Chapter 156 – 156. Beginning
It doesn’t end with understanding now.
Recognition today does not end.
I collapsed exhausted from crying, and while the three of us fell asleep together, I made a firm resolution in my heart.
Thank you, Mom.
I’ll do better.
I’ll do my best.
“Son, daughter. Wake up. It’s morning.”
Perhaps it was because she had shed so many tears, she barely opened her eyelids, which were heavy and swollen, and probably greeted the morning in the master bedroom for the first time since coming to this house.
“⋯Are you sleepy? Would you like more?”
“Ah… Yes.”
There must have been a mother lying down in the middle, and me and Winter would have fallen asleep with one side of her mother’s arm.
As soon as my mother woke up first, as if it were natural, we were clinging to each other and sleeping soundly.
It must be because yesterday was a very emotionally exhausting day.
In order not to get sucked into emotions and drown, I had to hold on to the person next to me.
“Then Mom will sleep better, so go back to the room with Winter and get a good night’s sleep.”
“Yes.”
“Let’s get up later and eat together, the three of us. I’ll stir-fry rice with the leftovers from yesterday’s chicken ribs.”
“All right.”
Even though I had such a tiring yesterday, my head didn’t hurt at all, except for a little sting in my eyes.
It’s hard to say that it’s refreshing, and it feels like a wisdom tooth has been pulled out.
It’s true that it’s still painful and cold, but if you take good care of it, it’ll grow back and look fine.
Compared to the time when I couldn’t even groan and struggle at the pain spreading inside me, it was much better.
“Kim Winter. Winter wake up. Let’s go to the room and sleep.”
“Eh.”
In order to overcome the pain, she stands up and supports the painkiller she had been living with in her mouth and leaves the bedroom.
At this point, the efficacy of the medicine may have diminished, but it seems that it is not so easy to get out of the addiction.
That’s because I’ve been eating too irregularly for a while.
In the meantime, when the opportunity arises, misuse it at random, as if pouring it into the mouth,
If there was no opportunity, I suffered from withdrawal symptoms, shaking my limbs.
“Where will you sleep?”
“Brother’s room…”
I knew it was something I shouldn’t do, so I couldn’t help it.
Since we crossed the line first, it was impossible to be healed within the bounds.
Shivering in a blind spot, I was busy just enduring it day by day.
“The bed is soft…”
“The bed in my room is not soft.”
“Huh. ⋯That’s good.”
But not anymore.
Even if you break the line once, you can come back.
There’s no law telling her to die for hurting her family and committing crimes.
If you have a place to stay, you can live somehow.
If the place to lean on is not only each other, unlike yesterday, you just have to follow the usage and take the proper amount.
Drugs are also a medical product according to their use.
“Do I have to get up before the afternoon class?”
“I know too, oppa wake me up…”
“⋯Okay.”
The love I had with my younger brother who fell asleep in my arms,
It depends on how we live in the future.
Collapsing,
Fall down,
It wouldn’t have been a beautiful love if we had given up on everything and ran away and only wanted each other.
It must have been a twisted love.
“⋯Thank you, brother. I’m always thankful.”
“Okay, so let’s go.”
“If you answer me.”
But we care for each other,
Sustain you,
I reply to my mother who understands,
If you don’t go wrong and live well.
Could it be a beautiful enough love?
Some might call it dirty
Maybe someone will acknowledge us.
There’s nothing you can do about it
Living well like that, what are you going to do?
“Thank you too. For being by my side.”
“⋯Yes. Good night.”
To live like that,
I had to work hard from today.
A happy ending to the story
Because it depends on what you and I do.
So let’s live hard.
Even for us.
Even for mom.
***
When did you know that this would happen?
At least it wasn’t when Gaeul was in the army.
Looking back now, we seemed very close back then.
The same goes for my daughter who cries loudly because her brother is going to the army.
Even though I don’t buy gifts for my mother when I go on vacation, my son-in-law always buys gifts for his brother.
Still, she was proud of being a mother until then.
It’s not easy to get along well with siblings, but my kids seem to respect each other and get along well.
I was raised well.
Even though it was hard, it was worth living.
Happy.
Just before her son was discharged, her mother passed away to her father.
Gae-Gul, who returned to his family two days early, became quite an adult while in the military.
Taking good care of her little brother while her mother is distracted.
I thought she would be calm as a blunt girl, but when she let her grandmother go, she shed tears.
Even then, seeing her quickly settle down and take care of her younger brother, her son seemed trustworthy.
Lending her son a car key, her daughter, SUN, grew closer.
I thought about her daughter-in-law because she wanted to play with her younger sister well.
Since I am also an academy teacher, I know better than anyone how stressful the college entrance exam is.
She just thought that there would be nothing wrong with being with an older brother Ji-ji liked and followed well.
But, at some point, my daughter was clearly about to collapse.
Before I even ask what’s wrong,
The son dragged his brother by the hand, went into the room and giggled, and quickly solved it.
It was very dignified.
After serving in the military, he is no longer a child.
At least one of your younger siblings is grown enough to comfort you.
It was unique and I was grateful.
Looking back now,
Until then, they were both kids.
It was my fault for not noticing.
I was careful to be careful, but there are things I can’t help even if I’m careful.
It was the most important time due to bad luck, but I couldn’t be by my daughter’s side.
I’m sorry, but I wasn’t that anxious.
He’ll take care of me because he has a grown-up son at home.
Expected.
Both performed much better than I expected.
They succeeded in raising their children well.
Happy.
⋯And it was empty.
My son is also a fully grown man.
Your daughter will soon become an adult.
I’ve done my job.
I am no longer old enough to be a teacher.
I was thinking of setting up a cafe or a shop, but I’m not in the mood for that.
What should I do with my life?
It was my husband who led me back then.
He is a really hateful and hateful person, but he was the only person I loved in my life.
Let’s find my happiness now.
Forget all the hard times and remember only happy things.
The happy memories with you when you were young.
Happy memories with the kids that I built up as I grew older one year at a time.
From now on, let’s carve wrinkles on our foreheads one by one and listen to the story of the two of them living happily with their children.
Even at this age, dreaming was fun, so I never got tired of it.
I was blinded by that thought, and it was my fault that I neglected my children.
If I had noticed it sooner, I wouldn’t have let it bother me so much.
Why am I in the same bed with happy faces,
I wonder if I noticed it only when I saw them sleeping under the same blanket.
I know you two are having a hard time
I know that the two of you rely on each other a lot,
I thought you two wanted to go out and live together.
I should have noticed when Ga-eul was lamenting while drinking.
You should have noticed when he let out a deep sigh while insisting that he would not get married at the latest.
⋯No.
If I had paid attention, I don’t think I would have noticed.
In the end, even though you noticed, you pretended not to know.
I didn’t want to notice.
If you live long enough, you will know everything.
For kids, there’s something she does that her mom didn’t know about.
As long as I wanted my children to do that, I didn’t bother digging into it.
Maybe not digging was the answer.
I’m so happy just sleeping together.
No matter how much you become a mother, how can you separate them?
Even if you know that’s not going to happen.
It’s not like you don’t know
I know, because I told my mother.
Do you know how hard it must have been?
I know what you’re thinking about telling me what’s wrong.
I couldn’t abandon my children.
If I forsake, who.
Who understands my young people.
No one can do it
It won’t go further
It won’t be much harder than it is now.
Then you might make the wrong choice.
If then⋯,
No.
I don’t even want to think about it.
In the world, when there is a slope, there is a survey, so I have a lot of experience.
Among them, I still cannot forget the work of a fellow instructor with whom I had a relationship in the past.
People cry sadly when they let go of the person they need to let go
When you let go of someone you shouldn’t let go, you cry bitterly.
Even if it’s their own fault, they can’t stop crying even after their neck is cracked with their head on the ground.
I didn’t want to cry like that.
I didn’t want to make the same mistake,
I didn’t want to let my kids make the same mistakes.
Even though they are picky, they are my babies who listened to their mother and raised them properly.
My mom should understand if I make a mistake once in a while.
So…
I have to watch over her so she doesn’t get into more accidents in the future.
“Son! Wake up!”
“Ah… Yes.”
“Winter wakes up too. Let’s have a meal together.”
So that my children can live happily.
So that I can live a strong life without being insulted by others.
Her mom will protect her
“Do you like fried rice? Would you like more seaweed powder?”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Mom, do you have seaweed other than seaweed powder?”
“Wait. Mom will take it out for you.”
That my children live happily,
Because mom is happy
