Chapter 143 – 23. Identity (3)
I am not singular.
Ever since I came across this sentence in a novel I read as a child, I still sometimes ponder its meaning.
Thanks to the resonance that is roughly in line with the word that humans are social animals, yet subtly more subtle, I even decorated the phrase on my Kakao Talk profile when I was in middle school.
Hmm. Still, this isn’t to the point of being treated as black history.
In the past, there were times when I was mistaken that my eyes had a biological microscope that could magnify them, or that I had a much faster reaction speed than others.
Anyway, to get away from the useless story and solve the meaning, it is that human identity is not determined only by one’s own subjectivity.
To put it a little easier… I meant that the ‘me’ that people with whom I had a social relationship could remember could be different.
For example, to Ha Yul, I started as a ‘practice partner’, but now I would be a more precious lover than anyone else, and I may have been an object of hatred in the beginning, but now I have become an inseparable partner in his life. It is abandoned
Since we are human beings who cannot exist alone, we must get to know each other, so we could never be a unique concept.
So, why do you bother to say this?
To be honest, the lecture was so boring that I thought about something else, and at some point my thoughts were flowing this way…!
I had a serious conversation with Ha-yul until I heard the sound signaling the end of the lunch break, and even after the lecture started, today’s content was not very nutritious, so I naturally came to this point.
‘Identity…’
I feel like I’m getting drawn into something deeper and deeper.
I came to do all the self-reflection in broad daylight.
…Still, there’s nothing to do anyway, so I’m going to write down whatever comes to mind.
〈 What I think of me 〉 〈 What others think of me 〉
First of all, it should be divided into two types.
I can’t directly enter that person’s head, so let’s set aside the latter and think about the front first.
I think, this still belongs to the easy side.
After falling into this world, all you have to do is go through the steps up to this point one by one.
The first time I used hypnosis properly was right before the entrance ceremony, so I can think about it from then on.
In the beginning, I did a lot of things that I thought were a bit crap.
Even if it was said that stealing Ha Yul, a title heroine, was inevitable in order to survive, there was no need to do the act of touching Ryu Shin’s stigma.
Seol-ah is next to Ha-yul.
In fact, looking back on this side, I did a lot of bad things because I was drunk with the feeling of conquering the heroines in earnest.
Of course, in the current relationship, I would think of it as an unusual play, but at that time, after seeing her face and talking to her for less than an hour, he stole the virgin of the heroine and even poured a potion bottle into a secret place…
The next week was No, after all, the first thing I did was half-forced sex with Sianna and Sanya. It’s a memory I don’t want to recall, so let’s just bury it.
It was very eventful with Juha.
At first she was seen throwing up in an alleyway, then she pretended to be her date and hypnotized her until he accidentally discovered her identity…
After not showing up for nearly a month, when he showed up again, saving me nicely from the king wiggle, I felt really complicated emotions.
Now, the entangled emotions are completely resolved, and such misunderstandings will no longer happen, but the situation itself, where we hesitated and could not approach each other in the name of consideration, was very difficult.
…Don’t think about it anymore. There’s no need to bring it out and feel bitter.
Anyway, Lee Ha-yul, Yoo Seol-ah, and Seo Joo-ha.
Those three women were the ones who had a lot of influence on me, who was immature, so that I could definitely set the direction to move forward.
After going through a lot of things with them, the present me who finally saw myself was like chaos.
A state in which justice, which strives to help this world reach its end safely, and evil, which uses hypnotic magic powers on the heroines of the original work, are mixed.
If there was a so-called ‘status window’, how would my current tendency be displayed?
The fact that Cormpun Tour offered to recruit her may mean that the sins I committed against them will never be washed away.
So, is my identity… Still close to evil?
“…Even if the nature of the magic of essence is fixed, it is developed in a specific direction according to the efforts of the awakened person, so that each person can have a unique power. The time has come to do it.”
“I’m still not sure I can properly handle magical powers. Do I have to develop my special skills unconditionally within this semester?”
“That’s not true. You still have more than three years left, and some of the former graduates thought about their specialties until they left the academy. We recommend that you decide.”
The calm explanation of the professor in my ear takes a momentary comma in the thoughts that have been constantly biting the tail.
“You can think of it as one of the processes of preparing a foundation for a specialty to enroll as quickly as possible, even by transferring it after the awakening of the Awakened in Arbadelin. It can be neither one nor the other. Rather than being unconditionally strong and destructive, the most important thing is to set one’s beliefs and will as the core and make it into an image.”
Segmentation of abilities, specialties.
The words identity and belief are grandiose, but in the end, it means ‘make it according to your fountain’.
Even the sonar system that I am now learning from Sagna would have been difficult to implement even for a second with my original magic attribute level.
Sanya modified it appropriately to match my magical power and increased her magical power with the Orb of the Sea Dragon, so I could use it to some extent.
For example, it was Dongguieoeo(dongguieoeo) written in the first confrontation with Ryushin.
Of course, it was a skill that was difficult to name as a special skill, but… If I had only decided on the direction of development based on my skills alone, I would have created an ability that was not as efficient as magic and burdensome.
‘Or, it must have developed into a bad side.’
Yang Geum-tae, who was the original owner of this body, and I, too, did not have very good values and human relationships.
…I don’t know. Sanya may have known that and willingly decided to pass on her skills to me.
“Is our next lecture on Monday? Well, think about it until Monday. Specifically, in what direction do you want to develop your abilities or what special skills you want to create? If it is difficult to express it in writing or words, you can draw it with a picture. Then, I will end today’s lecture here.”
Today’s lecture ended here.
Perhaps because of recent incidents, professors often go on business trips, so it is unclear whether there will be lectures this week tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
Of course, students like missing lectures… But I don’t know if they don’t have to worry about tuition.
“Jihoo! Then, do you want to go to my house first?”
“Ah, yes.”
As soon as the professor leaves the classroom, Ha Yul runs towards me.
Are you getting some energy, or are you just trying to pretend to be bright…
Fuck I don’t know
“Seol-Ah said he’s a little late because he has another afternoon lecture.”
“So… It’s only the two of us until 6 o’clock?”
“Uh, right…? When Seol-ah comes, we all eat together.”
“Okay. Hehe, it’s been a while since I’ve been alone with Jihoo~”
Ha Yul smiled brightly and leaned her head on my shoulder.
She’s on fire, her bright red hair gently tickling her face.
It was an action that I could feel at a glance that he liked me.
“So, shall we go now?”
We left the classroom, which was empty before we knew it.
With Hayul and her arms crossed, I hold her hand tightly and feel her warmth to the fullest.
Even in the hot summer air, Hayul’s hands were just warm.
“Ha Yul-ah.”
“Huh?”
“Thank you for understanding…”
“If you’re grateful, do better in the future.”
“…Okay. Sorry.”
It is clear that I cannot dare to completely judge good and evil from my own perspective.
But he seemed to know one thing.
How affectionately Ha Yul is giving me his eyes now.
I know that doing both of the contradictory actions of ‘attacking the heroine of the main character with hypnosis’ and ‘cooperating with the main character in the face of a cataclysm’ is just a ridiculous contradiction even to think to myself.
However, no matter what the process is, the only thing left in the end is the result.
No matter how hypnotically suggested or tricked by her, in the end what is in front of me is Ha-yul in love.
So I decided not to think too hard about it for now.
No matter how my actions go to the end of the day and how they are evaluated, the ‘me now’ I think is a human being struggling to live somehow.
So you should just leave her body as it flows.
It’s a matter of doing your best in every moment.
I don’t even have a grandiose goal to defeat the apocalypse with fucking Ryu Xin, do I?
Hmm. The beggar thinking is now really over here.
From now on, it is time to fully focus on Ha Yul.
