Chapter 78 – Conflict (4)
*May be slightly exhausting.
78
The most miserable fact is that knives are good nonetheless. In the dark night, Sofia couldn’t sleep. After Carl told her that he had contributed to Sofia’s arms and legs being cut off, he smiled at her. Looking at Carl’s shameless face, who said he was sorry, that he did it because he loved you, and asked for forgiveness just once, Sofia remained silent. Carl did not violate Sophia that day either.
It was funny. It was so funny that Carl was sincere. Sincerity without lies. That was the biggest cause of turning Sophia’s stomach upside down. Although he hated, hated, and cursed the sword, he did not hate the sword. He never expected to understand the word love-hate in this way. Sophia realized that she would forgive the sword she ended up with. It feels like worms are infesting her intestines.
Others might call Sophia stupid. It’s stupid, how can people be so stupid. Is it a hogu? I didn’t know it could be so sarcastic. But Sophia, like her child, was stubborn.
They don’t know anything Lying on the bed, Sophia stopped breathing. She held her breath still until her body longed for breath. Then she couldn’t hold it in the end, so she inhaled and exhaled. They don’t know anything that you don’t know anything
Even when she heard Carl’s shocking confession, Sophia’s hatred and love for Carl coexisted in her heart. This is a mindset that Carl would not have listened to if he had tried to hide his crime. But Carl was as candid as he was about Sophia.
It would be unreasonable to say that Carl was really honest with Sophia in that he did not reveal his crime from the beginning, but at least he was honest at that moment. Carl didn’t add any other rhetoric. He didn’t pretend that he had reasons to cut off your arms and legs. He just spoke the truth.
He wanted you, he wanted you, he loved you. I just didn’t want to lose you to another man. Emotions from my selfishness and ugly inner world urged me to lock you in my arms, and cutting off your arms and legs was part of that.
Funny enough, Sophia’s heart tightened as she heard Karl’s confession. The body reacted. Carl was whispering about his mistakes, his crimes, his ugly insides and dirty thoughts, but Sophia heard Carl’s words sweetly as if he were reciting a serenade towards her. It sounded like a pure desire and a shy confession of love, saying, “I wanted to have you even after doing that.”
I wouldn’t say anything if I was insulted for being stupid or stupid, but Sophia wasn’t immune to people who showed their feelings in that way.
However, Sophia’s arms and legs had already been blunted off. Sophia knows that too. It’s depressing.
Carl’s seething desire rode through his breath, through his sound, through his language, flew in like a worm and hatched an egg inside Sophia. The sword’s words were hatched in Sophia’s mind. The words multiplied and fueled Sophia’s emotions, and Sophia’s heartache continued.
The reason that exists in my head has told me that a person named Carl cannot be trusted, and that all love with Carl in the past is no different from a criminal act committed by a vicious criminal named Carl Leben. He accused himself of being raped, molested, and cheated.
However, since reason is the transmitter of truth, it has no choice but to become a slave to emotion. Looking straight ahead always happens after passing through the filter of emotion. Sophia also had an inherent narcissism, and naturally, such instinctive narcissism did not welcome self-deprecation and slander.
Sophia whispered her love to Carl. Hearing her confession to Carl that she loved her made her feel full. If those days were all lies, then Sophia, she was just a stupid woman tricked into giving herself up to a criminal. She didn’t like that. She did not want to be a saint who lost her virginity, a mistress to a murderer, a prostitute, or a lustful slave.
All the memories of the past are ‘cheated’ and become ‘unevents’. It is an excessively painful, harsh punishment. The feelings I shared with Carl over the past time had to be the truth without a single lie. A lover who shared deep love was more beautiful than a raped victim. She didn’t want to be miserable. She didn’t want to pull out the pleasant memories of the past and dissect them piece by piece.
Sophia stayed awake all night. Morning has arrived
*
It’s something she can’t forgive. To Sophia, she resents Carl.
It was not doing Sophia herself much good to deny her love for her obviously her sword, and to deny her past years as her lover. Even if she denied her past in that way right away, all Sophia could get was the unwanted truth that she was a kidnapped sex slave, and her relationship with her guardian, Carl Leben, was ruined.
But even so, she didn’t find it easy for her to forgive Carl. The more she pondered over her worries, the more her insides rotted away. She didn’t even know why she should be worrying about her.
I feel like the bugs that have been infesting me are tearing my skin and crawling out. The insect has transparent wings in the shape of an ant. Bugs that tear through her skin lightly fly and burrow into Sophia’s eyes.
It is a hallucination. Sophia’s mind and body were very tired.
Sophia loved and loathed her sword. She was resentful and hated. She was and yet again she loved. Her emotions are out of control. She had the idea that Sophia wanted her to kiss Carl’s lips involuntarily when Carl came in through the door. She hoped Carl would give him a gentle hug and tell him that it was all a lie, that she was just playing a practical joke and that she never thought you would be in such a difficult situation.
But what Carl said was different. “Did you sleep well?” “Sorry.” “I’m really sorry.” All sorts of thoughts raced through Sophia’s mind during that brief moment when she approached Sophia’s bedroom with her somber face.
A disgusting aura rose from within her, provoking her to vomit, her lower body tightened and she longed for the pleasures of the sword, and a mental urge that she wished she hadn’t known anything shook her body and soul.
Sophia opened her mouth at the approaching knife. Contempt and longing were intertwined in those golden eyes. The voice that escaped from her lips was terribly cold. It was a cryogenic voice that seemed to freeze human flesh sharply, as is the case with the ice water under the glacier.
“Get out.”
Carl made a wounded face.
“Turn off… Lose.”
She wasn’t used to spitting out her curse words, so Sofia hesitated for a moment before spitting it out. But Carl approached without hesitation. Sophia swallowed her saliva as she saw the knife. A sneer appeared on her face.
“Why, are you going to rape me?”
“Sophia.”
“Are you going to bathe my face in a bathtub and bathe me in blood? Is that it, Carl?”
Carl tried to talk to Sofia with melancholy eyes and a low voice.
“You know it’s not like that.”
“I don’t know. That’s it, it wants to fuck me. My wish has come true, now I can just tie it on a leash like a slave and eat it.”
“I’ve got a leash ready, but I’m not going to put it on now.”
“Are you kidding me now?”
As her knife made a somber face, Sophia felt a secret pleasure. It was a kind of triumph, a sense of conquest. Sophia has never really had the upper hand when it comes to her last relationship with Carl. She was always in the position of Carl’s giving, and Sophia was in the position of begging for Carl’s affection. It was always like that after her arms and legs were cut off.
Of course, I was satisfied enough then, but this kind of thing always gives me a new stimulus. And Sophia was weak against such stimuli. It is because she lived an innocent life.
Sophia lifted her chin, trying to ignore the wetness of her panties. A sense of her superiority pervaded Sophia’s whole body. Feeling her guts quiver, her whole body contracting. This moment as Carl stands with her head slightly bowed, asking for forgiveness in front of Sofia. Sophia felt her melancholy, her pain, and her disgust, as well as her sense of superiority, conquest, and excitement at the same time.
However,
“Hit it. They beat them, tear their clothes, and do whatever they want. I rape you. That’s what you wanted. That’s what Carl wanted. I do whatever I want. Instead, kill me when the deed is over. I don’t really want to live.”
“Sophia.”
“Rape her. Rape me. Now, why? It’s hard? Shall I take it off? Gee, it’s a little hard to take off because of the severed limbs.”
“Not like that.”
“Why? Is it because there is no water? Is it because I want to see you swimming, but I don’t? There’s a bathroom over there. I’ll ask Arya to get some water.”
“It’s not like that!”
“Aha, when I tell you to rape, you must be less satisfied because if you rape it, it will not be rape. Great. I’ll do as you wish. Don’t rape me, don’t rape me, don’t touch me, don’t look at me. Now, do whatever you want.”
The more she spoke, the more tears welled up in her eyes. It hurt. My stomach hurt so much. The worms that infested it stung for an instant and shook their bodies. My stomach hurt.
“Why? Do you hate picking on me now? Are you tired of eating? Do you miss another woman? No, she might already be dating. I don’t have arms or legs, so I can’t run away. Hi-Hi. Right? Why are you looking at me like that? Am I pitiful?”
The more she spoke, the more the pain got worse. But Sophia didn’t stop talking. Part of it was the pleasure of seeing Carl’s distorted face, but her words poured out as if a dam had burst. The tears that I thought had dried up from crying so much had flowed anew, perhaps because of the influence of the morning.
“Rape me. Try more Why don’t you make a very messy mess? I can’t live without a knife. Give me some drugs I’d be happy to break it. Would that be enough? Would you like that? Aren’t arms and legs not enough?”
“Hate me, Sophia. Don’t hate you.”
“I don’t know what you mean. So, that’s it,”
A thin, long breath. At the end, Sofia smiled brightly.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“… “
“I miss my mother.”
Carl slowly hugged Sophia. Sophia fell into Carl’s arms. She had no resistance.
“Mom… No, mom… “
Sofia has never had a mother since she was born. That’s why her voice, calling her mother, was awkward. It wasn’t her whining tone. She just said she dryly pronounced her mother. Even in the midst of that, her voice was refreshing. Carl stroked Sophia’s hair. She brushed her back.
Sophia laughed.
Carl Leben’s erect cock was poking her Sofia’s lower belly.
“I’m going to do it eventually. It’s not like that.”
