Chapter 678 – #95. Mei Lin and Joanna (2)
You will not know how terrifying depression is until you experience it yourself.
Even recognizing the fact that he was suffering from depression was not easy.
If you are sick, you have to be aware that you are sick, but since this is not a disease that simply sends signals through pain, it was very difficult to be aware of it.
‘Am I depressed?’
She had been through a slump before, so when Mei Lin first realized she was weird, she thought she was going through a slump she had been through before.
However, as she talked to Joanna, she realized that she was more than a slump.
“I think I’m depressed. I want to seek counseling, but I’m not sure if it will help.”
When you get depressed, it’s important to admit it.
And Mei Lin, who had made a promise to Joanna, had a clear awareness that she had to objectively check her condition and treat it.
Because of her, Mei Lin, who had just returned from her meeting with Joanna, headed to the hospital.
It was already enough for her to admit that her condition would be okay.
It was time to acknowledge and accept it.
“You did a great job by making an appointment for a consultation. It’s really important that you become aware of your depression and have the will to fix it. In that respect, Mei Lin has crossed a great mountain.”
The counselor received Mei Lin’s words in a soft voice.
And prior to her consultation, Mei Lin had to accept her test papers.
She was there to ascertain the stage of her depression she was suffering from.
After answering her questionnaire about her condition on her test sheet, she soon entered her counseling session in earnest.
“Was there a moment when you first became aware of depression? When you thought that I might be depressed.”
“Um…Not long ago. At first I thought it was a different symptom.”
“Any other symptoms?”
“Yes. It’s a slump. Actually, I’ve had a similar experience before, and I’ve solved it. So I misunderstood that the same thing happened this time.”
“I see.”
“I met a friend after a long time, and while having a conversation, I suddenly thought that this might be the case. I wonder if this is a slump.”
She calmly accepted her words with a voice that was not annoying and could be said to be good, so I could feel a sense of security in the burdensome situation of having to confide in my heart to a stranger.
“Did you come for counseling right after you woke up?”
“Yes. Because I thought the symptoms had already become quite serious.”
“How did you overcome your slump? Did you overcome it through drugs?”
“No. At that time, I played tricks.”
The counselor was interested in what she had to say.
Overcome a slump by playing tricks?
It was even more strange that he wasn’t interested in the trick.
“So this time I didn’t want to use the same method. When I thought it was a slump. I had solved it once, so I thought I could do it myself this time.”
“If you don’t mind, may I ask what the trick is specifically?”
Concerned about her cautious question from the counselor, she said.
She saw no need to hide it.
“Um… I don’t know if I should say this to the guy, but we had sex.”
“Oh, sex.
As long as the counselor didn’t ask who she was having sex with, she didn’t really care.
“I’m not uncomfortable.”
“It’s fortunate. Well, it seems to me that you were suffering from mild depression when the slump came. Apparently, the symptoms of a slump and depression are similar. That’s probably why overcoming a slump quickly was the reason I was able to overcome depression.”
“Does that mean that the methods used in the slump can still work?”
“If the counselor could relieve stress through sex, it wouldn’t be a bad way. However, I don’t think it’s good to have indiscreet meetings to completely overcome depression. Do you have a lover?”
“No. I’ve been alone for quite some time since we broke up.”
“Then I don’t think it would be good to do it the same way. I don’t know if there is a relationship that goes to my heart.”
It’s a relationship that goes to my heart…
As soon as I heard the counselor’s words, the first thing that came to my mind was Jin Hae-sol, that man.
Even after a long time, she still couldn’t forget the man.
“What about drugs? Will this work?”
“It is true that medication can help overcome depression, but it is not a fundamental solution. Having the counselor’s will to overcome depression is more helpful than medication.”
“At least I hope there are no problems working.”
“…Is work the reason you’re trying to overcome depression?”
“Of course.”
At first, it didn’t affect my work.
No, to be precise, I thought it had no effect.
So, she was neglected, and her illness, which gradually got worse, threatened her life.
“There are things that I left alone in the beginning. It doesn’t interfere with my work. There are things I need to do right now, but it’s hard to set aside time because it’s a bit inconvenient.”
As her mild symptoms deepened, her lifestyle collapsed.
She needed alcohol to sleep, and it ruined her condition the next day.
“How much do you think work takes up in your life? What percentage out of 100%?”
“It occupies quite a bit. About 80%?”
As she faced racism, she ferociously ate her heart.
I will trample on everyone who ignores me!
He didn’t want to see people who were inferior to him laugh at his race as an excuse.
She had that ability too.
‘And I did it.’
Could it be because she made up her mind?
Her talent bloomed splendidly, and now she has reached a place where no one can criticize her.
“I can’t get caught up in this useless depression.”
When she finally received everyone’s recognition and became the best.
Her face changed in an instant, and she laughed at the people who praised her to the fullest.
Perhaps even if you smile in front of her and make fun of her, inside her, ‘When will I fall to the ground?’ She will be thinking of doing.
They will never want anything.
It should be.
‘Never leave. Wait and see I will look down on you for the rest of my life and enjoy it.’
She tried vigilantly to keep her own place.
It was not a waste of time, and it was a time that I do not regret even now.
“I think that’s when I started to hate being with anyone. I felt comfortable being alone.”
She didn’t care, she thought, since having someone else wouldn’t help her improve or maintain her skills anyway.
“That was the beginning. Talking about it, I can understand the cause.”
As the time she was alone grew longer, she was slowly sinking into the swamp.
“I’m lethargic, I can’t sleep well, I don’t have much appetite, and I can’t concentrate well.”
“When did you usually feel those feelings? How often?”
“It’s written on the counseling paper, but from a certain point on, it seems like I always had a drink in my hand whenever I was alone. That’s why… It was always like that when I was alone.”
Counseling with her seemed to enable her to rethink her own situation.
What started the problem, how did it come to this.
‘I thought counseling would be useless, but it doesn’t seem too bad.’
Simply speaking out of one’s mouth about one’s condition was quite helpful.
‘These are things I can’t say to Anna.’
She couldn’t tell Joanna these things.
When she hears this, she will naturally try to suggest an easy and convenient solution called Jin Hae-sol.
When she actually met her, as soon as she talked about her slump, Joanna asked her if she would like to meet Chin Hae Sol.
‘I can still hold on a little longer.’
She herself is not that weak.
At least she didn’t intend to meet Jin Hae-sol because of her slump or depression.
If she ever met again, it had to be when she was perfect both in body and mind.
“Okay. Then when you start drug treatment, you have to stop drinking. Can you stand it? You seem to be drinking very often, but I’m worried about this part.”
“It’s because I can’t sleep if I don’t drink. It’s difficult to see it as alcoholism.”
If she can’t sleep she can’t work.
That’s why she drinks, not because she likes to drink.
So she could be patient if she was patient.
But when she wasn’t drinking, she had to be guaranteed some sleep so that she wouldn’t interfere with her work.
“Drinking to sleep can help with immediate problems, but in the long run it can make things worse. And taking a break from work, which is the cause of stress, can also help overcome depression. It will be.”
It meant that it would not be easy to overcome depression while focusing on work as it is now.
And this counselor’s advice disappointed Mei Lin.
“I’ve been thinking of taking drugs to keep working, but I’m having trouble.”
Realizing that she was not enough to give her the resolution she wanted, she left the counseling room.
She knows that depression is a dangerous disease, but it is impossible to let go of what needs to be done right away.
Still, she couldn’t give up the only answer she got, so she was prescribed medication.
My own struggle with depression was beginning.
♧ ♧ ♧
“This work really hits my heart hard. I know that the author doesn’t pass over every single wrinkle of the character in vain, but this work as a whole seemed to contain some kind of tragedy.”
She knew that her condition was affecting her work, but when the subtle change was revealed to someone else, she felt unbearable shame.
Her photos she prefers are the emotions of the people in her subjects, not her own emotions in her photos.
However, her own emotions overflowed and she eventually lost her influence even to the pictures she took of her.
People made a fuss about her transformation, saying that she had grown again.
This is why fame is so important.
When she becomes famous, even when she poops, they mistake it for a luxury item.
It was an act often committed by those who had no eyes to see.
Normally, I wouldn’t have dealt with such people, but this time I couldn’t bear to turn away.
“If you like it that much, would you buy it?”
She took the worst picture with her own poor eyesight, so if you want to resent it, you’ll have to do it to yourself.
“Oh! Is it really okay? I can’t resist if I can buy the artist’s work!”
“No. I was just talking nonsense. That photo is not for sale in the first place.”
I hung it because I couldn’t make her vacant seat.
I thought that if I had eyes, I wouldn’t want to buy that picture, so I put it as a not-for-sale item.
But isn’t that woman complimenting her saying she likes it without knowing how frustrating it is?
She was resentful and wanted to sell that crappy picture to give her a fuck, but she resisted the urge.
A minor retaliation could later erode her reputation.
