Chapter 79 – Dialogue
When I opened my eyes, the surroundings were dark.
To be more precise, only weak light was flowing softly from one side.
Orange? Gules?
It was a light of a color that could not be clearly determined.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen lights of that color before.
The day I drank at a bar the day before I lived in this house.
It was as if I had seen this color of light in that bar.
Somewhere dark and decadently colored lights made the atmosphere of the room even more strange.
Why do these lights turn on and no one is actually involved?
I wondered if I had slept too comfortably for something really big the night before.
After that happened, it was a daily routine that I couldn’t fall asleep after thinking about it, even if I didn’t want to think about it.
Not only the mind, but also the body wanted to be sick.
I probably couldn’t live up to my name.
Did you say that people go crazy if they have nothing to do or see?
I was in just that situation right now.
All you can do is eat and think.
It was a state of not knowing what day it was or what time it was, or how the world was going.
I just guessed what time it was from the meals that came at regular intervals.
But I’m not sure if that’s even right.
Is this lunch, dinner or breakfast?
If you split your day into three pieces, a meal would come to you in every crack.
It was the reality of measuring the day with that.
It seemed to be getting worse.
So far, I’ve been through it, but I feel like something in my head is breaking down one by one.
Is it the part that controls emotions or the part that controls thinking?
Fortunately, the part that governs language was still alive.
Without that, I would have been no different from a vegetable person.
The door is open.
It’s now clear who will come in.
I didn’t make the mistake of turning my head to check.
I just moved my body to wake up.
The problem is.
My body didn’t move.
I knew that one leg was already immobilized, but that was not the case now.
I couldn’t move any part of my limbs.
The only part that can move with willpower is the top of the neck.
Freedom is more gone than when it first came.
I know whose work it is.
The expression of confinement, which I have become accustomed to, is very strange, but there was a big difference between one restriction and all restrictions.
“What are you really doing?”
Between absurdity and anger, he somehow opened his mouth.
“What?”
It was a tone and answer that I did not know if it was acting or sincerity.
Is it shameless or is it because you don’t know if it’s sincere?
Until now, it seemed like he was doing it on purpose, but recently I thought that maybe he was sincere.
“Now you’re just going.”
“He’s just gone. He’s just changed his mind now.”
“Until now, I’ve left Ed free because I love him… But lately I’ve been thinking a little bit that it shouldn’t have been.”
“What am I supposed to say about stopping Ed from doing… It’s nonsense, but I think it’s time for something a little rougher.”
“Rough way?”
If the act of imprisoning people and fulfilling one’s love is not a rough way, then what is that rough way?
“What…Quickly release this.”
There is a line in the world.
Of course, this situation has also been a long time since crossing the line, but it was still a bridge until yesterday.
I don’t know if it’s right to think that one leg is better, but I strongly thought that something wasn’t right.
Is this what makes it dull?
“That can’t be done.”
It was an answer I didn’t expect anyway, but I still had a lot of problems accepting it.
“Now I just don’t even want to stop.”
Her walk was like a huge stone.
A large stone that goes down, ignoring everything in front of it, driven by gravity.
There seemed to be no stopping now.
“Let’s talk about us.”
It was a conversation repeated several times, but our conversation was already embarrassing to even call it a conversation.
How can a conversation where each person only has to say become a conversation?
However, this conversation seemed to be a little different than before.
“Let’s talk about the facts that we all know, but no one knows, shall we?”
“Now? It’s okay. Now what?”
“Ed won’t listen to anything I say anymore anyway.”
Looking at it, actions and words did not match.
Should I have expected that much to do this in the first place?
However, considering that there had never been anything like this, asking for an estimate was harsh.
“You’ll do whatever you want anyway.”
She walked towards me.
I guess I’ll do something else
She was tense with that thought, but nothing happened.
She was just fiddling with something on the back of her bed.
I felt my body leaning forward, and soon my eyes were looking straight ahead.
Like a bed but sitting in a chair.
I ended up facing her.
“Where do we start the story?”
She started talking like that.
“There are so many memories, I don’t know where to start.”
She didn’t answer.
Just like it has been since I came here.
“Now that Ed won’t leave me, I think she’ll be fine telling me everything. They say there are no secrets between husband and wife, right?”
It was only a promise in words, but the attitude of talking about it as if it had already come true made me annoyed.
It must be clear that the more annoying thing is myself who can’t do anything.
“Okay well, let’s go back to when we first met.”
She took my immovable hand.
###
One of the thoughts I had from a long time ago was the thought of why me.
When I first came to this house, I thought how did a house like this know and call me.
The thought was now unraveling in front of me.
“Do you know why Ed?”
She, too, seemed lost in her memories.
“The truth is, she didn’t know Ed was coming. She just asked through someone her mother knew.”
She seemed to have heard something strange, so she added her explanation.
“My mother’s maiden name was Erenis.”
It was a new fact, but more important than that was that it wasn’t unfamiliar.
There was one person I knew who had that last name.
“Ed would have guessed it roughly. That’s right. Rosalyn Erennis, Catherine Erennis’ sister. My aunt.”
The questions and truths that had been scattered here and there were finding their place.
It was possible to explain why it was me and how they knew and contacted me.
I understand, but I wondered if it was really probable.
“I really didn’t know then.”
“I didn’t even know it was Ed. Back then, I was full of disbelief.”
“Why Ed? I used to just give a rough explanation of why, but there’s more than that.”
I can’t even remember what I said at the time.
“The reason I first started talking was anticipation.”
It was difficult to understand from a certain moment, but I found myself listening carefully.
Was there really any expectation that something would be different?
“I saw the sadness in Ed when I first saw him.”
“It was quite a while later that I found out what that sadness was, but at the time I just thought Ed would listen to me.”
“You don’t even know what I’m talking about. That’s right, I was broken then.”
It seemed so.
“I was dangerously lonely, so I just casually started talking to him. Maybe if Ed hadn’t responded, I would have ended my life sooner or later.”
Old memories started to come back.
A very strange first meeting.
Even then, things that I just passed over because I thought I had a difficult past.
If I had felt strange at the time and left that place, wouldn’t I be doing this now?
I don’t know, but the situation I was in was driving me to say that.
“My life was just holding on without being dry. A life that I couldn’t die. It was a time when I was full of thoughts that even that would come sooner or later.”
It was a painful story about himself, but it was strangely calm.
Is it a story that will never come back?
“Then I saw Ed now. In fact, there were many people who were better than Ed at the time. A famous professor, a current instructor at an academy.”
“The problem is that people like that are starting to stop coming. They know that I’m insecure. The people who took care of me at least once had a different purpose.”
A bittersweet smile appeared.
It seemed that he would inadvertently sympathize, but that didn’t justify the current situation.
“So why did you choose me?”
I opened my closed mouth.
I feel like I should ask about this.
No. There seemed to be a lot of questions to be asked.
“I think Ed can understand me as much as Ed. If I hug Ed, who is filled with sadness, I felt like we could sprout something together.”
These were words that ordinary people would never understand.
“That’s why I hugged Ed.”
