Chapter 62 – Bifurcation (2)
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To ed.
I’m not sure how to start a letter.
I think I’ve already written a few times, but today all I can say is how are you?
As I said before, the child is growing well.
It was my first time doing something like this, so I was hesitant, but the elders helped me well, so there was no big problem.
Whenever I see you, I really think that you are pretty.
I’m fine.
I want to see it, but it’s hard to know that I can’t see it.
I still want to see you. But it will be hard
‘Cause I’m a sinner
Still, I live each day with a feeling of atonement.
I don’t know if the day will come to face you, but I hope I will always remain in your memory.
I’m always sorry and I always love you
I’ll write again.
Hi.
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I felt a strong blow to the head.
He was still standing in front of the door.
The people in the next room passed me curiously as they entered their places, but my eyes did not leave the letter.
Why is this here
How did you send this
Something was going wrong.
The past that had been buried in my heart was trying to crawl out again.
Everything was shocking.
From the existence of the letter to its content.
All doubts were resolved in this one letter.
And all the words were grounded.
###
I thought I would become a spectacle if I stood there any longer, so I closed the door and entered the room.
I looked in the mirror and saw that I was the same as usual.
However, the subtly trembling hand was proving that it was different from usual.
I started reading the letter again.
I had to read it apart from my troubled mind.
No I had to read it
As long as I don’t remember clearly what happened to me
That letter should have been the clue.
It was time to tear things apart from scratch.
‘I think I’ve written it a few times already’
It wasn’t easy from the beginning.
I thought she disappeared without a word, but she said she had already written several letters.
Did you send it last time? When is the last time? When the flowers came last year?
Assuming that was then, it roughly makes sense.
I too was waiting for her letter.
Even if it’s an irreversible relationship, I just wanted to know why.
She probably wanted an explanation as well.
Why did you do that
Aren’t you lying?
I’m honestly not sure
However, considering that the same flowers had arrived the last time, it was reasonable to assume that they were placed in front of the door as they are now.
Assuming they were laid like this the other day, who the hell took them?
Suddenly, I remembered what Carolyn von Peroz had said the other day.
I decided not to.
I decided not to think about it, but reality was grabbing my face and catching its gaze to look straight ahead.
Did Seria get involved in what happened last summer?
What if there was a third person there, not just the two of us?
What if Heina stabbed me because I was overheated?
In a situation where clear answers cannot be returned, only questions are poured out.
No.
If she thinks it can’t be, she keeps thinking of Carolyn’s words, and she puts her brakes on that thought.
Put her thoughts aside for a moment and read the next sentence.
A distinctly different ripple effect from the previous sentence hits me.
Kid.
I can’t believe those two letters.
Only the speculation of how had a stronger effect than the fact that he had become someone’s father.
No. I already knew the answer.
If you shuffled like that all week, it wouldn’t be strange to not have children.
Moreover, what if that week is the fertile period once a month?
All the riddles were coming together.
The reason she hung out with me all week.
That she knew
I knew very well that if I ever had a child with her, I would never be able to leave her.
If you got pregnant last summer, your baby would have seen the light of day by now.
There was my child far out west.
Should I go see it?
No matter how bad the memories were, the fact that he was my child did not change.
Exactly one year ago at this time,
If the child had been born at that time, it would have already been two months since it was born.
Over time, the probability of not being my child converged to zero.
In those days, she showed a side that no one else would look at.
My heart was stuffy.
If the recent events were close to being hectic, this one felt like being hit on the head with a blunt instrument.
In the midst of rolling my head here and there in a situation where I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I missed the most important thing.
So what should I do with this relationship now?
One ended badly, but was claiming to have had my child.
The other was now on good terms.
Normally, it would be appropriate to maintain the current relationship while paying child support.
But what if there is another person involved on the bad end?
Seria’s words come to mind.
‘I’m not sure what will happen to me.’
Was that not a joke, but an expression of sincerity?
It gets creepy.
What if her love was of a heavier kind than I know?
If you meet another girl, she doesn’t know what she’s going to be like?
The word obsession lingered in my head.
No, it was something more than an obsession.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can do anything.
I had heard of it once.
The fact that he loved someone so much that he saw someone connected with someone else, killed that person, and then took his own life.
Even at that time, I just thought it was scary, but when I thought that I might be in that situation, I felt dizzy.
If you ask yourself if you didn’t know you were like this, the answer was no.
In the first place, when she first met her, she was the one who showed some fragments of that feeling.
Why couldn’t I guess then?
She let go of everything she was holding in her hand.
She didn’t want to do anything.
It felt like being dragged to the floor.
To the bottom of the muddy feeling of love.
I didn’t know that I would be bound by the feeling of love, which I didn’t know would exist for the rest of my life.
I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.
The clean ceiling with nothing on it seemed to represent my mind.
I hated to believe it.
That all this is close to half the truth.
Perhaps you are unconsciously refusing to believe.
But my head was automatically recombining the truths.
And the information was indirectly proving that all of this was possibly true.
I had to tidy up.
Aside from other details, a few things had to be made clear.
She had my child, and he had already seen the world.
Someone intentionally hid the letters I was constantly sending from me.
And in all of this, perhaps, there was a possibility that Seria was involved.
No matter what happened at that time, I had to do what I had to do.
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With the exam now two days away, Seria was studying at home.
I was able to pass even with a pull-up.
Still, isn’t it good in many ways to get good grades?
Maybe a price for her father.
To make him feel proud.
It was her who thought that even if Edward later went to the teacher side, he would benefit her in many ways if he took the great achievement that he was.
What could be a greater proof than that by indirectly presenting her grades improvement data and passing certificate?
She was confident that since he had saved her, she too would give everything to him.
Die if die
Live if you live
Because the mind was already subordinated to
Even if he asked for her body, she was willing to give it to him without question.
No, it was to be provided.
This test was the last step of that salvation.
The last hurdle you can have as yourself.
Beyond this, he would live a life that only looked at himself as himself.
It never occurred to him that he would see anyone else.
Because the others had already been removed.
Thinking of the future ahead, she smiled.
In order for her to do that, she had to study a little harder.
In the room with the door closed, only the sound of writing could be heard.
