Chapter 22 *Toraga's Point of View
A few days have passed since he stayed at my house.
I woke up early in the morning and was just sitting around watching TV with nothing to do when I received a text message on my cell phone. I checked the contents of the message, and seeing that I couldn't ignore it, I sat up, grabbed my keys, cell phone, and wallet, and walked out of the house.
I got on my bike, which was parked at a parking lot, drove for a while, and arrived at a restaurant that looked like any other restaurant. I arrived at a typical restaurant, and there, at the smoking section, I saw Mr. Ren, who had called me by e-mail, waving his hand and looking at me.
As soon as I sat down, he said, “I'm sorry for calling you so suddenly. Order whatever you like.” He handed me the menu list and said, “Order whatever you like.
I wasn't hungry, but I couldn't refuse the order, so I chose the pizza I always order and ordered it from the waiter.
With a cigarette in his hand, Ren-san smiled amusedly and exhaled a cloud of purple smoke from his mouth.
What the hell?”
When I replied without hiding my grim expression, Ren-san did not make a disgusted face, but rather, his smile deepened and he opened his mouth again.
After you left RED, it was great. The women who wanted to get at you made a big fuss, and the men got excited and started making a fuss…”
“Really?”
You're still as curt as ever.”
I did not reply to his words, but took a sip of water from the table.
Mr. Ren offered me a cigarette and asked me if I wanted to smoke. I refused by shaking my head.
He shook his head and said no. “Well, you quit smoking, didn't you?”
“Yeah.
Is it for that girl?”
I looked at the scenery behind the glass without answering her question.
Ren-san took my silence as an affirmation, “I see. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not, but it's a good idea.
I'm not going to RED, I'm not going to play with women, I'm not going to fight, and if I'm not going to smoke, it's only for women.
…….”
“Don't get mad, I don't deny you think it's funny, but I'm glad you found a girl.”
I replied, “No, I'm not. The actual a lot more you are able to get, the more you will be able to get.
In response to my reply, she raised her eyebrows and said, “What's the difference? I answered, “We're not going out. I replied, “We're not going out.
He opened his eyes wide, smoked a cigarette, pushed it into the ashtray, took out another new cigarette, and lit it.
She likes you too, doesn't she?
She says she likes me, but my feelings haven't caught up with her yet.
I see.
……I don't know what you mean by liking her.”
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a look at the pictures and say, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
The most important thing to remember is that you can't just take a look at your own personal personal information. I've never felt so defeated in my life.
After I lost the fight, Mr. Ren said he liked me and took me to various places.
There was also RED, which I went to the other day. At first I was wary of Mr. Ren's optimism, or rather, his lack of forethought, but gradually I came to know his personality and lost my wariness of him.
He was the only one who knew what was going on in my house, and he and Huangya were the only ones who knew what was going on. He asked me why we were fighting, so I told him about my past, hoping it would be him somehow.
When Ren-san found out about the situation at home, she only said a word or two back to me and didn't touch me much, but instead she started to pay more attention to me than before.
She knows me very well. She knew me when we used to fight all the time, and she knew me when I was playing with women all the time. I know that she was worried about me. But he only warned me and didn't stop me.
I understand that now. I wanted her to realize it herself.
I don't know if you like her, but you're interested in her, aren't you?
I replied shortly.
I replied shortly, and Ren nodded happily.
Where did you meet her?
I said, “At school.”
I said, “Youthful, isn't it?” He accepted the food from the waiter who had just come to bring it to the table and held it out in front of me.
What did you like about her?
The reason I didn't tell Mr. Ren about that girl is because I knew he would ask questions like this. And I didn't want people to know about him.
If they knew about my relationship with him, they would look at him with curiosity. I have a lot of enemies, so I wanted to keep it hidden so that he wouldn't get hurt by me.
I don't care where you are.
Just tell me. I'm curious.”
I put the pizza in my mouth as if I didn't want to answer.
I put the pizza in my mouth as if I didn't want to answer. I'm in love with your straightforwardness.
I guess you've fallen in love with my straightforwardness.”
…….”
“You never looked at other men, only at Toramasa.”
…….
A sense of security.
…….
The first time I saw the newest version of this product, I was surprised to find that it was so well received by the public.
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your money is to make sure that you are getting the most out of your money.
She's so perceptive that I can't hide anything from her.
He's a good boy.
“…… is so annoying.
I wish I had that kind of love.
You have Ai, don't you?
Just a thought, just a thought. Don't ever tell Aimi.
A few months ago, Aimi told us that she was pregnant, and then she and Ren got married.
She said she didn't know if she liked him or not.
“……Ah.”
I'm not in a hurry right now. The more you rush, the worse it's going to be. Something will drop into your chest.
Is that how it is?
I was. I thought I liked him at the moment. The actuality that you can be a lot more than just a little bit of a person. I'm not you, so I don't know how you feel about her, but from my point of view, in the not-too-distant future you will be able to say with pride that you like her.
I hid my itchy feeling from Ren-san who was talking with a serious face and said, “You are unusually serious, aren't you? I hid my itchy feeling and said to her in a teasing manner, “You're unusually serious.
I was actually going to ask about your and Mariko's love story, but it's not at all what I was expecting.
After saying this, Ren roughly scratched her short hair, which had recently been dyed black, and lit up a cigarette again.
Aimi will get angry if you smoke too much.
I can't smoke at home, so let me smoke outside.
It would have been unbelievable to me a few months ago that Ren-san, a heavy smoker who claimed to prefer cigarettes to alcohol, did not smoke at home.
Well, I'm not losing to him either.
I thought about that as I finished the rest of my pizza, hiding my frustration of wanting to smoke.
—-
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stay at home even if I'm outside.
There was nothing to do outside or at home. There was nothing to do, just time passing by.
If I hadn't met him, I would have probably hooked up with a girl and had some fun, but now I don't even feel like doing that.
I found myself picking up my cell phone and reading back the texts with him.
I feel a sense of discomfort in the space I used to have alone.
Maybe it's because I've been with him for the past few days, but I feel a sense of lack just because he's not here, and I spend meaningless time just listening to TV and playing with my phone.
I wonder if I should just fall asleep.
I think about that while playing with my cell phone, but what I'm thinking in my head and what I'm doing don't match.
He has his own life, his own time.
–I still called the phone number I had called so many times.
After three rings, the sound breaks and I hear a voice say, “Hello?
I heard the reassuring voice I had heard so many times.
What were you doing just now?
Now?” I was just in my room rereading my e-mail with Mr. Toraga!
I couldn't help but laugh at that guy who was doing the exact same thing I was.
I heard a voice on the other end of the phone saying, “Why are you laughing? I heard a voice on the other end of the phone saying, “Why are you laughing? I'm too embarrassed to say such a thing.
It means he was bored.
I was bored to no end.
You're always bored.
I'm always free so that Toramasa-san can call me at any time.
I could see his embarrassed face in my mind.
Why does he always think of me first, and why does he always give me the words I want?
Something warm and tender welled up slowly from deep within my chest, and a pain in my heart akin to sadness struck me.
“Can you come over now?”
With pleasure!
After that conversation, I hung up the phone, put it on the table, and leaned back against the back of the sofa.
I covered my face with my hands and brushed my hair back.
When I realized he was coming to my house, I suddenly felt like I had a wider perspective.
The time that had passed without me feeling anything is now more present as I can clearly feel every second of it.
I feel so restless that even though I just hung up the phone, I keep looking at the door, hoping that the intercom will ring soon.
I don't want anyone to see me like this. Of course, I don't want him to see me like this, either.
I used to not care this much about other people, but since I met that guy, a lot of things have changed.
I'm surprised at how I show my pathetic appearance, my weakness, and my emotions with my facial expressions.
In front of him, I can be myself as I am. I feel that way.
That's why I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to tell him I love him.
I wonder why.
He says “I love you” so easily, but I can't say those two words.
If I don't like this feeling, then what the hell is it? Is it still possessiveness…or is it a different feeling from love?
The love I get from him is different from the love I've received in the past, it's too big and heavy. But the size and weight were just right for me.
I want to return the love that he gave to me. But I feel that the love between him and me is not the same. Is it my imagination, or is it really true? I don't know the answer. It's impossible for others to know what people are feeling.
Yet, I can feel his feelings straight away….
I want to know what those feelings are and how to convey them.
After a while, the intercom rang and I knew he was at my house.
I got up from the sofa, went to the front door, and opened it.
Then I see him looking at me through the open door, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment and happiness.
I was really liking this moment.
“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Toramasa.
His voice calling my name is much better than the one I hear on the phone.
I can reach out and touch him, see his reaction right in front of me, hear him say he loves me, and see my reflection in his eyes. That makes me more happy than anything else.
The warmth of his skin, the beat of his heart, the sound of his breath. I can feel that he is alive.
Mariko smiling and talking to me is irresistibly cute.
I thought it was the same feeling as loving an animal, but recently I realized that it is not.
Not only is she cute, but she is also sad and makes me want to cry.
At first I was happy just to hear their voices, but then I wanted to see their eyes, and then I wanted to see their reactions.
Once I touched her, I couldn't stop.
I wanted to touch her more. I wanted to put all of them in my arms.
Humans are greedy creatures. Once you have something, you want more.
I was so moved by him, but I thought it wasn't a feeling of love.
I asked him the other day if his heart was beating, and he said it was probably because he was drinking.
If my heart beats that fast even when I'm not drinking, and that's the heartbeat that tells me it likes me, then what about my heartbeat now?
Are you saying that my heart beats differently again, pulsing with the same speed and strength it did then?
But I can't ask that.
I was afraid he would deny it again.
If he says it's different, I won't know what the hell I'm feeling for him.
I want to believe that this is the feeling of liking him. But I'm not sure yet.
So I want you to wait a little longer.
Mr. Toraga.
What?
Your face was really cool just now.
I smile again at Mariko, who speaks in a whisper, as if she's talking in private.
You look cute right now, too.
The actual “I'm not a fan of the newest and most popular” type of clothing, but it's also a very popular type of clothing for those who are looking for a more casual look.
She said, “Hey, why are you acting so cute again!”
He immediately burst into tears.
He raised his face, which was buried in the pillow, and said to me with teary eyes while his face turned bright red, then he clung to the pillow again and said, “Toramasa-san is too good-looking…. He then clung to the pillow again and mumbled, “Toramasa-san is too good-looking….
I couldn't stop smiling, even at such a murmur, because I was so happy.
I patted her head without saying a word, and Mariko stopped moving.
When I scooped up her hair and hung it over her ear, the corner of her mouth turned up again as she let even her ears turn bright red.
Hey, whisper more love to me.
I'll watch and study you. Until then, I want you to teach me right in front of me.
I'm sorry.
