Chapter 158 – Haya Seo, Come Out
Watching Kim Joo-won’s pupils shake greatly, I thought that.
If she decided to reveal her truth, would she have made a good choice?
“Writer, are you a writer…?”
Nod
He nods to Kim Joo-won, who asks with a trembling voice.
Then Kim Joo-won, she made a gesture that seemed to doubt whether she heard what she heard correctly for a moment…
He started looking at me with confused eyes.
“Then, from the moment we first met, what you said to me was…”
“I said I don’t remember. I didn’t mean it wrong, I thought. Actually, I had no memory of Lee Seo-ha at all.”
“I didn’t even know who I was.”
“That’s right, I made you born into this world, so of course you couldn’t not know. The person I imagined is right in front of me, so I don’t know how.”
But it didn’t end there.
Unknowingly, the more I answer to Kim Joo-won, who brings out the questions he had in his heart, the more his expression…
There was a mix of indescribable emotions.
“Juwon-ah, I’m sorry I lied to you.”
All I could do was say that.
The present me is to him, the very source of all evil that forced him to live an unhappy life for decades.
“…”
After watching that day for a while, Kim Joo-won got up from his seat without a word and left the house.
However, I sat there like that without even thinking about catching him, and I fell on the table.
In the house where Kim Joo-won left, I cried alone and fell asleep in the tension that was relieved.
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry…”
* * *
But her mother was not allowed time to sleep without taking care of her child.
It was when he was asleep alone in the bed he always slept with after feeding his new baby.
I slowly opened my eyes to the faint rustling sound coming from somewhere, and Kim Joo-won was sitting next to me for no reason.
“Ju won…?”
He quietly raised his body and called out to him, but he looked down at the guy who didn’t respond.
Sarak.
At the sound of pages turning, I finally understood why he didn’t respond.
He was looking at the notebook he had taken out of the dimensional space so that he could read it when he returned.
“Seoha.”
And when I woke up, I had read almost all of it.
There was a crackling sound, and then I heard Kim Joo-won’s voice calling me.
“Huh.”
After carefully answering, Kim Joo-won got up from his seat and carefully approached me, putting down the finished note on the desk.
Then I was able to see something I hadn’t wanted to see in a really long time.
Just like when he was angry with Seoha Lee in the past, those eyes looking at me without any emotion.
“That note, is that it?”
“…That’s right.”
“That’s right. You really wrote it.”
Little by little, fear began to well up in the depths of my heart.
In the meantime, I thought I’d gotten to know him better after spending quite a while with him…
It was a really big mistake.
The current guy, no matter how much I looked at him who made him, I couldn’t judge at all what he was feeling right now.
“You know me, I have the wrong things I did to you.”
“Huh.”
“I wanted to live for you so that you wouldn’t be sad because of those things, even if I gave my whole life, the rest of my life.”
Kim Joo-won’s voice was trembling.
What was he thinking when he came in?
Deep down in my heart, I felt so uneasy because I had no idea why she was talking to me in such a dark way.
It is true that it was unintentional.
In the first place, until I wrote that novel, I had no idea that something like this would happen to me right now.
But no matter what situation I was in then, would that fact really matter to the guy now?
“But, I didn’t know how to treat you.”
Kim Joo-won takes my arm and lies down next to her, talking to me in a cautious voice.
Now, how will he see me, the root cause of my life’s unhappiness?
“You’re the one I love right in front of me, but she keeps thinking that you’re the person who ruined my life.”
His hand goes to my cheek.
His face, which seems to be more troubled than when he went to find out if the family head’s words were true, is faintly illuminated by the moonlight.
“So I don’t know. My heart says you’re right, but reason rejects him.”
Hearing Kim Joo-won’s voice, he raised his hand.
“Seoha, what should I do?”
Perhaps, coming back to this house also required considerable determination.
But does he know
That now I can’t let myself go.
“Joo Won.”
He stretched out his arms and hugged the boy’s back.
Kim Joo-won’s complicated eyes look at me, and his hand, which is draped over my arm and shoulder, gently brushes the nape of his neck.
“Yes. As you said, I know that your state of mind is complicated.”
And he gently hugged Kim Joo-won’s head.
I’m not sure if this will cause a big change in his mind now.
“But, Joo-won, everything you went through with me in your last episode is not without incident.”
Continue talking to the guy who listens quietly.
“Everything from the moment you first met me, to the fact that I became pregnant with Sae-ah, ran away together and gave birth to her child, and took her away from Seo-ha Lee and killed her and got her back.”
Because I didn’t want to see him change his mind.
If anything, now, no matter how much interest Kim Joo-won may have lost, even if it is a body that does not know.
“So Joo Won.”
I took the boy’s hand carefully.
There was only one way to elicit a great reaction from the guy whose anger had been erased.
“If you’re still not sure, would you like to check it yourself?”
“What.”
“Do you really feel like I’m not me?”
He brought his lips to the boy’s ear and spat out the words.
“My body.”
It was then.
Kim Joo-won’s hand trembled even for a moment.
Had he ever been angry with me for thinking too much of his body before?
“And what you did to me.”
But even if he gets angry, he will know.
Anger looked back at himself, momentarily confused, but in the end, what he had been looking for the longest time was in front of him.
She is the most similar to Lee Seo-ha, who was her own lover.
“Today is the right time.”
“What…”
What I am going to say from now on is not something I would say to Sae-ah.
I don’t want to hear bad words from my child, so I separate the child’s bed with the child.
Now Sae-ah will be able to continue to sleep without waking up in the most tranquil space.
Without hearing the story of his birth.
“Remember how Sae-ah was made.”
Kim Joo-won’s body instantly stiffened.
Even though Sae-Ah and Kim Joo-Won are giving us infinite love, it must be because the beginning of this child is not a blessed one.
The child was conceived by me in the worst form of rape.
“Just today is the day.”
“Stop, I understand…” She said quietly to me as if Kim Joo-won could not hear it anymore.
But I had no intention of ending Eoyoung and Buyeong here.
Even if once again.
Even if I said that I was forcibly raped by him like that time, my crazy heart wouldn’t let him go anymore.
No, rather, even so.
“If you forcefully rape me like that time, I’ll get pregnant again.”
Even if I completely ignored his request not to disrespect my body, I wanted to hold him back to me.
“Why, do you have trouble thinking about that time?”
I let go of him and got up.
When I woke up, Kim Joo-won followed me and started looking at me with a hardened expression.
“But we had a relationship like this.”
I didn’t want to give him the initiative, so I was desperate.
Then, to keep this guy from leaving me, he brought out the memories he didn’t want to recall because he wanted to hold on to him.
“Didn’t we both go to the bottom of each other once in a while anyway?”
Let the confused guy think what I want.
It was because I was thinking of proving that I was the same me then and now by making the me in front of me look like the underdog of those days.
“Don’t avoid being swayed by memories of the past.”
Little by little, anger began to seep in his eyes.
Of course he would be angry when I said that, the root cause of destroying his whole life.
On top of that, even unintentionally deceiving him for a long time.
“One way or another, what you did to me won’t go away.”
Kim Joo-won rose from his seat.
He grabbed me at any moment and smiled at the face of a guy who looked like he would do something.
Not a smile of happiness, but an obvious sneer.
“Is there a request you asked me the other day? To cherish my body more. But it’s so fucking funny when I think about it. I remember the bastard I raped asking for that.”
If I spit out these words now, we might get into a big fight.
But I had to do it now.
But I didn’t mean to do it, it happened like this, and somehow, I was getting angry inside myself.
“Fuck it.”
Food.
He deliberately makes a mocking noise.
To mock the guy in front of you.
“Enjoy everything when you’re having fun, and since I’m a bit selfish, cherish it as if it’s your own. Do something. It’s fucking funny.”
Kim Joo-won closed his eyes.
On his face, the expressionless expression he most wanted to see gradually covered his face.
Now, if I stimulate it a little more, it will explode.
“Fuck your dick, if you want to be angry again like that time, then get angry. Anyway, I’m a bitch who can’t do anything with your hands, right? Ah. But since I want to pretend to atone, so I don’t have to hit you, take off your clothes beforehand and spread your legs?”
At that moment, my heart sank at the sound of exhaling, “Whoa.”
Finally a guy
“Seoha.”
He couldn’t stand my words and exploded.
“Come out.”
With a fairly low voice, he grabbed his wrist.
