Chapter 15 – Mesugaki and Sake
“It won’t be… Such a good person…”
I tried hard to deny Jae-yeon’s sister, saying that she wouldn’t have done it, but all of this evidence creates a situation that I did something to Jae-yeon’s sister last night.
First of all, I don’t talk too much in my sleep, so when I wake up in the morning, my hair doesn’t get messy.
Second, I never put lipstick on my lips. No, I don’t even know how to apply it in the first place.
Third, how should I sleep when my clothes get messy?
Fourth and lastly, I keep thinking of Jae-yeon noona who kept trying to drink me yesterday, inviting me to drink and saying let’s make a special toast.
If I wasn’t a real fool, I could see what would have happened to me when I was drunk last night.
A young working woman in her 20s full of sexual desire and a man who had fallen asleep drunk were in the same room, and I was in a situation where I could not resist.
Even if it was me, I didn’t think I would miss such a good opportunity.
“In the end… Again I…”
I felt my face getting hot, so I immediately turned on the water in the sink.
Until the cold water becomes hot, until my head cools and I can think rationally.
I sank my face into the sink and washed my face like crazy.
The lipstick mark on my mouth looked like a slave’s seal to me, and it was disgusting.
I need to clear…
These marks need to be erased.
I rubbed it with my hand as if I was going to rip my lips off.
But why doesn’t it disappear…
“It’s dirty… It’s dirty…”
All the women I’ve seen in this world are the worst.
Auntie Shimura who sexually harasses me in public places, the part-time job owner who secretly touches me, the daughter of the landlord who always waits for me to come out, and the last time I drink and do bad things to my viewers.
There was already a feeling of disgust beyond disgust.
Dirty.
Such an asshole body is so dirty.
I hate this kind of body that is short, weak, weak in mind, weak in spirit, and even stupid.
-Shaaaaa…
If it was normal, I would feel a strange stare every time I showered, so I was reluctant to take a shower, but now it didn’t matter.
Dirty…
If it is dirty, it must be washed clean. Whether it be an object, an animal or a person.
Normally, I washed it as quickly as possible to save on the water bill, but that didn’t matter.
Anything was fine as long as it could just get rid of this filth.
Instead of body wash, apply cucumber soap on a body towel to create bubbles.
Bubbles disappear upon contact with water.
And wash away the dirt too.
However, it seems that he cannot get rid of the disgust that comes from deep inside.
‘It’s dirty… It makes me nauseous.’
It’s the worst.
I shouldn’t have been careless with something to eat in the first place…
Wash your body slowly by pouring water from the top of your head into the shower.
I’m sure it’s because of the side effects of the alcohol I drank yesterday, and my head hurts and I feel nauseous.
But strangely, my body didn’t stop showering.
Somehow, I washed my body with bubbles in the shower towel.
Apply the foam to the body and wash off with water.
It’s obviously a repetition of a simple action, but the more I continue this action, the more I feel like my mental strength is gradually being cut.
Is this life?
Is it life that I can’t live happily with all the things I’ve achieved?
I couldn’t tell whether the water flowing from my eyes was warm water or hot tears.
***
“Hungry…”
After a brisk walk in the morning, I started to feel hungry like crazy.
If you’re hungry, you can eat anything to satisfy your hunger, but I don’t have that luxury.
There are no ingredients left at home.
The remaining money is 15,700 won.
It was an insufficient amount to last for more than two weeks.
I really hate…
Could this really be starving to death?
I’m hungry and I don’t have much money.
I don’t even like to go outside.
If I just starve slowly like this, won’t I die someday?
Without family, money, or lovers, I’m dying here quietly…
-Kakaotalk!
[Park Jae-yeon: Did you sleep well?]
“Ha… Um…”
It’s ridiculous.
Until yesterday, a woman who would have been drinking and harassing my body without permission sent me a friendly KakaoTalk message from the morning…
Now that you’ve eaten it once, are you saying it’s a fish that came into the fishery?
He must have left all the evidence photos, and he’ll threaten you with that…
[Jaejun Shin: Why…]
[Park Jae-yeon: No haha I just wanted to say I slept well.]
Sleep?
Yes I slept well
It’s a problem that I couldn’t wake up when I was beaten by you because I slept so well thanks to you.
Even while chatting, it seemed that the emotion of anger was slowly boiling from within.
[Park Jae-yeon: Are you okay with a hangover? Shall I buy you some hangover soup?]
‘What, to meet again and try again?’
I didn’t want to see acting like this pretending to be nice.
Yesterday, he approached me like this and gave me a drink. If I follow him now, it is clear that he will be beaten again.
Even this time while I’m awake.
[Shin Jae-jun: No need.]
[Park Jae-yeon: You have to save money, but don’t be too shy…]
“Specification? Seriously… I thought I was looking good at this bastard…”
Jaeyeon noona’s tone was just normal, like someone who didn’t know anything.
Who feels that my body itself is disgusting because of what happened yesterday?
It was as if he had once again carved a lesson into his body that he should not trust the women of this world.
[Shin Jae-jun: Are you really not conscienceless? I haven’t really seen it like that… It’s so disgusting. Please just die.]
[Park Jae-yeon: Jae-joon? What do you mean all of a sudden? What’s going on?]
You’re not saying you don’t remember because you drank too yesterday, right?
It’s really disgusting.
Doesn’t that mean he was drunk and consumed by his own lust?
It must be Jae-yeon noona who brought me to this house in the first place, so you know where the keys to my house are?
If you get angry anyway, you’ll come to me and retaliate, but I’ll just say it coolly…
[Shin Jae-joon: Rapist bastard. Die. Someone like you shouldn’t have been born. I hate you.]
[Park Jae-yeon: Rapist?]
[Jaejun Shin: Do you not remember what you did yesterday?]
[Park Jae-yeon: Yesterday? What did I do?]
You really don’t know the end.
[Shin Jae-joon: You raped her and you don’t even remember?]
[Park Jae-yeon: Rape? I took you home yesterday and just came out?]
[Shin Jae-jun: Then, what are the lipstick marks on the lips and the loose clothes?]
“That makes no sense…”
I was in a drunken state and couldn’t come to my senses, but when I woke up, my clothes were untied, and there were lipstick marks on my lips.
[Park Jae-yeon: That’s… I accidentally… Kissed you while taking you home yesterday…]
‘Huh? A kiss by mistake?’
[Jaejun Shin: Is it really a mistake?]
[Park Jae-yeon: Really… I tried to lay you down on the futon, but you pulled me and threw me away, so I couldn’t help it… I promise you with my womb…]
“No, well… I don’t care if it’s not really intentional…”
I’m not a psychopath, but I can’t be angry when I say that I was pulled and pulled like that.
Then, suddenly, I felt that things were changing little by little.
Wait… If that’s true, what about my clothes and hair?
No, what is the sense of incongruity felt in the body?
Suddenly, you feel dizzy and find it difficult to think.
[Shin Jae-joon: So… So, did my clothes and hair get messy?]
[Park Jae-yeon: Wasn’t it because you begged me to carry you last night?]
‘Wait… Come to think of it, I think I asked to be carried…’
Suddenly I feel my face getting hot…
Could it be that it was all my misunderstanding?
Ah… No way…
“Sat, call… I have to call…!”
With trembling hands, I slowly called Jae-yeon noona on the phone number I received the other day.
“Hello? Are you Jaejoon?”
“Nu-sister…! I…You really didn’t attack me yesterday, did you?”
“Um… Then, have you been looking for blankets and trash cans?”
Ah… The quilt.
Come to think of it, there’s only one futon in my house anyway, so if something happened yesterday, the evidence would have been there…
At times like this, this stupid head was cursed.
In the end, I thought I was raped by myself… So all I could do was fuck myself up.
Oh man… I’m so ashamed.
“Jaejoon? Hey? Don’t you have anything to say to me? I’m kind of sad…”
“I’m sorry sister…! Sorry! I’m banging my head on the floor right now!”
It’s not enough to apologize for this.
No, it was a problem that could be solved quickly if I thought about it with a little brain in the first place.
Beyond shame, now I feel sorry.
What to do with this? The relationship that I tried to leave as an older sister who often buys me food is on the verge of disappearing.
“Kuhmm… Then would you like to have a meal with me?”
“Bob?”
“Since you don’t have any friends, will you eat with me?”
“Of course! Of course you have to eat!”
My sister’s voice sounded like she was relieved rather than angry.
What is it?
What’s so sad about it?
I couldn’t understand it with my stupid brain, but I decided to ignore it for now.
I don’t know what it is, but anyway, I’m a madman who suddenly framed an innocent person as a rapist, so I just have to stay still.
I quickly opened the closet and found clothes to put on.
Let’s make the most of it and say nothing…
