Chapter 55 – I Don’t Know What Liking Is
I thought
What do you like?
“…”
I am inexperienced in relationships with people,
I didn’t know the feeling of being in love.
More precisely,
I knew the feeling of affection itself, and I sometimes harbored it myself,
I couldn’t figure out how to deal with the feeling of liking myself.
Because I like pretty and cool things, and because I’m the kind of person who reacts too sensitively to kindness given carelessly, when I meet someone who’s just a little bit beautiful and kind, my heart is taken away without my knowledge.
Eh, that’s just a story from a past life.
It’s already been a long time since I’ve been in the past ten years, but I was the one who clearly remembers the feelings of the time when I had the person I love in my heart.
There’s no way they’ll accept me like this, because it’s obvious they’ll be displeased with me, because I don’t dare to express my feelings, I’m nervous about feeling like I’m going to get burned, I cry over why I’m so ugly, I give up and only look from a distance, In the end, as time goes by, I just watch the other person until my heart cools down, and when the time comes when my feelings really cool down, I win over myself by saying that I didn’t really like it.
It was the only way I coped with my feelings of liking.
To die and live again,
Although that tendency has disappeared since becoming a woman…
It wasn’t because I understood the feeling of liking it.
Because of the environment I was placed in, I was struggling to live day by day,
I was too tired to care about that.
After all, I have been living this life without a single person I truly admire,
I couldn’t figure out how to deal with the feeling of liking myself.
How can everyone bump into their hearts without hesitation?
Even lovers can’t love and understand every aspect of each other. In the end, it’s only natural for two or more relationships to lead to catastrophe.
For that reason, the only thing left for me, who can’t have any dating experience, is
It was just a vague admiration that couldn’t be refuted even if I said it was petty jealousy.
…
Why am I suddenly thinking about this…
“I like you!”
That’s it, right now,
Confession… I’m getting it.
I was summoned as if I was being dragged out to the back of the building where I had just been lectured.
I was about to hear that a guy I had never seen before told me that he liked me.
That’s why I thought about what it really means to like it.
I stood there blankly, then tilted my head and pointed my finger at the tip of my chin, unable to believe that the words were directed at me.
‘Me, me… ?’.
There must have been some misunderstanding. I wanted to, but the other person’s eyes were unexpectedly looking straight at me.
It was like asking a nervous question if you could pick me out of the classroom, and I wanted to be sure that I didn’t confess to the wrong me because I mistook someone for someone else.
Was it a joke, lost the penalty game,
Were you drunk or were you on drugs?
I guessed all the possibilities I could think of, and in the end I had no choice but to admit it.
The fact that this person has been confessing to me, really sober.
Taste too.
What do you like about me?
I was thinking self-deprecatingly, but I cowered at the gaze around me that I suddenly felt.
From the time this man dragged me out, the academy students in the classroom who had been showing interest saying oh-oh followed me as a matter of course.
He was looking at me and him with interest, though he kept some distance but didn’t kill his presence.
So this
It was like an open confession.
Just because I’ve never received a confession,
“… ?”
Come to think of it, there was a case of a junior.
It’s been almost ten days already, but that moment was stuck deep in my brain and showed no sign of disappearing.
Anyone but me,
If I had a romantic confession under the ceiling where the Milky Way flows, I wouldn’t be able to forget it easily.
In my case, uh
Stretch, for the rest of my life, I might not forget, I don’t know…
“…”
It was the next moment when I realized that the face and voice of a junior I thought of once would not leave my head.
In that scene that remained like an afterimage, I returned to reality and looked at the other person, and I did a terrible thing.
Yes,
I’m sorry to say this, but
You compare too much.
I’m a superficial person, pretending not to be like that at all on the outside, but on the inside, I’m a sneaky woman who judges people here and there.
Even though I know I shouldn’t,
I kept comparing this man with his juniors.
He’s short, and of course he’s taller than me, but hey, I can’t even compare him to my juniors.
His body is thin, and his juniors can lightly lift one or two people and handle them as they please.
The voice is also something, it’s a male voice, but it’s strangely annoying. No, it’s normal, but I don’t like it because I listen to my juniors’ voices every day.
At least the face is worth looking at, but as expected, I compare myself with my juniors…
“Excuse me. Give me an answer…”
“Yes? No, I do not want.”
“…”
Ah.
I didn’t mean to reject it so firmly.
Because it’s a confession, because it’s an expression of all your heart, because you couldn’t possibly confine your feelings toward the other person in your bosom, so you mustered up courage.
Even though it’s an opponent I don’t like, I should’ve shown that much sincerity, but I feel like I’ve made a big mistake.
That’s why I look so ugly when I think of my juniors, so I shouldn’t do that, I know it’s unavoidable, but still.
Besides, it was my juniors who were proud, not me, so I had to know my topic,
I feel very sorry for the other person.
Just as expected,
As if he had never imagined that he would be rejected so quickly,
He made a blank face, as if he had almost lost his soul.
But you can’t take back spilled water.
Rather than fretting over the consequences of saying no too badly, I decided to do something more productive.
Therefore,
I was curious about why this man confessed to me, so I decided to ask him.
“Can I hear why you confessed like this… ?”
“Just. It’s just because I like it…”
However, what I heard was not an answer I could understand.
It’s just good, who? I?
When I glanced at him in disgust, the man reluctantly replied.
“… Because you’re pretty?”
“…”
I’d rather not say more.
In this academy full of beautiful aristocratic ladies who inherited a proud lineage,
All in all, it didn’t make sense for me to confess only because I was pretty.
I don’t know if there was any contact between him and me.
Seeing your face for the first time No, since we were in the same lecture, she might have bumped into her back and forth, but at least it didn’t stick in my memory.
So obviously there must be another reason.
Eh, so to speak, it looked easy.
How she seemed to be an easy woman to flirt with as she was. Doing.
This person, even in the midst of confessing, keeps looking at my heart, glancing at me like someone who has something entrusted to my breasts. There are things that I can only think of as having some nefarious intentions.
The man who watched my expression grow cold, flinched, then he almost screamed.
“Why did you refuse, why, why at all!”
Reason?
There is nothing like that.
I just don’t like it.
I was trying to answer that
I thought that it was no different from what the other person did to me, whether it was just for me or because I was pretty.
A little, a little more, I have to give a convincing answer.
Wouldn’t it be the least that a person who refuses to confess can do, to be considerate as much as possible so that the rejected person doesn’t leave a big scar on his heart?
So, I tried to answer as much as possible,
Yeah, but I really just don’t like it, so what should I do?
Ah. I don’t know.
“Now, I like handsome men…”
…
…
…
The next class was Introduction to Alchemy.
I refused to confess like that and I kept thinking about it on the way until now,
Maybe i
I don’t know if I can’t date for the rest of my life.
Because of that damn ugly guy.
Unnecessarily caring and perfect, it only raises the eyes of the beholder…
Yes, it’s all because of my juniors.
What if the confession I just made was before I met my junior?
I would have definitely rejected it, but I don’t think it would have happened that my juniors kept popping up in my mind.
If being able to annoy people like this is a skill, is it a skill?
Ah.
There is a junior who is so annoying, hateful, and resentful to the point of death.
I ran into a junior outside the building where the alchemy classroom was located, and I said,
I ran to him, who seemed to be in a very good mood, and asked.
“Brother.”
“It’s really awkward to call you junior. Why anyway?”
“Ugh, I look like an easy woman… ?”
I thought it was a bit of a nonsensical question.
But when I thought about it once, it keeps getting stuck in my mind.
I didn’t say this hoping for a plausible answer, I was just frustrated and confided in it as if torturing a nasty junior.
Unexpectedly, the junior answered me with a smile as if he understood at once.
“No. It’s hard.”
“…”
“It is really difficult. To the point where I don’t know what to do.”
“That, yes… ?”
What is it, all of a sudden, seriously…
Let’s just be embarrassed for a moment at his extremely serious attitude,
Aren’t juniors talking as if it’s their turn?
“Senior. Am I good looking?”
“Yes? Suddenly?”
“Because it was all of a sudden, too.”
That, it was
Because my junior answered my absurd question,
Because I, too, have to answer these strange questions.
I slowly looked at my junior’s face.
No, on second thought, that question didn’t even need to be looked at so closely.
“… That, that.”
Whoops, I’m broken.
I’m upset and I don’t know what to do
It really makes me so angry and resentful that I have to say this.
But,
No matter how much I hate the opponent,
Because you have to admit it.
“… Uh, very, very handsome…”
I can’t help but say this because I’m jealous of his looks,
I felt resentful of the junior who made me say this even though he knew everything.
I couldn’t hide my hatred and resentment, so I couldn’t even make eye contact with my junior while his hair was completely red.
