Chapter 168 – Crossed Minds
It wasn’t until the gloomy dawn that Theorard opened his eyes. The eyelids his pushed up along the sclera reveal the stagnant pupils. After a moment of silence, Theo Rad looked down at the elf lying on his sickbed.
The face that has returned to life is gentle. The sight of him breathing out gently makes a part of his chest his feel faint.
“…… Viscount Theorard.”
The back of Theorard’s hand trembled at the voice he heard next to him. Taking a deep breath, Theorard stupidly turned his head to look at Rastane.
Beneath her reddish pink hair her, eyes as blue as the sea were flickering with concern.
The light from Rastane’s face completely disappeared, but Theorard couldn’t notice such a minor change.
“Saint…….”
“Yes. Saint Rastein is right. Viscount Theorard, through Professor Roylen, asked me to treat myself for a night in quarantine.”
“Well, then I…….”
The trembling voice sounds pitiful. What should I say to Theorad, who must have been lost in the consciousness of the elves for a period longer than a human’s lifetime?
She chose her words for a long time, and Rastain smiled awkwardly.
“It is true that you are back. This is no longer the patient’s consciousness. It is not an abyss where there is nothing, it is reality.”
Reality. At that word, Theorard let out a sigh of relief. A single tear takes the place of his breath. Rastane, who watched Theo Rad cry silently, struggled to press her lips.
“How long…… Did you live in the consciousness of the patient?”
“…… Sorry. I really don’t know. You can’t guess how much time I spent in it. So I am scared.”
Theorard, wiping away the tears with the back of his hand, continued.
“To save the elves, I wandered around in a world where there was no one. A way to go back in time…… It was a time when I wandered across the country to find a way to reach my elf self.”
At some point, Theorad, who forgot something important, suffered extreme fear.
“Voice is…… I couldn’t remember the voices of precious people. No matter how many times I tried, it was impossible. It was fine until there. I thought it would be fine to have a meeting with everyone after leaving the ceremony .That’s right.I was complacent.”
As if going to confession, Theorard’s words continued without pause.
“Oblivion has eaten away at me. It was because I was afraid that I would forget everyone if I continued like this. So I drew portraits of everyone before my head went completely blank.”
Father, Elf, Esily, Benelia, Leoberg, Baenon, Harvey, Dremes, Paras, Fred, Marhan, Roylen, Rastane…… In addition, there are portraits of the family members and slaves of the mansion.
“I thought that if I looked at portraits and remembered faces every day, I would never be eaten by oblivion. Several years have passed since then…… I decided that oblivion would not interfere with me even after decades passed. It was just a really stupid conceit.”
As countless hours passed, Theorard felt that the memories he had shared with the people he held dear to him were gradually wearing away.
All the fun, proud, happy, and thrilling memories began to blur. Terrified of that, Theo Rad gathered his blank papers and wrote down his memories.
He thought he had to write things down on paper before he completely forgot about them in real life.
Theorad, who made a book by tying so many papers together, read his ‘memories’ at regular intervals.
In order not to forget everyone. In order not to forget precious memories. It was a smart move, but there were obvious limits to the action as well.
Are these really my precious people?
One day, a question crept into his mind and tormented Theorard. This is because the terrifyingly long time has made the memories grave and made the heart sick.
The ‘memories’ written in the book felt strange, as if they belonged to someone else. As if watching someone else write, no inspiration came up even after reading the book over and over again.
Negativity spread like the roots of a tree, numbing Theorard.
What am I doing now Is there a reason why you must save an elf? Why do I have to wander in this abyss-like world…….
I want to be comfortable.
I didn’t want to suffer any more. I didn’t know how long I would have to wander in consciousness. It was a painful day to the point where I would rather end my life.
Even so, Theorard did not give up. At the very end of the book, the phrase he wrote at the time of writing the book caught his will.
『Death doesn’t just end with death.』
There are people waiting for you on the other side. If you choose to die here, you’re making them all feel guilty. Do you dare to ignore the elf who saved your life and be comfortable with yourself?
Unable to refute the phrase, which he seemed to be admonishing, Theorard continued his stride, leading his worn body. So he found out where the elves were, and finally rescued them.
“Holy Lady.”
Theorard said.
“I succeeded in rescuing the elves and returning to reality. I don’t know if it’s because of the echo, but now all the memories come back to me clearly. I can think of memories as memories, and I feel that my blunted emotions have returned to their original state.”
But.
“Everyone else will not know this. I’m sure you don’t know how long I’ve been in the elven consciousness. I am worried and afraid of it, so I dare to ask the saintess.”
Rastane, understanding Theo Rad, nodded his head.
Sacrifice.
Wandering around for a long time for a patient is definitely a heroic story worthy of praise and a holy honor. So, Theorard deserved to enjoy Yeongdal.
It was unacceptable to go through a hellish time for good and not be acknowledged by anyone. If Theo Rad wanted to prove that fact in the name of a saint, he would of course agree.
However, the words that came out of Theorard’s mouth were different from Rastane’s expectations of him.
“Please. Keep silent about the fact that I was lost in the consciousness of the elves.”
Embarrassed, Rastane’s mouth opens softly. To save a patient while struggling in agony and ask not to inform others. He wondered if he had heard it wrong, but Theorard continued to speak calmly throughout.
“I have already caused a lot of worry to everyone. So I don’t want to bother you any more. I don’t want to hurt the hearts of those who value me. So, I beg you.”
Theorard quietly reached out and gently covered the back of the elf’s hand. His skin His is no longer cold. Feeling the warmth of his body His, Theorard gave a fading smile.
“Please do not let everyone, including the elves, know my pain.”
The softly chanted voice put Rastane into silence. She was Rastain who had met countless religious people, but she had never met one who cared for others so much.
I didn’t understand, but the worry didn’t last long. Respecting Theorard’s choice, Rastane nodded slowly.
“All right. I swear to the God of Light, we will be together forever about that fact.”
“Thank you. Then…”
Theorard, who expressed his gratitude by lowering his head, got up from his seat. It was because I couldn’t sit still because I was so tired.
Rastane did not stop Theorad like that. He just watched Theorad as he walked towards the door.
‘Theorad Deham…….’
Now, he didn’t wonder at all whether the god of light really favored Theorard.
‘If the god of light doesn’t favor you…… The Church of Balance must be worshiping a false god.’
So Rastane decided to support Theorard. Now those who followed the saintess would give strength to his choice. Because Theorard was a person who deserved it.
*
“Viscount Theorard!”
As soon as you come out, Roylen approaches. As soon as Theo Rad’s gaze met, Illen hurriedly brought her words out.
“Did the treatment go well?”
“…… That’s right.”
“Also……! Viscount Theorard knew he would succeed. But if he is not tired, could he give me a moment?”
This was a bit of an awkward request for Theorard, who was about to go straight to his room and get some sleep. However, there was nothing good about the quick rejection. Theorard sighed inwardly and nodded his head.
“It’s okay for a while. Can you tell me what the reason is?”
“Ah. It’s nothing else, Lady Esili arrived at the villa, so I thought it would be good to see her before going to bed…….”
Theorard urgently grabbed Roylen’s shoulders.
“Did Esily come here?”
“Yes? Yes…. It seems that he left immediately after receiving the secret letter. You are now in a temporary parlor…….”
Having heard that far, Theorard turned around without hesitation. Running down his hallway and quickly down the stairs, Theo Rad arrived at once in the living room on the first floor.
Theorard, who was breathing heavily, slowly stopped his pace. Sitting in front of the table in the center of the living room, I saw Esily looking down at the tea with her wide eyes.
His hair, which was always neatly arranged, was in a mess. Even though the hem of her dress was wrinkled, she didn’t think of Phil, and the tears were clearly visible under her dying eyes her.
How worried was that poor child? Theorard, who had tried to suppress his pity his, opened his words with restraint as much as possible.
“Esily…….”
Essilie, responding to her voice, raises her head. Upon discovering Theorard, Esily gasped and jumped out of her seat.
In the process, her leg staggered and one shoe came off, but Essilly didn’t care. Because it wasn’t the time to care about her decency.
“Theorard…… ?”
The blue eyes that have returned to life are wet. Only after taking a few steps closer, Shili realized that she had acted indecently and held back his tears.
“Relief…… I’m so glad……. I was wondering if you were hurt…… I……”
Sobs flow from the murmur of words. Theorard, unable to see that, walked forward and hugged Esily in anger.
Warm warmth is added to the soft skin of her. Theorard, with Esily in his arms his, lowered his head and pampered him like a child.
“I missed you. I really, really wanted to see…….”
That’s what I want to say Esily’s face contorted with sadness as she murmured softly.
There were many eyes all around. As long as he was being talked about as the next head of the family of Count Pelgarin, he shouldn’t act indecently anymore. Still, her eyes continued to blur.
“Huh, geuk…… !”
Her mind her thinks rationally, but her emotions her can’t follow her. What the hell does that matter now?
She endured it and finally burst into tears. She hugged Theo Rad while crying more sadly than anyone else.
She now asks that she never leave her again, she foolishly fools around…….
