change?
That was something to think about later.
“After learning like that, boring studying became fun, and I don’t know why.”
He said he didn’t know, but he seemed to know why.
If someone gives me an affirmation after not receiving a compliment, I will work hard even for that compliment.
Regardless of whether the praise was sincere or merely formal.
“I thought it was long. It was very confusing that it was a feeling that bloomed at some point. I wonder if this feeling just wants to be praised more…”
“Or is it love?”
The atmosphere was sinking.
I was going back to the time when it might have all started.
“When I myself was confused as to what this feeling was, I once watched Ed’s back from the window as he turned around.”
I came to know the identity of the gaze that I sometimes felt.
“And then she saw Ed with some woman…”
What’s certain is that she knew of Heina’s existence before that.
“For some reason, my heart hurt.”
“At that time, I was just not in a relationship, so why does my heart hurt when I see Ed with another woman?”
Pain was felt in her hand.
It was the force applied from her hand, which had been holding my hand from a certain moment.
It seemed that it would change in proportion to emotions.
“You know. I saw that day.”
What did you see
What was there to see in those days?
At that time, it was a time when classes ended right away.
It was a time when there was no contact in the first place…?
“You can’t…”
In those days, there was no point of contact after the end of class, but there was something that marked a milestone in my life.
The night of the festival.
An unforgettable moment in life.
Although the ending was not good, the expression itself of forgetting is an awkward start.
My head was dizzy at the words implying that there was one more person there when it was supposed to be just the two of us.
“That’s right. I saw the scene proving love from start to finish that day.”
She didn’t want to think about the past, but as if it was a situation where she had no choice but to talk about it, her expression was that she didn’t even want to remember it.
“What did he say… He said he thought he would know because he didn’t exist… That’s funny.”
With a look on her face that she wanted to get rid of the person who said it at any moment, she went on with her words.
“Who was the first to intercept the thing I’ve seen for a long time…”
At some point, she was immersed in a world of her own.
I felt like I had to stop.
“Stop.”
“Even if I get angry, I have to pay it. Why are you doing that?”
However, despite my words, she still had a look on her face that she really didn’t want to remember.
A little time passed, but the expression did not change.
It was just that she began to speak in that state.
“I feel like my heart will be torn when I see that, but how can I stop?”
On the contrary, she was angry.
“I knew that day. Oh, I like this person. This person sees me as I am. Even people like me don’t give up.”
“I can see why you’re angry. The fact that this person decided to go to someone else instead of coming to me is because I love this person.”
It seemed that he knew the source of his sloppy emotions.
She had such a depth that if she were old enough, she would be old enough.
Maybe she wanted to explain why she was doing this.
But she wasn’t convinced.
Maybe she didn’t want to believe that all this had happened in less than two years.
Someone’s words about not trying to convince her of his love passed through my head.
Why did that word pop into my head just now?
“But there’s something that I thought was going to get even crazier.”
Her voice was full of coldness, whether it was cynicism or self-deprecation.
“It happened right in front of my eyes, but I can’t do anything.”
“I’ve been losing sleep for days and I’ve been thinking, why, why, those kinds of thoughts.”
Although calm, each word contained a deadly miasma.
Paradoxically, she wasn’t lying to me a single word.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“Then I suddenly realized.”
“That the teachings in this house, which I used to hate and hated, weren’t as wrong as they are now.”
How the hell did she compromise with her father when she hated it so much?
She couldn’t explain it except that it was a love that was thick enough to endure even that.
“If you want something, get it for yourself. Prove your worth.”
“These were words I didn’t want to hear, but strangely, those words helped.”
“I decided to prove it. To be by Ed’s side.”
“She obviously thinks that she is also a college student, so if I go to college, I wonder if she will be able to rub it now.”
If you think about the date, her grades have definitely improved since then.
To everyone’s surprise.
“I worked hard.”
“I studied while cutting down on my sleeping time. I felt like I would go crazy trying to do something I wasn’t used to, but…But I worked hard while thinking of Ed.”
There was pressure on her hands again.
This time, a little sharp force was applied.
“I thought that receiving compliments was such a good thing. It was so sweet to receive compliments that I hadn’t received since a certain moment.”
“However…”
Her nails were digging into my hand.
“Ugh…”
As if she couldn’t hear my complaints of pain, she continued her words.
“The person who gives me that compliment doesn’t look at me.”
Liquid flowed from her hands and I was sure something was digging into my flesh.
I felt a presence in a place where I shouldn’t have a presence.
It was warm somewhere
“It’s not that I don’t give compliments, but it means something different.”
“That didn’t make any sense. If it was going to disappear sooner or later, it would have been better not to have it at all.”
It must have flowed through her hands as well, but why is she not showing any reaction?
“So.”
“How?”
“How can I get my teacher back?”
More than she thought, she didn’t know that she was giving meaning to the relationship.
I was also understanding.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done this.
Should I have known beforehand?
To that end, she had thoroughly hidden her heart.
It was only after I was in his hands that he only revealed everything.
Maybe even in the middle of this, there was something I didn’t know.
She stroked my cheek with her free hand.
It was not a good feeling to be stroked, as if her emotions had been buried.
“Diligent Ed always pushed me away even when I tried to close the distance…”
Eyes long dead.
A smile that is as beautiful as it is frightening.
It was all coming together.
“So I decided to look elsewhere.”
It was said to be somewhere else, but I could tell who it was.
“Fortunately, she asked for it.”
Everything was fitting.
Why did she constantly ask me for proof?
“Actually, I didn’t expect more results than that, but I did more than I thought.”
When I say more than that, I mean a week.
“Who knew that such a small crack could have such an effect?”
“Maybe this situation is also created by that woman.”
It was sophistry.
The one in front of me now was not Heina, but Seria.
Pain interrupted his speech.
“Say something that… Makes sense.”
She answered me like it was really funny.
“No, Ed. I didn’t mean to go this far.”
“Isn’t that the woman who told me there was a way to do this?”
