Chapter 111 – #29_Sunflowers and Milestones (5)
One.
“Patient No. 26 West.”
The woman’s voice was hers, which was clear but somewhat office-like and dry, resonated through the speakers in the waiting room.
Because it was a fairly large university hospital, the number of people on the waiting list was quickly evacuated.
For now, Yoo-chan also stood up and headed to the doctor’s office because he took on the role of Seohae’s guardian.
Seohae has been smiling meaningfully since earlier, but in fact, I didn’t even guess the reason until I entered the treatment room.
Upon entering the examination room, a female doctor wearing rimless glasses and a white coat turned the chair to face the door where Seo Hae and Yoo Chan came in.
As if she hadn’t found Yoo-chan yet, she made a happy expression as if she saw only the West Sea.
“Oh, my baby is here? What’s going on, you haven’t contacted me for a month.”
Seo Hae pounced on the female doctor like a puppy, and sometimes she acted like she did to Yoo Chan.
She usually does it when she’s outrageous, but she seems to be quite friendly.
“Aunt, I brought a husband.”
She knew that she was the target of her absurd reference her, but since she was in an ambiguous situation to bet her side her here, she lightly bowed her head in greeting.
Belatedly noticing Yuchan’s presence in her, the female doctor looked away from her dazed face for a moment, and then shot her with an angry expression a few seconds later.
The glowing eyes, as if from the inferno, had disappeared,
It was after Seohae, who was embarrassed by the reaction of her beyond his imagination of her, explained what she had done.
2.
“… That’s why the heart can’t function properly, and it’s such a disease that you can’t maintain blood pressure and die. As of now, there is no alternative treatment other than transplant surgery. There is a method called an artificial heart, but because Seohae stubbornly refused…”
Using the gap of Seohae’s inspection time, he went to the rooftop with Seohae’s aunt and doctor.
The rooftop in summer was hot without exception, and the white sheets in the sun were swaying in the wind.
Among them, Yoo-chan chose a corner of the rooftop where the sunlight did not reach and stood there.
She is holding a coffee and he is smoking a cigarette.
For about 2 minutes, I heard an explanation about the disease of the West Sea in words that I could not understand more than half of.
This female doctor explained her explanation her using medical terms without any filtering, so she could n’t help but nod her head.
Most of her explanations are incomprehensible,
I could understand this.
That means the West Sea is dying.
Because it’s always like this.
Everything he wanted slipped out of his hands and was destroyed at will.
“Is that so?”
He let out a dry answer along with cigarette smoke.
“Yeah, I was surprised anyway. Even though Seohae looks like that, she is quite shy. I didn’t expect her to bring a man to the checkup.”
Even though she was talking to someone other than Seohae, she was speaking with her original expression and tone of her.
In that brief moment, she broke the habit she had kept.
This is also the effect of the West Sea, which is strange in its own way.
“I really didn’t see it that way.”
“Seohae tries not to show her sick side her at all.”
She blurts out the end of her words and then adds her words as if there is no point in regretting them.
“No matter how big the needle goes, I bite my lip and hold it in. When she was young, she was a child who would cry whenever she fell. It’s about being considerate of adults even though you’re still a kid.”
“So how much is left?”
Even though it was a vague question, she immediately understood what she meant.
If you’re a doctor, you’ve probably heard this kind of question a lot from your guardians.
“I don’t know. It was an uncertain disease that could lead to death depending on her physical condition her that day, so there was nothing the hospital could do more for her, so they sent her to the island as a recuperation at her request her, but . ..”
She grabbed the paper cup of her finished coffee and squashed it with a helpless expression about to burst into tears.
“Even if I stay in the hospital, is there any way?”
“At most, painkillers. Pain is rare, but there are many patients who want painkillers because of the feeling of numbness in their limbs. As long as it’s painkillers, it’s enough to take the one prescribed by the hospital outside.”
“When did you discover the disease?”
She asked Seo Hae one by one about her facts that she could n’t ask directly.
“When she was 15. It is a congenital heart malformation that develops with growth, and it was not easy to detect early because there are few cases in Korea.”
If so, she has been suffering on the border between her death and her life for several years.
Yoo-chan asked.
“Isn’t it sad?”
Maybe it was a question she was asking herself.
“Of course it is sad. She is the daughter of her beloved sister her. I can not help it. I want to do that so that you can enjoy the rest of the time…”
Small tears welled up in the female doctor’s eyes, which had only seemed cold.
She took off her glasses, wiped her tears with her handkerchief, and looked at her Yu-chan.
“Thank you though, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him smile so brightly. Actually, I was very surprised to see the West Sea today. But aren’t you sad, Yuchan?”
His question her became an echo and she headed to Yoo-chan.
“I do not know.”
Had it been the usual Yu-chan, she would have given a clearer, more human answer than that.
She seemed taken aback, as if the answer she brought out without such pretense was unexpected.
Light a cigarette on the railing to put it out and turn your back.
“I don’t know until then.”
3.
After coming down from her rooftop and parting with her, I met her Seohae who finished her simple examination and came out of the hospital as it is.
The image of the building itself trying to crush the girl with a bright smile passed through her mind, and Yoo-chan felt uncomfortable with it, grabbed Seo-hae by the wrist her and dragged her out of her.
There was no reason.
It was only that the place where Seo Hae stood was changed from her lighthouse to the lobby of the hospital, but she stood out of harmony with her surroundings like a character forcibly dragged out of a fairy tale.
It was as if this building was a malevolent monster.
Somehow,
He was furious.
4.
Return to the island.
The locked train at sunset was heading toward the island, still boasting unmanned personnel.
“Of course it is difficult!”
When asked if the detailed examination was difficult, she exclaimed in a fit of rage.
It seems that Yoo-chan’s nuance of her, which is more insipid than usual, felt as if it was just that much of a struggle.
She thought that up until now she had been fairly indifferent.
Not a lie
Even though she knew that she was suffering from her illness, her troubled expression her went unnoticed by her.
She couldn’t help it.
The sunflower in the center of her black box was always in full bloom, looking up at the sky.
A flower in full bloom was a representative aspect of a mentally healthy person.
Yu-chan, who has limitations in reading human reactions, has no choice but to rely on the black box, and it seems that the diagnosis was not accurate this time.
“How painful is the needle?”
Seohae spread her index finger and thumb to roughly indicate the length of the injection needle.
There are traces of blood on the gauze attached to her slender white forearm.
“Why do people have to be so sick?”
“Even if it is inconvenient. Without pain, humans cannot live. Because pain is the number one signal that tells the brain what’s wrong with the body.”
The two were close enough to be able to use Yu-chan’s natural way of speaking.
Because Seohae did not force Yuchan to sympathize with her.
“I know, but… If it’s a disease that I can’t live with anyway, if I hadn’t been sick, I’d be able to spend the rest of my time to my heart’s content.”
On the contrary, this side of the watch is a remark that makes her frown.
Seohae yawned with a nonchalant expression on her face as she readily spoke about the topic Yuchan was trying to avoid unconsciously.
Unpleasant again.
Emotions like ashes that could not be explained in words rise and fade.
He hides his uncomfortable feelings of her with a teasing tone.
“Where is the person who said pain is proof of life?”
“It is the will to accept reality. Didn’t you know I was a masochist? Do you know what a masochist is?”
“I have my own opinion.”
“I can also do sex drips like this. I’m not just a child.”
Seohae stretched her arms out in front of her and stretched her like a cat.
There are almost no curves in the body, no matter how you look at it, it is not persuasive to say such a thing with a body that is a child itself.
Perhaps she noticed that gaze, she blushed and cut her breasts as if hugging them.
Even though she wants to be an adult, she is a savage.
“Look! It’s sloppy.”
“There’s nothing to see, what are you talking about?”
“Wow~ You don’t care about short women with flat breasts? You did well, you did well.”
Since she said what she deserved with a serious face, there is no room for excuses on this side.
Silence for a while.
She asked, who had been wriggling about for a while in her train seat.
“Then why do you think it hurts? Even though they don’t die just because their heart hurts, they definitely exist.”
“It’s a pain that doesn’t really exist.”
I’ve never felt any pain in my heart.
The pain in the heart that Yoo-chan felt was only when doing hardcore exercises.
It’s funny how she proudly declares a fact she can never know as if it were the truth.
Or perhaps, as usual, he wanted her to teach him the contradictions in his heart her.
Even if he couldn’t understand it, Seohae explained various emotions in an easy way for him to understand.
“For example, when you’re sad, you really feel sick, right?”
“So it’s pointless. Isn’t it just that the poison you created within yourself swallows you? It’s inefficient.”
“Again, just say that again. I can see why the woman was kicked.”
“Is it still true?”
“I think that pain in the heart has a reason, just as there is meaning in pain. It’s when your heart aches like this that you realize the most that you’re living in the world.”
“No, there is no reason.”
“I guess that’s your story?”
Seohae refutes in a different high tone than usual, perhaps feeling a sense of repulsion.
If pain in the heart is an essential reason for living life, Yu-chan is deprived of even the reason for living.
The first time I met her,
I looked straight into her eyes.
Hatred and rage, which flared up with absurd ease, fluttered in my heart.
“Then does my life have no meaning?”
Seohae, who tried to argue against Yuchan as usual, was at a loss for words at his bloodshot eyes.
“I hate those feelings you have for granted. Isn’t it fun to shake what you get in your hand without any effort on a subject full of insufficient and irrational things? Are you proud?”
It was an unimaginable upheaval for Yu-chan, who was cynical and always took a step back to express his emotions in her.
Just as the wolf, who was wearing a sheep’s skin, revealed what he saw.
“Is it human and life to feel beautiful while looking at the stars, to be moved by books, and to be sad and heartbroken when seeing others in pain? Then…”
In the eyes of the West Sea, the figure was reflected as if it was screaming.
“What am I… ?”
The sight of Yoo-chan spewing out bloody killings, as if he would beat him to death at any moment, was something that would make even a grown man feel intimidated.
Even so, the little girl reaches for the cheek of the beast with her teeth exposed.
“Don’t do that.”
This is a child
He is a child who can’t hate others and is always anxious and rather hurt himself.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, which had turned pale than when they first met.
“Don’t keep trying to hurt him…”
“…”
It was a wild and violent impulse that filled Yu-chan’s heart.
Will she be able to look under this mask and still be the same?
I missed seeing this child’s face stained with despair and horror as she spoke only of her well-mouthed generalities of her.
“I have killed people.”
Seohae’s reaction to him betrayed Yuchan’s expectations of her until the end.
“Then, please kill me too.”
With a bright smile,
As if she would n’t move according to his will her forever.
