Chapter 2 – 2. Funeral
When I returned home, my younger brother spread the table in front of the TV in the living room.
I took a potato chip out of the bag and threw it to him, but he tried to tear it aside, so I opened it instead.
I turned on the food channel I was tired of watching while on duty, poured beer, and took a bite of potato chips.
I was a little envious of the laughter of celebrities who were shouting out their mouths as if they were having fun.
“Why did you buy so many?”
“If you have leftovers, what will you eat later?”
Wash the saltiness that lingers in your mouth with beer.
It’s bitter, so it feels good to feel the smell of alcohol.
It was a little awkward watching TV while feeling the coolness of carbonic acid.
Hmm… What should I bring up to keep the conversation going?
Since he was a man who distanced himself from society, he wouldn’t be able to communicate with a high school girl.
“Brother.”
“Why.”
“Why are you drinking?”
Her brother suddenly asked a philosophical question.
Why do you drink…
Because the alcohol is there.
Isn’t this a bit
“It’s just, well, it’s the atmosphere. When you drink and get drunk, you laugh even with trivial things.”
“Does your brother like to drink?”
“I don’t hate it.”
“Then don’t drink.”
“… Do you want to drink with the elders of the family?”
I like to drink and I like to drink, but
I like a place where I can enjoy a drink together.
There… It’s hell
“Will the alcohol go down your throat there?”
“Why? Are you uncomfortable?”
“You know, why ask?”
“… So, are you uncomfortable with me?”
I would be lying if I said there was nothing inconvenient about drinking with my senior high school sister.
But what… You’re going to drink next year anyway, right?
If you’re going to drink, it wouldn’t be bad to learn judo from an older brother.
Just don’t let your mom know.
“Is there anything I can do to make you uncomfortable?”
“… Are you friends with me?”
“I tried to be friends with you since high school, but you were strangely shy.”
To be honest, until high school, I had a bit of a rough side,
Still, it’s a subjective evaluation after taking the CSAT, but I’ve become quite agitated.
Be filial to your mother and take care of your little sister.
To my friends, I evolved from being boring to being lazy.
“That… Because I’m scared.”
“… Are you scared?”
“It’s scary when someone you’re not used to suddenly pretends to be close to.”
… Is it?
Well, I also think it would be scary if my younger brother suddenly acted cute.
“Still, there’s nothing wrong with being close with siblings.”
“What… Huh.”
“And if you and I are in a dreary mood, I will be scolded by my mother.”
“Why?”
“… I heard something after the exam.”
Her mother’s softly preaching voice was so frightening that it sometimes appeared in her dreams.
A kick in the ass would have been better.
“Your brother is also aware that he was serious at that time.”
“I was a bit sensitive, but… You know because you are also a student. It’s stressful.”
“I’m not up to that.”
“Well, what is it? I was kind of thankful that he called me every weekend.”
“… That’s what mom made.”
On the other hand, she is a very kind and admirable younger sister, perhaps because she made Longbi a teacher.
I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen it in half a year.
“Regardless of the reason, from my point of view, I was grateful. Except for you and mom, no one has contacted me first.”
“… Don’t you have any friends?”
“There is, but they just tease me through KakaoTalk and don’t call me even if I die.”
“Isn’t that because you’re close?”
“I don’t know, I’ll have to ask them to buy me some food later.”
As I drank the rest of the beer, I felt that I was getting a little drunk.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t drank for a long time, I’m really getting sick.
“… Are you going to drink?”
“I don’t know.”
Even so, judging from the way he tilts his glass, he seems to be able to drink it.
Seeing that her face doesn’t turn red, it’s true that she’s a mother and daughter.
“Brother.”
“Uh.”
“…I miss my first year of high school.”
“Why all of a sudden.”
“The house was nice back then.”
Her brother opened a new can and looked at the TV.
“If I was tired outside, I could rest at home.”
“Uh.”
“I think I’m going crazy because I’m tired at home.”
“…”
“You know that when I’m having a hard time, my mom is having a hard time too… Harder.”
What should I say?
If you tell someone who works hard to work hard, you will only get angry.
Even if you tell someone who is having a hard time to cheer up, it will only drain them.
If she was a mother, she would have comforted me by saying, “I love you, my daughter.”
I probably won’t do that
“Winter.”
“…Huh.”
“I bought something sweet. Try it.”
I tore off one of her chocolates and put it in her sister’s mouth.
When you’re depressed, the more depressing thoughts you have, the more depressing you become.
Whether it was an apology or thanks, it was too difficult to do, at least in the current state.
“I’ve sorted out all the restaurants I want to visit when I’m discharged.”
“…Huh.”
“But there are a lot of places where you can go in alone.”
“…”
“…Help me.”
Her sister’s head swayed slightly, up and down her.
“…Aren’t you ashamed to say that?”
“What are you ashamed of in your family?”
I’m saying this because it’s a family.
I would never do it if it was someone else.
***
After all, sugar was the best antidepressant.
By the way, alcohol too.
“I think this is drinkable. It’s sweet.”
“It’s mostly drinks.”
He took a sip of fruit beer, and his expression improved as if it suited his taste.
“Oppa, you’ve changed a bit since you left the army.”
“I?”
“Originally, you were more blunt.”
… Was it?
Maybe it’s because I miss my family
I think it might have some alcohol in it.
Originally, people tend to change emotionally around the time they are discharged, so it could be because of that.
Personally, I don’t think there’s much difference from when I was in college.
“Well, they say things change a bit after going to the army.”
“Was the military difficult?”
“…Not at all.”
To be honest,
Today was more difficult than military life.
“Don’t pretend to be an adult.”
“I’m older than you.”
Compared to his younger brother, who drank two cans of beer and got into hell, he is an adult.
Originally, Ji was more reticent than me.
It’s the first time I’ve seen a younger brother who talks as much as today.
“…Will Dad live well?”
“That person will know what to do and live well. He’s not a nobleman who will starve to death somewhere.”
It’s not that I don’t have any bad feelings about people.
Because he wasn’t a good father.
In the first place, neither I nor my younger brother would know what exactly the concept of being a father is.
Maybe even dad.
“Mom… Are you okay?”
“As long as you’re fine, you’ll be fine soon.”
“…Don’t pressure me.”
I didn’t mean that.
“Not the CSAT. Whether you fail the CSAT or not, as long as you’re fine, you’ll be healthy, and if you’re suffering, you’re the one who will comfort you.”
“Hey, can you stop talking about screwing up or something?”
Was this forbidden for students taking the exam?
Still, I was relieved to see that he had improved to the point where he was able to shoot at me.
“Well, don’t worry. I took a good look and you will take a good look too.”
“…It’s annoying.”
Did you tease me too much?
It seems a little squeamish.
“Do you want to bet?”
“Bet?”
“I’ll buy you a meal if your grades are higher than when I was active.”
“…What is the standard?”
“Sum of ratings.”
“What if it’s a tie?”
“You’re a liberal arts person. Of course I’ll win.”
“To win, everyone has to get 1st grade?”
“You can take it.”
“…Then, instead of rice, grant me a wish.”
I suddenly raised the money I sold too much.
The risk is too great.
“… What are you asking for?”
“I’ll think about it then.”
“I can’t do anything too expensive.”
How about a laptop or tablet?
More than that is a bit difficult.
“Are you okay.”
For the first time since being discharged, my brother laughed.
“Because I’m not going to ask you to buy anything.”
***
As we chatted and opened beer cans one by one, it was already midnight.
… Sleepy.
A strong friend who has diligently defended his duty as a soldier dedicated to the nation cannot stay awake properly on time.
Especially if you’ve been drinking.
Still, reaching out before her younger brother was a scratch on her pride, so she couldn’t fall asleep like this.
“Brother.”
“Uh.”
“…From now on, I want to be better for my precious people.”
“… Are you drunk?”
My younger brother suddenly throws out a word out of the blue.
Well, there are more than 10 empty cans rolling around, so that’s understandable.
Although I drank more than half of it.
“I contact my grandmother often. She will tell me that she loves me more.”
“Think later, later.”
“She doesn’t seem to be a daughter with a lot of charm, even to her mother.”
“…Why are you like that?”
“I don’t know. I must be drunk.”
Then he laughs lightly.
It was fortunate that I wasn’t crying.
“…And oppa too. To be a little better.”
“Me?”
“It’s family.”
“…”
“Your brother is also important to me.”
The face tickles.
How long has it been since you received pure kindness from others? Half a year?
Oh, not the rest.
“It’s funny to see him pretending to be an adult sometimes.”
“Never.”
“At least three years older.”
The younger brother scratches the table.
“I can’t even go on vacation. Sometimes he calls me and worries about me.”
“That’s because you’re a student.”
“…I know I’m doing this because I don’t have anything else to say.”
“Why do you ask when you know everything?”
“Just. Hiding something between family members is stupid.”
Her fingers creep and touch the back of my hand.
“I’m going to be a little more honest from now on.”
The pronunciation is too clear for being drunk,
My eyes were half-closed to be normal.
“Lend me your hand.”
“What.”
He touched my hand with his fingertips, snatched it up, and brought it to his forehead.
Maybe it’s because the skin is warm, or it’s because of the physiological rejection.
Oh, I know what you mean by scary.
It’s scary because a kid who wasn’t like that is like this.
“It’s cool…”
“…Sleep soon. You’ll be more tired tomorrow.”
“So… I’m sleepy…”
I rubbed my forehead in the palm of my hand some more, then suddenly got up and threw myself on the couch.
“Hey, go and sleep.”
“…”
Called but no answer
I thought about whether I should lie down in the room, but to be honest, I think it would be difficult because I was a bit playful.
I brought a blanket that was roughly scattered in the living room and covered it.
I just brushed my teeth lightly and tried to sleep, but the blanket was kicked back and covered again.
Then she turned around and her sister tugged at my T-shirt.
“…What.”
“…”
It was hard to wake up when I saw the face of my younger brother who was sleeping comfortably in the world.
He gently tried to remove her fingers holding the T-shirt, but somehow he couldn’t.
Is it because she’s holding my clothes tight, or is it because her brother’s hands look too small?
I do not know.
I leaned my back against the hem of the sofa and closed my eyes.
Even though it was summer, the air conditioner was a bit chilly.
The spirit of alcohol makes the mind hazy.
Using the colorful breathing as a lullaby, it distracts consciousness.
The first night in society was passing.
