Chapter 100 – Episode 100. Hug Me.
Heira remembered.
The intense pleasure she felt while being with him, even at this moment, lingered and was deeply engraved in my body.
The first act that started accidentally.
I was sick and scared of something I had never experienced in my life, but he was kind to me.
Starting from the first kiss, the body was stroked, and even that thoughtfulness gained momentum from a certain moment, and like animals, they left the copulation to their instincts.
Yes, there must have been love there. Unlike when my father stroked her hair, it might be filthy, but that’s why I could feel it more passionately…
“You can’t go any further.”
The man who made me feel that way was reaching inside of me at this moment.
He is embracing himself and beckoning to the world in his heart.
“… No.”
That hand feels frightening.
Even though I obviously took a step towards him.
As if it teaches us that it is only an action by instinct.
“Heira, my words…”
“Do not come!!!!”
A voice spreading through the pouring water.
A storm rages along with that wave, blocking the gap between the two.
Yes, that is one’s own will excluding one’s instincts.
It was clear that only the future he foresaw would exist if he approached him.
“Why…”
Those words would surely be miserable.
It is obvious that he, who has not forgotten that intensity, will pursue more encounters, experience more partings, accumulate more pain, and live in pain like that.
“Why did you come here?”
“…Hey.”
“You were hoping I would leave.”
So, as a means to let him go, the girl decided to resent him.
The sadism he did to himself.
Belatedly mentioning the harsh treatment that even killed my heart.
“You didn’t do that because you wanted me to leave? On the topic of mocking me for enduring all of that…”
Know.
His caress was warm, and the emotions revealed in his gaze were tinged with guilt.
That, too, would have been unwanted. There must be something wrong with him too.
“But why…”
Even knowing that, the girl had no choice but to shout.
“Why are you trying to catch me now?”
Because she couldn’t stand it.
Because she already foresaw the future, there was no way she could handle the things that would come later.
“Leave me alone now. Now, no more…”
That’s why I don’t want to be soaked in happiness that is bound to end in tragedy.
Although she expressed her sincerity out loud.
“… Hey.”
He said nonetheless.
Very adamantly.
“… Do you think you will have a choice?”
I don’t care about the new cold rain and wind that blows into this space.
A man who gradually begins to close his outstretched hand toward him.
“What…”
“This is an order.”
-Fuck!
The sound of fingers snapping echoes.
At the same time, I began to feel my thoughts paralyzing with convulsions in my body.
“Right now…”
What I’ve always felt.
But I didn’t refuse…
“Come to me right now.”
Even though I think I should ignore it right now.
The steps to advance to the abyss began to take one step towards where he was.
Just one step, but sure.
“Why.”
Realizing this, tears came out of the girl’s mouth.
“Why did I go this far…”
Still, it doesn’t stop.
There was no way I could stop.
“Are you trying to force yourself because you can’t be persuaded? Do you want to torment me like that?”
Because the afterglow he carved into my body was trying to lead me even at this moment.
Even if what awaits at the end is catastrophe.
“It’s good even if it’s forced.”
Even while pouring blood from a hole called a hole.
How could he take his eyes off of a man who could not bear to move his fingertips toward him and showed his strength?
“… Come back please. I have something to tell you.”
From the desperate look, Heira felt that a corner of her heart was wriggling.
What the heck
What is the reason why he, who had worked so hard to get rid of himself, now wants to keep himself by his side?
“So please…”
She was so curious about what she would hear when she stood in front of him, and Heira gradually began to erase her hesitation as she stepped toward him.
Even though I know I shouldn’t move on.
“Hey… Where are you going?”
Even the voice I hear in the pit is on my back.
One tattered step, slowly. But the moment you definitely follow the attraction.
“Come back now!! Heira!!!”
A roar erupted from deep underground, and the darkness that rose from it began to cover the world, splitting the rain clouds.
Materialization of hesitation.
The decision of this moment is a decision enough to upset the heavens and the earth that exist inside me.
“Have you forgotten what he did to you!?”
That’s right, that voice is a person trying to persuade himself by trying to squeeze through that gap.
Hey knew that too.
“… Dad.”
Even so, his voice exists in my memory.
To that hateful demon who projected her precious existence to seduce her, Heira showed her respect, feeling the part of her father.
“Why did you choose him and not me?”
Heira was also feeling a strong attraction to him, who still reveals his love for her.
“Heira, don’t you miss the time with me?”
A black figure wriggling under the cracked sky.
The moment it hardened and changed into a hand gesture toward him, for a very short time, he felt a corner of his heart tingle.
“Miss.”
Isn’t it natural to want to see it?
A person who took care of himself. He is the one who taught me how to live in the future and taught me what love is and what human warmth is.
“But why did you choose him and not me? If you go there, the only thing waiting for you is a miserable future. Nothing in reality can satisfy you. On the contrary, it will only make you suffer more!”
Even so, Heira did not take a step towards him.
Even if the hand stretched out from the sky gradually escaped from her domain and soon became dangerously small.
“But it’s fine now. I’ll take all the sorrow you feel If you entrust everything to me, you won’t have to suffer anymore!”
At the end of it, the moment the small hand reached her and touched her cheek, Heira carefully grabbed the back of her hand and enjoyed the touch.
A grip that had the same shape and feel as my father’s.
“But is it cold?”
The moment it touches.
Heira realized why she couldn’t reach the one in front of her.
“What…”
“Dad’s hands are too cold for me right now.”
For that hesitation to be erased, that moment is enough.
Because it is a species that lives for thousands of years.
For a species that has lived through such a long time and handed down everything they have felt to future generations, the senses felt in their own bodies are bound to be considered more sensitive than anything else.
To live in the world is to know, and to know is the way to live.
For Jang Soo-jong, who lives a life led by him, a fantasy without warmth is ultimately nothing more than self-satisfaction.
Even if it’s a miserable future that awaits you later.
Even if they are living in eternity, they are living in the present, so beings without substance can never fill the void they feel.
“I hate being alone.”
Those are the words of a longevity servant whose emotions have not been castrated.
“But, I hate the cold more.”
I miss people’s warmth, I miss them.
A foolish being who predicts the future and ends up repeating the same mistake.
Jang Su-jong, who has come to know love, has no choice but to live madly in love for the rest of his life.
“… This, damn it.”
To the dreamer who tried to seduce such foolishness was very resentful.
Everything would have been fine if I had entrusted everything to you just in a dream.
As much as that potential, he would have castrated the ego of a being who could be in charge of one axis of the warrior party, and used his limbs forever.
“It’s only been one step, but how could this…”
Realizing that the plan had failed in the end, the dreamer’s rage was withdrawn from the target before long.
Her gaze was directed towards the man standing in front of her.
Even though his body and mind became tattered as he broke through countless layers of memories, he stood firm and faced himself in the midst of the disaster created by the turbulence of his mind.
“It’s just a short-lived species!!”
Even so, a single moment is enough to erase the thought that you are an existence that can only live for a while.
-Ah!!
With the small sound of fingers snapping, the darkness that was about to overturn the space began to gather in an instant.
There was no way he could withstand that force.
This is the inner world.
The peace that came to that place will prioritize excluding those who try to shake the heart.
“Because it is limited, you can be more desperate. You fucking slut.”
Encouraged by such tranquility, the darkness was lifted, and light gradually began to descend from the clouds where he had disappeared.
The moment when the thinning rain stopped soon and the sunlight like sunset began to fall on the place where they were standing.
The ground is still wet, and the chill from it still lingers between them.
Just as a scar is left at the place where the knife was inserted, everything she felt at this moment will remain in the girl’s heart.
“… Dave.”
Enduring such pain, the girl said.
“Did you say there was something you wanted to say?”
Calling his name
Looking into the eyes of him.
“I also have something I want to say to Dave.”
Drip.
Water droplets dripping from wet hair.
It formed around her eyes, wet her eyebrows and dripped down, but a smile was drawn on the corner of her mouth beneath it.
As I carved that smile into her eyes, I felt a part of my heart ache.
The fact that despite being treated so sadistically, this girl still expresses her feelings for herself unrepentantly.
“Tell me first.”
Although she felt insecure about whether she was worthy of doing this girl’s favor.
“Hug me.”
Let me feel your warmth.
“… Hug me.”
On the other hand, he chose to listen to her request, which made him feel even sadder.
No matter how unqualified she may be, if this girl wants it, she should.
Reminding herself that she had come all the way here for that purpose, she was determined.
“… Can this be it?”
“Huh.”
So I hugged the girl in her arms and whispered in her ear, and she buried her face in her arms and began to nod her head.
“If it’s this, it’s fine.”
That alone is enough.
All her girl ever needed was warmth to soothe her own coldness.
True warmth, not a false fantasy, even for a moment.
It is to soothe the ‘now’ where you realize that you are alive even for a moment.
Even if the future is miserable, to gain the courage to take a single step toward the future.
“… Sorry.”
He tried to push away the girl who only needed it.
“Sorry.”
She was a girl who devoted too much of her heart to unexpected encounters that started by chance, and she felt too dangerous to herself, who thought she shouldn’t give her heart anywhere.
Shouldn’t the time with them be short-lived in the end?
For me, who had planned to leave someday, I felt very afraid of this girl who continued to approach me even if I pushed him away.
“I’m sorry for not being more courageous.”
But that’s the fear created by circumstances.
In my true heart, more than anyone else, I wanted to grant this girl’s wishes.
The truth is that her true self is far from the sweetness of her first experience.
Even after being taught such ugliness, she could not help but yearn for the time with this girl who continued to approach her, from the bottom of her heart.
“I was scared, so I tried to push you away…”
She ran all the way here because she couldn’t let go of that feeling, she didn’t know what would happen to her in the future, but she thought that it was okay for her right now.
It is also a species that lives in the present.
Foreseeing her own future, she longs to live the remaining time more passionately.
“… Are you okay.”
Yeah, she’s either short-lived or long-lived.
Even if the time to live is different, she is a being who lives in the same time.
Whether you live for eternity or for a while, do you need a place to stay?
“We met like this, because I already remembered you.”
And the meeting that has already begun will be remembered every moment of life, and will create the passion necessary for a new meeting.
As if he couldn’t forget half a century ago, treasured this meeting even more, and clung to it blindly.
Do you think this is also necessary for her own journey to eternity?
“So I will remember your existence from now on.”
That’s why the girl swears by this moment.
At the beginning of her long journey, she wants to leave a milestone that announces her existence.
“I will be your eternity.”
He declares that he will be the place where the man who has no place to stay will stay for the rest of his life, and he will keep his side forever.
“So just a little…”
There is one price required for it.
“Can you let me feel you for a little while longer?”
Even while looking back on the journey after that, so that I can remember the time with you…
The lips that gently whispered that wish soon began to turn toward him.
Faithful to a heart that is clearer than the sunset sky or the light reflected on the surface of the water.
To drive a wedge into the memory of this moment that we will look back on someday, more passionately.
