Chapter 31 – Again, Everyday.
I thought I could get out of the hospital unexpectedly quickly, but
It’s like the opinion of a non-expert who knows nothing
In the end, I was discharged close to the period the doctor expected.
Originally, I was discharged when the vacation was almost over.
Is a doctor still a doctor?
He was showing off his presence intensely, as if his summer hadn’t ended yet.
However, the weather wasn’t that important to me right now.
Many things happened.
If I were to write a person’s life as a novel, it would probably be the peak of the lieutenant general.
Tutoring, love, and farewell.
How could all three come together?
She will never see her again
As she said, we will never be able to go back to the old days.
As if facing an unsolved problem, my head started to spin.
It’s such a meaningless thing that the efficiency doesn’t come out compared to the input.
My head hurts just thinking about it.
Decided to quit soon.
###
I thought I didn’t have a lot of connections.
While I was in the hospital, unexpectedly many people came to see me.
Starting from the Fellowes family, to the professor and the juniors I saw the other day.
To be honest, I thought that a professor would be the end of it, but I can say that this is a lot.
However, the conversation did not last long, perhaps because everyone considered my condition.
Most of the cases were to talk after being discharged.
Among them, Miss Seria visited the most.
Miss Seria said she was sorry to me every once in a while when I visited her in the hospital.
It might have been more reasonable to think of it as a courtesy, but…
At the same time as saying thank you, there was a strange feeling in my head.
Why did you think that way?
Did I really get weird?
I don’t know anything.
In the hospital room with nothing to do for two months, all I could do was think.
Most of them got headaches and quit right away.
Even so, the complicated head doesn’t even show any signs of being resolved.
What was even sadder was that it was clear that he would never tell this story to anyone.
My head hurts again
Where I am going now is school.
She was on her way to talk to her professor, but in fact, how comfortable she is with her superiors.
But my mood right now was that I wish I could have a conversation like this with someone.
Follow a familiar path to a familiar building and knock on the door to a familiar room.
“Are you here?”
“Hello.”
There is a moment of silence, and soon the professor brings something to drink.
“Thank you.”
There is still silence.
Perhaps the professor knew roughly what had happened.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“It’s okay. Thank you for your concern.”
“What are you going to do next semester?”
It seemed that the words were meant to prevent silence.
“I’m going to go back to school if possible, but if my physical condition doesn’t keep up, I think I’ll have to take a break.”
“Okay.”
The words that followed were nothing.
Thesis
School life
Graduate offer
At the end of the conversation, the professor asked again.
“Are you really okay?”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not about physical health, it’s about mental health.”
Did the professor notice?
“It’s okay… It’s not.”
Once decided to speak.
I didn’t even expect this person to understand and empathize.
I just wanted you to listen.
I’m not sure how much I know and where I don’t know, but I decided to talk about it.
“Professor.”
“What should I do when I find out that the love I thought was really ordinary is not really so?”
The professor began to give me an answer as if he had roughly expected it.
“Anything that can tell you the answer is either accepted or rejected.”
He seemed to know roughly what had happened, but not how dark it was.
“Don’t try to find an answer when there is no answer.”
“There is no answer to love. Everyone has their own love, and each one has countless variations.”
“Even if I try to find the answer to mine, it is not easy.”
“We’re human, not magical, so strictness often doesn’t apply here.”
We stopped talking to each other and had a drink.
“It’s a structure where you can’t make rational choices as long as you have emotions.
Sometimes I do crazy things
It doesn’t seem like something, but I just accept it and watch it.
Sometimes I know in my head that it’s not so, but I don’t understand and get angry.”
“You may not understand why people do that, but
The people involved think it was right, so they get angry, sad, and accept it.”
“So, there is no answer. If we like each other, wouldn’t that be enough?”
It’s a question that has no answer in the first place.
Could it be that the reason why she didn’t understand her behavior was because she thought of it as the premise that she wouldn’t do it in the first place.
“Then, if that love is twisted, what should I do with it?”
“Twisted love is also a kind of love.”
“It’s just a love that ordinary people can’t accept anymore.”
“Not everyone loves like that from the start.
There must have been a love that everyone thought of each other now that they were intense and calm.
Now something triggers it, and it’s twisted like that.”
The professor looked at his watch for the last time.
“I don’t know the details of what happened, but I hope you get things right.”
“Have you ever had such an experience, Professor?”
There was no answer.
There was only bitter laughter.
“The time is already like this.”
“Oh, and I have one last thing to tell you.”
“It may sound like a bit of an evaluation, but you tend to think too rationally.”
If it wasn’t for you, it wouldn’t have been a bonus.
“Sometimes there are things in the world that you can’t understand for the rest of your life if you only think rationally.”
The conversation ended there.
“Then let’s go.”
“Go carefully.”
I felt that my head was a little easier.
However, there were still unresolved problems in my head.
Why
A bitter laugh came out.
There was nothing wrong with what the professor said.
Isn’t it like trying to understand something that is still incomprehensible?
I don’t know if I can really understand it, but no one can tell me the answer anymore.
I will never know the answer.
Maybe forever.
###
It was a room that had been coming for a long time.
I was about to go up through the first floor when someone called me.
“Student.”
It was the owner’s aunt.
“Where have you been?”
“I was in the hospital.”
The owner put on a look of understanding, and as she tried to enter, she turned back to see if she remembered something.
“Here you go.”
What the owner gave me was a bouquet of flowers.
“What is this?”
“Someone left it a month ago.”
What made up the bouquet was a single white rose and several hianhwa flowers surrounding it.
Since I didn’t know the meaning of the language of flowers, I entered the room with a confident understanding.
Who sent it
I didn’t want to think deeply.
It’s roughly like a bottle, filled with water and plugged in. I went to sleep as it was.
##
“Is it done now?”
The people who were there at the time were still in the room where the transaction was made a few months ago.
However, one still looked uncertain and the other seemed quite happy.
“You look like you’re in a good mood.”
His words did not reach her ears.
“Yes.”
They say that if you turn away from the truth, the truth will stab you later, but that didn’t apply in the current situation.
There are other methods that may or may not work.
“Do you need anything more?”
“For now, that’s it. If I need anything, I’ll tell you then.”
If she had read her own father’s expression, she began to give further explanations.
“There’s no need to rush right now. The most threatening person is gone.
The only problem is that now when he goes back to school, I can’t do anything about it.
So we have to throw a stone in between them.”
She thought she was just a child, but the she he was looking at was not a child.
Aiming was a little different, but setting the stage and acting to get what you want is
She was no different from the old nobles she had seen.
No, rather there is some compromise
This child in front of her own was the attitude of only getting what she wanted unconditionally.
He had let go of the foolish notion of his past that he was not worthy of the Fellowes name.
Now, his first daughter is more famous outside, but maybe later…
I had to calm down.
Whatever the case, now was the time to hold hands.
“If you need anything more, just tell me. I’ll do my best to help.”
“Then have a good night’s sleep.”
###
Perhaps the smile she had seen earlier was the brightest among her smiles in a long time.
She felt really good.
I thought that one day I would open a job, but I opened it faster than I thought.
She laughed at the thought of the fox who had been eaten by her own mind and would never see him again.
In the end, though, she was more love than herself.
The fox had chosen him in the end at the crossroads of that choice.
She herself also said that in that situation she would have saved him.
It was she who realized once again that she and the fox were really alike.
When he was admitted to the hospital, he visited the hospital several times.
Fortunately, he didn’t seem to remember that she was there.
She was in that place, she was the one who was under her investigation anyway.
Fortunately, she was also silent during her investigation.
She also had some damage to her memory so she couldn’t remember.
If anything, the moment he remembers it, he’ll distance himself.
When she realized that she had fallen for her fluke, she thought twice not to make a mistake.
It was only later that she realized she needed information.
So she went to the fox’s room and his room.
The first room was really nothing special.
But when she went to the second room, there was something in front of it.
It was flowers and letters.
She was the one who had a rough idea of who the sender was.
She opened the letter.
Even if she didn’t have the letter anyway, no one would know that she had it.
After reading her letter, she crumpled it up.
She was the one who thought that at least flowers would be allowed on her last way.
But this letter was never supposed to come out into the world.
When she recalled her memories up to that point, she felt good even though it was difficult.
I hope he recognizes his hard work.
Did the person who originally said that love was more of a loss?
But she didn’t see it as a loss.
She decided to just think of it as the process she needed to connect with him.
She was the one who fell asleep thinking that she wanted to do this or that with him sooner or later.
