Chapter 12
A few days after the encounter with Ki-kun, my menstruation was over and I was fine, but I was dying from the test.
I know my Japanese is not right, but it is not wrong. I am dead.
I was also afraid of this man who was feared by the students as a demon and visited several times a year to terrorize the students.
In the classroom, everyone in the class had a dead face…. Of course, we had just finished the test…. I, too, was lying dead on my desk. It was the same scene I had seen recently.
Equations and English words kept popping up in my brain. …Stop it already… the test is over, you can forget about it now. ……
The test is stopping in the middle or lower middle of the pack because I've been working hard overnight, but when the test is over, I forget everything I remembered, so a surprise test would be disastrous.
I consoled myself and Ichika that I wouldn't manage to get a red mark and we headed for the shoe box.
Now that the test was over, all we had to do was wait for summer vacation.
Summer vacation is in about two weeks. I waited for summer vacation, excited about what I was going to do.
This is inevitably the second summer vacation in my sophomore year of high school since I remembered my previous life.
I remember that the previous summer vacation of my sophomore year of high school was fun in its own way: I worked part-time, hung out with friends, and went to the Kimiharu event.
However, this second summer vacation, I was not able to see Toramasa because of a one-dimensional difference. Toraga is here!
In the game, there is a summer vacation event, but I may be able to meet Toramasa outside of that.
Since the day I met Ki-kun, I've only been texting with Toramasa because of the test. If I called him on the phone, I would never be able to study with his voice, and if I met him in person, I would only see Toramasa and would not be able to study with him.
So now that the test is over, I am getting excited because I know I can meet Toraga. No, I don't want to meet him, but he's been so kind and attentive to me lately that I'm hoping he'll see me again during the summer vacation. I'm sorry, I got a little carried away.
I miss him so much. I really want to see him every day.
I want to see everything he does in a day. I want to know what time he wakes up, what position he sleeps in, what kind of pillow he uses, whether he likes to shower or bathe, Toramasa after taking a bath…sorry, I can't do that…I don't know what I would do if I saw him like that. …I'm not imagining Toramasa with wet black hair, Toramasa with water drops on his skin, Toramasa with a towel around his waist, Toramasa with his upper body naked…oh no, I'm not imagining anything like that at all! Oh my God, how embarrassing…. I'm not thinking at all of wanting to worship such skin in the flesh, or of wanting to worship it in gratitude for its existence! ……Ugh, the destructive power of Tora Masa after taking a bath is not half bad. …… It's on the level of being featured in a magazine special on men after taking a bath and having that magazine disappear from the store.
Even the bath becomes a tool to increase the attractiveness of Toramasa…. No, baths are erotic in nature…but if you are Toramasa, I think you can make anything erotic…I think you can feel erotic just by picking up the shampoo…. He is a man loved by the god of eroticism. I love it. Huh, I want to be a towel wrapped around Toramasa's waist. Sorry, I got carried away again.
While I was thinking that, I suddenly realized I could hear someone talking from the third grade hallway.
It's the voice of a woman and a man……. I know the man's voice well.
I sneak a look in that direction as I pass through the third grade hallway and there is a familiar figure and a woman arguing about something.
A female senior with long blonde hair and flashy makeup. The woman was talking to Toraga in an angry manner.
Toraga did not try to hide her irritated attitude and glared at the person.
She was glaring at the person, not trying to hide her annoyance.
He was so rude. That's why I told you we're not here.
What? Do you think we don't notice? I mean, we're the ones who noticed.
Don't talk nonsense to me. I won't give you any quarter just because you're a woman.
“That's all! I'm not talking to Toraga to get into a fight with him. I'm really hard-headed!
I had no idea what they were talking about.
The only thing I could make out was that Toraga and that woman were arguing about something.
I looked at Ichika next to me and saw that she was looking sideways at the third grade hallway. I thought that the curious Ichika might know something, so when I put on my shoes and walked out, I asked Ichika about the woman I had seen earlier.
She's Endo senior, a famous third-year gal.”
Endo senior?”
I tilted my head at the name I had never heard before.
I was so frightened that I thought there was no one who could stand up to him, especially if they were delinquents.
I see.
That's just like Ichika.
I'm not sure what he was talking about with Toraga.
At that time, Toraga's words came to my mind, “Wouldn't you say anything if I hugged another woman? I was wondering what he was talking about with Toramasa.
I stopped thinking about it. I stopped thinking about it. Whoever Toramasa was having a relationship with was none of my business. It's not my problem to worry about. Besides, I was the one who said that I wouldn't say anything if Toraya had a relationship with someone else. So I don't think about it.
He has a lot of scary rumors, so don't get involved with him.
There's no chance for you to get involved with him.
I said that, but there were plenty of opportunities to get involved, and I was trembling with fear inside.
I'm not sure if I'll be lynched by a group of people if I'm seen with Toraga like in the comic books. …… Wow… I'm scared… I'll definitely act in such a way that I won't be found out. I'm afraid….
The first thing to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you want to do.
Ichika had something she wanted to discuss with me. When she told me that she had something she wanted to discuss with me, I could see that she was troubled from the bottom of her heart.
When I sat down, Ichika took a drink and after a few moments, she opened her mouth.
Actually, it's about Ichinose…”
Ichika's name came out of her mouth, and I muttered to myself, “I knew it…. I did not tell Ichika, but I did not know what it was about.
I don't want to tell Ichika, but somehow I thought it might have something to do with Ichinose.
I thought it was nothing to do with him, but then I saw them shopping together the other day… and that made me feel bad.
I looked into Ichika's eyes at those words and nodded.
'Maybe it's because I haven't had a shadow of a woman in my life…. I had never seen Ichinose walking with a girl before, and I didn't think I would mind if she was there…. But now that I've seen it in front of me, I'm bothered by it.”
Ichika, not wanting to believe the feelings in her heart, clutched her heart and contorted her face to endure the pain.
I wonder why.
I knew she knew, but she wanted to hear the answer to her feelings from someone else's mouth.
Ichika looked at me with moist eyes as if asking me for help.
I know that feeling well. If Ichika wants me to tell her, I will answer her question.
Ichika's is jealousy, isn't it?”
Ichika shifted her gaze downwards, smiled sadly, and muttered in a small voice, “…right…” Ichika shifted her gaze downward, smiled sadly, and muttered in a small voice, “…isn't that right?
Ichika had said that she had no interest in Ichinose-kun. But since they were so close as childhood friends, I think she didn't realize how she felt about him.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought it was natural for them to be together.
Ichika said she preferred older men, but I wonder if she realized that everyone she liked was like Ichinose-kun. She unconsciously followed with her eyes those who looked like Ichinose-kun.
She wasn't even aware of it at all.
“…I'm sure you've realized the feeling that's been in your heart for a long time.”
Why Ichinose?
“It's not because of anything, it's because the person I fell in love with was Ichinose-kun.”
I know… But it's too late for that.
You're not still dating the manager, are you?
I probably won't hear anything about that.
Maybe it's not too late.
But I'm sure Ichinose isn't aware of me at all.
I don't think so.
When I said that, Ichika said, “Really? Ichika asked me in a weak voice, not unlike Ichika.
I shook my head at her words.
I probably shouldn't say such a thing because it would give her expectations, but even so, from my point of view, Ichinose-kun seemed to be conscious of Ichika. That's just my opinion.
Besides, even though I might hurt her later, I wanted to cheer her up a little when I saw how weak Ichika was now.
Ichika was always on my side, wasn't she? …I'm on Ichika's side too. I'll be there for you if you need anything, and I'll always listen to you if there's anything you want me to ask you like now. And let's try our best to be in love with Ichinose-kun, shall we? I want Ichika to be happy.”
Saying this, I smiled at Ichika.
Ichika bit her lower lip and after a pause, she said in a trembling voice, “Thank you. Ichika bit her lower lip and said in a trembling voice, “Thank you.
I met Ichika when I was in the first year of junior high school. We were introduced by a friend of a friend.
We didn't talk much at first, but gradually I noticed that we had similar ways of thinking, personalities, and points of laughter that made us comfortable together, and we became good friends.
I spent less time with Ichika than with Ichinose-kun, but I saw a lot of Ichika in that short time.
Ichika says that I am her best friend. I proudly answer that Ichika is my best friend, too.
So I sincerely want her to be happy.
I wish you happiness too.
“Don't worry, ……! I'm having the happiest time of my life right now!
Ichika seemed to want to say something to me as I answered with a smile. I'm not sure what to say, but before she could say anything, I opened my mouth and went off on a tangent.
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
On Saturday, the week after the test, I was at Toraga's house.
I was sitting on the edge of the sofa, looking at the profile of Toraga, who was also sitting on the sofa and watching TV, and I was happy.
This is the fourth time I've been to Toraya's house, and I'm still getting used to it. When I walk to Toramasa's apartment, my heart races with anticipation, and when I arrive at the apartment, I stop in my tracks, thinking that Toramasa is here.
My fingers trembled as I pressed the button for the eighth floor in the elevator, and when I stood in front of the door, I wrote the character for “person” three times in my palm and swallowed several times, and I also took a few deep breaths.
The time between pressing the intercom and Toraya opening the front door was nothing but tension, and my heart jumped when I heard the sound of the lock opening.
And when I see Toraya open the door, my heart beats so hard that it hurts.
I have seen Toraya's figure over and over again. And yet, every time I see him, I repeatedly fall in love at first sight.
Every time I see him, I fall in love with him all over again.
Even now sometimes I find it hard to believe that Toraya is right in front of me. I am so happy that I think this must be a long dream I am having. Even so, I can see that Toraga in front of me is indeed alive and present, and that I can see many things about him that I cannot understand or know from my imagination alone.
I want to know and love Toraga no matter how trivial he is.
I love even the wrinkles in his clothes. I love the way her hair sways as she moves. I love the casual movement of her fingers.
Every time I am moved by Toramasa living in the present reality, which makes me realize that it is not a game and that it is not two-dimensional.
In this world where the LCD is not in the way, I can easily reach out and touch Toraga.
But I don't really want to touch it myself. I think it's a waste of time, but then I think about how I might disturb Toramasa's actions if I touch him, or if I touch him and he forgets what he was going to do and feels bad about it.
I think to myself that I was a little crazy the other day when I had menstrual cramps. I even texted her and asked her to hold me. I realized that I was becoming more and more greedy, and that scared me.
I don't want to disturb Toramasa's life. I want to be in the air watching Toramasa's life from afar.
I don't want to get in Toraga's way, but I want to be useful to him.
I am very happy to be of use to him. If I think that my small existence is useful for something in Toramasa's life, that alone makes my life worth living. I would gladly give my life for Toraga's sake. I would not hesitate. As long as Toraga is alive, I am happy.
Sometimes I wonder why I remembered the memories of my previous life.
But that thought is always over soon.
There is no answer as to why or why not. Still, my feelings of love for Toraga are real, and this is certainly my thought and intention. If I had not remembered my previous life, I would not have known about this crazy feeling.
Now that I know, if someone were to ask me if I am happy or unhappy, I would answer immediately. I am happy.
I was me in my previous life, and I am me in this life.
To be able to truly love the same person in two different lives is a very happy thing.
Moreover, in my previous life I was two dimensional, and in this life I am three dimensional. We are living in the same dimension. I may be happier than when I was born into this world.
I am happy. I really like the world in which Toraga lives. I love Toraga. I am so grateful to be alive.
My thoughts haven't changed since we first met on the rooftop. They will never change. They will never change.
Toramasa's gaze collides with my gaze as I look at him.
And then, “What the hell?” He then raised the corner of his mouth and called out to me, “What is it?
The fact that I am reflected in Toramasa's gaze makes the world now that he recognizes my existence shine brightly.
I was just admiring Toramasa's too good to be true.”
When I told him honestly what I was thinking, Toramasa laughed and said, “I see.” He then took his gaze away from me.
I wondered if Toramasa had noticed the heavy amount of emotion in my earlier words.
I immediately stopped thinking about it. I was so brazen. I was so brazen that I wanted him to know how I felt.
Every time I get closer to Toraga, every time I get closer to him, I lose control of my feelings.
I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be a hindrance. And yet, my feelings swell up. I hate myself like this.
What's wrong, what's on your mind?”
Toramasa said to me, his brow wrinkling before I knew it.
I hurriedly opened my mouth so that he would not know what I was thinking.
It's almost summer vacation, so I was wondering what I was going to do!”
Toramasa muttered, “Summer vacation, huh…?” Toramasa put his hand on his chin as if he was thinking about something.
What a godly …….
I held my eyes and tried not to cry.
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your time in the world is to be a good sport. I want to see a painting…. It's wonderful….
Why does such a little gesture make me feel like a painting all at once? I know it's because it's Tora Masa. Toraga's sex appeal is not stopping, but accelerating. A man's gesture that has the beauty of a painting and is pregnant with sex appeal. Isn't it amazing…? He's alive… this Goho…. He's a man who could be displayed in a museum just for being alive, Toraga-san.
Toramasa brilliantly passed over my tears and opened his mouth again.
Is there somewhere you want to go?
At these words, I removed my hand from around my eyes and looked at Toramasa in surprise.
I looked at Toraga in surprise as he removed his hand from my eyes. What, are you going to take me somewhere…? Eh, eh!
I'm happy inside my house, and I thought that if I went outside, people would see me, so I would be happy to spend time at Toraga's house…but now you're telling me that you want to go somewhere! Oh no, any place I can spend time with Toraga is always the best place for me. Yes, even if it's a dump, even if it's next to a manure dump, I'd be happy with Toramasa being there …… No, I wouldn't let Toramasa go to such a place, but let's use an example, an example. I want Toramasa to always be breathing good, fresh air. I want to take Toraga to Caledonia. I have no money.
I would like to go anywhere as long as ……… Toramasa is there…”
I answered after much thought.
“Then it's no different from usual, isn't it?”
Toramasa said to me with a laugh.
I couldn't resist the urge to yell out, “HAN! I resisted the urge to scream and let out a strange breath.
It's like I'm always right next to you, isn't it? What kind of seductive words are those? Is he really saying that unconsciously? I'm the kind of woman who is happy or sad at Toramasa's words. If he said that to me, all I could do is just be grateful!
His smile is cute, really cute. I'm a double-edged sword of cool and cute. My weapon is an old splittable chopstick…. I can't win…
Oh, God! I love her! All I can say is I love you! The word like comes out naturally, like breathing in and out. I love it. It is reconfirmed every time…. It's so precious….
Is there anywhere you want to go, Toraga-san?
“Not for me.
Then, if I'm with Toramasa-san…
Can't you see I'm asking if you have anywhere you want to go…?
Yes! Yes! I think the ocean would be nice!
And after I said it, I regretted it. I said something summery on the spur of the moment, but the ocean is the location of the game's event….
When I tried to correct him, Toraga said, “The ocean.” I tried to correct him, but he said, “The ocean. I tried to correct him, but he said, “The ocean,” and asked, “What else?
Toramasa said, “I think that the ocean is the place where…….there are a lot of people…….. I was wondering if there were people from school or something.
I don't know about me, but if you weren't wearing a uniform, you wouldn't know unless you're a really good friend of mine.
“Oh, I'm glad I have an ordinary face…?”
Besides, people who go to the beach don't really care about the people around them.
Is that so? The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your money is to be careful. It's painful just to think about it…
Idiot.
I'll go home alone then, so please don't hesitate to ask…
Ah, I'm an idiot…”
It's very sad just to imagine Toraga being hit on backhandedly and going with that woman….
I'm not going to say anything because I said I wouldn't say anything about that kind of thing…. But, ugh, it's so hard….
I was imitating crying, but I was about to cry quite seriously when Toraga lightly smacked me on the head.
It doesn't hurt at all…you're so kind to go easy on me…I love you.
I love you…I'm not going to go to another girl's place when I'm going with you…”
A whoosh. My heart skipped a beat.
I'm not sure how long I've been in a world where I can make my desires come true….
“I like you, Toraga-san.”
I know.”
Toramasa-san, who lightly dismisses the straightforward confession with a clap of his hands, is also wonderful….
The first thing that comes to my mind is the fact that I am not sure if this is a good idea or not.
So, there's nothing left to say?”
“Even if you say ………”
I was troubled as he brought me back to the subject.
I can't think of any particular place I want to go. The ocean is …… well, it was mentioned in the game that it was July 28th, so we could go anywhere but that, but the festival is a fixed date and an important event, so no…, and the pool seems to have a lot of students. I'd rather do various things with Toraga than go somewhere else… Toraga is very kind and I'd like to do the same with him. Toramasa is so kind that I feel like saying what I want to do.
I wonder if it's okay to say so…? Something I can only do this summer…. If I could…, I would.
Rather than going somewhere, I would rather… spend Toraga-san's birthday with him…”
After I finished, I regretted my brazenness and bit my lower lip.
Toraga's birthday is August 3. I knew it in my previous life, but I had properly asked Toramasa himself when I called him before, so there was no need to be suspicious. In the game, the event is simple: the heroine, Hanamiya-san, gives Toramasa a present on his birthday.
The event itself is just to give him a present, and the time is probably in the morning…I wish I could spend the afternoon with him…how I wish…
I couldn't see Toraga's face, so I turned my head down and waited for his reply, but Toraga didn't speak back.
I had embarrassed him.
Thinking that, I hurriedly opened my mouth.
If it's not okay, it's okay if it's not okay! I'm sorry for being so brazen.
No.”
As soon as I lowered my head, I heard Toraga's voice.
What did he mean by “no”?
I wonder what kind of expression Toraga has on his face…. To be honest, I am afraid to look at Toraga's face, what if he has a troubled expression….
I was afraid to look at Toraga's face while thinking about this, and I saw that Toraga had a smile on his face, the same expression as usual.
I was relieved to see that he was smiling, and Toraya opened his mouth again.
I was so relieved to see him smiling that he opened his mouth again, “As long as it's good for you, that's all that matters.”
I was so happy to hear those words that I felt as if a flower was blooming.
I could spend Toraga's birthday with him…. How happy I was to be able to spend Toraga's birthday with him. I can celebrate the birthday of my guess in front of him.
In my previous life, I used to celebrate birthdays with cakes, goods, and gifts in front of the game…. I was happy with that….
I can celebrate properly. We can celebrate real birthdays. We can say “thank you” for being born on our birthday.
Thank you.”
I cried out of happiness. Thinking about my previous life, I cried even more.
Why are you crying?
“Because I was able to celebrate Toraga-san's birthday…”
I see.”
Saying that, Toramasa patted my head.
