Chapter 34 *Toraga's Point of View
I go down the stairs instead of taking the elevator.
I walked out of the apartment with a hot face and a clear mind, holding my noisy heart, and squatted down on the spot.
Covering my face with my hands, I recalled the feelings I had felt in the room many times, and each time my heart ached harder.
I felt depressed, but also somewhat happy, because my heart was hurting more than it had ever hurt before.
–I heard that this is Marilyn's daily routine. She loves you.
The words that Reika said on the day I received the photo come to my mind.
I didn't know what she meant when she said it.
I said, “What do you mean?” Reika just said, “You'll have to ask Maririn later,” and didn't explain the details of what she meant.
The photo sent to me was a profile shot of Mariko smiling on the classroom balcony.
I didn't really know what her routine was, but I thought Mariko's profile in the photo was really cute.
The next day, when I arrived at school and was in the classroom, Reika surprised me by saying, “When did you get here?” I was surprised.
At noon, Hanamiya asked me, “Did you come late today?” I don't know why she asked me that, but I denied it because I wasn't late.
And just now I learned the meaning of that routine.
He is looking for me in the morning. I thought that I was on the balcony, right? I knew it when I thought about it.
–I'm really an idiot, isn't he?
He hardly ever sees me on my way to school in the morning.
I went to school mostly through the back gate, not the front gate. Because there were fewer people there. ……
When Reika and Hanamiya told me, it was the day I went to school from the back gate. I'm sure you were only looking at the main gate… It's true that it's hard to see students coming in from the back gate….
The only time I go to school from the main gate is when there are few people and I'm just in time to be late. ……
And since April, when you were always late, that's when I was using you for my own convenience.
When I imagined Mariko like that, my heart ached even more. It hurts so much that it makes me want to cry. ……
The hand that presses the chest becomes so strong that it wrinkles the shirt.
I'm an idiot. Really. Why can't I work that hard?
But I'm also an idiot for saying it's stupid. If I hadn't asked, Mariko would have been looking for me in a place I didn't know existed.
Even though I didn't see her. She was looking for me.
That made me so happy, so loving, so cute – it was because you were trying so hard that I naturally thought I liked you.
I think I must have had some vague feelings for him in my heart. That's why I wanted to touch him. I wanted to be close to him, I wanted to see his smile.
But now those feelings are clearly outlined. And I didn't know what to do.
Now that I am aware of it, my mind is confused as to what to do.
My brain is not thinking clearly. I moved my legs to go to the convenience store that I had no business using as an excuse to run away.
I wasted no time in moving my feet slowly to buy time.
In the meantime, I tried to calm my mind, but even after arriving at the convenience store, it showed no sign of calming down, and I made a bitter face.
I was so excited that I could not believe that I was going to be able to do this.
The shopping ended immediately. On the way home, my legs slowed down more than on the way to the store.
I scratched my head for no reason, thinking how pathetic it was that I was afraid of meeting him.
Even at night, the muggy summer heat lingered on the road. As I walked along the road, gazing at the moon in the sky, the house was right in front of me.
The house was right in front of me.
I looked at my room on the eighth floor and saw that the light was on.
Someone other than me was in the house. Mariko is home.
I felt itchy and embarrassed thinking about it.
I wondered how I should look to her …….
The elevator ride didn't answer that thought.
I tried to come up with a few answers myself, but none of them seemed right.
My head aches from overthinking, and I've already given up all thoughts.
I turn the doorknob of the house and enter the room, but I get a strange feeling that it is not my room even though it is my room.
Probably because the room is brightly lit. ……
When I opened the door to the living room, I saw Mariko sitting on the sofa looking at me.
The actual “I'm back” is a very important part of the “I'm back” concept, and it's also a very important part of the “I'm back” concept, and it's also a very important part of the “I'm back” concept.
……I'm home.”
I was worried you were late.
…… sorry.”
I am so glad that she is concerned about me that my heart starts to scream again.
In front of the sofa.
Thank you.
Oh,” she replied curtly.
I always give a curt reply, but I asked myself if there was something more I could have said to her.
I put the bag of snacks on the table and said, “Eat if you want,” and out of the corner of my eye I saw Mariko looking at me and the bag on the table alternately.
She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and saw Mariko alternately looking at me and the bag on the table.
I don't need it.”
I hate myself for replying again so curtly.
How have I been treating him? What kind of conversations have we had?
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just look at someone and expect them to do the same thing you do.
I can't even make eye contact with her, so I just watch the TV in front of me as if I'm running away from Mariko, but I'm still glad she's there.
I'm going to take a bath,” she said.
“Yes, yes.”
I thanked Mariko for obediently following my words and heading to the bathroom.
I was so happy to see her, but I was also happy to see her presence next to me.
The body temperature rose one after another and the heat rising from the chest area attacked my whole body.
I drank the Coke I had bought several times to lower my body temperature with its coldness, but the sighs I tried to expel the fever from my body were still involuntary.
The reason I couldn't tell him I liked him was because I wasn't sure if my feelings were really the same as what Mariko was saying about liking him.
When was the last time you realized this? ……
I thought I liked her. The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your money is to be honest with yourself.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just go to the store and ask for a discount.
I saw the difference in the size of the feeling, and I was waiting for it to be the same size.
If my feelings had remained the same, he wouldn't have been satisfied.
Even if I did, I thought she would be sad when she realized the difference between my feelings and hers.
I spent my time quieting my impatience so that her feelings for me and my feelings for her would be the same as much as possible.
That's when I saw the photo sent to me by Hanamiya.
I was surprised to see that the expression on my face when I looked at Mariko, which I could not see objectively, was somewhat similar to the smile on Mariko's face, but I was more happy than surprised.
I had the same expression as Mariko. I looked at that picture again and again, seeing the change in myself.
When the plastic bottle in my hand was half full, Mariko came out of the bath.
I heard the sound of the hair dryer drying my hair as I prepared to take a bath myself.
When the sound faded, the door opened and Mariko appeared, dressed in a black loungewear with a hood.
I walked past Mariko, who had a surprised look on her face as she stood in front of the door, and put the hood over her head as we passed each other.
I was surprised to see Mariko standing in front of the door, and as I passed her, I put the hood on her head.
What, eh, what's going on!”
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your money is to make sure that you are getting the most out of your money.
—I was so surprised that Mariko raised the edge of her mouth.
After getting out of the bath, I lightly dried my hair and headed for the living room where Mariko was sitting.
I couldn't meet her eyes, so I shifted my gaze and sat down on the sofa and stared blankly at the TV set in front of me.
I couldn't get any of the program's content into my head.
I mean, that's not even the point. ……
I'm not sure what to say to Mariko, but I can't find anything to say to her.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a look at the actual product or service and expect it to be just as good as you think it is.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a look at your own personal personal information.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just say something nice to someone and they'll be happy to hear it.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just go to the store and ask for a discount. Have you seen it?
Mariko spoke to me as I was thinking about it.
Underwater City…is that the movie that was talked about before?
No, I've never seen it.
I've never seen it either, so I was wondering if I could watch it?
“Yeah.
I just looked it up on my cell phone and it was rated pretty high, so it looks promising. The movie I saw the other day had a very weak ending.
I saw a movie the other day that had a very weak ending. That certainly was a bad ending.
I'm looking at the site right now, and the ratings are low. Reading the comments, it seems everyone felt the same way.
I'm sure.”
I've noticed Mariko trying to spend time as usual.
I could have asked him why he's blushing, but he's waiting until I tell him.
It's not just now, it's always been that way.
That's why I've been taking advantage of Mariko.
A little more. A little more. She doesn't say anything to me who keeps putting it off.
She just waits for me silently.
Once again, I really think this guy is amazing. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to imitate him. ……
The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you're doing.
When my fingertips touch her hand, Mariko's body jumps.
The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing and how to do it.
She couldn't even touch me before, but now she can, and she squeezes me back like she's accepting me.
That makes me so happy, it's cute and I love it.
I love it when her hands, which are smaller than mine, touch me.
I turn my gaze from my hand to Mariko's eyes and see her blushing and looking at me.
Her lips are closed and she is looking straight at me with eyes moist with tears.
I put the hand I am not holding around Mariko's body and embrace her body with one hand.
I hugged Mariko so that I could bury my face in her neck, and Mariko's arms were around my body.
Mariko's cheek rests against my chest. So I'm sure she can hear my heart beating. ……
It's a loud, painful heartbeat.
Can you …… hear it?”
When I asked that, Mariko's head moved vertically.
I haven't been drinking.
I remember what happened before, and when I said that, her head moved vertically a few times.
I felt the movement in my body and let out a small exhale. He bit his lip and opened his mouth again.
When I first met you, I thought you were a strange woman.
The encounter with Mariko on the rooftop comes to mind.
The normalcy that I had felt until then was no longer the norm.
In the beginning, I was using you for myself. I just wanted to have you by my side because you were convenient and liked me.
To be honest, I thought you were stupid.
I thought that if I acted in a casual manner, my feelings of love for you would fade.
I thought that if I became a troublesome woman, I would just accept your affection and discard you.
But she remained the same, never asking me for anything, accepting whatever I said.
He accepted whatever I said. “You liked me even though I was like that.
Even when he was acting like that, he was looking for me every day.
And when I called him, he answered no matter what time of day it was and talked happily without a single complaint.
He taught me what was normal.
A casual greeting. A casual greeting, a casual conversation. The warmth of human contact.
He taught me how to feel safe with someone by my side, about birthdays, smiles, fun, happiness, and everything else.
I was always late at first, and I usually went to school from the back gate. I didn't know that you were looking for me every day. So when I found out earlier, I wanted to punch myself in the past. But at the same time, I was so happy.
You're so healthy. You haven't changed. I thought, “I love you for thinking of me.
I wanted to cherish you for still liking me, who is such a bum.
……I've been spoiling you all this time, haven't I?
I moved my body away from Mariko a little and let go of the arm that was around my body and put my hand on Mariko's tear-stained cheek.
My heart ached for Mariko, who was meditating, her mouth tightly closed, and her tears streaming down her face.
I had only just realized how much I love Mariko a few days ago.
If I thought that Mariko had always had this feeling and had treated me with this feeling, it was painful, painful, and sad, and I almost cried.
Look at me.”
When I said these words to Mariko, who had tears streaming down her face even with her eyes closed, her eyelids slowly opened and from there new tears flowed down her cheeks one after another.
Really, I keep making you cry. ……
The wet eyes of Mariko capture my face.
The eyes are beautiful and remind me of the words you used to say when you looked into my eyes and told me how beautiful I was.
I'm sorry I kept you waiting until now. ……
The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you're looking for.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you want to do. I'm not sure how much I can take.
You have that right,…….
But, yes, you do. That's who you are.
You're the one who stupidly likes me, and I like you.
I love you.”
I looked straight into Mariko's eyes and voiced the words I couldn't say before.
What I selfishly wished for that day has now come true.
I had only just learned about love, and the feelings I had for Mariko were not love, not love, but dependence.
I love you, Mariko, …….”
I'm not in love with you, Mariko,” he said as if to confirm the words once again, and placed his own lips on the closed lips. Slowly, a kiss, just a touch.
Her voice escaped from her trembling lips. She cried as if she were a small child crying out loud, and my heart ached as if it were being ripped out of my chest, knowing that she had been waiting for my words all this time.
I released the hand that was touching his cheek and the hand that was holding his hand, and held his smaller body with both arms.
I am so sorry.
Mariko's cry, which seemed to express all of her past feelings, seemed to convey her emotions directly without being expressed in words.
I'm not qualified to cry right now, but I couldn't stop the tears from soaking Mariko's clothes even though I wanted to stop them.
I'm going to return the love you've given me until now.
So I want you to continue to love me.
I love you.”
I hugged her trembling body and said those small words again.
