Chapter 107 – 107. Inside
It’s been a long time since I stepped on the heaviness of the accelerator.
I knew it would be awkward, but I’m much more used to it than I thought.
After tapping the steering wheel with her fingers a few times, her mother opened her mouth first.
“Jeju Island was good. Hasn’t your son been there before?”
“⋯Not yet.”
“When Dad comes back later, let’s go play together with the four of us. Mom said it was delicious there, but she found it.”
An ordinary story that is far from heavy or serious.
Words that don’t seem like you have to say them alone with me.
“⋯Mom.”
“Yes, son.”
“Why did you send Winter?”
It wasn’t that difficult to bring Winter back.
When I told him to rest at home with a troubled expression on his face, he noticed right away.
⋯Only,
She has no idea what her mother is going to say, and she is afraid.
“Oh, that? That’s just… I sent it because I thought it would be a bit like winter when I heard it. It’s not very serious.”
Could it be?
⋯Maybe.
It may not be a really important story.
I may have done something wrong, so I may be doing it alone.
“⋯What are you talking about?”
“Does Winter have a boyfriend?”
“⋯.”
If it’s important, it’s important
Not if you say no.
⋯A blatant lie that never actually existed.
“Did you break up?”
“⋯Yes.”
That lie,
Mom still believed.
⋯ You are still being fooled by us.
“My daughter-in-law doesn’t even introduce her to her mother, and she doesn’t say that they broke up. ⋯But since I told my brother everything, my mom got a little jealous?”
“⋯I guess it was a bit like telling my mother. Because she lives her own romance.”
“She was just in case, when she went to Monet earlier, she asked Anna, but she said she wasn’t there either.”
“It’s not the style that Gye-ryeol brags about, but he says he doesn’t have it all the time. It happened to me too.”
“What kind of person were you?”
Winter is my boyfriend.
Why are you asking me again now?
I met someone who wasn’t okay, but I broke up because I didn’t get along.
It wouldn’t be a particularly strange story.
“⋯I don’t know the details either.”
“Didn’t Winter tell you?”
“Yes.”
“Did you tell me you broke up?”
“⋯Yes.”
“⋯Did my mother do something wrong?”
“Yes?”
My heart thumps and sinks.
The words I thought I would hear someday.
Do you accept it without any preparation?
It’s so scary that I want to vomit right now.
“Actually, Mom didn’t want Winter to break up with her boyfriend. ⋯ I just wanted to know who she was.”
Take a deep breath again.
⋯ It doesn’t mean that I was afraid.
You didn’t notice.
It’s just that he’s wondering if he’s doing something wrong.
“In her mother’s eyes, she’s still a child, but before she knew it, she’d grown up and become an adult. So she said then she was kind of freaked out ⋯.”
“⋯Yes.”
“I wonder if the mother ⋯ overreacted with her daughter’s personal life.”
Shouldn’t you have shown her daughter like that?
Even if she found some risqué clothes she hid, did she have to slap her on the back while joking?
No matter how childish her daughter may seem, her adult is an adult.
Could it be because of me that her daughter broke up with someone she liked?
⋯ Really useless worries.
Seeing you worry so much about things like that,
My heart gets even heavier.
“Seeing that I am in Jeju Island, I regret it a bit. I didn’t even get a plane ticket for Winter to go out with my boyfriend.”
“⋯.”
“Her daughter gives me a gift and I can’t refuse it. I’d rather go with her and comfort her if she’s having a hard time, but I can’t because she pretends to be fine. So she just ⋯ tried to pretend that her mom was okay too. It was difficult.”
“⋯Pretending to be fine?”
Pretend to be fine
⋯Absolutely not.
We’re just… Guilty of cheating,
I’m happy as long as we’re together.
“Even if Winter pretends to look fine now. It will be very difficult.”
“Ah, he’s fine.”
“Seeing how excited he was with his first boyfriend, his older brother, whom he really liked and relied on, told him to break up, but would you be fine?”
“⋯ Yes?”
“Gyeolgi follows you a lot. I do a lot of will.”
“No, to that extent…”
“Even if he doesn’t listen to his mother, he listens to you. He likes you a lot.”
⋯.
How much does mom know?
Do you think that Winter follows me a lot as an older brother?
Or⋯,
Does she really think she might have had those feelings?
⋯If you believe the latter,
You won’t be able to say it like that.
“You took care of me a lot when I took the CSAT. It was like that when I was restless after taking a mock exam. Even when her mother was quarantined, she took good care of her. ⋯He deserves a lot of reliance on you.”
“⋯Yes.”
“If the person you originally liked doesn’t take their side, you get hurt even more. It’s probably because I feel so betrayed by you that I keep harassing and teasing you.”
“⋯.”
“And if you get hurt a lot when you’re dating for the first time, it’s hard to like someone else. ⋯ Still, it’s better if we broke up because we didn’t get along, and it’s even more so if we broke up because others were against it.”
A voice full of regret.
⋯It seems as if he is talking about himself.
Maybe it’s your real story.
No remarriage, no new boyfriend,
If it is a mother who wants to reunite even after a long time has passed, she might be enough.
“Still, my son drank and frowned last year, but he’s been in a relationship this year. Even if it looks broken.”
“You don’t have to…”
“I’m very worried, Mom. ⋯I hope Winter doesn’t suffer from meeting bad people like his mother. She wants to meet this person and that person, find a really good person, and live a good life.”
“Because he’s a smart kid…”
“So she’s not a smart mother? She’s a mother and she’s a person who drank college water in her own way?”
“⋯It means that I am smart because I look like my mother.”
“It’s a problem because I look like my mother. Even if he studies well, he doesn’t have eyes for men.”
Winter doesn’t have eyes for men.
Looked good
I like to sleep
Love you sleep
I found a man who would protect me well and secretly flirted with me.
You can never tell who it is.
⋯ As much as my mother.
“It would be nice to live with someone just like my son. Right?”
“⋯Mom.”
Cheating and cheating tomorrow too.
Next year⋯, the year after that. Lie again until a few decades later.
Until she passed away.
Maybe even after she dies
How long will you lie?
“What if Gye-ryeol… Can’t meet a decent person… Then…”
The heart of a mother who wants her daughter to be happy.
Her brother’s heart for her sister to be happy.
There was no part that didn’t fit.
Both of them have the same heart.
“I will live with you.”
More,
I want to say more.
I want to reveal everything and be acknowledged.
⋯ Lie.
I can’t do more
“I don’t know if I’ll get married or not, but ⋯if you’re a decent person, I can understand living with your sister-in-law.”
Even so, I can’t reveal everything to the inside.
Even this much…
“Son.”
“⋯Yes.”
“Stop thinking about that already, just try to comfort your brother. It’s because he didn’t tell me, because he must have been very angry with you.”
“⋯ Yes?”
“How did you scold your younger sister so that she broke up with her boyfriend? Didn’t your mother make it there?”
“Oh, that’s…”
⋯ Ha.
Just⋯,
Let’s talk a little more.
Even if I don’t reveal everything,
As far as I can tell.
“⋯I didn’t say much.”
“Did she break up when her brother told her to break up?”
“Yes.”
“⋯?”
“I just broke up with him because I growled to see him take off his top.”
“⋯Son.”
“⋯Why? I love my younger brother a lot too, can’t I?”
I love my brother so much
Even as a family.
Even as a woman.
I love you as a partner for life.
So…
I can’t hide my loving heart as a family anymore.
If you try to hide everything, it will inevitably leak out.
If you get caught, it’s better to get caught.
“Dude, but if you do that, your sister…”
“He also broke up with me because I had a girlfriend, but I can be like that too, right?”
“⋯Did you break up because of Winter?”
“No, he doesn’t even cook ramen and bullies me all the time. What should I do? I’m trying to date a losing boyfriend, but I’m holding back, then?”
So…
Roughly, let’s pretend that Winter likes her brother too much.
No matter what I say, listen carefully without rejecting
My little sister who follows me and clings to me when I’m still.
You’re not wrong, are you?
It’s true, what
“Oh my god… What should I do with my babies?”
“Oh, I don’t know. If I don’t show up with someone better than me, I’ll never let winter date me. Even oppa can’t date, so who wants to?”
“⋯ Just live with each other. No one will understand me.”
“Ah, please. Wouldn’t there be at least one person…?”
“Hey dude. If the husband is closer to his sister-in-law than to his wife, the family will go well. Uh?”
“No, what’s wrong with siblings being close?”
“Amman, even if siblings are close, they’re jealous! Do you know how disappointed her father was when her mother went to pick up her great aunt for her wedding anniversary back in the day?”
“⋯ Did something like that happen?”
“Okay. There is. My mom did that It’s not just Dad’s fault.”
⋯Is that enough to call it wrong?
Even if you can be a bit disappointed…
If you compare it to not being able to poke your nose at your children, you won’t be able to do anything wrong.
“⋯Anyway. I mean. Since I care for Winter a lot, if things don’t go well, I’ll just live with him. Independence will be inevitable when you get a job. Wouldn’t it be better for the two of you to live together than to leave her alone?”
“Mom has a lot of money, dude. It’s okay if we move and live together as the four of us, what else?”
“⋯It’s a bit like four.”
“⋯Do you hate your dad so much?”
“No, you don’t like it? That dad… Honestly, I don’t want to say this, but I really want to kill him.”
Oh, I can’t stand it.
Even though I said it around a bit, after I said what I wanted to say, I felt so relieved that I was blown away.
It seems that the filter in the neck is gone.
Just fuck⋯,
Let’s do whatever we want to say.
“Mom seems to still like Dad, so she’s putting up with it, but she hates me and Winter and Dad a lot.”
“⋯Really?”
“Actually, the two of us talked a bit. When Dad comes, I’d rather go out and live.”
“⋯.”
“⋯You really hate that much, do we?”
“⋯.”
“I am not opposed to reuniting. It’s just… That’s right. To be honest, even if my father comes back, I will never treat him like a father. I can treat you as my mother’s boyfriend.”
I vomited out all the accumulated words.
⋯ Except for the part I did wrong.
But what… You can’t say you’re wrong, right?
I can be a bit dissatisfied with my mother.
Uh?
“⋯Son.”
“Yes.”
“Sorry. ⋯Actually, mom still likes dad a lot.”
“⋯Otherwise, you wouldn’t have thought of reuniting.”
“My mother made excuses for you, but… He asked me to live with him because he couldn’t forget his father, so he couldn’t refuse.”
“⋯Yes.”
“⋯I won’t take you to your dad’s house, I’ll tell you to live nearby. Whether or not she meets separately is up to her mother.”
“If we just go out and live…”
“Would it be comfortable whether you were Mom or Dad if I sent you guys out to join the dads? ⋯Just stay home. Mom likes home-cooked meals, you guys.”
“⋯I’m thinking about it.”
“Mom said this, so are you going to leave? Isn’t that too much?”
“No, aside from that, Winter said he wanted to live on his own…”
Despite arriving at the mart, the story did not end.
She didn’t know that revealing her true feelings, even a little, would be so comfortable.
⋯One day I will stop lying,
I don’t think it might come.
I feel like I’m going to have to get hit by my mom once.
Living in hiding
I can’t eat because I’m frustrated.
