Chapter 84 – Choice
I hear the names of my acquaintances.
Should I say they were acquaintances?
It wasn’t just good memories.
It left me with unforgettable memories.
But it was also a happy time.
It was violent and calm, but it didn’t matter.
The story I had heard a moment ago lingered in my ears as if it would not disappear.
I’m not sure in what sense she said that.
I don’t know if it’s just to put pressure on me or if it’s an expression of my will to rid the world of those who have genuinely hurt me.
It just sounded like a possible option to me now.
“You…”
Express that you are angry.
I don’t know if it will reach her that way.
“I’m not sure why you’re reacting that way. Aren’t they the ones who hurt you anyway?”
Her way of speaking was very subtle.
If you look at people’s feelings aside, they talk to me in such a way that it’s not wrong.
It was self-evident that if he accepted it without any doubt, it would not take long for him to nod his head before he knew it.
“I hate them.”
It was a clear doctor’s expression.
“But I’m also grateful. You gave up on Ed yourself, didn’t you?”
Biased information hinders decision-making.
If I could speak directly, I would at least understand, I would rather hear the expression of my opinion no matter what the truth behind it, but that was impossible.
“Just thinking about it makes me angry, but that’s not the point right now.”
“Let’s let go of the past and think only of our future.”
Those who could do nothing could only remain helpless.
###
Seria hated talking about those women.
Because of her guilt about what she did to her?
It wasn’t.
It was impossible for a person who thought he did what he had to do to have such a thing as guilt.
As if dealing with the very obvious proposition that people breathe.
More than that, she hated the fact that the memories of those women were still lingering in his mind.
It’s been a long time since I left his side, but the remnants still remain and hinder their relationship from developing.
If he’d never met them, he wouldn’t have come to this point.
She told him that she could use her hand at any time, but she said there was nothing she could do.
To do that much work, he had to borrow his father’s hand, but it was clear that he would be rejected by people who had already left, saying, “Why don’t you invest again?”
He’s always been so calculated.
Do it if it brings you a profit.
Don’t do it if it doesn’t benefit you.
Weighing between the two was a daily routine in this house.
She knew that better than anyone else because she herself had been on one side of the scale.
In this case, the scale tipped in her favor, and if it had not been for help, she would have had no choice but to watch him helplessly deprived of him.
The reason she was able to tell him so confidently was the imbalance of information.
He has no way of ascertaining whether it is a pure lie or pure truth.
The only thing he will judge is the truth he has heard.
So she decided to tell only the truth.
Edward Weiss thought it all sounded like a lie, but she really did tell the truth.
It’s just that now part of that truth is covered with a bit of black.
In some rough way, sometimes in a gentle way, she rocked him incessantly.
I didn’t even ask for forgiveness right away, but I was able to understand.
Forgiveness was intended to be repaid over the course of a lifetime.
As a result of such constant persuasion, he had been shaken a lot lately.
Even in the early days when he came to this place, he was full of feelings of dislike, but lately it seems to have become a little harmful.
I wasn’t sure if it was her feelings of desperation or if she was just trying to deceive her.
It didn’t matter.
If he manages to pass the big event that will happen soon, he will not be able to fall from his side for the rest of his life.
In any sense.
After that she can have all her cause.
“Oops.”
Lost in a sea of thoughts, she let out such a sound.
The action of the body to expel substances that have entered into the body.
It was a sound derived from the process.
The problem was that nothing came out.
It was just an illusion of nausea.
Intuitively, she knew what this meant.
She knew that the combination of those two facts had brought her most desired result, since that day, which had been once a month lately, hadn’t come either.
She made no judgments, but her instincts were telling her that what she realized was not wrong.
Ah.
The painful thought of having to tell him the sad truth and the irritating situation from earlier had long since disappeared.
She felt ecstatic.
She didn’t take any drugs, but she was in high spirits as if she had poured hallucinogens directly on her head.
Once upon a time she proves that her efforts were not in vain.
And now one more time that no one can stop their relationship.
Unconsciously she placed her hand on her own belly.
She hadn’t shown any physical evidence yet, but she could tell there was something in her.
Hi-Hi.
It was such an idiotic laugh that I wondered if it was someone who handled the situation skillfully a while ago.
If she said she wasn’t happy with the situation, it was safe to assume that she was lying.
It was the first time she felt that she was so happy to bear fruit.
She thought she had to finish the job quickly.
It was obvious that it would not be good for prenatal education, so I thought I should stop a little rough words and actions before I grow up a little.
She didn’t intend to tell him yet.
When she was happiest, she was going to talk about it.
And she was on her way to him now to hear the answer.
###
My head is blank.
Her heart ached after her declaration that she would cross the line she thought she would never dare to cross.
What does she mean?
Does it simply mean that it will be thoroughly isolated, or is it an expression that it will use a final and irreversible method.
The number of cards that could be used was different, so there was no way to do anything.
Right now, even if she went to visit someone tomorrow, I had no way of knowing and nothing I could do.
The method of consistent ignoring that I had thought of when I first came here had absolutely no effect.
She was playing over my head.
I was dealing with everything and had a rough idea of what I was going to do.
“Cool…Luck.”
My body was strange.
I was sleepy and lethargic more than necessary.
It was frustrating.
It felt like my chest was being squeezed tight.
I wondered if this is what it feels like to live without dying.
Death.
That one word had a strange resonance.
If you take your own life, will this all end?
The answer to the question I asked myself was no.
Faced with my death, she was not sure that she would do anything to them.
I was lucky if I didn’t think I died because of them.
Humans have always found a place to vent their anger.
The problem was that I was always afraid of the approaching death, and I didn’t seem to be that courageous.
I don’t know if I can end my life by biting my tongue and bleeding excessively.
This is why I wondered if people who risked death and did something would be praised. From my own experience, it was never easy.
I felt weird.
Being unable to do anything and just lying around like a corpse.
The fact that the options I have to choose are reduced to only one.
And
That there was a possibility that two people could die because of me.
All of her actions were based on me.
For me.
He could have blood on his hands for me, or die for me.
That one sentence, which should have been romantic, looked so creepy.
When the possibility that death could come to reality arose, irresponsible thoughts came to mind.
Let’s run away.
Even if something terrible happened, it didn’t seem like it was my fault.
Anyway, she couldn’t do anything more than now.
It seemed that the world would not criticize me for continuing to draw the line as I do now.
But.
Even if I avert my eyes here, would I be able to completely forget it?
When they face the deaths of the two later, can they go over it without incident?
One of them in the yard with a child in between? Even if you are selfish in this situation, there is no one to say anything to you? If I say that, will my heart be at ease?
It was no different from digging a hole in the ground and thinking he was hiding with his head stuck in it.
On the surface, he plans to live with the person he loves for the rest of his life, but his hands are stained with blood.
Can love built on top of someone’s death be called love? If you think of such love as love, can you say that you are living it?
I can pretend to be happy It’s still hard to accept, but if you make an effort to accept it somehow, you might be able to live with it.
But if you ask me if my conscience can accept that…
I do not know.
An endless stream of questions plagues me.
I am not a saint.
I’m not a great person, I’m just an ordinary person who studies a little better than others.
I had never experienced anything like this, and I had never made a choice like this.
I hope someone can tell me the answer.
I’d rather live with the excuse that you told me to do that.
Even in the middle of the middle of the day between avoiding responsibility and accepting responsibility, I knew one thing.
This was a problem I had to take.
There was no option to choose no option.
It was clear that there was no paradise where they fled.
