Chapter 75 – Chapter 01: Elf Heavenly Horse
In response to Eugene’s remarks, Yeonhwa, who was using the energy belonging to the magic of Yungma Bobeop’s illusion to prevent others in his system from recognizing him and his presence, narrowed her brows.
“I mean it literally. The wanderer just started walking along the path that appeared in front of him without thinking. … So what does it mean if the wanderer realizes that the path he wanted to take is not the one he wanted to take?”
Doesn’t that mean that the wandering person just keeps wandering, unable to move forward on the path he was taking because he thinks he can’t stop, and just stops in that spot even though he doesn’t want to stop?
“Even if that path is not what I was looking for or the path I ‘want’ to take… “If I don’t go down that path, I won’t know what to do anymore.”
I don’t know what to do. Yes, if I were to describe Eugene’s most honest point of view as he sheds his obsession with preventing the destruction of this Orbital World, that would be it.
“… You don’t necessarily need to do anything, do you? Just live. “Isn’t that enough?”
Yeonhwa asks herself how many people in this world have a goal in life and burn everything to achieve it.
However, Eugene responded to the question with a smile that seemed to indicate that he was somehow tired of the world itself.
“What is that expression?”
And Yeonhwa looks at Yujin’s expression and asks back with a straight face, as if she is truly angry.
However, despite this, Eugene showed no signs of fear at all, letting out just a little bit of the emotions he had stored up.
“My Majesty, have you ever felt regret?”
“… Normally, I would have said it wasn’t there, but I’ll be honest right now. Of course there is. “I am also a human being.”
Yeonhwa looked reluctant to Eugene’s question, but answered honestly because she didn’t want to lie.
“It can be said that one of my biggest regrets is that immediately after being reincarnated, I was so conceited that I neglected my training as a god.”
“Haha! I can definitely say that it is a regret. It’s a regret that would put your life at risk. … But at least you were able to make things right, right?”
But Eugene said that she couldn’t do that and lifted her head and looked up at the sky with a somewhat empty gaze.
If what you were looking up at was the moon just now, what you are looking up at now would be the countless stars that have begun to shine in the night sky.
“I am. I regretted it again and again. And when you regret it, it’s a regret that can never be resolved. Ha, they say that the moment you regret it, it is already too late to go back. That’s correct. And I knew that at the age of 10.”
And what was even more tragic was that I was too young when I found out about it.
“If I had found out, I should have at least learned a lesson to never do something like that again, but I was too young at that time. “I was too young to learn my lesson.”
Therefore, even though I experienced regret, the biggest regret in the world, I did not teach myself not to regret it again, but simply poured everything into the hatred that came with regret.
“I have no intention of denying hatred and revenge. But at least I didn’t go completely crazy about them.”
Yes, at least I shouldn’t have thrown away my ‘precious relationship’ again because I was crazy about revenge. … I shouldn’t have the same regret again.
“After it was all over, and after I lost everything, I made the same mistake again and had the same regret. But the funny thing is that at this time, there was no one to blame or take revenge on.”
It was entirely Eugene’s fault that they were lost.
It was Eugene’s fault because he was so crazy about revenge that he used them as a tool for revenge, so there was no way anyone could hold a grudge and take revenge.
“And when I realized that fact and started to regret it again, what can I say… “I just hated the whole world.”
I didn’t particularly want to blame anyone. Because my own fault was too clear to blame someone else.
“I hated living… No, it would be closer to say that living has become a hassle. When I achieved my life goal and started looking for a new life goal, I realized that I had destroyed the life goal that was so close to me with my own hands. Should I just say that the whole world felt pointless…”
To be honest, even Eugene himself wasn’t sure how to explain this.
I didn’t even have enough anger to cry and blame the world.
It felt as if all the fuel of anger that had been burning for over 20 years had been oxidized.
However, the remaining emotions were too sticky to just shake it off. What is this feeling that sticks to the soul like sticky tar and refuses to let go?
And it all worked so complicatedly that it made it impossible to know what to do. More precisely…
“… Ah, I see. This is it. When I do what I want to do, will I really not regret it? “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
I didn’t want to regret any more. And that’s why I couldn’t choose the path I wanted to take on my own.
I was afraid that if I chose that path for no reason, I would end up regretting it like I did over the past 20 years when I chose revenge.
“But we can’t stand still. “Anything is good, so you have to set a goal and move forward.”
“… Is it because if you stop, you lose your will to live and your reason to live?”
Yeonhwa, who was listening to Eugene’s story, began to withdraw her magical energy and asked a question. Eugene smiled bitterly and nodded.
“For me. I want to live. I don’t just want to live, I want to live happily. But I don’t know how. No, I should say that I have lost my way… To be honest, I envy you, who is crazy about martial arts and lives with the goal of martial arts.”
For me now, I had no goal to forget everything and just concentrate on moving forward.
“A regret I can’t shake off… , A feeling that cannot be let go. Memories that I want to bring back even though I know I can’t. “Finally, unforgettable happiness.”
Living was a hassle. If you’ve gotten to this point, you might think it would be better to just die without any regrets.
But even so, a ray of lingering regret remains… , Memories of the moment when she was happy in the past and did not know that she was happy were holding on to Eugene’s life.
“Won’t I get another chance?” … “If such thoughts are my regrets, then they are my regrets.”
From the beginning, I wanted revenge in order to live a happy life, to clear my grudges and move forward.
The problem would have been that by giving everything to paying off the debt, he was even sacrificing his future happiness.
“In order to live with those regrets, and to hold on to the happiness that might come someday, isn’t it necessary to forget everything for now and just have a goal in life to focus on?”
Yujin was silent for a moment as Yeonhwa’s voice put what Eugene wanted to say into her mouth, but then she burst out laughing in a somewhat bewildered voice.
Haha… ! This is true! Now that I’ve said this, it’s not the time for me to give him PTSD or a cookie-cutter mentality!”
Earlier, during the sparring match, Moon Ae-ri, who was showing signs of going crazy, was inwardly cursing, wondering what kind of mentality she had. It’s funny, but if you look closely, Eugene was also like this.
He devoted 20 years to revenge. No, it was okay up to that point. The problem is that he took and sacrificed not only time, but also relationships that were too much for him.
And Eugene’s mind, filled with regret after realizing that fact too late, is also tattered in a different direction from Moon Ae-ri’s.
Haha… Ha… Well, something like that. Thanks to you, I became aware of something I wasn’t aware of. But then what do you do? “Yes, I don’t have a choice right now.”
The lingering desire to live happily. But at the same time, the spirit is tired of living itself.
In that case, in order to live with that spirit, it was essential to have a goal that one could concentrate on, and the goal of falling into the Orbital World and preventing the destruction of the world in order to survive happened to be an appropriate goal.
“Even if it’s just to survive… , Just to grant the wishes of those people who wanted me to live… , I can’t stop.”
So he saves the world. Yes, Yeon-hwa, who was aware of her own feelings and was looking at Yu-jin who was still pledging to save the world against her will, opened her mouth.
“… “You seem very tired.”
“… “Maybe so.”
Tired of wandering around. I want to live, but I’m tired of feeling sick of life. So even if it is not the goal you wanted, you want to focus on it.
… Yujin smiled bitterly and agreed to Yeonhwa’s words, which accurately pointed out Eugene’s current state of mind, and Yeonhwa continued speaking.
“If someone other than you had said something like that in front of me, I would have cut off that line with my own hands without even looking at you.”
She says that even if she tried to find the reason for her life somewhere other than her own will, it would really be a meaningful life.
It was Yeonhwa who decided with her own will, her own emotions, and her own desires to live and dedicate everything to martial arts.
“Therefore, this committee can never acknowledge the decision to ignore one’s feelings and desires.”
“… “It’s my life.”
“If one is weaker than the principal, his or her life is subordinated to the principal. So if the principal cannot acknowledge it, isn’t it natural to end that person’s life by hand?”
It was a time when Eugene was dumbfounded by the remark, which was nothing short of heavenly and childlike.
Prison!
“Town… ?!”
Yeonhwa suddenly touches Eugene’s head and holds his head in her arms with such force that Eugene cannot resist.
Eugene was embarrassed by her unexpected and incomprehensible behavior and urgently tried to get away from her.
However, Yeonhwa never lets go of Eugene and just continues her words while holding him tightly to her chest.
“But you, no one else, are saying you are tired. “She doesn’t want to wander around and just stand around, so she ignores her own feelings and desires and she just wants to move forward.”
“…”
“But this committee cannot acknowledge your choice. Life is ultimately subjective. Life is where the parties are absolute. And the biggest driving force of that life can be said to be emotions and the desires that come from them.”
Therefore, Yeonhwa, who was called the incarnation of Mara Papiyas and Mara Pasun, the incarnation of desire, could not accept that Eugene just wanted to move on.
Therefore, originally, Yeonhwa would have stepped forward and taken that miserable life.
“But it’s you, Jeol Yujin. Since it is you, I plan to use a different method.”
So, when she wondered what kind of method she was trying to use when she held her in her arms and whispered to her, Yeonhwa naturally gave her the answer.
“Did you say you were tired of wandering around? Did she say she was tired of living? Is that why she said she just wanted to move on? In that case, I will make it so that there is no need for that.”
‘What is that…? …’
She continued her words as if Yeonhwa had read her questions in her mind instead of Yeonhwa’s mouth, which she could not properly open as she was held in her arms.
“First, let me comfort your tired heart. Even if you wander, I will wander with you so that you do not get tired of your wandering. So for now, just let out the emotions you’ve been storing up.”
