Chapter 149 – 149. Preparation
Quiet afternoon.
I like the smell of bubbling soybean paste stew.
She said her mother was coming after a long time, and she would be happy if I served her with plenty of tofu.
With her apron wrapped around her, she heads to the refrigerator to get some eggs, and sees him lying on the couch.
Until just now, he was lying on my thigh, and he didn’t help me when I was cooking.
Really naughty, this guy.
“Can I help you with anything?”
“That’s all right.”
It’s even more disgusting because when I glanced at him for no reason, he suddenly jumped up without needing to notice.
If you know, don’t pretend you know, pretend you don’t know and come and help.
I’m not really sensitive, that person.
“What time is your mother coming?”
She said, “She’s almost there. Soon she will arrive.”
“Ah, then I’ll go outside for a while and come back.”
“Is she coming soon?”
“Just a moment.”
I wondered why the non-smoker would go out, but I couldn’t stop it.
Until her husband returns, she cooks her stew, frys her eggs, and mixes her mother’s favorite vegetables.
Bring out the table, set it full, and wait for everyone to come.
Take a breath of delicious air.
Exhale twice.
Drink four times
Eight times.
The second hand vibrates faster and faster.
Breathing gets faster and faster.
“⋯Oh, my head hurts.”
Grabbing the dizzy shaking forehead, I entered her room.
It seems like it was just yesterday that we were babbling, but my children have grown up before I knew it.
I sleep soundly.
“Autumn, winter. Eat food.”
“Eh.”
My daughter who seems to like her brother so much that she is sleeping in a cute hug.
Her younger brother is so cute, so proudly hugging her son who fell asleep.
Touch the soft cheeks once, and stroke the hair.
In the warm sunlight, he wakes up the sleepy children and takes them to the table.
“You have to eat well in the morning to grow up. Let’s eat quickly.”
“Eh, Mom.”
“Why, my son?”
“What about Dad?”
Dad.
Husband.
Him
That person.
Where did you go?
Wait a minute, where?
Somewhere⋯.
**
“Ha…, Ha…”
Body is cold
I must have been asleep until just now, but after waking up from the nightmare, I didn’t feel any drowsiness at all.
I grabbed her beating heart and wiped the sweat running down her forehead with my hand.
Cold sweat is hot.
Despite her fear, she looked up and turned her head.
“It’s Sunny⋯.”
His face, muttering my name in a muffled pronunciation, soundly asleep.
It’s been a while. Yeah.
It’s awkward.
It’s because she’s afraid of getting back what she thought was lost.
“Honey.”
“Mmm…”
She held his sleepy hair in her hand and twisted it with her fingers.
Slightly rough half curls.
He’s right
There you are, next to me
“⋯Kim Sang-woo.”
I used to call you when we were dating
Whispering the name she thought she would never mention again, she burrows into her husband’s arms.
I missed you.
It was hard.
⋯I wanted to die, but I barely held on.
There are so many reasons not to die.
“Mom…”
Call the person you will never see again.
Mom, I have
It was so hard alone.
I will take this person and my grandchildren that my mother likes to visit.
I know you’re a bad person, but mom forgive me just once.
Second daughter, please listen to me.
⋯I miss you a lot, Mom.
I miss you.
***
I can’t control my trembling legs.
What should I do?
I don’t have to worry about it, but it’s true that I get stabbed for nothing.
No matter how much the father is a dog who abandoned his children and a human being who has not been contacted,
It doesn’t change the fact that I carved a sheath through his heart several times last time.
“Mom is coming soon, brother.”
“⋯Dad will come too?”
“Maybe.”
A rational bitch.
Looking back, I was more emotional than ever.
It’s because even I don’t understand my actions to say that I treated my dad simply by calculating profit and loss.
If you were only concerned about the house, tuition, and material things, you should have pretended to understand and forgive me.
Even if I didn’t do it consciously, I couldn’t deny that this was what I was thinking in the end.
How can that person get hurt like me?
Even if it’s a non-electronic war, it’s not wrong.
Seeing Abby slap her son in the back of the head and her son punching her daddy in the chest.
“Here, brother.”
“Why.”
“What do I say to my father?”
“Do as you like. ⋯I can’t even decide on that.”
I didn’t say much, but as I licked my dry mouth, I sensed the awkward air that I would soon face.
I went on a trip with my mom and came back and said we would eat together, but it’s already so awkward.
If mom didn’t catch me then, what would happen if I confided in dad?
As soon as you return to Korea, if you say that you were confessed to incest by your children…
It’s all Dad’s fault and it’s Dad’s fault, so Dad takes responsibility and doesn’t seem to be seen outside as a protest asking her to trick her mother.
If I were a father, I would bounce back to America as soon as I heard it.
I can’t afford it.
How do you handle that
“Oh, the phone…”
“I’ll come down.”
As soon as my phone rings, I immediately kick out the front door.
You have to put the load on top.
I need to talk to my mom.
⋯Dad doesn’t know.
A question that doesn’t seem to have an answer even if you think about it.
I stopped looking for an answer at all and trudged down to the first floor with a heavy heart.
There was a mother in front of the common entrance.
She is alone with her carrier and her phone in her hand.
“Mom?”
“Son, hold the suitcase.”
“Ah… Yes.”
She seems to be in a good mood, but her mother’s tone is subtly calm and vague.
It’s like watching her when she goes to work and leaves, so it’s hard to get her to say it first.
⋯ Where did Dad go?
Do you smoke?
“My dad is back. I will go to the hotel and rest.”
“Yes?”
“He said he wasn’t ready mentally.”
She sighs deeply and picks up her mother’s suitcase, chewing on complicated emotions, and reflects on what I’ve done.
Well, I treated him so coldly, but it’s no longer strange that he was prepared in such a short time.
I only said it with respect, but in fact it was worse than double insults.
“Let’s go up first, son. My mom was in a hurry so I couldn’t go grocery shopping. Is there anything you want to order?”
“Ah… Think about it for now.”
Did you think we’d be interested in daddy or something?
My dad is not a person who is meaningful to me or winter to the point of hurting us.
You stay as someone you don’t have. Why did you come back, it makes me feel bad for no reason.
We’re disgusted with our dad, so we’re going to move out altogether, and it’s all Dad’s fault, so get us a house.
⋯What the hell was I talking about?
As time goes on, the weight of the words I have been talking about weighs more and more on my conscience.
That’s not to say I’m sorry for Dad…
My heart is complicated because I feel like I have become the same person as my father.
“Today, the three of us are eating. Later, later, I’ll bring Dad again. After you clear your mind of your father.”
“Yes.”
I carry a heavy but not heavy suitcase and go upstairs step by step to my house.
As we open the front door with our mother, who matched the speed of climbing the stairs with me, Winter, who has been waiting for us, greets us.
Seeing that Dad isn’t behind us, he puts on a complicated expression and quickly understands it.
Her mother helped her unpack, and the Korean food the three of them ate at the snack bar was not very tasty.
Home cooked food is much better.
It’s fine without the ingredients, so they’ll ask you to make soybean paste stew with just tofu.
It was an evening with many regrets.
***
May is very peaceful.
The weather is warm and there are many holidays.
Now that I am not a child, I cannot receive gifts, but rest itself is a gift of its own.
My mother, who had been on a trip with my father, also treated us more warmly than usual with a mindset of Yoo Hae-jin.
She originally did, but the important thing is that she didn’t say anything about work at that time.
Since she traveled, she never once questioned or questioned us.
Really like usual.
As if nothing had happened.
You treated me kindly.
“Mom, where are you going today?”
“A date with my dad.”
“⋯You see each other very often.”
“Neg dad, he probably has very few friends in Korea, so he won’t be bored.”
And more active?
Oh, you are an active person.
Rather than being active, he just went to see his dad often.
If not, once in two days.
If possible, he would leave the house at least once a day, saying he was going on a date with his dad.
He always came back before dinner, so it was just a matter of having lunch on his own, but it was inconvenient for nothing.
If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better to come in and live there, even if it’s a bit awkward?
⋯We’re leaving anyway.
“Today, I’m going to Yongin with my mom and dad, so make sure to eat winter and lunch.”
“What kind of dragon are you?”
I asked my mother what kind of date she wanted to go to, and she reminded me of what day it was by pointing to the carnation on her dress.
⋯Ah.
You are there.
Grandma.
“Since you gave it to my mother, can her mother use it however she wants?”
“⋯Yes.”
“And this is harmonious, right? You can’t put fresh flowers there.”
“That’s right.”
Then he opened the bag, took out the carnation he had prepared separately inside, looked at it for a moment, put it back in, then turned to me and opened his mouth.
“Let’s go together when it’s Grandma’s day, son.”
“We don’t have ancestral rites, do we?”
“Grandma won’t do it. She’s just being cumbersome.”
“⋯Yes.”
“With you, Winter, Mom and Dad… The four of us will come to see Grandma. Then.”
To honor those who have passed away.
To accept the return.
Every time I saw my mother working hard, my heart became unbearably stuffy.
It’s august
⋯ Will you understand after about two months?
Can I not speak emotionally at that time?
Well
I’m probably not going to be able to do it alone.
