Chapter 53 – Episode 53. Control of Desire
“I have no intention of making a girlfriend.”
I continued talking to the three women who were dashing at me.
“Everyone will be of the same mind, and each of them will have their own reasons and purposes. Also, like you, I think this exam is very urgent. I want to pass the exam faster than others.”
I said while making eye contact with the three women in turns.
“I received the pepero that everyone took care of, and I’m grateful for the favor. But I’m planning on making my girlfriend after the exam is over. So, I’m, Enough…”
I greeted them as if bowing slightly.
With my backpack on and holding the exam materials, I turned around from them.
Then, I got out of my seat with the girls and walked towards the locker after putting the book in it.
Not all the women followed me or anything like that.
Everyone asked me to contact them if it wasn’t burdensome, so there may not have been a good reason to be extraordinarily active in giving me a dash.
Also, they may have felt burdened by being suddenly caught up in competition with so many women, and the reasons may be different for each of them.
I really think it’s urgent to pass the civil service exam.
There is a reason I always repeat it.
It’s because I want to play properly like when I was in college.
When I was in college, I started preparing for the civil service exam from my senior year, but when I was in the lower grades and not in the upper grades, I had a lot of fun.
I’m sorry that the period seemed so short.
University is 4 years. It’s 3 years if you graduate early like me, but it’s a bit like playing in the 3rd or 4th grade even when I’m a college student. 1st and 2nd year, I usually play casually for 2 years.
Life is now a 100-year-old era, and it is too unfair to have 2 years of proper play out of 100 years.
Of the remaining 98 years, some will be studying, most will be working, and some will be old, so there will be a period of suffering from old age and disease that everyone comes.
Since I wasn’t born to be happy for two years out of 100, I thought about how to maximize the joy of the remaining days of my life.
The conclusion I came to is, after my freshman year and sophomore year of college, the next time I can have fun is when I have a job but before I get married.
Of course, I have to go to work at that time, so I can’t play like I did when I was in college.
However, as a respectable man, even if it is not a high-class job, the moment I find a suitable job, the scope of my activities broadens even more.
Also, my future anxiety will disappear.
If I get a job late, it’s not too much of a waste for me to lose tens of millions of won.
But I’m out of time
It was a waste of time not being able to play properly because of my job.
I want to get married after meeting many beauties by my late 30s, but after about 10 years of my junior year in college, the time to enjoy the time is deducted by a year if I don’t pass the civil service exam.
Such things must be prevented.
So, I studied hard today, and I plan to keep doing it like this until I solve it.
Anyway, I received all the peperos that day.
+++
I thought about that time for a moment.
Recalling that time, I was walking like this in the morning after time had passed, eating the pepero I received at that time with Hochang.
Hochang spoke to me.
“That day, Pepero… I couldn’t even see it. If it was shocking, I bought it with my own money on my way home after class that day.”
For me, who received a bundle of pepero with heartfelt notes attached to it, I felt sorry for such praise.
I tried to properly comfort Hochang.
“Well, it’s sweets, right? It’s not like sweets can change your life… First of all, shouldn’t passing pass first?”
I said that while walking with Hochang.
Then Hochang asked me.
“Our study members? Did you give them pepero to you?”
It was a sharp question.
I pondered for a while.
I want Hochang to get along well with the studymates, so I don’t want Hochang to have bad feelings about the other studymates giving me Pepero.
It’s a bit embarrassing, but I didn’t want to lie to Ho-chang.
Even when I meet women, I tell them the truth.
I always reveal that I am unemployed to job seekers, and reveal the truth that a lasting relationship is difficult in the current situation.
By telling the truth, I am at a disadvantage in temptation than other liars.
But I think the truth is stronger than lies and most of the time I tell the truth.
So, this time I decided to tell Hochang the truth and then hit the cover rather than covering it up with lies.
If I hadn’t asked, I’d have thought I’d just skip it, but since he was so specific, I decided to talk.
“Um. Study One girls, I gave them all. Pepero for me.”
“Uh?”
Hochang listened to my words and dropped the stick of the remaining snack part of the Pepero he was eating.
It must have been quite a shock.
Hochang asked me more.
“You gave everything? With Hye-na, with Eun-hee, with Yoon-kyung, everything?”
“Hmm.”
“Really?”
From Hochang’s point of view, he himself didn’t receive even one, but the reaction I received from all of them was shocking.
So I added a word to Hochang.
It was to cover the other study members.
“We spend a lot of time together like this. We can eat together like we do now, but we might not have to bother with giving here and there. We’re still eating together.”
“Uh… I see, but I’ll give it to you too.”
“Ah, what about snacks, eat more, Hochang-ah, even this.”
“Thank you, Jinhyuk.”
“What~.”
Hochang seemed appropriately appeased.
Actually, what am I, what I received from the study members was part of it, but I received more…
For me, this happens very often.
Even when I was in college, I heard that when I talked to male classmates, I didn’t get it well.
It was said that the probability of receiving Pepero from her family, such as the younger sister or her older sister, who is an enemy of her, is higher than the probability of receiving it from a woman at the university.
However, on such a day, I received Pepero from my classmates and seniors and juniors with whom I was a little friendly, as well as my older sisters and younger siblings with whom I had little interaction, and I piled Pepero and ate it for a while.
It could be seen that this has been going on for a long time.
Hochang thought for a while and said.
“Jinhyeok, by any chance.”
“Doesn’t everyone have feelings for you?”
“Hmm?”
“Uh~, isn’t that right? You can do it all together at the study spot… But it’s not like everyone came one by one in the classroom after the study session, during mealtime or break time, and put it in your bag.”
“Still, it’s a little hard to see that you have a heart for it.”
As Hochang said, they may all have feelings for me.
The study members or all the people who left me notes and contact information that day.
However, since it is impossible to know a person’s mind accurately unless you use the law of interest, it is definitely not so.
Maybe this is something I want to deny.
Even if so many women have a heart for me, it’s because I can’t spend all the quality time with them in the current situation where they are devoted to learning.
There are too many girls who come to me, so if I try to hang out with all of them, 365 days is definitely not enough for me now.
As I walked, I talked to Hochang.
“And, from that person’s point of view, even if he had feelings for me temporarily, passing would be more important in the end than that.”
I continued talking while eating pepero.
“It’s like that wherever you go. There are many people who get close to each other in space, and sometimes, when they’re out of sight, their hearts get farther away.”
“It is, but…”
“You’re an alumni, so you’ll keep seeing them, but I think the chances of you continuing to meet the people you met in the high school village are slim.”
I thought Hochang would understand what I was saying to some extent.
Once a person leaves the room, he belongs to a society.
Whether that society is a high school, a university, a civil service preparation academy, or a workplace, there will be anything.
When the society itself changes, there are not many cases of continuing exchanges even if you were close to each other when you belonged to the same society before.
Still, the friends I met in my school days are cases where I started meeting based on pure friendship without any interests, so that relationship can continue a lot later.
However, if you go to a general part-time job place, workplace, or university, unless you go to a very small number of like-minded people, most of them lose contact and then gradually stop seeing you.
I said that
Hochang, I may feel some kind of envy because I received Pepero from various female exam students, but this is just for a while when I belonged to this society for a short time, and most of the people who have connected with me because of this Pepero will move on to the next society. This means that most of the people who will see it anyway may not be there.
“Ha~, but I’m so envious.”
Hochang seemed to understand what I was saying, but seemed to have difficulty fully agreeing.
And Hochang spoke to me.
“I study and study, but that’s how I think.”
“Hmm.”
“I need to relieve my desires, so I can study better.”
The desire Hochang was talking about seemed to mean fucking with a woman.
There are quite a few people passing by, but no one can eavesdrop because the two of them are talking as they go, not just screaming.
I talked to Hochang who said that.
“I have a slightly different opinion, but it seems that if you pay attention to your needs, you become a little distracted by learning.”
“Really? Well, it could be different for each individual.”
Hochang continued to speak.
“I’m kind of like that. If I don’t sleep with a woman, I only think about that, so would it be more efficient if I resolve it?”
I used to think that way too.
When I had just come up to this goshichon, there was a time when I also studied with the mindset of fully satisfying my needs like Hochang.
But now it doesn’t.
When I’m immersed in women, I tend to put up a barrier with my studies, and when I’m studying, I think it’s better to focus on this completely.
Even when I had just come up to the goshichon at that time, I accepted all the girls who came, so the girls I met were extremely twisted, and it made it difficult for me to study.
I thought about that and answered Hochang.
“Well… I thought it would be better to control the mind itself rather than going to bed thinking about women.”
“Kuh… That’s how it works. It’s amazing.”
Hochang continued to speak.
“I really didn’t like that. There’s a lot of fucking girls here, and they’re about our age.”
“That’s right.”
“When I see women, my heart, just, ah~, especially when I see couples, I think a lot.
The more I listened to Hochang’s words, the more I felt that he was seriously ill.
When I saw it, it seemed that I would not be able to study properly with the current spirit of Hochang.
If it’s such a severe symptom, in the case of Hochang, I might not be able to endure it without getting rid of it, so I hinted.
“Then why don’t you try hunting? Unlike me, it’s really hard for Hochang to stand it, so if that side studies better.”
“Hunting? Um~, I tried it too.”
Hochang continued to speak.
“But they’re all failures. I tried dozens of times, but I couldn’t even get number 1. They say that there are many lonely women in the high school village, but I don’t think so. Jinhyeok seems like there are a lot of people who study really hard like you.”
“Well…”
When I was in the early days of going up to the goshichon, I also went hunting and worked like crazy every night with new girls.
At that time, the probability of getting the number of the girl I liked was between 80 and 90%.
There seems to be some individual difference in the success rate.
So I think there are as many lonely women as there are lonely men like Hochang.
However, unlike men who easily become slaves to their desires, women generally not only have excellent academic zeal, but also think that men’s social value is not that of high school students, so they do not easily give numbers to most men.
For me, of course, the story would have been different.
Because I am a handsome man.
Even when I was in college, most of the women I knew who had long been known to be impregnable were not like that to me.
The goshichon was no different, and there were often cases where the reverse came in, not only to the women I met through hunting, but also to those I had never seen before.
Looking at that, it’s not that there aren’t lonely women, it’s that a man who meets the criteria for a lonely woman still has to meet it to some extent.
From a woman’s point of view, I would say that there are quite a lot of men who are treated as ‘if I lived alone, I would have lived, but I wouldn’t date you’.
Seeing something like that makes me a little sad.
There are a lot of friends around me who have good personalities, and I think they have pretty good faces, but it seems that there are a lot of friends who don’t seem to have a lot of girls.
I said to Ho Chang.
“So do your best, women are women too, let’s pass this exam together.”
“Um. I have to pass… Ah~, but I don’t know why I’m so lonely these days.”
