Chapter 40 *Toraga's Point of View
As I followed Mariko and Aimi's backs as they headed to their car, Ren-san, standing next to me, tapped me on the back.
He always hits me on some part of my body, and it hurts. And it's so strong.
When I looked at him without saying anything, he said, “It's more than I imagined,” and laughed as he crossed his arms.
What?
Mariko-chan. She's even better than I imagined.”
What in the world did you imagine?
I was about to say so, but I stopped myself from asking because it was nothing worth asking.
I'm not sure if it's a …… thing or not. The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a look at the actual product or service and expect it to be just as good as you think it is. Mariko said something like that before. When someone praises me, it makes me happy like it's about me.
I guess she already had this feeling that I'm feeling a long time ago.
On the one hand, I'm happy that my feelings have finally caught up with hers, but on the other hand, I also feel a sense of guilt that constricts my chest.
I thought I knew Mariko's feelings, but I guess I only knew a part of them.
Now I know something. Now that I realize that I like her, I understand what she was saying. I'm not going to do anything that will make him sad anymore because I understand. ……
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take your eyes off of the road and turn them towards the car.
The actual “I'm not a fan of the way you do it,” he said, “but I'm not a fan of the way you do it either.
I don't want to do anything he doesn't want to do. The most important thing to remember is that you can't be too careful with what you say. So I want him to like me more. I don't want to do anything he won't like. ……
…… the other day. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to have a new one, but it's a good idea to have a new one.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea to have a new one, but it's a good idea to have a new one. I've heard that it hurts at first, but when I saw Mariko, I was surprised that it hurt so much. I didn't want to see her in pain, but I was happy to see Mariko forcing herself to seek me out, and I was in a hurry to get my mind and body into mine as soon as possible.
I think it's not fair.
She has always liked me, and when I told her I liked her, she cried like a fool and was happy to hear it.
But I got all excited and tried to get it all as soon as possible. ……
I should have taken better care of it. It's too late for regrets.
I'm ashamed of myself for heaping it on like a dog. ……
On the other hand, I want to beat the shit out of me for wanting to hold him more.
I've wanted her several times in the past.
I realize that I like her, and I have told her how I feel about her, so I want her even more than before.
–I was surprised that I have such a high sex drive.
I didn't think I had much of one compared to the guys around me. ……
Even today,……, the smile she showed when the door opened and the way she touched my hand.
I don't know what Mariko thinks about me, but I'm a human being and a man. I can't help but lust after the girl I like. If the girl I like says she likes me and smiles at me, I understand it even if I don't like it.
Toraga, why are you so silent, were you thinking of something erotic?”
Ren-san said it as if it was a joke, but it didn't sound like a joke to me now.
I was worried that the lie would be exposed.
Really, why do you have such a good instinct ……?
I'm not joking, but what about Huang Yao?
I'm being pushed around by a woman I'm in love with.”
That's good! He has to work hard to get the woman he loves.
That's right.
I don't know what Hanamiya is thinking, but Huang Yao is already thinking only about Hanamiya. He's always talking about Hanamiya, and he's trying to get to know Hanamiya not only through me but also through Mariko.
Huang Yoru, who said he doesn't understand love, has gone away.
Just like me.
I stopped fighting with women and I even quit smoking ……. Last year it would have been unthinkable.
I think it means that both of us have something more important than that,……. The most important thing to remember is that you can't just go out and get a good job.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, but it's a good thing that I'm not in the same situation as you.
I felt so relieved to have one person who affirmed everything about me.
Because that guy fell in love with me, because he showed up in front of me. ……
When I think about it, I feel like I used a lifetime's worth of luck at that moment. That's how big it was for me to meet him. I feel like it's a miracle that I have a guy who gives me everything I want.
That's right, that's why I decided to treasure him.
And I've decided that I'm going to keep on treasuring him. ……
I'm going to change the subject,……, but did you hear from my brother after that?”
Ren's words reminded me of the phone call that came in last night.
Ah.”
Did you tell him about Mariko?
I told him. He said he'd like to see her sometime.
He said he'd like to see her sometime. He apologized to you, but don't get too comfortable.
I know. I'm still trying to figure it out, and I'm not going to let you see him for a while.
You're a smart guy.
My own brother, whom I have been in touch with since the summer.
He had been in touch with me for a while, but I never responded to him.
It was a good thing that I could know what I didn't know and what my brother was thinking.
However, I still can't forgive him because of the memories I have of him over the years. I don't even want to call him my brother because we never spoke to each other.
I'm going to completely cut myself off from the house after high school.
“I've been telling you that for a long time. …… If you have any problems, you can talk to me.
“……, I'll look forward to working with you.”
“……Ah.”
I have given him a lot of trouble, but I think I will need his help for a while longer.
I want to do something for them someday when things around me settle down. …… I think it might be the same as the feeling of wanting to do something for my parents.
I remember the story of my house and all I can think about is the bad things that happened.
I think I have calmed down a lot compared to before, but even now I sometimes lose sight of my existence because of the memories of the past that pop up in my head.
Still, Mariko's presence at such times allows me to be me.
Just as the end of the long line is in sight, an employee calls my name.
I called Mariko and Aimi to come to the store from their car, and they immediately appeared from the car.
I walked with Aimi, being careful of her, and my cold heart felt warm and started to move as Mariko smiled at me while looking at me.
I felt my cold heart warm up and start to move. It's hot outside, aren't you suffering from heat stroke? Are you feeling sick? Are you sweating properly?
I was in the shade of a tree, so I'm fine.
Are you sure? Even in the shade, you can't feel safe. Please drink water.
I couldn't help but smile at Mariko as she took her seat and quickly handed water to us.
I don't know why she is so desperate ……. I think she's cute in that desperate way.
Oh, thank you.”
I'm so glad you're here.
“Toraga, do you only smile in front of Mariko?”
“Ren, don't say unnecessary things, can't you just shut up and watch?”
Sorry …….”
The actual a lot more you are able to do, the more you will be able to do.
You're thinking about something unnecessary again,…….
Don't worry about it.”
When I told Mariko that, she smiled at me with a troubled expression on her face.
I'm not sure what to do with that.
The reason why she doesn't touch me herself is probably because of those extra thoughts.
I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I think you could be a little more egocentric.
To get rid of Mariko's unnecessary thoughts, I put the menu in front of her and her expression visibly changes.
I wonder what she's thinking about which one to eat.
It's simple, and since Mariko's face shows it immediately, it's easy to understand and reassuring.
Which one would you like to eat, Toramasa-san?
I'll have the …… one.
Strawberry! They look delicious! I was wondering about that too. ……Then the second thing I want to eat is ……”
The last words he said were a little whisper as he looked me in the face.
The last thing he said was to look me in the face and whisper a little.
What you want to eat is what I want to eat second.
Mariko's eyes widened in surprise.
So let's eat half.”
Mariko's surprised face gradually turned into a happy smile as I continued to speak to her.
I was so happy to see her eyes looking at me that my cheeks naturally loosened up.
When I look at you, who are full of gaps, I become just as foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish, and full of gaps as you are.
I like the air you wear. I feel comfortable in that air, as if I can relax my shoulders.
Probably, I have never shown this kind of appearance to Ms. Ren.
The reason why she didn't say anything is probably because Aimi was angry with her earlier.
The eyes of Ren sitting next to me and Aimi sitting diagonally in front of me hurt, but Mariko's presence in front of me is so big that I don't care about that.
The two of them originally came here today to see how we were doing, right? It's a holiday that we were supposed to spend together. I'll do as I please.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a chance on a new person and expect them to be happy.
—-
The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good time.
I was so happy to see her that she paid for my car. I don't often like to have people buy me drinks, but this time I thanked her and accepted her offer.
Ren asked me, “Do you want to stop somewhere? I was asked by Mr. Ren, but I couldn't put any more burden on Mariko, who was tense from being with two people she was not accustomed to.
I told her not to stop anywhere and to go straight to my house.
It took less time to get home than it did to go to the store.
I got out of the car so as not to wake Aimi, who had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, and Ren-san got out of the car as well.
I'll ask you guys out properly this time,” she said.
I'll ask you guys out this time,” she said. Please don't do something like this time.
I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Then, Mariko, see you later.
I'll see you later, Mariko. Thank you for everything you did for me today.
“Oh, okay. See you later.
After saying that, Mr. Ren got into his car and drove away.
After the car was out of sight, I headed for my room. When I arrived at the room, Mariko sat down on the sofa and leaned against the armrest.
Seeing her like that made me feel guilty that I had done something wrong, but it also made me happy to know that she had forgiven me.
I sit down next to Mariko while stroking her head, and then I raise her body, which is leaning against the armrest, and make her lean toward me.
At first her body was tense, but gradually she relaxed and I could feel her weight on my body.
Is it tiring for you?
A little, but it was fun.”
I don't know if she was just thinking about me or if she really meant it, but I hoped she thought it was a little fun.
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your car is to make sure that it is a good one. The way she was leaning against me overlapped with the cat and I laughed without saying it out loud, and Mariko said something out of the blue, “I like Toramasa's smell.
It's not the first time she's said this, but it made my heart start to beat a little harder.
It's the smell of your perfume, isn't it?
I've been told this by a number of women in the past, but my heart has never pulsed so strongly.
I'm happy to be told by this guy that he likes me, smell or no. I'm not sure what he's talking about, but it's nice to hear.
I see.”
I was somewhat embarrassed to tell him that, so I gave a short reply to cover it up again.
The first thing to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you want to do.
I love you.
The sweetness that comes out from her words makes me feel as if my brain is about to unravel.
Even though I know these words are a habit of Mariko's, my heart is honest.
The words that seem to wipe away the past are the words that I want more than anything else. Words I want to hear from Mariko.
You know I love you, too.
I'm still too embarrassed to respond to your words, but I want to tell you myself that I love you too.
The first thing you need to do is to show that you know what you're talking about.
I'm more comfortable expressing my feelings to Mariko through actions than words.
And I love Mariko, whose face turns even redder because of my actions.
—-
That night.
I had finished my dinner and bath and was watching TV when I saw Mariko sitting next to me and thought it was time to go to bed, so I told her I was going to bed.
Then Mariko became visibly upset.
Her face was red and her eyes were moist, probably because she remembered what had happened last week.
I knew that even though Mariko had spent the night in the bedroom without incident, she would be aware of it when she went to bed after that one time last week.
To be honest, I am also uncharacteristically nervous, remembering what happened last week.
But I don't intend to do anything today. I was thinking that it might still hurt after seeing how he was last week, or that I didn't want to make him feel pain again, or that I would take better care of him next time.
If I had to say whether I wanted to do it or not, of course I would do it, but that's just my opinion. I don't intend to force Mariko, who is not used to this kind of behavior, to do it again this week after doing it last week.
I lay down on the bed and pulled Mariko, who was tense and stiff, toward me, put her head on my arm and hugged her body.
I couldn't see Mariko's expression well in the dark room, to which my eyes were not accustomed, but I could still tell without looking that her face was flushed.
Mariko's cheeks are flushed red and she is looking at me. I could picture her in my mind's eye.
Good night.”
I put my lips to her forehead and say, “Good night,” and Mariko's voice comes back to me in a trembling voice.
I'll be fine, I won't do anything today.
I stroke Mariko's head as if to say, “Don't worry, I won't do anything today.” After that, I expel the thoughts of greed from my brain and empty my brain so that I don't think about anything.
I talk my brain to sleep, and as I meditate, I fall asleep before I know it.
