Chapter 4 – The Life of an Unemployed (4)
When I first heard that, my only emotion was embarrassment.
That would be true, too. These words usually refer to the counseling offices of regular education courses such as academies.
This was because it was a question that would only be asked in a counseling room at a private academy.
Did you find me as a counselor? The intention of the question was unpredictable.
Still, I thought I wouldn’t have asked a meaningless question, so I decided to answer the question.
“It’s hard for me to answer the question of happiness.”
It was true. We are having this conversation now that we are doing tutoring, but if you ask yourself if you are happy
No answer came out.
“I myself can’t answer that, so how can I give that answer to others?”
For 10 years, he just looked ahead and ran. If it gets blocked, I didn’t see it blocked, but I decided to turn around.
So I couldn’t answer that question.
After hearing my answer, the young lady looked at my face for a moment before replying.
“Mr. Weiss is a little different from the rest.”
After that answer, she started talking about herself.
“This is not the first time our family has hired a tutor.”
“The first person I saved was a really standard person. He could be said to be faithful to his duty.
To put it badly, he was a boring person. Since I learned 3 weeks like that, I thought I would study
It just disappeared.”
The words “I don’t think he did anything wrong” Never came out of my mouth.
“The second person taught me well. I don’t know where she heard the story or if she heard my circumstances.
Compared to people who came for the first time, they taught me less boringly.”
“What happened to him that he hasn’t been teaching until now?”
“It’s nice that he understands quickly. That person wasn’t the purpose of tutoring for me.”
What if the purpose of a tutor is not tutoring? The moment I tried to listen to the rest of the content that I did not understand easily
There was a knock and her maid came in and left her car.
I thought the story was going to be long, but I was told to go after dinner, so I said yes and returned to the story I was talking about.
“That person was a person with a desire to succeed. The reason I took up tutoring was because I wanted to go to a higher place, but there was no way.
I thought that if I raised my grades, something would happen.”
“At first, we talked intermittently, but later, when we left, we were told to take care of us every other day.”
Of course, cutting was the story after that.
Since then, her story has generally not deviated much from her first and second cases.
“I wondered why he was doing this because that happened over and over again. He said he wouldn’t do it after that.”
After hearing all the stories, my thoughts were that it could be. It’s similar to the first case, no matter how it goes
If the second case had been repeated, it would have been more natural to take classes in tutoring.
“It’s only natural that I won’t go to private tutoring again, but how could I…?”
Hearing her words, she started talking again with a darker face than before.
“Have you heard anything about my circumstances before you came? You must have heard that I am looking for private tutoring because my theoretical grades are not good.”
“It wasn’t before he came, but he came and heard it.”
“Then you should know roughly.”
After hearing a series of stories, I thought she was very one-sided. It’s as if I couldn’t find a place to talk and found it for the first time.
I don’t think I’m shy enough to say this to someone I’m seeing for the first time. As the discomfort subsided for a moment, she began to finish her words.
“I have an older sister.”
“You have a sister.”
“She’s the perfect sister. She’s the kind of person who, since her academy days, she’s never lacking and she’s good at everything. She’s like she’s the kind of person who had no obstacles in her path.
What’s so different about college?
At first, I was happy with a pure heart. It’s good to have a good family. But the teacher also studied it and you know it. As the light grows, so does the shadow.
At some point, people started to see me as her older sister. They didn’t see me as myself.
When I first entered the academy, everyone had high expectations. Since there was already a precedent, I expected the second one to be the same.
Even if you say you don’t study theory at home, you can start to see the reality as children who have reached a certain level or higher start competing in earnest.
You didn’t study theory because it wasn’t fun? It’s my fault. No I guess that’s right Then I took my first exam. Practical grades were high. I got a single digit rank. However, the theory
I got a grade that makes me wonder if this is the person who received that rank in practical skills. So the combined score had no choice but to go down.”
What she said so far was fleshed out from the fragmentary information I knew. However, there were fragments of dark content rather than bright and hopeful content.
“Until the end of the semester, people thought that would be the case. It was none other than the Fellowes family.
I’m going to say something bad.
After the midterms of the second semester, everyone knew. Oh, is he just good at practice? Isn’t it like that by believing only innate talent? That’s when the word started to come out.
The thing that changes as soon as the words come out is the way people look at me. Other students show tee on the outside. In front of me, the world is kind. That’s really wicked.”
As the sentence ended, I took the last bite of the remaining tea. There was not the slightest movement in her figure as she sipped her tea.
“Do you know what my nickname is in my academy?”
I couldn’t even tell the nickname of the person I saw for the first time today, and it wasn’t how I could hear the story because they belonged to the same organization.
In the end, I had no choice but to give a principled answer that I did not know.
“It’s half a penny of Fellowes, half a penny.”
“It doesn’t matter what the nickname is. It’s meaningless to try to stop it. Like it’s cruel, I only talk behind the scenes, so I have nothing to say.
Once, I heard it outside the door before entering the classroom, but as soon as I opened the door and entered, I smiled and treated it like it had always happened, literally.
I had nothing to say.”
I don’t know why the majority of the graders participated in such an act, but I, who was an outsider, just thought that the academic stress made them that way.
I couldn’t help but guess.
“I just don’t know anymore, sir.”
When she finished her words, her eyes went blank. It was the kind of eyes that those who have no more regrets in life have.
“I don’t think it’s an appropriate question in this atmosphere.”
“Miss Fellowes, why are you telling me this?”
It was a story that most people would probably say is something they wouldn’t do in the first place, no matter who they brought in and asked.
Perhaps it was a situation so crowded that even people seeing it for the first time would go crazy if I didn’t tell them.
Actually I don’t know.
My question is to the extent that it wouldn’t be strange even if I was criticized for not being observant, or even if I expressed it as cruel to a person who was in a crowd like that.
These must have been words of curiosity that came from a deep, dark place in my heart.
“I felt like I had to do it for my teacher. You’re the same as me.”
“Maybe you don’t understand what I’m saying. I felt like I had to say it to someone I saw for the first time. If someone I didn’t know heard of it, they would have called me crazy.”
“But I don’t regret what I said today. On the contrary, I’m glad I was able to say it today.”
“I’ll do tutoring. I don’t think you’ll regret it if you’re a teacher.”
“Somehow, the conversation got longer. Go inside carefully.”
###
What is the probability that you can see the bottom of the person you saw for the first time today?
It was clear that no matter what calculations were used, the answer would never be known.
Miss Fellowes went up to her room, and since it was getting late, her lady-in-waiting told her that her wife had urged her to go to dinner.
Under these circumstances, it seemed that she would be sick of eating dinner, so she politely declined and decided to go home.
As she was about to leave, she was met by the wife of her head at the door.
“I heard you’re just leaving. She wanted to treat her to dinner, but that’s a pity.”
“I have a schedule after this, so I guess I’ll just have to go. Thanks for the suggestion.”
“Looks like your daughter is satisfied with the teacher. I don’t know how many years she has had a face like that.”
“It’s something I’m grateful for.”
“I think you can come to class from next week. We also have things to prepare.”
“Then see you next week.”
###
She said goodbye and left her mansion.
In terms of time, it was time for one tutoring, but in terms of depth, it was a time that would have been heavier than anything in the world.
I thought more about whether I could face these heavy emotions well than whether I could teach them well.
Now I was naively thinking that if it seems like it’s not going to be okay, I’ll just quit.
I hadn’t yet known how what happened today would have an impact on the future.
