Chapter 123 – Consolation
When I accidentally witnessed the girl’s tears through the small gap in the wooden door, I felt my heart sink.
Because she felt guilty, as if she had seen something she should never have seen. Even if she had peeked at her naked body, she wouldn’t have felt so embarrassed.
Moreover, Ophelia’s expression was certainly not the first time he had seen it.
Obvious deja vu. Memories sink into the past in an instant.
After picking up her scruffy little boy who was about to die, it was time to gather the corpses of the villagers who had been brutally beaten by the northern immigrants and give them a funeral.
‘Mom and dad… ‘
As the flames of the crematorium started to burn, the young girl who had been talking with empty eyes, asking why she saved herself, disappeared without a trace.
Instead, there was only a small child who swallowed even her cries in unbearable grief.
Her appearance has changed a lot, but her expression, which is not easily forgotten, has not changed at all.
—Fury… !
I looked out the window inadvertently at the sound of flying sparks. Coincidentally, a memorial service for the fallen was resounding outside under the leadership of the Grand Inquisitor.
“Estella! The souls of honorable warriors are heading to your side! May the souls of the wounded find eternal rest in your arms.”
“Rest to the warriors!”
“Rest…”
Even though the damage was small, it is said that there was a negligible number of casualties among the Ropes Knights, who were relatively incompetent in combat unlike the elite members of our unit.
Being able to hold a funeral, albeit in an informal way, during the mission must be a bit of luck, a result of the combination of the clergy who happened to be here and the momentary leisure.
I’m going to pay my respects a little later. After the process of guiding the soul to the heavenly god is over, there will be a separate space for commemoration.
However, although this is a ceremony to be supervised by the saintess, the highest-ranking priest among the party, the girl is now shutting herself in a corner room and weeping alone.
“Celestial God, if this lacking body had been a little stronger. If only I had been able to handle your power a little more skillfully. They wouldn’t have to die. I’m not even qualified to comfort their souls…”
Some might describe her as immature and unsightly. It is said that as a saint, she abandoned her duties in the grip of her private feelings.
It’s embarrassing to say, but I would have been like that in the past, when my emotions were somewhat dry.
However, now I couldn’t blame her like that.
Those who have suffered extreme psychological trauma sometimes experience a sudden awakening of a nightmare that had been sleeping deep in their hearts and digging into their chest.
It was not unfamiliar to me. It happened almost every day when I was rolling on the battlefield, and not long after losing my first men and Lieutenant Laurent.
However, shocks that were strong enough to exceed even that continued to come, and as time passed, it just became dull at some point.
But Ophelia didn’t seem to be like that.
“Mom and dad…”
He stopped praying and suddenly stared blankly outside and mumbled.
Again, for her, the way she puts on her person seems to bring up nightmares from her past.
If so, what should I do?
5 years ago. Lieutenant Laurent held the hand of the bewildered little boy and just stayed by his side. It was her unique way of comforting people that I also owed a lot to.
But can I really comfort her on behalf of her lieutenant Laurent? I questioned myself, but the answer I came back to myself was just uncertain.
I was just passing by and caught a glimpse of the girl. He wasn’t such a great man that he could step in and offer comfort to a woman as young as a saint.
Even if her past has given her the grace of saving her life, it does not mean that she is entitled to intrude freely on the most intimate parts of a person.
So let’s just go the way we were going. Seeing the girl shed tears, as a man he naturally felt pity for her, but expressing it was nothing but futile.
She is also a grown adult now, but she will be able to overcome it on her own.
In terms of reason, it was the right decision. Indeed, my emotions led my body in a direction completely different from the owner’s will.
-Smart!
“Are you there?”
I carefully knocked on the door.
“Who, who are you?”
“I was passing by and stopped for a moment when I heard a prayer. The person inside must be a priest.
And I showed my own clumsy consideration so that the girl would not be ashamed. Naturally, as if he had never peeped at anything. Like really passing by.
‘Damn it, did I end up committing it?’
If Ophelia refuses here, she’ll just go on her way.
If you agree, what? I’ll just do whatever I want. As always.
“Ah! Yes… But please wait a moment, brother!”
If you are having a hard time, you can just refuse the consultation request. The stupid kid took her handkerchief from inside the door and hurriedly wiped away her tears and straightened herself.
He was too innocent and kind. It’s new, but should I say she’s truly a saint?
The door opened soon after, and the girl’s expression was colored with surprise.
“Come in now. Ugh… Mister?!”
“Oops, someone said it, so you’re a saint. Then, let’s go in for a while.”
However, when she realized that it was me who was outside, the girl suddenly blushed her bright red with toxic shyness.
“Now, wait a minute! Why are you here? Sa, what kind of counseling is this? A person who doesn’t bleed even when stabbed! I mean, I’m so ugly right now! Go away!”
“Excuse me. I’m a human too, so I’m obviously hurt.”
Seeing her like that, does that mean she’s comfortable with me?
“Ah, ah…!”
“Oh, saintess. Are you going to give up your duties as a priest?”
I easily intercepted the girl’s struggle to close the door and then stepped inside.
Then the girl hurriedly turned her face away from me and wiped away the traces of her tears that had already been wiped clean. She continued for a while, and after looking at the mirror, she finally turned her head.
“Um, what’s going on…”
“As I said, it’s a consultation request. When I returned, there was a funeral going on outside. Seeing that made me feel a little depressed.”
And when I sat down with her Ophelia, I began to express her honest feelings in front of her.
It wasn’t that she was hypocritical to comfort her. It’s just that he brought out the raw emotions that were hidden behind the indifferent mask.
So that I could stand with the girl and share her sorrow.
In fact, she wasn’t the only one living with her regret that she always wished she had done a little better.
Ophelia’s attitude as she listens to me becomes quite serious.
“…The Celestials are listening to you.”
“I’m ashamed to say it myself, but I’m quite strong. I can take down thousands of enemies by myself. But combat is really nasty, and there are some things that I can’t solve with my own abilities.”
“What is it, Brother Wolfgang?”
As she coolly confessed her troubles that she always had in her heart in front of her girl, Ophelia’s eyes facing me shook mercilessly, showing obvious agitation.
“There are many enemies, and I am only one, so when I fight, I inevitably experience the death of my subordinates. This is always unpleasant even after experiencing countless times.
“That’s…”
Her direction was a little different, but my troubles with her were basically exactly the same kind as the one she was struggling with alone.
This is a long-standing conundrum with no clear answer. Even Master, the strongest warrior in the Empire, cannot fail to lose a single one of his men on the battlefield. It’s the same even for His Majesty the Emperor.
In other words, unless they are a family of gods who stay above the sky. Even transcendentalists cannot completely overcome their limitations as individuals.
That’s why people who stand above others constantly think about how to do better. Then, at some point, you will find an appropriate compromise between your abilities and limitations.
Usually, this difficult process is summarized and matured, or it is said that time is accumulated…
This isn’t as easy as it sounds.
“It’s impossible. No matter how strong you are, you’re a human, not a god. You fought hard enough. Everyone praises your performance. You don’t have to say that.”
“Is that so…”
From my point of view, Ophelia’s current condition is almost identical to that experienced by new commanders experiencing combat for the first time.
However, the weight of her position, which was suddenly given to her girl, is unimaginably heavy, and even her past wounds are resurrecting and tormenting her.
Since you are experiencing double and triple pain, the fear of collapsing if you leave it alone is very great. Moreover, as saints, with whom could they confide their concerns quickly?
I don’t know if I haven’t seen it at all, but as an adult who has lived several years older than the girl, I couldn’t possibly overlook it, so I try to intervene in this way.
At least, so that I, who is comfortable with the girl, can be of some help.
“Thank you for comforting me. The saintess suffered a lot too. Come to think of it, many of her subordinates were saved this time thanks to her saintess.”
“Yes…?”
When I said that, the girl widened her eyes as if she had sensed something.
By this point, she should have noticed that the conversation she had had so far fit perfectly with him as well.
If so, here’s the final blow. Let pride dwell in her heart instead of self-blame.
“You did well, saintess.”
Saying that, I grabbed the girl’s tiny hand.
