## Chapter 172 – The Place Where I Was Born and Raised (9)
“…Ah…”
It feels like I blinked and opened my eyes, but my back is stuck to the floor and my gaze is fixed on the ceiling.
Not the red ceiling shining under the cheap light that lingers in my hazy memory, but a simple, pure white ceiling and sunlight streaming in through the window, like you’d see in a normal home.
I clutch my head, which feels like it’s about to break, and prop myself up, checking the time on my phone. Monday, 7 AM, and the sun is already up? Oh, right, it’s summer now, so the sun rises early. After checking the time, I turn off the phone screen, which is too bright for my just-awakened eyes, and set it down.
Then, I block the sunlight coming in through the small gap in the window with my arm and quietly close my eyes, tapping my head with my fist to chase away the lingering sleepiness. How did I end up falling asleep? I remember talking to Na-eun Noona and then falling asleep, but I can’t remember what happened that day or the specific details of the conversation I had with Chae-yoon.
“…Ugh, my head…”
I cover my eyes with my hands, feeling the dizziness and headache that have been tormenting my head like a hangover since earlier. I remember Na-eun Noona turning into a flowerpot, and me… violating her. I remember the big things, like being in a more intensely excited state than usual, but I’m going crazy because I can’t remember the conversation I had with Chae-yoon, something that seemed important, what she said to me.
I feel like I might remember if I just stay like this. I’ll close my eyes a little more and try to recall yesterday’s memories…
“…Khhhh… Hooo…”
Less than 10 seconds after concentrating, I hear a loud snoring sound. I remove the hand covering my eyes and prop up my still-stiff body, looking up at the bed where the snoring is coming from. My younger brother, Hyun-woo, is asleep. With a look of dismay, I finally realize that I woke up in my brother’s room.
Is Chae-yoon, who I can’t see, sleeping in my room, which we use as a guest room…?
The lingering sleepiness and this damn snoring have scattered my hazy memories like smoke. I’m annoyed, but I don’t have the energy to raise my voice because I’m still sleepy and tired, and I don’t want to yell.
“…Ack! Owww…! Why did you hit me…!”
My voice didn’t come out properly because it’s morning, but my fist flew as I intended and hit Hyun-woo’s head. It must have hit harder than I thought, because a ‘thwack!’ sound echoed in the room, and Hyun-woo, wrapped tightly in his blanket, tossed and turned, groaning in a voice still heavy with sleep.
“…You have to go to school, you little punk. It’s already 8 AM.”
“What?! Ah, why didn’t you wake me up!!”
Hyun-woo, startled by the mention of 8 AM, jumps out of bed and rushes to the closet. He hurriedly puts on his school uniform, grabs his bag, and turns on his phone. Then, as soon as he sees the screen, he freezes and looks at me with a rotten expression.
“…You said it was 8 AM?”
“Of course, I was lying.”
“…..”
“…What were you guys doing since this morning…?”
“……”
“It’s nothing. We were just joking around for the first time in a while.”
It’s been a while since the whole family gathered in the living room for breakfast. My mother looks back and forth between me and my brother, who are sitting next to each other without saying a word. She’s trying to gauge us, sensing something suspicious, but I cut off her question and continue eating breakfast.
“…It’s so delicious! Mom!”
My mother is still looking at the brothers with suspicion, trying to hide the commotion from this morning, but with Chae-yoon’s help, her attention starts to shift to Chae-yoon, who is a guest.
The two sons, having completely escaped their parents’ attention, briefly make eye contact. Hyun-woo glares at me, still sulking about what happened in the room earlier, then clears his already empty rice bowl, gets up, and heads straight for the front door.
“Thank you for the meal, I’m off to school.”
Then, he roughly strings together the two greetings, nods his head, puts on his shoes, leaves through the front door, and heads off to school.
“…So, you did fight with Hyun-woo this morning, didn’t you?”
“We didn’t fight, he was just acting rude.”
My mother, who was worried about Hyun-woo’s sullen appearance, even though she was pretending not to care, immediately started asking me about what happened this morning as soon as Hyun-woo left the house. Since I had caused such a commotion, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know, so I told her honestly.
“Good, that Hyun-woo has been acting up lately because he’s going through puberty, and it seems like he’s hanging out with strange friends. The older brother needs to set him straight at times like this… Ack…!”
“This man has no filter in front of guests.”
Unlike my mother, who sighs with worry, my father is actually excited and praises me. My mother quietly watches my father laughing boisterously, then glances at Chae-yoon and pokes my father in the side. I’m watching the two of them, glancing back and forth, and fiddling with my already empty rice bowl.
Normally, I would have gotten up quickly because I would have felt awkward with Chae-yoon sitting here, but I had something to say to my father today, so I was waiting for Hyun-woo to go to school.
“Oh my, Chan-woo, you’ve already finished? Would you like some more?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m full now.”
My mother, noticing my empty bowl amidst the noisy meal, or perhaps noticing that my expression revealed that I was worried about something, starts to worry about me this time and asks kindly.
I respond to her kindness with a smile, take a small breath, and say, “…Dad, I have something to tell you.”
“Huh? What is it all of a sudden?”
“You still don’t contact Grandpa…?”
“…..”
The air at the table freezes at my words. I knew this would happen… The expression on my father’s face, which had been bright until just now, quickly loses its light, and he puts down his spoon on the table and tries to speak again, but then lowers his head.
My mother, who had been joking around next to him, is also watching my father’s reaction, and she tries to quickly raise her voice to somehow change the subject and break the frozen atmosphere, but…
“…Why are you curious about that?”
I’m surprised by my father’s uncharacteristically low and heavy voice and can’t help but shut my mouth. My father, who had been looking down, raises his head and asks me back, trying to maintain his composure as much as possible.
“…That’s…”
The words I had thought about in my head countless times to persuade my father don’t come out of my mouth. I feel like my heart is pounding so hard it’s about to burst. My mouth is frozen because of the tension.
Honestly, I want to just get yelled at and get through this situation, but if I do that, I won’t be able to see my father’s face properly for a while, let alone have a conversation like this. I calmly stroke my chest to calm the tension and look at my father again.
“The place where I was born, you said it was the rural village where Grandpa lives, not here, right? I can’t tell you the details, but something has come up that requires me to go there. Can you tell me…?”
My father’s face doesn’t contort, and he maintains an expression close to being expressionless, but his voice is trembling slightly. Is he angry, or is he anxious? I feel guilty seeing my father quietly lower his head and let out a big sigh in response to my question.
“…So, I’m asking you why you’re curious about that now.”
“…Huh?”
It was unexpected. My father, who would get angry at the mere mention of Grandpa and wouldn’t even show his face to family members for a while, is trying to have a serious conversation. It’s a completely unexpected development, but if we continue this conversation, he might tell me…
But what my father threw at me was the question, ‘Why are you trying to go there?’ I’m already speechless at the question I can’t answer honestly. I can’t possibly say, ‘A woman who appeared in my dream told me to meet her in my hometown…’
But this is a chance, how can I let the conversation end like this?
As I rack my brain trying to think of an excuse, my father parts his lips.
“It’s close from here. You have to transfer city buses twice, but your grandfather is in a rural area about 20 minutes away. You were born there too.”
“….Huh? You’re allowed to tell me that?”
It’s funny even as I say it. I asked the question, but then I say, ‘You’re allowed to tell me that?’ But it’s a situation and atmosphere where such a sound can’t help but come out. I remember being scolded by my father for asking about my hometown when I was a child who didn’t know anything, but my father, who is now scratching the wrinkles on his face that have formed with age, told me so easily.
Hearing the story that I thought was an absolute secret through my father’s mouth makes it feel unreal…
My father doesn’t answer my dumbfounded question, but starts eating his rice, and my mother, looking at me with a somewhat sad smile, smiles faintly.
“I’m sorry, Chae-yoon. For making you listen to this story…”
“Huh? Ah, no… It’s okay!”
My mother, who had been smiling, apologizes to Chae-yoon in a calm tone, then looks back at me and tells me about my grandfather in place of my father.
“…Your grandfather passed away last month. Me and your father held the funeral. Your grandfather hated you until the moment he died.”
“….”
I was hated by my paternal grandfather. That fact wasn’t particularly surprising, and it didn’t make my heart ache or hurt me.
From the beginning, I knew that my grandfather didn’t love me, and it’s the story of a person who didn’t love me hating me until the end. But even so, I didn’t know that my grandfather had passed away…
I feel a bit unsettled.
“You know that your grandfather abandoned you in the mountains, right? After that happened, we were afraid that your grandfather would do something like that to you again. But none of the relatives wanted to take care of your grandfather, who had become strange after your grandmother passed away. So, your father, who is the eldest son, had no choice but to keep his distance from your grandfather while taking care of him.”
“…Dad…”
I turn my head at my mother’s story and call out to my father, but my father doesn’t answer and is quietly eating his rice. Then, my father, having completely emptied his rice bowl, raises his head and looks elsewhere, continuing the story.
“…Originally, I was planning to keep everything about your grandfather a secret. But, I had that thought at the funeral. ‘Will I die seeing my grandson?’ …Even if you or Hyun-woo go there, there’s no grandfather to harm you anymore, and now that you’re an adult and can take care of yourself, you should visit your hometown at least once.”
“…Yeah, finish your meal and go with Chae-yoon. It’s not that far.”
My mother smiles and strokes my hair, and my father quietly clears the dishes and leaves the table. An inexplicably heavy breakfast was coming to an end.
“…Oppa, if you had read your father’s thoughts earlier, wouldn’t things have ended more smoothly?”
“…That’s right.”
Chae-yoon and I are sitting at an old bus stop, shielding ourselves from the hot summer sun. Chae-yoon brushes back her sweat-drenched hair and quietly asks me.
“…But somehow, I didn’t want to.”
“…Hmph…”
After that short conversation, Chae-yoon didn’t say anything until the bus came. She eats the ice cream she bought from the old mart nearby and looks at her phone, quietly waiting for the bus, when a text message arrives.
A text message from my father, simply saying, ‘I’m sorry.’
I wonder what he’s sorry for, but I decided not to reply. I put the heat-warmed phone in my pants pocket, wipe away the sweat, and stare blankly at the heat haze rising above the asphalt until the bus comes.
