Chapter 32 – Again, Daily Life (2)
A lot has happened, but the world has been amazingly unchanged.
It was a tragedy in your pocket, and a farewell in your pocket.
Know.
It’s hard for me to face the world for 100 days. Even if I try, the world won’t listen.
All I could do was just say something sad happened and move on.
###
As a result, I took a break this semester as well.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t go to school, but I just didn’t want to do anything.
With the debt remaining, it was time to go pay it off.
It’s a familiar road, a familiar gate, and a familiar garden.
It feels different from then.
All thoughts lead to the question of why
For me now, I couldn’t draw a definite conclusion on anything.
The gate opens and a familiar lady-in-waiting greets me.
“Welcome.”
“Yes.”
Everything was like before, but not like before.
The people and the place were the same.
Should I adapt to my past self or should I change?
Familiar foyer, familiar room
And
Familiar person.
“Long time no see.”
“Hello teacher.”
There is an unknown tension.
“Are you feeling better?”
“It’s much better than the first time.”
“Thank god.”
After her last tutoring, seeing her for the first time is right, but why do I feel like I’ve seen her once in the meantime?
It was a confusing period, so memories seemed to be confused as well.
I decided to do what I had to do because it was something I had to do apart from my memories.
“From today, we will be conducting the 3rd year course.”
“I’m still in the second grade, but I’m going to do it from now on because I’ll have to learn it someday.
And, depending on the situation, you can also proceed with the college entrance process after the third year course.”
As for the preparation for the college entrance exam, in fact, I only asked if the state of the house could help me,
It was something that hadn’t been agreed upon yet, but we decided to talk about it for now.
Really or not, they’ll tell me after they talk.
Started to make progress.
The contents of the 3rd year are much more advanced than the 2nd year, so it is important to learn and review in advance.
If that’s my cause, it’ll be my cause
It was real to avoid this unknown awkwardness.
The difference from my sophomore year was that I dealt with three-dimensional objects in earnest.
Sphere, tetrahedron, cube, octahedron, dodecahedron, icosahedron
These were mainly dealt with in the academy, and now we learn that other solids just exist.
If you deepen here, these are the things you learn in college.
I was talking like a crazy person.
As if to release her own feelings here, he violently rammed her knowledge into her head.
After talking, I realized that I had spent three hours without a single break.
I felt an unknown strange feeling.
It was as if she was unilaterally venting her feelings to someone completely unrelated.
Was I a person who couldn’t deal with my feelings like this?
I looked into her eyes.
Fortunately, she was as usual.
As if she had experienced it once, she was following along well.
However, it was difficult to explain one by one, perhaps because I had not yet learned it, but there was no problem with the progress itself.
When both the teacher and the learner were tired and silent, she opened her mouth.
“Are you all right?”
It was an expression of concern.
Why is Miss Seria making such a face at me?
Simple worries?
Or because you don’t want to miss out on a tutor like this?
In her mind, a mockery of herself came out.
What kind of thesis is this guy writing and what kind of tutoring is he doing?
She was still staring at my face like she was really worried.
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll stop here for today.”
“You worked hard.”
I ran out of the room as if running away.
Leaving her mansion, she moved quickly into her alley like a mouse hiding.
Leaning against her wall, I felt my thoughts clear up a bit.
What did I want to do?
Did I want to let people know that I am the tragic protagonist of tragic love?
Or did I just want to vent my anger on someone about this unspeakable reality that happened to me?
I was disgusted with my own behavior.
Is it right to vent your feelings to an unknown third person?
Numerous accusations and criticisms were directed at me.
Everyone points fingers at me.
I wish you would stop.
Why are you doing this to me
I was just being true to my feelings.
It was a completely unknown person who saved me from being dragged down to the surface by numerous ‘horses’.
“Are you all right?”
The surroundings caught my eye.
A person leaning against a wall in the middle of a residential area, doing nothing and just standing still.
That was me that others were seeing.
He just said thank you for being okay and left as if he were running away.
I just needed something to forget.
I went to the store and bought a drink.
If I was alone, it would have taken me two weeks to drink, but that wasn’t the point right now.
I ran up the stairs like a madman.
The time was approaching night, but I firmly closed the door as if that was not my part-time job.
I tossed all my belongings into one corner of the room.
A dull sound was heard.
I roughly opened the glass bottle I had exchanged for cash.
I couldn’t even open it well, so I couldn’t hear it.
He turned the floor toward the sky and drained all the liquid inside into his intestines.
Fiery heat began to flow down his mouth, esophagus, and stomach.
All that was left there was an empty bottle.
A strong headache was imminent.
It was as if he had been hit hard on the head.
Two bottles.
I felt skeptical about my own life.
Seeing myself doing this for just this kind of thing made me feel disgusted.
Three bottles.
Screamed like a madman
It was late, but it was no longer an important issue for me.
I wanted to get rid of this stuffiness.
Why
Why
Why
Why are you doing this?
I don’t know myself either.
I felt a flash in my head for a moment
My vision started to turn black.
I saw myself sinking into that deep abyss.
###
Seeing him again after a few months, he looked somewhat uneasy.
The sad thing about him was that he didn’t even know what that feeling was.
Fortunately for her, he was still unstable.
The fact that slightly cracked soil is easier to permeate than perfectly solid ground
Because even a child knows it.
In any case, she was glad to see a new side of him.
A new side of him that hadn’t been shown before.
What a romantic word
Like a child climbing the stairs one by one.
She was climbing the stairs to the high star she would one day reach.
With the purest heart of any child, she couldn’t look forward to tomorrow more than this.
###
When I opened my eyes, the surroundings were dark.
Nothing seemed like a world where the light had been removed.
I wish something would change, but that was just my hope.
While I was standing there doing nothing
Heard a sound
‘…De’
‘Ed’
Someone was calling my name.
As if possessed by something, he was moving in the direction of the sound.
‘Ed’
It was definitely my name.
However, it was not a clear voice, as if something was stuck.
In this empty space, but there was only one thing to rely on
I saw myself following blindly.
I see a candle on the floor.
Another one
Another one
And another one.
Who put these candles here? I decided to follow along.
As I followed the candle, I saw something like a human figure in the distance.
Seeing her long hair, she looked like a woman.
Is it really female?
I wanted to have a conversation.
I took a step towards it.
It has reached a distance enough to distinguish rough impressions.
Blue hair that reaches shoulder length.
Blue hair…
At some point, that person started to get away from me.
I was in a hurry.
I felt like I shouldn’t miss that person now.
I wanted to say something.
I wanted to have a conversation that I hadn’t been able to do until now.
Even though there was no proof that that person was Heina
I started chasing her.
At one point I was running.
Her really was running out of breath but couldn’t catch up with her.
That I can’t keep up with her walking her running her.
As if it was a structure that could never be caught from the beginning, the distance did not get closer.
I felt like I had to call.
She didn’t know if she was Heina or not, but that wasn’t the point for her.
But her mouth didn’t come off.
It’s like I wasn’t allowed to in the first place.
When I tried to open my mouth, the pain came.
I ignored it and forced my mouth open.
“Hey… Or…!”
Can you hear me?
I do not know.
But I had to speak.
“Wait…”
“Let’s…Let’s talk about what we couldn’t finish…”
Perhaps she heard me, she stopped her steps.
It rolled on the floor as if it had hit a wall.
She looks back at me
Her… Her eyes, ears and mouth were covered with a black cloth.
It’s like hiding something that shouldn’t be revealed.
The fallen floor began to collapse.
I fell into the endless abyss.
I realized it was a dream the next day when someone knocked on the door.
