Chapter 96 – 9. Hyacinth (6)
The carriages of the Bruhlin subway were clean and comfortable.
In history, the musty smell somehow bothered me, but even so, there was nothing uncomfortable about the Steilheil district until I moved over to the Rosengart district. Just as Heinrich said he would no longer protect me, I didn’t feel the strict surveillance or follow-up.
Freedom, not indulgence.
Certainly, Beatrix’s reign is that of a leader that everyone dreams of. Those within her enclosure, whom she embraces, fully enjoy the selection bestowed by the great Fuhrer. But who else is seated?
The enemy on the outside is the easiest way to unite the community on the inside. The world we live in is overflowing with people to the point of rotting. In short, for that queen, there are enough consumables to maintain her current reign.
But isn’t it sad, isn’t it resentful?
Why do we have no choice but to live hating each other? By hurting, killing, and terribly destroying someone, just like that! The fact that I have to continue my miserable life is so resentful that I go crazy.
Rumble, rumble.
While I was lost in thought, the subway slowed down. And before we knew it, we arrived at our destination in the Rosengart district. I got off the station and climbed the stairs to the ground level. With each step I took, I felt a sense of disillusionment spreading deep within me.
It’s a gloomy sky.
It’s dark even though it’s early in the morning. The sky vibrates as if a storm will descend any minute. Dark clouds are gathering, but there is nowhere to hide from the rain. My sense of time is dulled and I am only impulsively shaken by emotions I don’t know why.
How many hours have passed in that underground gambling house in Saxony?
Dang, dang, dang.
Looking at the clock tower that was ringing just in time, less than three hours had passed. Even so, the fierce battle confused me like a dream. It was because of the training method that I, who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder for a long time, tried not to be shaken in the past.
“…….”
The presence of death weighs heavily on my shoulders. How could Giselle overcome such fear? It is a life that has been lost so often that it has been cut off by itself, but there is nothing you can do about this fear that comes without fail when the anger goes away.
“Giselle.”
She was a depraved person who abandoned her family, who was more precious than anything else, her dignity that she deserved, and her last duty as a human being. And I thought it was her eternal life that I was trying to get her hands on even if she became so vicious.
But it wasn’t. What Giselle refused to the end was not death, but defeat. A defeat that would once again imprison me in the terrible memories of the past.
“You didn’t have much attachment to your life.”
A drop or two of rain starts to fall from the sky. Soon, a fierce storm raged on me. People who had been checking the weather as usual quickly ran away to avoid the rain. And then, tilting my head in an empty mood, I realized only then.
– Ah…….
Even in this midst of the dark clouds all over the place, the dark sky is still empty.
―The sky is wide, so I hope that everyone will obtain equal freedom there…….
Madness does not create itself. Gisele Schneider was, so to speak, the great leader of a cruel world. From the moment I had to smash the heads of my husband and her child with my own hands, the old nobility of the noble realm had long since disappeared.
“So I longed for death…….”
But to her, her suicide was a defeat. That’s why, in this cruel world, she had to move forward, even knowing that her revenge was futile. In order to suppress my cruel memories, I endured each day with hatred and resentment toward Adele.
“A foolish bitch…….”
Hate life But she couldn’t kill herself. The only thing Giselle could accept was death in the form of victory. So, like me, he must have been fighting like crazy with the broken ones.
Fight!
They do not die easily because they have the power and ability unique to vampires, and they are not even afraid of it, so who could have endured it? The great leader of Saxony would have been born that way. It is a monster of a society that we all have contributed to.
“We should have had a conversation…….”
Tears flowed without my knowledge. I don’t know if it’s because of the cold raindrops hitting my body, or if it’s because of the wounds I haven’t taken care of, but I feel like I’m about to break down again and again. I felt like I was about to sit down and cry. I wanted to cry out, “Why is this kind of agony and ordeal coming only to me?”
So much is lost
I walked the streets with a staggering step. He remembered the sacrifices of Thorsten and the members of the White Guard, the members who lost their lives in the final battle, and wept over the fact that what they gained at the end of such pain was the past, which they could not help but sympathize with.
Shoot it
The wind and rain were really bitter. It was so much so that I had to lean against an unknown wall for a while. The only good thing was that all the unsightly tears were buried in him and floated away.
Come to think of it, this happened in my hometown as well. I was told that I felt a sense of déjà vu, but it is a moment that is very similar to that time. In Utrecht, the Netherlands, where there was a storm even though it was early in the morning, on a certain day with a pianist teacher who had been looking for me all night.
– Have you been hiding in a place like this?
At that time, I was ahead of an important competition. As a disciple of the best pianist of this era, who is famous for not having students, he was attracting everyone’s attention because it was his first major competition after graduating from university.
– Master…….
Was it like that? I had a sudden panic attack because of something I can’t remember now. Because of that, I was scared before the performance. I ran away recklessly, and ran frantically all night in a faraway place I had never been to before.
― How did the contest go?
―Of course it is a disqualification. Could it be that you gave me a statue?
– Are you disappointed in me?
― As expected of my disciple, this is a stupid question.
When I woke up, it was already morning. The body was full of small wounds, and it was very bitter with rainwater. And in front of me stood an old man holding an umbrella. The kind of old man who encouraged a disgraced soldier to try music again.
– Why did you run away?
― I heard a scream…….
―The successor you said you killed in London?
– South America…….
― Ah, those cartel idiots.
I guessed that blunt expression was because he was disappointed in me. Because in my whole life, I had never let go of expectations and been comforted. Moreover, what I did did not end in damaging my own honor.
―So, is it better to run away?
It was something that could tarnish the name of pianist Michael Howard, who had not left a single stain in his life.
– Didn’t you hear the screams?
– No…….
– Can you still hear it?
– Yes…….
It was this society full of others that was more terrifying than the battlefield in the midst of fire. And around that time, I was refusing treatment and festering inside. Worrying about leaning on it intertwined with it, and the taste disappeared in an instant.
―If it was a scream you would hear anyway, you should have run away after knocking on the keyboard.
― But, that would have ruined Master’s reputation…… !
― Tsk tsk, I still don’t know what the problem is. That’s better than running away silently like now.
― Master knows what! You’ve never heard a scream like me screaming about how you’re thinking of going out to sunny places! Everyone expects from me the birth of a master like Rubinstein or Horowitz! Because of your reputation!
I don’t know if it’s because I was half crazy, but I cried out to a teacher I had never confronted.
― Even Soldatova participated in this contest! That madman who hears Rachmaninov’s appearance!
– What does that mean?
– Yes…… ?
– You still don’t know. Yes, going through war and being haunted by the past is terrible. Not as much as you, but I know to some extent. It’s because I’m a body that participated in the war that took place in your country. But it’s not that I’m angry because I still suffer from it.
Then he went on like this.
―You said you were afraid of ruining my reputation? If you’re a teacher, you’ll have to live with it once or twice to ruin your student’s immaturity. It’s a reputation built up for that. Your mother and father are so close to each other that you probably wouldn’t know that, but I don’t mind that one bit.
―Then what is it?
– You are a musician. No matter what your former job was, you’re a musician now. You don’t have to be a master like Rubinstein or Horowitz, and even if you don’t, you’re a musician!
Again, while wet and shivering in the rain, she covered me with an umbrella.
―I’m disappointed because it wasn’t for you that you ran away. I was angry because what you dreamed of was someone else, not Seo Jeong-woo, the best pianist of this era.
He said that music is not for someone else. He warned that such an idea could develop into a false consciousness of the chosen people. And it planted the biggest lesson and comfort in my life.
―So if you knew, don’t make me disappointed or angry anymore.
— …….
– Be strong!
I realized that day that a person can hug someone without reaching out.
– For yourself, not for anyone else…… !
He was a teacher who taught me a lot. If there was one adult in my life I could respect, it was him. And as Giselle had done with defeat, I had to do with resignation. That alone could never be surrendered.
So even if it hurts, move on.
It’s bloody hands anyway. Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t live with a heart of despair. I will do my best to win every moment. The death of that queen and the real selection that will follow.
I pushed forward through the storm. I wanted to get rid of anything that bothered me without the slightest hesitation and make it the cornerstone of Sato. Recalling the oath of that day, filled with tears, I confidently walked down the street under a thunderstorm.
No matter how dark it is, morning is morning. No one can deny that fact. Even on days when the sun and rain are covered by clouds, and lightning strikes. The roots of that tree, swaying precariously in the wind, are firm, and I who look at it must be the same.
A small house began to appear on the street in front of me. It was a three-story house with three windows on each floor and an auburn roof. The view looked very good, and I was able to enjoy the atmosphere in my own way on a dark day like now.
The most important thing was the plaque with the address of 909 1st Street. It was the first time I stayed out at a place other than an official residence or a villa.
Knockknock, I finally stood in front of the house, caught my breath, and knocked on the front door.
“Yes, I am leaving now.”
After that, I opened the door and met the eyes of the woman who appeared.
“…… Master.”
Even in the middle of the rain and wind leaking in, I stayed in a daze, and then the silence was broken by a one-sided voice from one side.
“I thought you were going to meet me.”
Warm concern.
“It is cold.”
Complex and subtle emotions entangle me.
“Welcome in.”
However, it was time to wake up.
