## Chapter 4 – (3)
How did this happen?
Right, it all started with…
Kim Tae-yang.
My boyfriend not only cheated with this man’s girlfriend but also sent him a video.
‘Why?’
Just yesterday, he was my precious boyfriend, but now, honestly, I don’t feel anything like that. I even thought I deserved to be retaliated against.
Anyone in my situation would probably think the same.
Of course, Kim Tae-yang’s actions weren’t entirely his fault.
Congenital hypoesthesia.
Seventeen years old.
I started dating and had my first intimate experience at an age that I don’t know if it’s early or late, and as a result, I realized one thing.
Maybe I’m just not wired to feel sexual pleasure.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel it at all, but I seemed to feel it much less than others.
Because of that, I hardly ever engaged in physical intimacy afterward.
Due to my hypoesthesia, I didn’t show much reaction during intimate moments, which often hurt my partner’s feelings.
I thought it was better not to have any physical contact at all.
The reason I got into exercise was to overcome my hypoesthesia.
Because exercise was said to help treat it.
Looking back now, all of this became the root cause of this incident.
I was so absorbed in exercise that I neglected my boyfriend, and on top of that, I refused physical intimacy, so Kim Tae-yang eventually went wild.
Even if I was at fault, and even if cheating was understandable, what was he thinking when he filmed it and sent it to someone else?
The memories of passionately defending my boyfriend on social media felt like a dark past.
And at the same time, I felt guilty toward the man in front of me.
‘Because of me…’
Before Kim Tae-yang interfered, this couple must have had a very deep relationship.
I could tell as soon as I entered this house.
Hair straighteners, combs, stockings, and other things that women use were scattered throughout the man’s apartment.
Those traces seemed to constrict my heart.
So, when the man said he would upload the video to social media to get revenge on Kim Tae-yang, I wondered if I even had the right to stop him.
But I shamelessly said it anyway.
‘Please… refrain from that…’
Even I thought it was the worst thing to say.
It wasn’t like I was trying to stop him from getting revenge on Kim Tae-yang.
It was just that my position as someone who made money on social media would be jeopardized, so I, who was the cause of all this, was stopping the man’s revenge.
But the man readily accepted.
Instead, he came up with another method.
He said he would give me back exactly what I had given him.
I had already stopped his revenge once, so I couldn’t refuse this time either.
‘It’s better than it being released on social media…’
Since I have hypoesthesia, physical intimacy doesn’t mean as much to me as it does to others.
It’s not like my body would wear out from physical contact, and on the one hand, I felt like I was paying for my sins, so even the guilt that had been somewhere in my heart seemed to disappear.
Besides, he said that he wouldn’t do the real thing, that is, penetration, unless I wanted to.
So, I decided to cooperate with the man’s revenge.
‘As if I would want that.’
There was no way I, with my hypoesthesia, would ask for something like that.
“It looks like it’s coming out well.”
“…”
I swallowed hard and looked straight ahead.
I take photos and videos and upload them to social media every day, but this time, being filmed felt so awkward.
He’s going to film this and send it to Kim Tae-yang, right?
What kind of reaction will he have?
No matter what, he always hid his true self in front of me and pretended to be a good person.
Will he be angry? Or will he be relieved when he sees my expressionless face due to my hypoesthesia?
The man, having finished setting up the phone, sat down next to me.
It was a narrow sofa, but even considering that, we were close enough to brush shoulders. I was momentarily startled and tried to move away to create some distance, but then I stopped.
I’m going to do even worse things in the future anyway, so it was strange to react to this little thing.
“Then, shall we start?”
“…Yes.”
My mouth felt parched from the tension, and at the same time, my body felt creaky.
The man seemed just as nervous, hesitating for a long time before placing his hand on my thigh.
This level of physical contact was nothing.
His touch went from my thigh to my waist and then to the nape of my neck.
And then, boldly, it went to the vicinity of my chest.
And I felt relieved.
‘Ah, just as I thought.’
I didn’t feel anything at all.
I could only feel the sensation of the man’s large, rough hand.
Honestly, I was a little anxious.
What if I felt something from being touched by a man who wasn’t my boyfriend?
…What if I really started to want him to go all the way?
But, as expected, that didn’t happen.
My hypoesthesia was still there.
Then, the hand that had been stroking the back of my neck began to support my head.
And the man turned to look at me.
You don’t have to be a genius to know what the man was about to do.
Perhaps that’s why I frowned without realizing it.
‘Kissing… I don’t like it…’
It wasn’t about purity or wanting to only kiss my boyfriend.
I just didn’t like it.
It was suffocating, stuffy, and sometimes I could smell cigarettes or other unpleasant odors from the other person’s mouth.
With other forms of physical intimacy, at least there was the fun of seeing the other person’s happy or excited reaction, but I couldn’t do that with kissing.
I had no choice but to close my eyes and just accept it.
Hoping it wouldn’t last long.
Not long after I closed my eyes, everything went dark.
His face must be getting closer.
And then our lips touched.
As expected, I didn’t feel anything.
Yes, until then.
Something hot and thick gently seeped between my lips.
And I instantly opened my eyes and pushed the man away.
“W-What was that just now?”
“Huh?”
I was so flustered that I couldn’t even speak properly.
It was just a kiss.
But— I felt something.
It was an unfamiliar feeling.
My head felt fuzzy, and I felt like my waist was trembling.
For a moment, I felt good.
So, I was surprised.
That couldn’t be.
“No… it’s nothing.”
“Shall we continue?”
“Yes….”
When the man approached me again, I was the one who leaned in first.
It wasn’t that I was being proactive.
I was just curious.
I wanted to find out as soon as possible if the feeling from just now really came from the kiss.
This time, both my mouth and the man’s mouth were already half-open, so we started intertwining our tongues as soon as our lips touched.
“Ugh… haa… hap”
I don’t know whose mouth this squelching sound is coming from.
I swirled my tongue around the inside of his mouth, and sometimes I sucked on the man’s tongue as if I were sucking on candy.
Without realizing it, I turned my head or pressed my body closer to kiss even deeper.
Then, once again, I felt like my head was getting fuzzy, and my heart was beating faster, perhaps even more than before.
Not only that, but every place the man’s rough hands touched felt like it was getting hot, and the man’s normally ordinary scent and actions felt sexy.
Even though it was suffocating, I didn’t want to pull away, so we swallowed and exhaled each other’s breath.
At first, the man supported my head, but now I was holding the man’s head with my own hands.
No, it wasn’t just holding, but if others saw it, it would have looked like I was hugging him.
That’s how significant this feeling was to me.
“Ah…”
So, when the man gently pushed me away and stopped kissing me, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment.
I wanted to cling to him again right away.
“We can’t just film kissing the whole time.”
“…”
With those words, the man began to stroke my thigh again.
Just like he did at first.
But the reaction was different from then.
“Heut…”
Surprised by the sound that came out without me realizing it, I covered my mouth with my own hand.
‘What? Why?’
It was just my thigh, but every time he touched it, my body flinched, and when he squeezed my thigh, which had been toned by exercise, my mouth naturally opened.
Next was my shoulder and neck.
It wasn’t even a stimulating touch, but a hot sigh escaped.
And by the time he reached near my chest, my eyes had already started to glaze over, and my body, which had been shrinking, was now subtly adjusting its position to make it easier for him to touch me.
As if responding to that gesture, as soon as his teasing hand touched my chest…
“Wa, no, wait a minute… ah… euung…”
“Are you okay?”
“Ah…”
“Should we stop here if it’s too much?”
“No, it’s not that…”
At that moment, a change was happening in my body.
I was wet.
I could feel it clearly because I was sitting down.
I was being touched by a strange man who wasn’t my boyfriend, and even though I had hypoesthesia, I was getting wet.
The unknown sense of guilt and the pleasure that was bursting out for the first time combined to create a strange feeling.
‘Is that why Tae-yang cheated?’
I even had a thought that I shouldn’t have had.
‘What am I thinking…’
‘No, this is to help the man get revenge… I’m a victim too.’
Revenge for ruining the relationship of a couple who were doing well.
Revenge for cheating on me.
And a tiny bit of curiosity.
The result of all these things combined was that I decided to make a suggestion to the man a little earlier than expected.
“Ca, could you possibly go all the way?”
The next day, Kim Tae-yang received a video from his girlfriend.
