Chapter 210 – Where Are the Dice’s Scales Smiling (2)
Where are the dice’s scales smiling? (2)
Pharmacy─
An unobtrusive outfit, wearing a light beige blouse.
I can’t feel the sticky stares I usually feel when I wear skimpy, lewd clothes… Somewhere, I feel empty. Even though I know it’s wrong, I still feel empty and inadequate and feel regretful.
Occasionally, he felt eyes directed towards him, but it was not a sticky or contemptuous look, but only a light look, the kind of look at a person passing by.
If you just look at someone walking nearby with sticky eyes… This is not what a normal society looks like. The only thing strange is yourself.
The mediocrity where nothing happens… I am often surprised at how my own psychology has changed in a short period of time when I see myself feeling a little sad.
… It’s a pity that I don’t feel the goosebumps of being stuck to my skin.
It was his own business, but it is not normal.
Although the results are said to have faded, if you feel it, it is… I feel strange.
Anyway, dressed in such ordinary and common clothes, I went to a pharmacy not far from my house.
The automatic door opens, and the unique, spicy smell of a pharmacy fills my nose, welcoming me.
The smell of disinfectant, my sense of smell has become more sensitive, and I feel like I can read the emotions and moods of various people mixed in between the smells of disinfectant.
Pain, patient, suffering… The smell of unhappiness, not very healthy.
It could be considered early on a weekday morning, but the inside of the pharmacy was quite busy.
A whining child, a mother who appears to be the child’s guardian, and a sobbing elderly person with a cane.
Even if I entered a place like that, it wouldn’t be particularly strange.
A place called a pharmacy, well… Isn’t it a special place that catches your eye when you go in?
A typical outing outfit, with no reason to attract attention.
In fact, even when the automatic door opened, and I entered the pharmacy, there was nothing to attract attention.
When a new guest appeared, his eyes turned to me for a moment, that’s it. Eventually, people seem to have lost interest and do their own thing. If it’s natural, it’s natural.
Well, I guess there is no reason to attract attention.
The reason why I feel that indifference is a bit awkward is probably because my experiences have made me feel strange. I feel a little sorry for such indifference, but somewhere… Could it be that something is a little broken?
To be exact, I wasn’t looking for that kind of attention. I’m not the kind of person who is particularly willing to receive attention from others.
Just a dirty, sticky gaze mixed with sexual desire… ♡
I was confident that I was willing to face those disgusting gazes.
In fact, they are of an even worse quality than the type of people who demand attention. Even though we are aware that the crooked walls are not right and normal, we end up demanding them.
This change, and awareness.
The awareness of my distorted self-made my heart ache.
Instinctive fear and rejection of oneself deteriorating.
However, the reason why these actions cannot be stopped is… It’s up to your own will.
Destroying oneself with one’s own hands is, in a sense, an extreme sadistic or masochistic tendency. Either way is probably better. The distinction already has no meaning.
I just prefer the pleasure of the moment.
An extreme hedonist.
For her, who had already lost everything else in an instant, anything else would probably be a good thing.
Just, as long as it was fun and in a good mood, that was fine.
In that sense… The sight of her falling down was quite a sweet stimulus to him.
Even now, it is like that.
In words and thoughts, I felt a distance, a sense of heterogeneity, and anxiety about my changed self… In the end, no one has any intention of stopping.
One way or another, you’re probably enjoying it.
In the end, he is projecting his dark desires onto his irreversible appearance.
Although it is just me, I can truly say that it is a crooked castle wall.
Things like the meaning of life, desire for improvement, goals, dreams, etc.
For her, who has lost without warning the milestone that made her human, her pleasure can be said to be a kind of wedge.
Obsession and dependence on abnormal pleasure.
Since she is somewhat familiar with how to understand herself, she is aware of that fact, but is it possible that she is even more so because she is aware of it?
More… She was obsessed with destroying herself and falling.
Just because it’s fun, it seems like if it makes you feel good, you’re satisfied with it.
It was like a train with broken brakes, running without stopping.
The size of the pharmacy was quite large.
Shelves filled with various medicines. However, like in convenience stores or large supermarkets, it was not explained where and what type of medicine was placed.
Rather, because the pharmacy was large, it was inconvenient to find where the necessary items were.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was at least a little kind explanation? I’m complaining and wandering around looking for a pregnancy test kit amid all the complexity.
In fact, it was a simple matter that could have been solved by asking the clerk at the pharmacy, but it was not easy since the item I was looking for was a product.
In fact, while I was waiting for a moment to find where the pregnancy test kit was, a kindness that could not see me came.
“Sir, is there any medicine you are looking for?”
I don’t think I was the type of person who felt burdened or uncomfortable by the store’s kindness. Normally, I would have been grateful and accepted that kind of kindness.
However, this time it was unnecessary kindness.
I can’t even explain with my own words that I’m looking for a pregnancy test.
No, pregnancy test kits are not illegal or banned… After all, isn’t it a bit like that?
In short, you can think of it as a young woman purchasing a pack of condoms at a convenience store.
This does not mean that such behavior is wrong. Buying condoms is neither socially prohibited nor illegal in some way.
But at the same time, the situation brings shame.
It wouldn’t be strange for a young woman to stop by a pharmacy alone and suddenly purchase a pregnancy test.
… It is true that I have recently begun to feel aroused by such looks and shame, but at the same time, it is also true that embarrassing situations that make my cheeks turn red always make me hesitate and make me feel like I want to avoid them.
Still, she didn’t think she was broken to that extent.
Shameful things are still shameful.
Should I feel relieved by this quite common sense and general sentiment, but in the current situation, it could be said that it ultimately worked as a handshake.
What… As a result, I couldn’t find the pregnancy test I was aiming for, and as time passed by my actions, the puzzled gaze of those around me only grew stronger.
… In the end, it was 40 minutes later that I asked the pharmacy clerk about the location of the pregnancy test despite my shame.
The clerk at the pharmacy was a well-dressed man with a full beard.
Even without looking in the mirror, I could clearly see that my face was red.
A thin stick made of pink and white.
After many twists and turns, I left the pharmacy as if running away, holding in my hand the pregnancy test I had purchased.
At the same time, there was a clicking sound from behind, and the young woman was already saying… It seemed like a whispering sound could be heard.
… Ah, I was really embarrassed.
I found out later that pregnancy diagnosis kits are classified as medical devices, so they can be purchased without having to go to a pharmacy.
Is it because I have never thought about purchasing something like a pregnancy test or have any particular reason to be interested? Of course, I thought that since it was a medicine, I could only buy it at a pharmacy, but I heard that I could also buy it at an online shopping mall without any restrictions…
I feel like I have lost a lot of money.
The object held in the hand is a thin, small stick half pink and half white.
It feels strange to be able to recognize that a new life has been conceived with just an object like this.
At the same time, there is nothing that can be undone with just this small tool… The fact that a future may be waiting for you only then hits you heavily.
This… I, who had no connection with the product at all, had no way of knowing how to use it, but the manual included in the packaging and the simple, if not simple, instructions allowed even me to use it without much difficulty.
The diagnosis method was simple, and could be expressed in one word.
A simple method of use is to collect urine in a clean, dry container and wet the urine absorbent part of the pregnancy test kit taken out of the packaging for at least 5 seconds.
Compared to the weight of information that could be obtained through it, the method was very simple.
… As ordered, I began filming the entire process of using the pregnancy diagnosis kit, starting with opening it.
If you think about it, that means… Even urinating in a small container was filmed… The thought of being seen♡ makes me feel a little embarrassed.
Although I think to myself that this is a crazy idea.
When I thought about this scene being filmed, a strange idea came to mind.
Normally, that imagination would just be an idea… I transfer to reality.
As a general rule, when you think of collecting urine for this purpose, it is normal to think of disposable paper cups. You don’t have to go far. Even for regular health checkups, don’t you often urinate in a paper cup to check your health status?
Of course, I knew that, and it wasn’t that I didn’t think about it.
Only, … What should I say, pervert-like nature? He wants to show his uglier side even more… Was it a result of inclination?
… A dog bowl that is usually used to store food.
Today too, I received urine in that place to be used for meals.
Rich… Stained, yellow urine.
I’m not crazy ♥
Has the entire screw on the head come loose?
On the floor, he was squatting on his own dog food bowl and urinating on it.
A yellow puddle, as if dyed, was filling the circular rice bowl.
… ♥
Really, I was out of my mind♥
I was committing it even though I was aware of it and was filming it without exception.
It’s probably inevitable that a little bit of opaque white liquid gets mixed into the yellow urine stains.
They say that right now, even today, I have to use that dog’s food bowl to eat…
It was me, but I couldn’t understand what I was thinking.
Braided… The smell of urine and the pungent smell of ammonia that made my head dizzy was stinging my nose.
To finish, a pregnancy test was placed on top of the dog food bowl filled with yellow urine.
… It was buried.
I couldn’t regress now♡
All along─ all the way─
White paper that absorbs yellow urine and becomes stained.
It reminds me of the chromatography experiment I did in science class when I was young.
A narrow frame space with the letters T and C written on it to show whether you are pregnant.
It’s amazing that pregnancy can be determined just by the appearance of a line in such a small place.
It doesn’t require any grand preparation; it can be decided just by urinating.
About 3 to 5 minutes from now, that’s it… A lot of things are decided.
Maybe… Nothing will happen.
It will definitely be so.
Even though I know that, my gaze… I couldn’t get out of the small space that had only two alphabets written on it.
