Chapter 83 – 83. New Year’s Day
New year.
My family counts birthdays according to the lunar calendar, so in a way, I don’t know if I can say that I’ve turned one year old properly.
If so,
For my brother and sister, the end of last year was terrifying.
Even after that day, the motive did not even give a hint of knowing about our relationship.
Of course, I don’t know what he actually thinks, but he treated me as if nothing had happened.
To be honest, my intentions and thoughts didn’t matter at all.
The only thing that matters is the fact that you cared for us.
I was really grateful to my motives for almost stopping at the cafe we usually visit every day, fearing that we would be uncomfortable.
Thank you,
I didn’t feel very happy.
He was someone I could get along well with,
As an older sister who even knew her younger brother, she was a person who could easily connect with someone,
I was completely alone now.
Please don’t get involved, don’t get involved, I asked you to ignore me,
The motive thankfully listened to our request.
I feel the surroundings getting smaller and smaller.
Half voluntarily, half involuntarily.
Meeting someone other than each other
I got scared by now.
***
Normally, it would have been a day off, but it was rather a busy day from the hired position.
I didn’t say I was tired or tired.
These days, it seems that my heart is more comfortable during work.
Because I don’t have time to think about it.
Still, making money is a productive activity, right?
If the current me and Kyeolgi quit even our part-time jobs, it’s clear that we’ll both be stuck in the corner of the room doing nothing.
If her mother is at her house, she will naturally stick around whether she is on the phone or watching TV in the living room.
If she isn’t there, we’ll gather in one of the rooms and put our bodies on top of each other until you return.
I don’t have bad dreams while I’m doing that, so I can’t stop.
We didn’t need stimulation.
It was the only way to soothe the weary heart.
“Brother, let’s go.”
“⋯Let’s go.”
Leading her weary steps, she heads for history with her brother.
I get on the train heading to my aunt’s house, and keep my balance in the crowded subway.
I feel anxious when I fall, so I hugged my younger brother tightly from behind.
Of course, I wasn’t crazy, so I didn’t stutter in front of others.
I just grabbed the handle and wrapped my other hand around my stomach.
“I don’t want to go… Brother.”
“⋯Me too. I’d rather go home and sleep.”
We also didn’t want to go anyway.
Relatives, if possible, did not want to see it.
What should we talk about when we meet?
Almost every day is home part-time job part-time job.
Sometimes we secretly go on dates, but that’s something we can’t talk about.
Still can’t help it.
It was difficult for her to refuse because her mother told her to shine on her face after the part-time job was over.
“But anyway, it’s the weekend… It hasn’t been a big deal this week.”
“⋯Yes. I’m glad.”
Exactly one week since my colleague found out about our relationship.
Even I was curious, but as my mentality was destroyed, it seemed as if my sexual desire had disappeared.
Of course, I went to the motel once this week, but it was also the same day as her brother, so I didn’t make a relationship.
While washing together, she released her accumulated lust with her brother’s touch just once,
We hugged and kissed on the bed throughout the entire room, then fell asleep together.
However, I never thought that it was a waste of money or regretful.
Than I dreamed of collapsing in my room all week,
At that time, it was much more refreshing for her to fall asleep for about three hours.
“⋯If you’re really tired, let’s say we’ll go home first.”
“Yes.”
I still thought that no matter how much we kissed, it wasn’t enough,
I am no longer obsessed with sexual desire.
Instead, they became more and more tied to each other’s body temperature.
Rather than wanting to do it, it was better to just hug and talk,
When you smell each other while kissing, you don’t need sex or anything, you just want to sleep together.
No matter how much I tried to soothe myself by calling before bed, there was a limit.
As much as when we hugged and fell asleep together, we both woke up comfortably without dreaming.
Voice alone was not enough.
***
Got off the subway
Out of history
Now it’s a 10-minute walk to my eldest aunt’s house.
⋯I don’t want to go.
The future is already clearly visible.
My aunts and uncles will stick around and ask what I’m doing these days.
If the two of you say that you work part-time at a cafe together, it’s obvious what’s going on behind the scenes.
How about doing a part-time job?
How are the people you work with?
Where do you work, do you serve delicious coffee? Etc.
You’re going to try to say hello for nothing.
That’s too…
I hate it so much.
It’s obvious that you’ll ask me if I’m dating a girl after seeing me.
It is already evident to my younger brother that he has to do this or that when he enters college.
Right away, Yohan hyung was beaten up for saying, “If you’re bored, won’t you get married?”
Even though her mother and her cousins are not sure how to be okay,
The other seniors really don’t want to see them.
My head hurts just imagining it.
“Brother, don’t you want to go?”
“⋯How are you?”
“⋯I don’t want to go either.”
If it hadn’t been for that day, I might not have been so reluctant.
If you ask me if I’m not making a girlfriend, I could have said I haven’t made one yet because I haven’t met a good person.
Even if you give your younger brother this or that meaningless advice, maybe I was more excited and helped out a little bit.
That’s why I hate to see those faces.
No matter what, they want us to do well.
He wasn’t sober enough to openly face-to-face and blatantly lie.
I feel like I’m going to vomit if I get stuck.
My head hurts so much.
If you go and eat, you will definitely feel sick.
I feel like something will explode if I hear even the slightest dislike.
We can’t even marry or date.
I can’t even make friends properly.
Even the friends I had were forced to cut ties.
I feel like I’m going to lose my temper to strict people.
“⋯Is it difficult, oppa?”
“Uh, ⋯It’s a bit difficult.”
I wanted to listen to my mother if possible, but now I don’t even have the energy left to do that.
I just want to leave, disappear for two days, and then come back.
In the meantime, I hope that time will stop and come back as if nothing happened and no one will notice.
“Brother… Then…”
“⋯Shall we not go, winter?”
“⋯.”
“It’s nearby anyway… Let’s go home. You can tell mom that she can’t go because her head hurts.”
“Yes.”
Go back to the ticket gate you just took and exit, pay the fare again, and enter the station.
Sitting on a bench waiting for the subway to return,
Calls her mom and lies once again.
“Oh, son. Are you all coming?”
“Oh, Mom… I don’t think we can go.”
“Why?”
“⋯Because I’m a bit tired. I want to go back to sleep.”
“⋯Is your son not feeling well?”
“Your body is fine. I’m a bit sluggish, and my head hurts.”
“Did something bad happen?”
“It’s just that… You meet a lot of people while doing part-time work…”
In fact, there was not a single lie mixed in the words I conveyed,
It was true that it was a hoax call.
“Ehh… Okay. Then get some rest at home. If you feel unwell, take a digestive medicine.”
“⋯Yes. I will eat and rest.”
“What about winter? Is he all right?”
“He’s a bit… So. ⋯I’ll change it for now.”
He handed his cell phone to his brother, meaning that you should quickly become an accomplice.
Winter, who answered the phone without hesitation,
Like me, he started to speak skillfully without spouting a single lie.
“Oh, Mom… It’s me.”
“Yes, my daughter. ⋯Are you feeling unwell?”
“No no. ⋯It’s just that, since I was working part-time, there were various things.”
“Have you met the truth? Or what? Did a strange person bother you?”
“It’s hard to cut it apart like that… It’s a bit difficult to explain…”
“⋯Well, it’s nothing serious, right?”
“No. ⋯I’m just tired. It’s because it’s hard because it’s my first part-time job.”
Not a single word was said that was not true.
My head really hurts,
Groaning inside,
It’s all true that you feel like you’re going crazy because of the stress.
As for how to solve it,
Even if I die and wake up, I can’t speak.
“⋯Okay, I’d rather both of you go home and get some rest. Even porridge is good for dinner, so eat it. If you’re not feeling well, take a digestive medicine because it’s at home.”
“Yes.”
“My mother will tell me that I can’t come to my aunts, so you guys get some rest. Mom, I can’t go home today because I drank anyway. It’s cold, so let’s sleep with the boiler warm. Make sure to eat breakfast too. Wake up and call your mom, okay?”
“Yes.”
“Even my older brother told me not to exercise today and go to bed right away. Exercising on a day like this hurts my body more.”
“⋯Yeah, okay. Anyway, my brother is listening too.”
“Draw. Hurry up and get some rest.”
“Huh.”
As soon as I hung up the phone, the subway arrived just in time.
It was less crowded and less crowded than before, but she clung to each other just as before.
We didn’t really talk, but we endured the shaking of the subway together,
I went back to the house where no one was watching.
At least until tomorrow morning
A place where no one cares about you.
