Chapter 63 – 63. 1st Year of High School, Winter
The summer I hated so much was long enough to be boring,
Fall passed quickly without giving us time to fully enjoy it.
The days are getting colder, the clothes are getting thicker, mock exams and exams pass by one by one.
As the end of the year approached, the older brother’s face grew darker.
⋯ Me too.
Hiding your feelings wasn’t easy.
It’s just that I never hid it.
It’s the first time I’ve had a secret to hide.
I barely noticed how.
Sometimes, when I tried to stroke it, I brushed it off.
Wherever I tried to take him, he refused,
If you tried to call it winter, he got angry.
⋯The more fun it was, the more they teased me.
I know I’m overreacting even thinking about it.
But even so, I wanted to separate from my brother.
Then again, like old times,
You’ll be able to go back to the occasional exchange of regards.
It was fortunate that my brother came home less often for a while.
As if I had shaken off all my lingering attachments to the CSAT, I felt like I was meeting some friends.
That’s right, it’s okay as long as we don’t talk to each other or face to face.
I wish it would disappear as soon as possible.
There is a saying that when the body goes down, the mind goes down, right?
⋯So, this disgusting feeling too.
It was a short vacation, so my brother came back home and was revived.
If he leaves the army, he will probably disappear.
Sitting on the sofa and staring blankly at the TV, it was already past midnight.
Responding to the vibrating sound, I looked at my phone and saw a call from a friend.
⋯ How did you know my birthday?
Until last year, no one took care of Angryeok’s birthday.
Oh, isn’t it Brother…
⋯.
When is this person coming?
No matter how much vacation I have, I don’t come back until after twelve.
Are you going to drink again with your high school friends?
I don’t want to see you,
I can accept it if you give it to me as a gift.
A farewell and birthday present before going to the army?
Of course, not in that sense, just… In the sense of taking care of my little sister.
That much…
You can do it
Although not as expensive as this one.
While tapping and tapping the liquid crystal with his fingernails,
Brother is back
“Go and write…”
“⋯Brother.”
“Uh? Winter, aren’t you sleeping?”
My brother, obviously blushing, threw off his coat and scarf as soon as he entered the heat.
His eyes were open, so he approached in case he fell.
Ooh, the smell of alcohol.
I’m so drunk His tongue was also twisted.
⋯It looks like I cried a little bit.
There are still two months left before it disappears.
What already…
“Have you been drinking?”
“Huh. Drank What about your mother?”
“Mom, sleep. So, brother, go and sleep. Hurry.”
“Yeah.”
As he stumbled, he helped his brother and pushed him into the room.
It’s damn heavy Is it because he is tall?
I barely made it to my brother’s room and opened the door.
“Uh, huh? Brother?”
“⋯My brother.”
“Wait, don’t do that. I’m suffocating…”
⋯What is it?
What is it?
Suddenly, my brother hugged me.
Wide in his arms, suffocating.
I can’t even run away with his arms wrapped around his waist.
For a moment, I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t even resist.
“⋯Winter.”
“Don’t do it! Oppa, this is really disgusting…”
“Yeah.”
Maybe he couldn’t hear my words, but he hugged me tight and lay down on the bed.
⋯.
Disgusting⋯
Unlike usual, the smell of alcohol makes my head dizzy.
I didn’t feel the soap scent that I had until I left.
Body odor when sweat dries.
Too toxic
I wanted to fall even if I kicked it.
But, it’s too strong…
Can’t escape
Despite being a drunken and shy older brother,
The strength of that arm that embraces me,
I couldn’t win no matter how hard I tried.
“Let it go… Brother…”
“It’s warm…”
“Hee-ik, disgusting… Don’t…”
I struggled hard to get out.
I kept asking to be released, just in case you would listen to me.
But my brother hugged me tighter every time I tried to get away.
Rubbing his alcohol-smelling face against me,
He put his nose to the top of his head and sniffed my scent.
Seriously, it’s giving me goosebumps.
It’s disgusting⋯.
“Winter…”
“Stop it, brother. Please…”
“I love you…”
⋯.
I stopped breathing for a moment.
A word whispered in my ear,
It was so similar to the voice I heard in my nightmares.
As if he had recognized that he was in a dangerous situation, the blood rushed through his head.
I wanted to hide it, but my heart pounded so much that I could hear it in my ears.
Perhaps I was intoxicated by the smell of alcohol, my cheeks and ears were so hot that I wanted to cool off.
It was like a prey that had been bitten on the neck by a beast.
I couldn’t resist any longer.
“Mom…, Winter…, Grandma…, Cousins…, Aunts… I love you all…”
“⋯.”
“I don’t want to go to the army…”
If I did, I would have died from lack of oxygen.
After hearing those words, I was able to barely catch my breath.
⋯I want to kill him.
For real this time.
I didn’t mix a single lie, I was really angry.
“⋯Brother.”
“Yeah.”
“Brother, do you like me?”
“I like it a lot…”
“⋯Why?”
“Because it’s cute…”
Are you treating me like a pet?
He stroked my hair and rubbed his face against my cheek.
⋯Really.
The smell of alcohol is too strong.
I can smell sweat.
I didn’t even wash when I came back.
It doesn’t sting because I don’t have a beard, but it’s gross.
Dog trash.
Dog metamorphosis.
A drunken crazy bastard hugging his brother.
Hate.
Hate.
I hate you so much for not listening to a single word I have to say.
“Um… Winter…”
“⋯.”
⋯However,
Subdue my limbs,
For the act of binding me in your arms,
It was impossible for me to refute.
Because my whole body is paralyzed.
Even if I hated it, I couldn’t help it.
In what way did you make me this way,
I couldn’t win
“⋯.”
“⋯Brother, are you sleeping?”
“I’m sleepy…”
“Uh, what should I do?”
I didn’t have a choice.
Except for being on this bed as it is.
It was impossible to escape or to resist.
Because my brother doesn’t listen to me.
There’s no point in asking for it to be released.
Except eavesdropping on the heartbeat in my arms, there was nothing I could do about it.
Seriously, what should I do?
Should I sleep here like this?
It smells and I don’t like it.
It’s disgusting.
⋯ I think my hair is going to break.
Dangerous.
It really looks like it will get eaten.
What to do, what to do
What should I do?
I don’t know.
It was a feeling I firmly believed would disappear if it disappeared,
Gradually, my faith began to crack.
“⋯Oppa, don’t you make things like girlfriends?”
“Uh…”
“⋯Why?”
“I’m scared…”
“What… Are you afraid of? Even though it looks scary…”
“I’m afraid of breaking up…”
At that size, at that height.
What is so scary
My brother squeezed me even harder.
Even with the body.
Even with the heart.
Don’t let me run away
Not to fall off.
Tightly bound me
“No… Really…”
“⋯.”
“Uh… That…”
“⋯.”
“⋯Mom! Mom! Brother is drunk! Help me!”
Dangerous.
My heart felt like it was about to burst and melt.
If you continue like this, you will never be able to refuse.
Even if my brother wasn’t drunk.
Probably won’t be able to refuse.
Even if he wasn’t just cuddling.
⋯Because you won’t be able to resist.
I hate that.
I hate to be like that.
It is unfair.
“Mom is sleepy, why? Autumn Kim. What are you doing?”
“My brother is drunk and crazy. Release it…”
“This burn. Whew⋯. How much alcohol have you been drinking?”
“I don’t know… A lot…”
“You only harass your younger brother and suck it up. ⋯What are you going to do when you go to the army?”
“I hate it. My pillow⋯.”
“It’s not a pillow, it’s a younger brother, you bastard. If you don’t want your ass beaten again, let it go.”
“Yeah.”
Why?
Why do I have to worry like this because of you?
Because of one thing that looks good and is reliable?
Because of that, why… To my real brother?
You have to suffer like this
It was so unfair.
I want to pay you back.
Want revenge
Absolutely, it does not mean that I want to betray my mother.
Just⋯,
I hope you have the same thoughts as me.
How disgusting it is to feel these feelings for a blood relative.
⋯It’s too unreasonable for me to suffer alone. Brother.
So you must suffer too.
I love my little sister so much, I worry about it,
She hates herself
Even so, I am happy with every single word of mine,
To the extent that I have nightmares while sleeping.
Don’t pretend to be unfair.
It’s all my brother’s fault.
***
⋯It must have been.
How did it happen?
I saw the face of my brother who was dozing and hugging me without a single thread on.
I didn’t feel any disgust like back then.
I didn’t even like it.
I hated it, but I hated it a little bit.
How hot are you on your little sister?
This perversion.
I didn’t really use birth control.
What if you get pregnant
⋯Should I stop eating it?
I’m really pregnant, so I’ll see my brother’s scared face.
⋯No, it’s not like that.
First of all, I don’t think this person will be squeamish to show it.
Isn’t it more like heat while liking it?
Of course, I can’t say it’s not my fault, but it’s mostly my brother’s fault.
“⋯Winter.”
“Why, brother.”
“I love you…”
⋯.
I pinched my cheeks. Sick.
Sometimes I can’t tell if this is real or a dream.
I even had my first kiss with my older brother.
I dated… And had my first experience.
He gave it to me for the first time even after I asked him to go back to being a brother and sister.
How long do you want to receive my first one?
⋯ Because I gave you this much.
If you don’t take responsibility, I will really kill you.
“I’m out of breath, brother…”
“⋯I’m telling you to stop.”
“⋯Dog crap.”
“Is that an expression of affection?”
“Well?”
Can’t do anything
Although I am suppressed by you even a little irresistibly.
Still⋯,
Ever since then, I like it. Brother.
⋯I love you.
Therefore,
Even if you’re a bit of a bad sister, can you take care of it?
Because revenge seems to have been done to some extent.
I’ll be nice in the future.
So take responsibility
My life.
Brother
