Chapter 119 – Exam (1)
『When the dependence tendencies of dependent personality disorder are combined with guilt, the situation becomes even more uncontrollable. This is because guilt is the fuel that fuels their dependence tendencies the most. The dependence tendency combined with guilt is reborn as a terrible desire for self-destruction.』
『If their relationship with the person they depend on is jeopardized due to their obvious mistake, they can hardly come to their senses. ‘I deserve to be punished for making such a terrible mistake,’ I constantly push myself into a pit. Because their bodies and minds are already dead, they never hesitate even if it means denying everything they have lived in their lives so far. In the end, all that remains is destruction.』
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“I made the mistake of doubting my boyfriend based only on what I saw from people I met for the first time. “I told you that I would understand everything and that I would love you forever, but then I broke those words.”
Hyeji unfolded her carefully written reflection and carefully read her first paragraph.
It’s already been three days since the incident occurred. It was no longer awkward for her to recite her reflection every night before going to bed.
“Even if you were depressed and mentally unsound, that is a mistake you should never commit. She betrayed her brother, who had promised to be with her for the rest of her life, and left an irreparable wound in her brother’s heart.”
But when I got to this part, I couldn’t help but feel my voice shaking. Because three days was too short a time to get over the despair of last night.
The more she remembered the mistakes she had made, the more the back of her neck twitched. But paradoxically, the guilt deep inside her heart lifted her by the scruff of her neck.
She couldn’t show her ugly side any further since she had already committed a sin. She moved her eyes to her last sentence, licking her lips as if she were walking on thin ice.
“I’m sorry that my girlfriend is mentally ill. I will never make the same mistake again. Now I only believe what her brother says. I will believe in your love. I love you. Please forgive me.”
After reading her reflection to the end, Hyeji slowly raised her head and looked at Hyunwoo.
Her blood ran cold as her expressionless face was the same as yesterday.
She’d rather just curse. I wish she had been flogged harshly.
The sight of her spewing out hot anger was scary, but the sight of her spewing out coldness like now also tightened her heart.
My older brother shouted as if he was going to give me a piercing or a tattoo right away, but he didn’t do either the next day.
However, I just handed her a blank notebook when she woke up.
‘I was thinking about it last night… Let’s do the piercing when I feel like I can trust you again, Hyeji. Actually, piercing is something you should do with someone you can really trust, right? You don’t believe it because you do it, you do it because you believe it. Just like giving a wedding ring because you believe in it rather than believing it after giving it.’
When she heard those words while barely swallowing her breakfast, all strength went out of her body and she dropped the chopsticks she was holding.
I thought that with the piercing, she would be forgiven right away… I thought she would wake up and be happy again…
Unfortunately, she was not even given the opportunity to pay for her sins. Once she had lost her trust, regaining it was not as simple as she thought.
‘First, I placed an order for a piercing, but since it was purchased directly from overseas, delivery took about a week. So, when it comes, I want to see how hard you work, Dongan Hyeji. If I want to trust you again, I’ll give you a piercing… Or I’ll just pretend it never happened.’
Hyunwoo didn’t even ask her if she was okay, but just spat out prepared words with a cold face.
Just as she couldn’t sleep all night and tossed and turned, Hyunwoo’s mind was also complicated.
She’s a woman who cries and says she’ll do anything, whether it’s piercings or tattoos. Out of fear and fear, she strangled her and got what she wanted, but somehow she felt uneasy.
If she keeps pushing like this, she could get piercings and tattoos without much trouble, but is that really the best? Is it okay to waste this opportunity given by heavenly fortune like that?
The more she thought about it, the more she felt like it would be a waste to immediately exchange the paddle she was holding for a piercing. More than anything, she didn’t want to allow herself to feel relieved after paying for her sins.
For a time she had to struggle under the weight of her sin. She was self-conscious, thirsty for her own love, and she had to become more accustomed to herself.
So what I came up with was a one-week test.
Her week, in the name of her test, plunges her further into the abyss. She falls further into the abyss in the name of her test.
That should be enough for her to deserve what she committed.
‘How… How can I try? I will do really well so that you can trust me again. ‘Just tell me.’
If I don’t think I can trust you again, I’ll pretend it never happened.
If it sounded like it wasn’t a piercing but an attempt to erase the relationship between the two, was it just her misunderstanding?
Hyeji swallowed her saliva, held her trembling hand, and opened her notebook according to Hyunwoo’s words.
Whatever her test was, she had no time left to refuse it.
‘Write down the rules for singing from now on in the note I just gave you. These are the rules you must follow for the week. If you want to give up along the way, you can always tell me. It’s your freedom.’
‘… Call me. I never give up. I can’t give up.’
‘First, um… From now on, you will only eat from a dog bowl, do not use your hands, lie down like a dog and only use your mouth. Did you write it down? Next, hmm, instead of sleeping in the bed, he goes into a cage and sleeps on the floor. Oh, we’ll order the dog food bowl later.’
That’s how the test began, and Hyunwoo called out various rules under the pretext of a test.
And the rules he called all had a consistent goal.
That is, thoroughly washing away Hye-ji’s humanity and replacing it with a new behavior pattern that she must maintain as her livestock.
Hyun-woo, who was given the hilt of a sword to cut her life as he pleased, wielded that sword mercilessly.
‘I originally said that it is more difficult to restore trust once it has been broken, right? Don’t you think you have to do this for me to trust you again? What if I trust you again for no reason and am betrayed again? I only got bitten by my dog once yesterday.’
Hyunwoo insisted on the legitimacy of the rule in a firm tone, saying that not even an inch of concession could be tolerated.
How much she was hurt by what happened last night, and how much her faith in herself was shaken because of it.
She cruelly pierced her heart by once again asking what would have happened if she had believed the words of someone she had just met and suspected you of being a flower snake.
That wasn’t the end.
Hyunwoo took the name Mingming from her. She deprived her of her right to call herself her master.
As it was a game played only with a special person whom one could trust, playing was a luxury for a while for a mutt that fearlessly bared its teeth at its owner.
‘Don’t call me master while taking the exam. Just call me oppa. Don’t call me Mingming, call me Jeong Hye-ji. This isn’t a game, it’s a test. Things like Master and Mingming are on hold until you pass the test.’
It was truly a merciless treatment that completely robbed her of her self-esteem. Unlike before, when I praised her for her understanding and treated her as ‘her beloved puppy,’ in an instant, her status was reduced to that of a ‘mutt that lost her owner.’
Hye-ji must have felt this as well, but her face turned pale, but even though she had ten mouths, she had nothing to say, so she just nodded her head quietly.
‘Okay, then the next rule is, um, if I cum in your mouth…’
The number of nonsensical rules that were called out one by one went beyond ten, twenty, and thirty.
Rules full of evil that clearly reveal Hyunwoo’s ugly desires.
Terrible rules that will crush her, drive her to the pit, and ruin her future life.
Rules that must be followed in a romantic relationship, not a master-slave relationship, as a human Jeong Hye-ji, not Ming-ming, who does not wear the mask of play.
Hyeji, who devoted her soul to her guilt, wrote down those rules one by one and stored them in her heart. She didn’t shy away from rules that broke down the boundaries between her daily life and play.
The only means by which she could hold on to her endangered relationship were the rules she wrote down in her notebook, and because she thought this punishment was natural for her who had committed a major crime, she felt somewhat saddened. 〉
Of course, if she wanted to repair her relationship with her brother and make up for the mistake she made, she had to put her piercing on somehow.
To get her pierced, she had to first receive forgiveness and become a woman her brother could trust again.
And in order to be forgiven, she had to first pass a week-long test.
That’s why she had to follow the rules.
In particular, the reflection she just read is also one of her rules.
[Every night before going to bed, read the reflection and reflect sincerely.]
After sincere reflection,
“I love you brother. I can’t live without my brother. To me, you are the only brother. “My life has no meaning without you.”
Telling her how much she loves her Hyunwoo and how much she needs her Hyunwoo.
Hyun-woo uses guilt not only to control her daily life, but also to strengthen her mental subjugation.
“Again. Be more sincere and look me straight in the eye. Even if I don’t smile, you should smile, right?”
“Oh, sorry, no… I-I’m sorry. Um, uh… I would have already committed suicide if it weren’t for my brother, so my life is all yours, and, and… I can do anything for my brother, and I can even get a piercing… Ah, Even tattoos!”
“Whoa, you mean you can do it even if you don’t want to, or do you mean you want to do it? It was like that yesterday and again. “I told you to speak properly.”
“Ah! I want to. Brother, I really want to get a piercing. Really. “I’m going to put my brother’s here and there on her nipples like that, like that girl…”
Hyeji, who was rambling, was pointed out again the mistake that had been pointed out yesterday, and she hurriedly opened her mouth. She made a round shape with her thumb and forefinger and placed her nipple between them and acted cute.
It’s not a piercing you have to have, but a piercing you want to have. After three days of repeated brainwashing, piercing was no longer considered a crime.
Now it has become something I truly want to do. She has become a certificate of success that can only be held by successfully passing the exam.
“Hmm, okay. That’s all for today. Say hello and crawl into the cage.”
Hyeji, who was holding her nipples and laughing, stepped behind her on her knees and bowed politely to Hyunwoo.
“Oppa, thank you for taming me today too. Thanks to you, I was very happy today. I’ll do well tomorrow too, so tame me more. Good night.”
“Okay, sleep well too. “You had a hard time today too.”
Hye-ji, who had been expecting her to say that she loved him, lowered her head when Hyun-woo finished his sentence.
She made a lot of mistakes on the first and second days because she didn’t really understand the rules, but she seemed to do a little better today.
Since she started the exam, she had never heard the word “I love you” And she missed it so much, but she didn’t dare complain.
Squeak –
Hyeji crawled to the front of the large dog cage and opened the door with her mouth.
Instead of her soft bed, the place she lays her body on is her cushioned floor. In a cage where all sides are closed, and she has to curl up and sleep.
There were no complaints from her because her desire for self-destruction, brought on by her guilt, justified her harsh treatment of herself.
Yes, she deserved to be punished. She could have done worse to prove to her brother that she was a trustworthy woman.
“Hyeji, are you sleeping?”
“Yet. Why, brother?”
Hye-ji, who had been tossing and turning in the cage, quickly raised her body and took a waiting position when Hyun-woo called. With her hands clasped next to her breasts, she stands on her hind legs, on her toes, like a dog, with her knees wide apart.
This too was a rule. If she is away from her brother, and he calls her, she will crawl in front of her brother and take a waiting position. Although it was difficult to crawl now that it was in a cage, it was able to pose sufficiently.
“The words I tried to say earlier but couldn’t say were on her mind.”
“… What is it?”
“I say I love you. When I see you trying hard, I feel less angry… I want to trust you again… It’s true that the human heart is…”
“Oppa…”
When Hyeji heard the words she had longed to hear, she covered her mouth with an expression of emotion. A small sob soon escaped between her mouth and hands.
“Today I am much closer to passing grade. That’s how well you’re following along. But you know the exam isn’t over yet, right? I’m trying not to say it on purpose because I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind, but I can’t disappoint you? Because it tells me to work harder and do better.”
“Of course! I will never do that. “Because we’re still testing!”
“Okay, then let’s go back to sleep. You lie down again too. Good night.”
“Good night, brother!”
It will take at least five or six days for the piercing to be delivered.
Determined to do her best in the remaining time, she placed her body back on the cushion in the cage.
At the end of the day, a smile spread across her face, along with an indescribable sense of relief at finally hearing that she loved him.
