Chapter 102 – 102. Sea 4
It was a great trip with Seunghee, but it’s a shame that the food was poor.
You can buy it at stores with coins and even bring MREs, but in the end, it’s food for survival.
After all, traveling is a pleasure to eat. The greatest joy is missing.
Next time, I really need to prepare what I eat with a little more care.
I don’t know if it will be possible if I prepare.
“Over there…”
“Why?”
Seunghee, who has finished eating, speaks carefully.
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
“Okay.”
“Huh? Really?”
“What do you mean by what you said?”
“No… Of course, I thought you would say no. They said it was dangerous or something like that.”
“It’s okay. There is no threat so far.”
“So far?”
“You don’t have to worry. I will protect you.”
I was just stating the obvious, but I guess Seunghee didn’t mean it.
He looks somewhat moved.
As expected, I don’t know how women feel. The timing to impress is up to you.
I held Seunghee’s hand and came out.
This resort is quite large, so it’s great for a walk.
There are well-maintained walking trails, private beaches, and a variety of attractions. The only problem is that the plants have spread so much that they block the roads.
“That… I brought it well.”
“Machete? I feel uncomfortable leaving this behind wherever I go.”
You can’t say, ‘I can put it to sleep, but if I want to kill it, I need a blade.’
Thanks to this, I can easily cut down the trees that have grown here and there and take a walk.
“Ha. It’s really, perfect. Really. Really. Seriously.”
“I’m glad you like it so much.”
“You know what?”
“Hmm?”
“If it wasn’t for my brother, I would have died.”
Seunghee suddenly blurts out something serious.
I’m trying to decide what to say, but he keeps talking.
“That day. The day my dad died, and I was caught by this scum. It was really dark. Because I know how my dad lived for me. But when he disappeared into the light right before my eyes… It was dark. My world collapsed.”
No matter how hard I try to choose my words, I don’t know how to respond to a story like that.
So I just stayed quiet. Seunghee continued talking, even if she didn’t want an answer from me.
“After I got caught by those bastards, the thought I had was, ‘If I get the chance, I’ll kill myself.’ The guys at the shopping center who were like uncles, the ladies who were kind to me, and my dad died, and then I got caught. I don’t know what will happen in the future. You know, I didn’t want to commit suicide as quickly as possible, but when I woke up, I was a little confused.
“I wasn’t very polite to you at first.”
This is what I always think of when I see Seunghee.
Don’t act like such a crazy person at first. That kind of thinking.
Of course, I didn’t know it would end up like this, so I felt sorry every time I saw it.
Moreover, because of that, there is still a part of me that doesn’t completely trust Seunghee.
“I know. I know what I did.”
“Well, there is no room for excuses.”
“Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal. The first time my brother did something to me wasn’t all that pleasant. But I don’t care now. At the time, all I wanted was revenge. And he seemed like he could take advantage. It was simpler than I thought.”
“It was simple?”
“You don’t like lying, right?”
“Is there anyone who likes that?”
“I have obsession.”
“There are quite a few people like that.”
“I think of myself as smart.”
“Isn’t it? I’m stupid.”
“You can’t stand weeds growing in your yard, right?”
“… Isn’t that what everyone does?”
“I don’t trust people, if something is necessary, I do it even if I grit my teeth, and I focus on work that is cost-effective and efficient.”
“Hey… That’s what everyone does. Why is it so simple?”
“No. Not everyone can do that. So everyone dies.”
Seunghee’s words about dying had some weight.
I feel like I’m not just talking about simple death. A little deeper… It’s heavy.
“Even though my brother forced me to have sex with him and made it difficult for me with a vibrator, I was able to endure it. Because I thought he would definitely kill the bastards who killed my father.”
“I’m… Sorry. I don’t have anything to say.”
“No. You don’t have to be sorry. There was nothing left behind about that. I forgot everything the moment my brother showed me the picture of Youngcheol right before that bastard died. So don’t worry.”
What is this child that erases my mistakes at will?
Because you are a party? Just because the person in question forgives me doesn’t mean the mistake I made goes away.
If I am relieved by Seunghee’s words and think that my fault is gone, that will only prove that I am a piece of trash.
No matter how much Seunghee tells me not to care about me, I have to live with the awareness that I am a bad bastard.
I shouldn’t think I’m right.
I clearly know that I commit a sin every time I kill someone or rape someone.
The excuse that the world has changed like this is no excuse.
I don’t make any excuses or excuses that I did it in order to survive.
I’m just doing it for my convenience and because I want to.
“Not trusting people. I understand. That’s why I don’t ask my brother to trust me. I understand if he doubts me, is wary of me, and does things to remove all suspicion. If that’s the only way to make him feel comfortable. However, I have no intention of going against that.”
“Just?”
“I trust you. And I want to be by your side so as not to disturb you. That’s my true intention. Of course, I’m not asking you to believe this. You can say anything with words. But no matter what you think of me, I will respect you. I will trust you and stay by your side.”
Um.
I hope hearing these words touches your heart, but like Seunghee said, I don’t trust people. And the saying that you can say anything with words… Right. Because I really think so.
Those were really touching words just now, but I thought to myself, ‘How many times does he say ‘oppa’… I was just thinking, ‘.
That’s me.
It can’t be helped.
I don’t know if it’s a personality issue, mental illness, or lack of social skills, but it’s the same anyway. I am like that.
It is true that Seunghee is a precious person to me. But even so, since she is human, I don’t completely believe it.
A person’s words and thoughts can change at any time.
That is the truth and an immutable law.
You may think that’s what Seunghee said now, but these are things that can change even in a few hours.
But… Even so, I am grateful for her words.
I wish I had heard those words before the world changed like this.
“Seunghee.”
“Yes.”
“Please continue to stay like that.”
“Huh? Of course.”
“When the day comes that I kill you with my own hands… I will be really sad.”
Even with my idiotic words, Seunghee seems to understand what I mean.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
Okay… Thank you even if it’s just words. At least she is a woman who can understand even my miserable side.
As long as she looks like that, I will protect her with all my might. With the mindset that it is like my life.
“Whoa. I feel relieved.”
When I look at her, she smiles quietly at me and says.
“It was something I really wanted to say. To my brother and to me.”
A bright smile. Is it a blessing that she smiles at me like that? Or is it a curse?
After entering the room, we kissed passionately.
A girl who is only twenty years old… No, the year has changed, and even though it was an immature and irresponsible remark from a 21-year-old girl, I heard such a story, so I guess it wasn’t completely unaffected.
Because I am not a perfect human being either.
No matter how much you don’t trust people, it’s okay to have expectations and hope.
It’s the same pattern of sex every time, but today it felt different.
It’s a little more affectionate and a little more sincere.
The hands that caress her breasts become a little more careful, and the things I put inside her body also become a little more delicate.
This thing called love. I think it would be a waste to easily express it in words.
In the conversations we share, in the skin we touch. I think love is something that blooms from one body to another.
I don’t necessarily want to lump it all into the word ‘love’ and express it in a common and cliche way.
A few caring words, her skin under my fingertips, and my body inside hers. Such things are love.
I was in love with Seunghee.
I fell in love again and again.
I loved, I love, and I will love.
The hot breath you exhale is also love, and the moans you gasp are also love.
The beads of sweat flowing from her forehead are love, and the hot things spraying inside her body are also love.
Seunghee, who shared a lot of love with me, fell asleep with a happy expression.
As I look at her like that, I wonder if I can dare to have a woman like this by her side.
Did Kim Cheomji think like this when he was holding a silver coin?
You never know. Because I am not Kim Cheomji.
Trusting people. Is it possible?
But if it’s Seunghee… Maybe it’s possible. I’m not confident yet.
Even if I betray her, if I can die in her hands… Is that faith?
If you love someone, can you die in her hands?
I don’t know. Not yet.
But maybe someday we’ll find the answer.
Not now. I have something else to do now.
A sprout sprouting from the ground.
There are things that try to trample on it and take it away.
A presence felt from far away.
It’s probably not people who come to see the sea like us in the summer.
I’ll have to think about love next time.
Because now is the time to go greet the uninvited guest.
