Chapter 88 – After / Complete
If a beast is chained from a young age,
Did he say that even when he grows up, he can’t think of breaking the chain?
Even though the chains can be broken by force after they have grown up.
I never thought of quitting in the first place.
That’s exactly how I look now.
The spring, which should have been the most splendid, came to an end leaving only the saddest memories.
A breeze blows in through the open window.
I blankly look out the window.
I see students going to school in the distance.
Look back on your memories.
It didn’t seem like he was all that happy.
Fold the memories finely and put them back.
I think it’s more comfortable to live like now.
###
A few days ago, that room.
What was she thinking when she saw the scene she had created?
Regret that you made your loved one make that choice in the end?
The emotion that stood there, overriding all other emotions, was joy.
Ah.
Is this a pleasure?
It might have been excitement.
No matter what emotions came in, she couldn’t help it now.
The look on a drug addict’s face when he encounters drugs after three months.
I wondered if it would be the most similar expression.
He chose me
His will not to leave was shattered with his own sword.
I received the greatest joy that a woman can receive, how could I not be okay?
I saw him lying on the floor.
He was a bit haggard and distraught, but he looked really lovely.
At first glance, the red liquid that flowed slowly but continuously from her legs seemed sublime.
Took her hand
The red blood that oozes from your fingers.
She was the one who instantly wanted to try it.
She looked like a crazy bitch even to herself.
How could he even think of eating blood?
Then, the light of life was gradually fading from the loved one in front of her eyes.
She had to take him to the hospital.
The momentary conflict was postponed to the next due to the presence in the stomach. I don’t know if there will be a next one though.
She was the one who proved it in the best way, but even so, she had no intention of letting her die like this.
First, some action had to be taken.
A knife was stuck in his thigh.
She had never learned anything about medicine or nursing, but instinctively thought that if she pulled it out, she might die.
Approximate measures were taken on her thighs.
All I had to do was wrap the fabric a little tight.
“Wait a minute.”
And she left to call someone.
###
I hear someone talking next to me.
It was not a complete sentence.
Three words are heard: hemorrhage, damage, and permanent.
It’s only natural that he’d bleed excessively since he’d stabbed himself with a knife in his thigh.
Damaged?
It looked like it was badly injured.
Well, it would be impossible to stick a knife in and not get hurt.
The pain in my left thigh insisted that I was hurt somewhere.
The problem was the word permanent that was heard at the end.
It’s something serious, but I didn’t want to know much about it now.
I just wanted to go back to sleep.
How many years have you slept so comfortably?
It seemed that very serious stories were going on around them, but they decided to ignore them.
I decided to go back to sleep.
###
Eyes open.
It felt like waking up from a long dreamless sleep.
It was a familiar space.
I remember being taken care of here before.
“Ah.”
Someone who noticed that I was awake called the doctor.
It was Seria.
She just watched me without saying anything.
Is there a lot of time ahead? She looked like she wanted to go home and talk.
Actually, I don’t know what to talk about now.
Most of what we had to say seemed to be the same.
Is it just a normal conversation that others see?
A knock was heard at the door.
The doctor came. She was a familiar person.
He was the doctor at the time.
He bowed his head in greeting.
“You’re awake.”
The doctor said only that and began to explain the condition I was in.
“You’ve lost a lot of blood, so you’ll feel dizzy at times.”
It is congenital anemia.
It was a joke I couldn’t help but laugh at.
I lowered my head and looked at the wound.
There were traces of something that was just as wide as the blade and was reattached.
It could be seen that it was physically sewn with thread.
“For the time being, you should refrain from walking as much as possible.”
The muscle was completely torn and he said it would take quite a while to recover.
It seemed that it wasn’t over yet.
“If my muscles recover a little… I might be able to walk…”
The doctor hesitated.
Is it the fate of those who have no choice but to say what they cannot bear to say?
“I will never be able to run for the rest of my life.”
I was staring blankly at the doctor.
In an instant, the doctor’s face changed to Seria’s.
She was talking
I can’t run away for the rest of my life.
I decided to shake her head and get out of the delusion.
I felt… Dirty.
The person wearing the white coat had just become an adult and blossomed her own flower, and went back to being middle-aged.
Mumble mumble.
What not to do.
Good thing to do
A lot of words came and went, but I felt empty somewhere listening to them.
I felt like everything was useless.
Besides that, there were more explanations.
If I had pushed in even just a little bit, I would have lost my nerves and not been able to use my legs for the rest of my life.
“I’ll try my best for now. I don’t think I can give you a definite answer.”
After the large explanations were roughly finished, the nurses asked the doctor for permission to see if they were busy and left first.
“How are you going to do the scar removal procedure?”
He said that if you pour money, you can cover it to some extent, if not completely.
He said it was impossible to completely erase the wound.
The doctor was asking me mechanically.
It’s like asking if you want to eat at lunchtime.
A soulless solicitation.
Is this person looking at the patient or is the person next to me looking for the money to pay?
It didn’t matter.
“I won’t erase it.”
###
Decided to retire.
The doctor told me to rest more, but there was no difference between here and the place I was going back to, so I said I’d just go.
There was a difference. At least there will be no restraints.
The doctor desperately told me not to use my legs for this week.
It’s an essential time for muscle recovery or something.
The patients were on their way back on a wheeled chair.
They said that the things that come out these days work so that you can go alone, so just as I was about to ask you to do it, she interrupted.
I don’t know what he was thinking, but he stayed silent.
Behind her she was pushing her chair.
If you add the weight of the chair itself and my weight, it would weigh quite a bit, but she didn’t show any signs of struggling.
Seeing that I’m not sweating, it must be really not hard.
It is clear that there is a magic stone here as well.
“It’s romantic.”
Eyes fly around
Before I looked at the back side, it seemed that people who didn’t know what to do could think that the painting was good.
A beautiful woman pushing a patient’s chair.
She decided to just let her enjoy it.
Slowly. But steadily.
We were on our way back to where we were.
There was hardly a word exchanged between them.
Except for the occasional question about what she would like to eat, most of it was silent.
“Ed.”
I heard her words while staring blankly at the sky.
The sky was so blue.
As if it didn’t matter what the lives of the people living under it were like, they were showing off their deep blue color to the whole world.
“It’s a nice day.”
“I know.”
“A lot of things happened.”
I did.
There was no point in arguing about it now.
The two were stuck together, obscuring the distinction.
It felt good to let go of everything.
However, there were two big holes in the corner of his heart.
It was clear that one would remain unfulfilled for the rest of my life.
“I didn’t know we could be like this.”
I wasn’t someone who believed in fate, but I felt ambiguous even if I said there was no such thing as destiny.
If this wave I’m riding on is destiny, then it must be destiny.
Maybe it was inevitable.
This strange relationship in which a person who has only suffered loss makes up for someone else’s lack.
Since we both got what we wanted, is that okay?
What is certain is that we will continue to live like this in the future.
Now I will say goodbye to the people I will never see again and my life will flow.
“We’ll get married when we get back.”
It’s marriage
The topic that I had not had time to worry about whether or not it would exist in my life became a reality before I knew it.
I thought this was fate too.
Laughter broke out.
When she asked what was so funny, she just said there was something interesting and she passed it.
That the person who pursued the most strictness is accepting the most baseless fate.
“Okay.”
She had an ambiguous expression.
It didn’t matter what I was suspicious of.
Because she wouldn’t abandon me anyway.
Looking at it this way, we seemed to be a well-matched pair.
One will have nothing to lose for the rest of his life and one will have someone next to him who will look at him for the rest of his life.
The sun was setting.
She didn’t go home right away and took me to some park.
It was an unforgettable park.
“This is where it all started.”
“I know.”
“It was here that I realized my heart.”
I didn’t know that the heart would bring such a result.
She decided to stop talking about it.
If there’s one thing I’ve realized, it’s that emotions are so unstable that they can explode at any time.
There’s no need to open it up again.
Do you know what is inside it?
“Actually, I’m a little sorry. Maybe I was forced to.”
The words could come out of her mouth.
The problem was that it didn’t matter anymore.
Is the apology sincere or is it just a formality?
“Are you okay.”
I also bury the subject with that answer.
Eyes cross
What came to me was somehow broken and twisted, but I could see that it was still love.
Then, what is contained in the gaze going over there?
Hatred?
Maybe.
Contempt?
That too was a possibility.
Understanding?
It wouldn’t be impossible at all, since it had its own story.
Love?
…
What is this…?
I can explain everything, but my thoughts stop when I can’t explain just one thing.
And it also affects reality.
Ah.
Silence hovers and disappears.
She goes back to her
“Thank you. And.”
It seemed like it was already decided in my mind.
I think I know now.
Maybe it’s just trying to know everything and still not being able to accept it.
It may be that he judges that he has no choice but to rationalize this confused feeling himself.
Maybe he just thinks that way because it makes him feel more comfortable when he admits it.
Despite all the odds, one thing was certain.
I think this is what love is.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
She was surprised as if she hadn’t heard anything, and then she smiled brightly.
There were tears of joy in that smile.
The park was quiet. As if only that space was isolated from the world.
It was a little awkward because of the height difference.
The distance between them narrowed and their lips met.
A kiss of lust, not a kiss of affection, but another kiss.
Perhaps it will be our kiss.
The taste of that kiss was bittersweet.
At first glance, the eerie cry of a bird resounds from far away.
Does it hint at the future?
I could feel water flowing from one eye.
Are these her tears or mine?
I do not know.
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