Chapter 98 – Episode 98. Short-Lived and Long-Lived Species (2)
Dad kept talking after that.
As a child, I was a plunderer from a group of people called elves. To give an analogy, he killed the mother rabbit from a well-to-do rabbit family, took only the rabbit’s offspring, and raised them in her own place.
If that happens, the ignorant baby rabbit will gradually grow up, and by the time its ego is awakened, it will regard him as its mother.
Like I called him mother without knowing anything.
“… Why did you do that?”
“Because I wanted to be successful.”
“Why?”
“… At one time, I thought that was the correct answer.”
“That’s correct, why?”
“…”
“Dad. Why…”
Even if you ask a question, the answer is not returned.
However, he could feel the strength in his gripping hands gradually increasing.
As if he was deep in thought, as if he had trouble even answering what I was saying.
“Hunting… Were you trying to eat me?”
So, I created a question for myself. I don’t know what a slave is, but that’s why I’ve been hunting other creatures in the forest.
It was said that all living things must kill other living things and live on their skin and blood.
That is the nature of the world, and I must be strong in order not to become like that myself. And that you should feel that you are living on top of that sacrifice at all times.
“… No.”
He was the one who emphasized the value of life and the cruelty of the world.
What was expressed towards me at that moment was not fear of the end of my life.
“I could have done worse than that. If it passed on to someone other than me.”
What I’m afraid of is how I’ll take what he says.
As if he was anxious about how my reaction would turn out, he sparsely looked at my eyes.
Will you be disappointed? Or will you resent yourself?
“Severe thing? Why?”
But contrary to his expectations, at the time I was just curious.
To live is to know, and to know is the way to live.
What I needed at the time was to know what kind of feelings I should feel towards him after hearing his words.
Through none other than the explanation that comes out of his mouth. As ever.
“Because it’s different, that’s what it is.”
“Because it’s different?”
“Okay, otherwise… Just because people are different, they think that it is okay to treat them differently than when dealing with someone like yourself.”
Why?
Before I could even say those words, I had time to reflect on the sensation I felt in his reflexively clenched hands.
Because it only vaguely made sense.
Even though I lived through the same time.
Unlike me, just by holding my wrinkled hand.
“Then why…”
Why did he keep me by his side without killing me, who was so different, or doing something worse than death?
What was the difference between me and the beasts I had eaten all along? Is it just through words?
Just because they look similar?
“… Cool.”
But now.
I realized that even asking such a question was out of the question.
“There are many more things I want to say, but I was too hesitant. Now, I don’t have much time left.”
Time flies.
But the end exists.
Unlike me, who can feel the flow in the future, the end comes to him.
“… Take this necklace.”
Even though the end was ahead, he gave up what he had prepared as if thinking about the time after he disappeared.
“That necklace will hide your true identity. Now, get out of my arms… Get out of this forest and live among the people.”
“Dad.”
“It taught me everything I needed to survive. Clearly, Heira, you’ll do just fine. He has a lot of ideas, but he’s a smart kid…”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“Please, leave me and find a new meeting.”
“Dad.”
“I love you, my daughter…”
“I still have things I want to learn from Dad. There are still many things I haven’t learned.”
“…”
“… Dad.”
“…”
“Dad, I…”
It was an exceptionally chilly day.
Even though the firewood had not yet been burned, he felt a chill run through his body.
It must be because of that that the skin he clenched was cold.
I believe it will.
“I want to hear more about you.”
I want to warm him up with my warmth. He pulled his hand away from the hot tears.
Not just to get to know him.
I hope that the sadness of not knowing about him will disappear in the future.
***
It was only after stepping into human society that I realized that knowing is not everything.
There are secrets in the world that shouldn’t be revealed, and you shouldn’t forcefully dig into them.
Silence is also a necessary virtue to be with someone, and I realized very well in the meeting I faced after leaving that side.
“Not coming back.”
However, it took more than half a century for such an encounter to come.
Even after he left me, I spent close to half a century lingering on the traces of his existence.
While staying there, recalling the traces with him, chewing them over and over again.
“Dad, you’re not coming back.”
But no matter how many times I tried it, no answer came to mind.
What kind of life he lived
How did he reap me and raise me until now?
Why did I make such preparations for when I, who had reaped my success for profit, was left alone?
Why did you ask me to leave this place in the end?
“Not coming back.”
The person who would explain it all had suddenly left me.
So suddenly… No, too slowly and naturally.
“… Live.”
How long did it take to soothe the emptiness that came from it?
By the time his corpse buried in the ground had weathered and the time had passed for even the fragments of his bones to crumble and disappear.
Nevertheless, looking back at the memory of him at the graveyard built there, I felt the sense of loss that I felt in a corner of her heart was fading.
I felt the pain disappear even though I couldn’t find an answer to this even though I was alone.
As time passed, memories accumulated, experiences increased, and the emptiness grew larger.
Yes, this is one of the ways to ease the pain.
Burying with time, not enlightenment.
I thought the time I had with him was my whole life, but I realized that if it continued after that, it would only be half of my life.
“Do you have to leave?”
At the end of the process of thinking about my life with him…
It was the moment that reminded me of his last will.
“Do I really have to leave you?”
Because there was nothing to learn here anymore. For me, who has already learned everything that exists here, all I can do is chew on it.
Even after that, there were only two options given to me.
“No one teaches me.”
Rather.
I wondered what it would be like to be buried here next to him.
“So, should I go out? Even to learn…”
I thought that this would ease a corner of my heart, but when I starved for several days and stopped breathing, I felt that the memories I had with him became clearer.
In the fading mind, the contradictory moment when only memories with him become clearer.
At the moment when even that was gradually fading away, I felt a sense of incongruity, clutching at my hungry stomach and devouring smoked food stored in the warehouse.
“Yes, I will leave. Just like Dad said…”
Because I didn’t want to forget the person who was everything in my life.
Because I thought I couldn’t forget it.
“I will not forget my father’s last teaching.”
If you are buried next to him, you will no longer be able to even remember him.
I prepared to leave the place to follow the words he left at the end of my life.
“… Hi Dad.”
The moment of reminiscing about the farewell that should be forever is over.
The moment when you start to draw an extension of that breakup, keeping only those memories.
It was only after 100 years had passed that I was finally ready to leave my hometown.
The feeling of loss that still remains is buried in emptiness.
I hope that I can find something that can bury the emptiness, and to learn a new world that I am afraid of.
“Who are you?”
Yes, we met
“He is the person who will make you have pleasant dreams from now on.”
In a new encounter that happened to meet.
A man who expressed his love for me in a different way than my father did.
***
When I first learned how to shoot a bow.
It took almost a day to put the arrow on the string and shoot it.
The time it took to fire just one arrow.
The arrow he shot hit the center of the target, but after he returned from hunting, he looked down at me with disinterested eyes.
‘… The hit rate is amazing.’
‘Good job?’
‘Not there yet. The accuracy rate is high, but the speed is absurdly slow. If you’re too late in the wild for that long, you’ll be eaten by wild beasts.’
A hand stroking his hair roughly.
In the sharp voice that accompanied him, I could feel his dislike towards me.
‘Still… Your hit rate is better than mine. If I reinforce it a little more, I can use it as a useful hunter.’
But the softness that comes at the end didn’t feel bad.
Even while hiding my feelings, the touch that showed consideration for me…
Even though now that he’s gone, it’s just a vain wish, but on the other hand, I used to think that it would be nice if I expressed those feelings honestly.
It must have been more special because I felt that kind of regret.
Because that kind of honesty was buried in the fact that a stranger hugged my body and gave it to me.
Very warm and comfortable…
For the first time in my life, I felt that the pleasure I felt filled my emptiness and was deeply rooted in me.
“Hey. Why are you like that?”
After chasing such traces, a new encounter was encountered.
When I came to my senses, I realized that someone else was standing next to me.
“Serica sister.”
“Yes, it’s Celica.”
Celica.
He’s younger than me, but unlike me, he’s a very lively person.
There were many things she didn’t know, but her behavior of learning by bumping into her body was what the world calls ‘courage’.
Bravely go through, and at the end, overcome somehow and grow more…
She was the one who taught me that there is a way to live that way.
“You two there. Stop messing around and come quickly.”
And Ymir looking down on me together with him.
Although I couldn’t call her older sister unlike Celica, she was much more mature than I was, and I depended on her in many ways.
Unlike me, who judged the world just by watching, she has accumulated her knowledge through generations of humans.
Because the consideration felt in his blunt and rough personality was similar to that of my father.
“Okay, so speak nicely. What are you going to do if Heira is surprised?”
“No, it’s you who are surprised, not me. Every time I see you aiming for stealth every day, I feel so cold.”
“No, who’s aiming…”
“Doesn’t life have to be so much fun these days with flowers in both hands? Now that this has happened, shall I join in? Come on, look here. It’s a chest, it’s a chest~”
“Get rid of that ignorantly large lump of fat!”
The bickering between the two seemed uneasy at first, but I vaguely noticed that the process was also an expression of intimacy.
Even if they look like they’re fighting, the more they actively act toward each other, the more they feel the distance between them narrowing.
“Three people.”
Of course, it’s a way I can’t even think of now.
Because I’m not used to it yet.
Because I need to know more.
“Are you not going to leave?”
So some more.
We need to continue to get to know them by their side.
“Will you continue to stay with me?”
To three people walking the same path as me.
I expressed such anticipation and asked quietly.
If they are, I’m sure they’ll give me the answer I want.
Leaving behind the loss, I believe that I will be able to fill the need for my empty life that left that person.
“Ahaha, even our hey..”
“… You’re asking the obvious, kid.”
At my question, Celica and Ymir looked at each other and smiled.
It doesn’t seem like much of a big deal.
A very obvious fact casually.
Okay.
A fact that is really taken for granted, casually.
“… Uh?”
A distorted voice is heard.
After that, my vision was distorted, and soon darkness began to come to the place where I was.
It was only for a moment.
The moment the darkness dissipated like fog, I could feel the cold rain pouring down from the sky, soaking my whole body with the chill that came along with it.
It came so suddenly.
Yes, so suddenly…
But there must have been signs.
“… Celica.”
The tombstones erected in front of me before I knew it.
I read aloud the names inscribed in it one by one.
“Ymir.”
I’ve been neglecting all along.
Facing the words that were predestined at the end of the road I was walking on.
“Day, bro…”
Shoot, I could feel my body cooling down from the pouring rain.
An exceptionally chilly day…
But it feels colder than that day.
Unlike that time when I didn’t know anything, unlike when I just let go.
Because now I knew what was waiting for me in the future that would come before me.
‘Heira.’
The moment I realized that, someone’s voice resounded mercilessly.
‘Now it’s time to wake up from a happy dream.’
– Damn it.
As if responding to my heart.
The sound of the place where I was standing collapsing began to resonate.
