## Chapter 5 – Acceptance
It’s a sleepless dawn, no, I really can’t sleep.
Ever since I became like this, if I sleep for an hour or two, I can’t sleep all day.
My strength is several times stronger than others,
I’ve become a troublesome person who has to control my strength when doing something.
“…What is this.”
I raise my hand and clench and unclench my fist, repeating the motion.
Still not understanding the situation I’m in, I’m spending the time I should be sleeping with all sorts of thoughts and distractions.
There are no friends I know nearby, so there’s no one to contact.
It would be difficult to contact someone this late anyway,
But more than that, this is what bothers me.
“…No matter how I look at it, it’s just a petal…”
Looking at the pure white petal in the small bottle, I offer a very ordinary impression.
Unfortunately, this petal is not just any petal.
This petal contains a creature that lives by taking over and parasitizing a person’s body.
This fact should be scary, but I carelessly put this thing in my pocket and brought it with me.
‘I was originally going to use it, but Oppa, you use it♡’
Chaeyun’s voice continues to fuel my distractions.
I’m afraid that I’ll let go of myself, I’m scared of that right now.
I know very well that I’m rationalizing myself, but I can’t stop.
At that moment, what’s the difference between me and those monsters who harm others for their own reproduction?
I pack the glass bottle containing the petal and try to go out for a walk.
Anyway, I don’t get tired, and I don’t get sleepy during the day even if I don’t sleep at dawn.
Sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie.
I dress simply and step out the door.
The dawn air, bathed in moonlight, was much colder than during the day,
And the silence created by the dawn clears my head.
I feel much better.
I walk around the neighborhood and, for this moment, I don’t think about anything.
Even though my body has become stronger, my mind is still that of an ordinary human.
Guilt and morality, humanity, guilt somewhere in between.
I felt like I would go crazy if I stayed there.
I arrived in front of the convenience store near my place that I always go to.
These days, it’s become a habit to drink a can of beer even when I’m not drunk.
Chaeyun told me,
‘Oppa’s body is no longer like a human.
All your organs must be strong now.
Your liver detoxifies so quickly that it prevents you from getting addicted, so you don’t get drunk. I’m like that too?’
So every time I drink beer, it tastes like bitter carbonated barley tea,
There’s no more to it than that.
But every time I drink it, I realize that I’m not human.
I pull open the convenience store door, and the bell attached to the door
Rings pleasantly.
I go to the refrigerator, grab a beer, and take it to the counter.
Unlike usual, there’s a young woman at the counter instead of the usual middle-aged man.
Usually, they don’t hire women for night shifts,
Because there are cases where drunk people sexually harass them or get assaulted.
From the store owner’s point of view, it’s a headache, and women who work part-time are scared and don’t want to do it, so is she a substitute?
“…2800 won.”
“Okay.”
Black bobbed hair, sharp and pretty eyes, and the ear on the side where her hair is swept back is full of piercings.
She gave a strong impression of being what people commonly call a “player” girl.
“…The calculation is done.”
“Ah, thank you.”
For a moment, I stared intently without realizing it.
I took the beer that was placed on the counter and went outside the convenience store.
A coldness different from the cold air coming from the convenience store refrigerator wrapped around my body.
Embarrassed, I shook my head and took a sip of the beer can, it’s bitter.
Thanks to that, I come to my senses.
What on earth was I thinking while looking at that woman?
She was definitely pretty, but it wasn’t like I was thinking about trying something.
“How could I…”
I take out the glass bottle I had put in my pocket,
Looking at the petal inside the bottle, I think again about the human being that I am.
If I use this, isn’t that person as good as dead?
I gulp down the alcohol in my hand at once, crush the can with one hand, and continue walking.
Inside, I jokingly wonder if I’ll have to live my whole life without going near women.
Due to the effects of evolution, I shouldn’t be drunk, but I feel like I’m drunk.
Before I knew it, I was on my second or third lap around the neighborhood.
I looked at my phone and it was already 4 a.m.
I should go home now.
That’s what I was thinking when I got closer to my place.
The woman from earlier came out of the convenience store on the way to my place.
She seemed to have something that looked like earphones in her ears and didn’t notice me coming from behind the alley.
She took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, put a cigarette in her mouth, and lit it.
The woman, exhaling smoke and continuing to talk to someone, seemed to be talking to someone on the phone with her earphones in.
“Ah, I’m annoyed again today, the manager who only asks for substitutes,
Or the perverted bastards who always try to get my number on weekdays.”
Contrary to the quiet and charismatic appearance I saw earlier,
She looked much more comfortable and excited when talking to her friends.
“You guys have homework? Wow, that sucks. What should you do?
I don’t go to college, so I don’t need homework.”
Somehow, it’s hard to pass by in front of her.
If I’m in that position, I’ll definitely run into her, and it’s somehow uncomfortable to face her again.
Even so, it’s better to pass by quickly than to stand here and eavesdrop on other people’s stories.
“Ah, more than that, a young-looking guy bought alcohol and left earlier.”
…Are you talking about me?
No, let’s not worry about it, let’s pass by quietly.
I started to move my steps quickly.
That’s when something happened that stopped me in my tracks once again.
“Oh, Seohee Seohee~ You’re working part-time here? Isn’t today your day off?”
“Oh, what? Weren’t you guys going out for drinks?”
A car stopped in front of the convenience store, the passenger seat window opened,
And a man peeked his head out and spoke to the woman who was smoking,
The woman seemed happy and took out her earphones, stood up, and greeted the man.
Why is this happening to me?
It looked like there were many people in the car.
“Ah, the smell of alcohol! Hey, who’s driving?”
“It’s Minjae, it’s okay, he didn’t drink much.”
“You crazy bastards, I’m reporting you?”
While the group was excited about the conversation, I sneaked past like a mouse stealing cheese.
Praying that they wouldn’t notice, I stuck to the wall as if I was glued to it and headed straight to my place right in front of me.
“You should stop gossiping about customers behind their backs, I’m going to report you to the customer center?”
“Go ahead, huh?”
My feet twitched and stopped.
One gaze was fixed on the back of my head, and I stopped as if I had been electrocuted.
“What’s wrong?”
The woman didn’t answer the man’s question for a moment, but then she smiled slightly as if she had remembered something. I have a bad feeling…
I haven’t had a good feeling lately, but why is this happening to me?
“That guy, he kept scanning my body earlier, right?
Honestly, I felt bad, so I was talking about it with the kids earlier.”
Damn it.
It’s true that I stared at her face, so I can’t make any excuses.
“…Hey, just a moment.”
The arrows of gaze that had been fixed on the back of my head became two, three.
What should I do…
I hear the sound of one or two people getting out of the car and closing the doors.
Even without seeing it directly, the situation behind me is drawn in my head.
“I said just a moment? Turn around.”
“…Me?”
I awkwardly turned around.
Of course, as expected,
Two or three men who looked like they were “playing around” were standing there.
A pig wearing a gold necklace, a tattooed tracksuit,
They were the kind of people who would be circulating as a typical .JPG photo of bullies that you often see on SNS.
“Me? What do you mean me? Is there anyone else here besides you?”
“……”
I don’t say anything.
I don’t intend to provoke those people by answering rashly.
Because what they want is stimulation in response to my reaction.
So I just stare blankly at the man in front.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, if you keep doing this,
I’m going to call the police.”
“Hey, this bastard looks so young, he’s talking about the police.”
I hear laughter, it’s really like a movie scene,
Originally, the protagonist endures and eventually sweeps away the thugs.
A childish story of good versus evil that often appears in movies, comics, and novels.
It’s a simple device that can make even the protagonist who commits evil deeds look righteous. But if this situation is a scene from a movie, who is the protagonist now?
I’m really confused.
If I think about what I’ve done in the last two days, they’re probably the protagonists.
Maybe they’re a little closer to being human than I am, even if they’re just neighborhood trash who drive drunk and pick fights with people.
“Go ahead and report it.”
The man who had come close to me without warning punched me in the cheek. It hurt more than I thought.
It would be strange if it didn’t hurt to be hit in the jaw with a fist, but I thought I wouldn’t feel anything with my current body.
My body, which wasn’t prepared for the recoil from my jaw, collapsed.
“Wow, that bastard hit someone!”
“He still hasn’t fixed his temper.”
Still lying down, I raise my upper body and look at the group behind the man who hit me.
The other two men seem used to this situation,
And the woman is not clearly visible because the light from the convenience store creates a backlight.
I gather myself and stand up.
But as soon as I stood up, they kicked me in the solar plexus and laid me back down on the ground.
“Hey, stop it, you’re going to kill someone.”
“This fucking bastard keeps ignoring me when I’m talking.”
He spits on my face.
I don’t really care, it hurts and I can’t think of anything.
What do I want to do?
The assault is inflicted on me, who is defenselessly relaxing my body.
As I continue to get hit, my body is bruised,
And my lips are already torn and bleeding.
I haven’t been feeling well lately, probably because of guilt.
I have always been led rather than leading people.
I have lived as I flowed.
I am an existence that has only increased one insignificant population in this world, in this small country.
To be honest, I didn’t want to become an insignificant person.
So I have pointed fingers at people who, like me, have no purpose in life, and I have prided myself on being different from them.
But when I look at myself now, what’s the difference?
I have always been led, I have lived as I flowed,
And I am a person who didn’t want to become such a common person.
I have always been led, and I am the only one who knows about that monster,
I violated the body of a poor victim who had his body taken over by the monster,
And I violated the body of Gwadae, whom I could have saved, whose mind was manipulated by the monster,
I thought that the monster led me, and that I had to follow the monster in a category that I couldn’t help.
It’s self-satisfaction, I pretended not to know for my own pleasure.
Actually, that’s what I wanted, I wanted to violate her as I pleased.
I just had a good shield called “the monster made me do it.”
The monster gave me this petal, so if I used it as evidence, something would have happened,
But I have been making excuses that other people wouldn’t believe it.
Because I’m different from them,
But because I don’t want to become a bad person.
A selfish human being.
That’s me, I knew that from the beginning.
Even before I met the monster.
I am a bad and common human being.
In a way, admitting this is another self-rationalization.
By admitting it, I am Gwadae,
It may be my selfishness that wants to wash away the guilt for violating Chaeyun…
Then that’s it, it’s self-rationalization.
Because I am such a human being.
“Hey, stop it now, he’s really going to die.”
“…Hey, this bastard isn’t moving? Is he dead?”
“Oh shit, what should we do? Weren’t we too much?”
“You idiots! How could you beat him up that much!”
“Seohee, you told me to do something, why are you yelling at me?”
“Damn it! What should I tell the manager?”
“I don’t know, let’s throw this bastard somewhere out of sight and run away,
Anyway, this is a quiet one-room neighborhood, so no one saw it.”
“…Hey, this bastard woke up.”
I taste iron in my mouth. My head is dizzy,
My chest hurts, and is my bone broken?
“…Fuck.”
“What?”
I muttered a small curse, and the man who was hitting me frowned.
“No! Hey! Lee Minjae! Grab Daehyun quickly!”
“Hey, I told you to stop?!”
“Let go! Damn it!”
I strongly block the mouth of the man who is approaching me with my hand.
“……..!!!”
The man can’t even make a small sound of ‘eup eup’ out of his mouth.
“People are sleeping, let’s do it quietly among ourselves.”
