Chapter 94 – Self-Reliance (3)
From what moment
I can’t get to know myself
Being unable to know yourself is more difficult than you think.
As likes and dislikes become ambiguous, the meaning of one’s actions becomes unclear.
What kind of judgment did you base this act on, and what purpose did you move it with?
Wouldn’t it be disconcerting to see that subject suddenly disappear?
Just as twigs sway, even a small wind breaks the will we put forward.
Subjectivity disappears, and what remains is just an empty creature.
Live forever
But the heart is dead.
Simple doll.
To live long means to wear out.
That it becomes insensitive to any stimulus.
It wears out as a living thing.
In such a life, the existence of you has become my milestone.
Lee Jeong-pyo is a very annoying guy.
If you have it, it’s annoying as it is, but if you don’t, it’s empty and empty.
The cold wind of ‘longing’ that can’t be endured blows and makes people suffer.
Ronin Edric.
I thought of him as just an ordinary human being.
I met you while enjoying simple entertainment.
You, you saw right through my essence
I figured it out.
I still remember those words.
‘Isn’t the world more boring than I thought?’
I wish I could have laughed it off as a sloppy bug chatter, as usual.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the middle of a long time.
Well, clowns and swindlers all have to be good at talking, so is it natural that I got caught?
‘You’re looking for a place to bury yourself.’
What did you say in response to that?
It was you who shot me.
Ronin didn’t really deny it.
‘Hmm, that’s not wrong. Kindness recognizes likeness, so it makes perfect sense.’
I was intrigued by this man.
Curiosity you shouldn’t have.
‘Would you like to come with me? Having sad conversations with bored people can also be a way to pass the time.’
I was funny.
Does it make sense for a clergyman to hang out with demons?
When I asked him about it, his answer was spectacle.
‘What if the species are different? In the end, they are all lambs wandering together.’
The ronin who said that as he put his hands together looked very pious.
For the first time in my life, I was envious of a god who had such followers.
So you asked what god do you believe in?
He said he believed in himself.
Laughter broke out at the immature pun.
‘It was a joke considering the age of the elderly, did you enjoy it?’
Hearing that, the laughter disappeared.
Who are you treating as an old man?
It’s old, though.
Anyway, I was with you.
I thought there was no meaning in this kind of companionship.
You were a fun guy
He was also a cruel man.
Still, if you think about it, the process with you was very enjoyable.
It is said that memories are the only way to know what it was like when the emotions you felt at that time were volatilized.
That’s why.
It was unbearable that I wasn’t there at the moment you died.
How many times have I told you to get your hands on power?
It’s comfortable if you have it, and you can prepare for an unfortunate incident.
When I saw you swaying on a single rope, it felt like sulfur had been sprinkled on my dry heart.
It wouldn’t be strange if it burned at any time.
And she suddenly burned out.
Do you know the despair I feel
The only open vent in a stuffy world that is suffocating.
That was you
When I woke up, I was on a soft bed.
I was terrified.
When I turned my head to the side, I saw the back of a bigger man than I thought.
Mind was set
It was a milestone that I found, and which I restored.
Oh
After all, living things are thought to be born to reach a certain point.
Whether it be death or life, there is always a destination.
The world calls me to live forever.
Because I live forever, I was an existence that could not be considered alive properly.
I wonder if there is such a paradox.
Well, to cut it short and get to the point.
The living cannot escape death.
Any being.
I saved a human being with my stubbornness and stubbornness.
To be precise, it was nothing but a body made of a soul held by my own power.
Still, as long as he lived and breathed, he thought he could be content with that.
‘It’s funny, my stupidity.’
I am a stupid woman
I know he has an obsession with a being.
Even though she died because of her, that obsession is still valid.
Even though he broke the law of death and was resurrected.
When I see you looking for that woman, Aria, it feels like millions of pieces are being shattered.
I tried to ignore it, but in the end it was just a matter of time.
Savage liar.
I thought I wanted to scratch it with my fingernail and leave a scar on it.
So he stretched out his arm.
“Are you awake?”
He suddenly turned around.
I awkwardly hid my outstretched hand.
“Uh, yes.”
“You’re thinking the wrong way, Gina.”
He is so energetic that you can’t see him as a man who had an intense affair last night.
My strength, stamina, everything was beyond my imagination.
That’s right, since I got the essence of my power.
Now he is stronger than me.
If he tries to strangle me.
If such a catastrophic situation were about to unfold.
I will not be able to resist
I won’t die, but I’ll surrender myself to his wishes.
Because I fell for you.
Because I fell in love
Oops.
The bottom was tingling.
I suppressed that emotion and gave a nasty smile.
“I? Really?”
“Your salivation is also unusual.”
A soft smile appeared on Ronin’s face.
This is the expression you usually make when teasing others.
Seeing that expression, I slowly frowned.
“I don’t fit my age, if you’re going to say something nonsensical like that…”
“Isn’t that taboo?”
Your memory is better than you think.
I asked as I buried myself in Ronin’s arms.
“Right. Taboo. So don’t tell me.”
“I won’t.”
A small silence came.
I spit out.
“Thank you for being alive.”
“Is that so.”
He put on a puzzled expression.
The fact that the ronin was taken aback by my words was comforting.
“Are you embarrassed?”
“I didn’t think I was going to listen to anyone in my life. In addition, technically, I have already died once.”
You’re also doing something embarrassing.
I grew up.
“How was your death?”
“Are you curious?”
“Because I’ve never been through that.”
“Nothing. I had no idea. There was just black darkness.”
I asked, rubbing my face against his chest.
“Some say they saw God, some say they saw the afterlife.”
“Isn’t everyone seeing what they want to see?”
Right.
‘Cause I’m only looking at you
I asked as if hinting at him.
“My face is so depressing. She had an expression that she had a taste for living as long as she was harassing her, but you.”
“I’m presumptuous, but are you jealous?”
“Do you think I would harbor feelings of jealousy for such an insignificant girl?”
I raised my chin upright.
It was an obvious trick.
A provocation to be eaten by you.
You held my chin, wrapped around my waist, and met my eyes.
“It’s been a while since that conversation. How annoying it was every time you sold me for being insignificant.”
“Oh, did you just say that you’re annoying in front of yourself?”
“Aren’t you bothering me?”
Because it’s exciting
The way you furrow your eyebrows
What bothers me
But I received a lot of love yesterday.
Thanks to someone, I was reborn as a woman with clear public and private interests.
Gently pushing him away, he asked a question.
“Are you still empty?”
“Isn’t it always the same? Gina, me too.”
No.
I’m not empty anymore
Because you are
Is it weird
That would be weird
“I have news.”
“Is this news?”
“The ‘eye’ is dead. Did you find something interesting when you shared the last view?”
“You mean something fun?”
He was dumbfounded
Aria.
Realizing that there was no damn galboyeon, you were mostly sluggish.
Can you really react that way to what I will bring out later?
“Ronin. It sounds like your lost treasure is alive.”
It was static silence.
His lips were tightly closed.
“Didn’t you say you were missing?”
“The hero is like that, but the saintess seems to have returned recently.”
The mild mood changed.
That point was infuriating.
A woman who turns you on.
A woman who changes you dramatically.
That it’s not me
“That is a pleasure.”
He was angry at himself for being satisfied with just seeing you happy.
I hid my trembling voice and ran my fingers over his tailbone.
“I’m going?”
“No, I will not rush. Doesn’t it look like I’m desperately looking for it?”
“… I was more disappointed than anyone else at the news of that bitch’s disappearance.”
“Pass.”
He kissed me, and I readily agreed.
Tongue entangled.
You always make me fall into ecstasy
“If you don’t like it, I’ll stop. Isn’t this the life you gave me anyway?”
We both know what emptiness is.
But I’m not empty anymore
Ronin, my destination is you.
But for this man, the point to reach is Aria, not me.
I know all too well.
For you, I’m just a passing stop.
That alone is good.
If only I could see you running
If only I could see you shining
But, not as much as you die.
“I have a few things to pay you back.”
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to participate in Aria’s proofreading?”
She said that
Because you hated the feelings you showed towards that woman more than me.
Because it was hard to bear.
“No?”
“Because you are cruel.”
“Are you talking to me?”
He got up from the bed with a mischievous smile.
“No way, I should prepare more than that.”
“What preparation?”
“Isn’t your brother and sister Karel coming?”
How about that?
“Are you ashamed of me, Ronin?”
“I was thinking of at least protecting my dignity as a sister. Wouldn’t it be very ugly to see him lying on the bed and wailing?”
“Well, how are you? Might be better? I think you will feel it more when you see it.”
At my words, he widened his eyes in surprise and burst into laughter.
“I am not a ignorant person to take such an insult from a benefactor.”
“It’s different for that girl.”
“Wouldn’t it be different from you?”
Is this special?
Seeing my disapproving expression, he changed the subject.
“Rather than that, if she comes back, she must have a lot of things to prepare.”
“Will you throw a surprise party?”
“It’s modest, but that’s it.”
“Well, I don’t think it will be so modest.”
“Besides, didn’t you say that you had something to pay back? Let’s try to arrange a nice place for you.”
He quietly went into the bathroom.
Feeling regretful, I looked at the place he had left in despair.
“… Good.”
It’s good to have only you
