Chapter 82 – Confusion (2)
It was a dark life.
It wasn’t that he didn’t have hope, but he didn’t cling to it.
Once I completed what was left of me, I thought I would live a decent life at that time.
In the end, I did what I wanted.
There may be various viewpoints, but the award is evidence of recognition anyway.
The problem is that it would have been better if it hadn’t eaten up my future life.
If there was someone in front of me, whether that person I knew or not, I wanted to lament that I was living this life.
But that lament was meaningless.
The only person in front of me was that person, and even if someone listened to my lament, they would just be envious or not believe it.
Where did it go wrong
Now I wonder if it’s meaningful to find out where it went wrong in the first place.
There is nothing wrong with meeting people who lack something and doing this.
Judging from the fact that each other filled up what each other lacked, they might have been a very suitable pair.
The problem was that the method was terribly wrong.
The repeated shock and pressure on the body ceases.
She goes down on me
It was an astonishing thing to still call love an act that could no longer be called love.
When I saw her taking something of her from me one by one, I would think of her various thoughts.
It was frustrating to be able to helplessly watch her as she tried to manipulate me with her kindness and determination.
What can I do with my will now?
Thought?
Maybe that’s all I can do.
If I can’t even do that, I won’t be able to say I’m alive.
Time goes by just like that.
I don’t know how this story will end.
###
Even today she comes to me and says her words.
As if this is her daily life, it comes before I know it and disappears unknowingly.
Now she doesn’t talk about the past.
I also don’t ask that anymore.
That inconsistency tells me everything I’ve been told is true.
“So, what was it like back then…”
The violence of one-sided conversation ensues.
I hate to hear it, but I couldn’t.
So try to ignore it
We sat in the same space and had a conversation, but it was meaningless.
“Ed.”
The mood changes.
“You don’t want to hear me anymore?”
“No, go ahead.”
The distribution period of emotions did not seem to be very long.
Now I’ve been listening to her in silence.
I don’t know if the big fire of emotions went out or if I subconsciously thought that I had to listen to this before I went crazy, so I could catch my spirits.
She got up and started going somewhere.
My body instantly leaned backwards, and before I knew it, I was looking at the sky.
A beep sounds in your ears.
Seeing her head hurt, I felt as if I had hit her head against the hard part of her bed as I lay down abruptly.
I couldn’t say anything because of the sudden pain.
The already confused head was now contributing to the confusion with the participation of the pain.
“Whoa…”
A sigh is heard.
Cognitive dissonance comes.
Why doesn’t she say anything about my injury?
Back in the days when they weren’t so close, she came to visit her in the hospital, even formally. Why is she keeping her silence?
Am I slowly fading away from her mind anymore?
Numerous possibilities were presented, but none of them disappeared without giving a clear answer.
“Ed.”
She calls me again
“I’m so sad.”
What is so sad
“I don’t want to see Ed get hurt.”
One possibility seemed to disappear.
“Ed keeps rejecting everything and now it seems like he has left his heart.”
She climbed onto my lying body.
Two hands caress around my neck.
I don’t know if those feelings were mixed.
Her breathing becomes rough as she takes her weight purely with her chest.
Interrupted breathing soon picks up speed.
“What’s wrong?”
It looks sad or angry, or a mix of both, the emotions fly directly to me.
“I was sincere from the beginning, but looking at Ed these days, I think that feeling has come to an end.”
Did they say that when emotions become extreme, they become mentally ill?
She was smart, but the moment her love became involved, there was no rationality.
“Why are you doing that?”
It was no longer the realm of reason.
Only emotions were the stage that moved and resolved everything.
“I want to see Ed for a long, long time, but she seems to be trying to get away from me.”
Although she says that she is oblivious to her surroundings when she kidnaps people.
That’s what professional criminals do. Does it make sense for a girl who has just become an adult to do that?
“I think it’s time for her to get a little rough.”
At the same time as she said it, a force came into her throat.
“Cer…”
Can’t speak the language
What came out was only a primal response to pain.
“Did I ask for too much?”
I was still able to hold on.
If there were no restrictions, I could have ended this situation at once, but the things that restrained my body were blocking it.
Did she look ahead to this and tie me up?
“I gave everything for Ed, so why wouldn’t Ed give even one?”
If I had blocked either my mouth or my nose, I would have been able to breathe through the other side, but I couldn’t help it because the place where the two passages converged was blocked.
“Edgar…It’s bad…You have to punish it.”
Intensified emotions brought about extreme measures.
There is no new air coming in, and the body is trying to continue breathing somehow with the remaining air in the body, but it seems that there is not much left.
I feel like something is disconnecting in my body one by one, and there is no room for other thoughts.
Vision is blurry
Am I going to die like this?
Maybe dying like this didn’t seem like a bad choice.
It didn’t seem so bad to die at the hands of someone I once loved, rather than suffer like this for the rest of my life.
Ah, it seems the end has come.
“Sorry.”
The last sentence was not my will.
Hearing the words that came out of her own, she let go of her hand that was holding her.
“Cool…”
The blocked air was rapidly filling the empty space.
My body was startled, but I didn’t think to stop coughing.
“Heh heh heh heh heh…”
It took some time for me to come back to normal.
She put her hand on my body again.
Perhaps thinking that touch as pressure, my body began to tense on its own.
“Ed…”
Fortunately, she didn’t choke her and instead put her hands around my neck and head.
I felt it stroke my hair.
“Don’t say that again…”
It was a benevolent touch, like a mother comforting her child, but to me it was just a possibility of terror.
Fatigue suddenly came, as if he was insisting that his rapidly changing body should take a little rest.
Eyes close
“Yes Ed. You can rest in my arms.”
Those words sounded so sweet.
She did things I couldn’t do.
But why am I comfortable with her words?
She soon fell asleep without even giving an answer to the question.
###
Seria watched Ed fall asleep, but she remained there for several minutes.
There were things he thought about in case he woke up and looked outside, but the basic thing was to see him a little more.
In her heart, she wanted to see him by his side all day, but since she couldn’t be completely here for him, she decided to go do what she had to do.
I never knew Edward Weiss, but she was already in college.
It was she who started going from last week.
Faculty was the same place as him.
To be honest, I didn’t have to graduate at all, but wouldn’t it be better than not having it?
Today was the weekend, so I didn’t go to school, but I had someone to visit instead.
Standing in front of a door, she knocked on it.
“Come in.”
Familiar voice.
It was a voice she hated, but it was a voice she could hear several times for her purposes.
He was looking at the papers.
“Are you having a happy time?”
He’s one of the people who knows what’s going on in the room, so he asks the question sarcastically.
“Of course. It wouldn’t be strange if I couldn’t wake up tomorrow because I was happy.”
She was still his daughter, so it didn’t come out of her mouth that she was a bitch.
“It’s nothing else, but I have to set a date soon.”
“You mean the wedding?”
“Hasn’t it been a while since you talked about engagement?”
Usually, after 3 months of engagement, we used to get married.
Of course, there were always exceptions, but on average, about three months was the mainstream.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“Still, you have to tell me how much time you need so that you can prepare roughly.”
It was a time of persuasion after she first created the room.
“Two weeks, please.”
He felt embarrassed for a moment at the answer he didn’t know where it came from, but soon after realizing that it all started with his daughter, he decided not to say much.
“Be sure to do it instead.”
“Sure.”
The conversation is over.
Everything was coming to an end
