Chapter 39 – Loss and Filling
After a day where everyone was not happy, a new day has arrived.
A day of rejection for some.
A day of thinking about what someone didn’t accept.
And so the day began again.
However
It wasn’t long before I realized that yesterday was our last.
###
School.
It was a place that I thought I would not come to for a while, but it was a space that I found for various reasons.
Tutoring at first
The next step is to express gratitude for the hospital visit.
And now the graduation ceremony.
It was an event I would do if I only attended half a semester right now, but it wasn’t my graduation ceremony right now.
Ceremonial events and ceremonial speeches.
I felt strange thinking that I would have to be in that place half a year later.
After the event, it was a time when people went to meet their acquaintances, family, and friends.
I had been watching her from the start, so I had no problem finding her.
I went to visit her with her flowers.
Fortunately, she wasn’t too far away.
Spotted her by the woman who was circling behind her.
“Eurelia.”
Called her name
However…
It wasn’t the usual reaction of people you know.
I was only looking at it from behind, but no matter who saw it, it was the movement of a rigid person.
Perhaps, if we were to describe action in a word, startling would be the most appropriate.
She starts turning her body around.
It’s like you’re forcing yourself to see something you shouldn’t be seeing.
Just as I was about to question that sense of incongruity, her voice reached my ears.
“Ah…Senior.”
“Congrats on your graduation.”
“Thank you.”
Thank you?
There was nothing wrong with the words themselves, but considering the relationship between her and I, who had become quite close, I could have wondered.
However, when I looked into her eyes, I could see the true nature of this sense of incongruity.
No matter how awkward the situation was, it was not about dealing with the other party of the confession that was not accepted.
It was clearly trying to get away from me.
As if afraid of something.
“Are you okay?”
However, I couldn’t understand what happened yesterday, so I couldn’t help but think that something happened after we broke up.
The surroundings were noisy, but only this narrow space where we were was filled with silence as if it was isolated.
I thought it would be pointless to talk about it any more, so I thought I should let it go.
“Then let’s go. Congratulations on graduating.”
Still no answer.
I sighed deeply and was about to turn my steps when I heard a voice calling me from behind.
“Seo…Senior.”
With an expression of fear and determination, she began to give me her last words.
“Beware of that woman.”
Then she looked around and then disappeared.
Her head was messed up.
Who she is, why she is the woman she should be careful of, and what relationship she has with Eurelia.
Crucially, why did she react like that?
A person standing on one side of a large auditorium where people are slowly leaving.
However, the eyes of others were not important to me now.
Now that I had to face ‘loss’ again, I could only think of who and why.
Who is it?
In fact, it was almost impossible to conclude from this question.
She said that proportionately half of the institution was female, and she could not choose one among them.
Did Heina do this with a grudge?
Not only would she not be able to leave the West, but the chances of her being imprisoned for doing this were almost certain, and she wouldn’t have been.
Excluding someone, next was relevance.
She said to be careful with me.
That said, someone between me and Eurelia did it, but I don’t know her acquaintances.
And the fact that I should be careful is a person who has a grudge against both me and Eurelia at the same time, but no matter how much I thought about it, there was no such person.
She’s because she and I haven’t really known each other for a few months.
And in the meantime, I never met a third person.
Excluding the two questions that didn’t come out, the only thing left was why.
In fact, this was the most ambiguous than the previous two.
Why
Why did that person do this?
In fact, I really had no idea as I didn’t even know what this was.
Putting her very fragmentary words together, it was an action close to a kind of warning.
I thought it was because it was easier to put pressure on her as a woman than me as a man.
For that assumption to be established, it was correct to assume that someone who knew our relationship did it.
If you think about it that way, it would be more correct to think that the culprit belongs to the university.
In the end, it was a contradiction that there was no one left after removing this and that.
The action and the result remain, but the perpetrator is not the only one.
It was really frustrating.
Even if all the previous thoughts were gone, in the end, it was that someone had destroyed my relationship again.
It was never a good feeling to experience a loss and then experience it again soon after.
I didn’t want to lose any more.
I was the one who had been doomed with loss for much of my life.
Maybe that’s why it was inevitable that my heart would be frustrated.
It felt like the world was forcing me to lose.
Really…
I stopped thinking.
It was complicated, but one thing was certain.
I was certain that I would never see her again.
Today, another relationship was lost just like that.
###
I just wanted to go home and let go of everything today, but
I couldn’t really do that because I thought I would become a mere shell at that moment.
When I entered her mansion and went into the place where she always had classes, she was waiting for me.
“Are you here?”
I had to answer her words, but now I couldn’t afford to care about that either.
It reminded me of what she said in her old days.
She who expressed her own heart.
Is it time to give you an answer?
Is it too short?
This irony of everyone leaving after expressing their feelings to me.
In a situation where it is difficult to do this intentionally, the thought that it is right to give her her answer comes to her head.
Is it right to make a decision that could end the remaining relationship with your own judgment?
So I decided to be honest.
“Miss Seria.”
Did he imply seriousness?
Her calling her by her name went back to the way it was before.
“I don’t know how many times I’ve said it.”
“Recently, when I heard Miss Seria’s heart, it was honestly profound. Should I say thank you for this or say I shouldn’t be like this?”
“Anyway, Miss Seria threw her heart into me, so it’s only right for me to give you an answer.”
She was listening to me without saying anything.
She began to tell her own story.
“If I had to describe my life in one word, it would probably be loss.”
Why am I telling a story here that I haven’t told anyone?
It didn’t matter.
I just wanted to talk.
It was good even if it was whining.
If you ask me if I want to be comforted, I will say yes.
“Once when I was very young, once a few years ago, and twice more recently.”
She was looking at me with a mysterious expression.
“It’s probably the reaction that I studied like this. If you study, you won’t leave.”
“Recently, I lost another friend. Is it strange to call you a friend since we’re not the same age?
Anyway, I had a friend like that.”
“The entity disappeared yesterday. Without explanation, it just told me to be careful and left.”
I wonder if it was because of my mood that I heard a cracking sound.
I decided to continue talking.
“You could call it a delusion, but when you express your feelings to me, everyone leaves.”
A bitter laugh came out.
Why am I explaining this to Seria?
“So I was worried. Is it right for me to accept Miss Seria’s heart?”
“Even if I’m a coward, I have nothing to say, but it’s meant to be no matter what, so maybe this will be broken by my decision.”
“So I’m not sure. I’m not sure.”
“If we agree, won’t you repeat what happened?”
There was no sophistry like this.
It’s the beginning of forcing results.
I’m done talking.
Now it’s her turn to answer me again.
“Teacher.”
“My teacher gave me hope.”
“The teacher brought me here after everyone gave up.”
Is love as a savior correct?
I decided to put away my thoughts.
Just listen silently
“You can think of it as immature hitting. You can think of it as a one-sided mind.”
“I like teachers.”
“I can accept all of the fears and worries that the teacher has.”
“Even if we don’t come true, the teacher will probably live forever on one side of my heart.”
“Therefore.”
She leaned over.
It was an option.
Say no if you don’t like it.
Still, the reason in my head was constantly suggesting that I should think about it again.
Soon, reason disappeared somewhere.
Their lips met, and only silence filled them.
After a moment of silence, the conversation returned with the sound of breathing.
“I love you, teacher.”
