Chapter 209 – Chapter 209
Looking far back in the past, memories that I really didn’t want to recall come to mind.
The memories of being locked up alone in this house, and the cold and painful memories every time I opened my eyes.
Those moments when no one answers no matter how many times you call them rise to the surface. The emotions of the moment eat away at the thought.
Cruelly, I was so aware of what I was like from the moment I was born that I couldn’t cry like a child.
I couldn’t even vomit my resentment.
… I couldn’t afford it.
The thought of having to save Eun-ah kept coming back to me, and the thought of taking care of Eun-ah couldn’t leave my head, so I had a fight with Eun-chae Ko.
It was a long battle for leadership, and fortunately I was the victor.
For such a long time, when it has been exactly 10 years since I have lived as a controller of personalities, that is, I am 15 years old. I suddenly felt that question.
Who am I.
I define myself as Ko Eun-seol, but am I really Go Eun-seol?
It was a question that never left. I was a barrier that Eun-ah made to protect herself, and I was also a substitute made to replace Han-kyung Seo, who abandoned Eun-ah.
Can I just say that I am Ko Eun-seol?
My question grew deeper day by day, so I opened my study to get the answer.
I found the words of the very smart noblemen there.
The words of the noblemen who said that they were awakened were all different.
Some say that I am defined by myself, while others say that I am defined by the observations of others.
Yeah, what these fucking people say is different.
I was terrified.
I feel like I’m nothing, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll end up being nothing.
I feel like I’m just ending up with a defense mechanism that’s part of Eun-ah.
Even in the midst of thinking, feeling, and feeling like this, I was afraid of it.
I decided to leave my mark.
He found Eun-ah’s grandfather, whom he had never looked for before.
He visited Harim and created a company.
Eun-ah did what she couldn’t do.
I tried to define myself by doing things that only Ko Eun-seol could do.
And it failed.
Even so, I was still Eun-ah’s defense mechanism, and I was still Seo Han-gyeong’s substitute.
It was an illusion that became nothing the moment Eun-ah broke out of the shell she was confined to.
It was only after spending a very long time that I realized that, and I ended up suffering from lethargy.
There was no more passion left. There was no hope left.
There was only lethargy, as if the stomach was empty.
However, even in the midst of that, this guy’s body moved to protect Eun-ah.
While mechanically blocking Ko Eun-chae and mechanically adjusting other personalities and spending time like that, Ko Eun-chae showed her teeth.
No, what can I do with my teeth? Now that I think about it, it’s just the whining of a kid who doesn’t know anything.
The grumbling reminds me of the moment I really went to the brink of extinction.
It reminds me of the moment when I could no longer occupy my body and was buried in deep thoughts.
Oh, it’s over now. I am really becoming nothing.
How embarrassing it was to suddenly take over while waiting for the end with such thoughts.
Eun-ah, who was on the verge of being eaten by Ko Eun-chae, came to her senses, how funny it was.
Do you know which of the dogs is the funniest? It was me.
The first thing I did as soon as I took it was to find a way to treat Eun-ah.
After confirming the existence of Chae Do-gyun, I came up with the idea that I should use this guy to fix Eun-ah.
I decided it was too funny.
When this is all over, it will really disappear.
When Eun-ah is fully recovered, if she absorbs all the personalities, she will disappear while looking at them.
But.
‘Fuck.’
The head is turned to the side.
I see Do-gyun Chae blankly staring at the ceiling.
I thought it would be okay to end it, but it was just a matter of dealing with Chae Do-gyun as a way to save Eun-ah.
‘Fuck.’
Because of this guy, I keep getting lingering.
This fucked baby removed my lethargy.
*
Do-gyun recalled that he was truly great.
Because I haven’t cried and cried yet. ‘Cause I’m just shedding tears
At this level, I was thinking that I was doing really well on the subject.
Now Do-gyun knew.
What truly frees her cover is not holding her, but letting her go.
“You know.”
“What.”
“The last page of the diary, Eun-seol did it, right? In the middle of the diary, I put ‘die’ in a large font.”
“What if?”
“Nothing.”
One day, looking at the diary that Eun-ah had written in her childhood, and seeing the letters drawn on the last page, it occurred to me that Eun-chae had done it.
Now that I think about it, it’s pretty funny.
Eun-chae is a child who has never had the intent to kill.
However, Eun-ah probably didn’t write it down, so the only suspect that was eventually narrowed down was Eun-seol.
Do-gyun, realizing this too late, thought.
Eun-seol might have needed someone to resent. He may have been too hard to endure the pain alone.
So, maybe the reason Eun-seol wants to leave now is because she’s tired.
So Do-gyun did not catch her. Why is she leaving so suddenly? He didn’t even take offense.
Because that would make Eun-seol, who had always endured silently, laugh. It’s because it insults Eun-seol, who wants to be free from that exhausting and difficult life.
Do-gyun just said.
“You worked hard.”
He said it with the utmost sincerity he could express.
To that, Eunseol replied.
“You suffered too.”
“I didn’t suffer. I am really happy right now.”
“Do you really like me going?”
“Do you do that even if you say it? Disappointingly.”
“What the fuck.”
Silence ensued.
Eun-seol leaned back on the sofa, closed her eyes, and thought.
‘Fuck.’
If you told me not to go, I could have thought of it again. A quick-witted bastard doesn’t notice only when it’s like this.
I ate and laughed.
No, it was rather a good thing.
As Go Eun-chae said, I who have a lot of greed might become even more greedy after today.
It would be much better to disappear when that guy looks good on me like this.
“Hey.”
“Yes.”
“You bastard.”
“Suddenly?”
“Fuck you.”
“…”
When I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side, there was Chae Do-gyun looking at me with a thick expression even while shedding tears.
“If you twist it, hit it.”
“… All right.”
“You bastard.”
Oh, there are some nasty words out there.
Eun-a shouldn’t learn these things, and she shouldn’t be badly influenced by me.
It was all because of Chae Do-gyun.
To say such harsh things. It’s also something that gives me regret.
It was because of the insignificant things that guy said.
Someday, looking at me, I will say that I am Go Eun-seol. There was Chae Do-gyun, who said that he would never change that fact.
I was comforted by those words.
Only then did I realize.
The reason I did that long and long wandering was because I wanted comfort that wasn’t a big deal after all.
I wanted to hear something like that.
Yes, in the end, it was all that was said.
The thing that makes me no longer afraid, the thing that makes me Ko Eun-seol is such an insignificant word.
“I don’t speak for a long time.”
I set my glass down on the table and turned to Chae Do-gyun.
“Thanks.”
When I said this with a grin, Chae Do-gyun narrowed his eyes.
Even though I wanted to look so stupid, my heart skipped a beat.
No matter how I looked at it, it was a face I didn’t like, but my heart was reacting to a strange extent.
There is regret, and greed rises.
Suddenly, I feel resentment.
I suffered so much, but thinking that Eun-a took it all in the end makes me upset.
But I knew. I shouldn’t be greedy here. I am so greedy that I will never allow myself to lose, so in the end I will try to swallow Go Eun-ah.
Then I will never see that smile again.
Chae Do-gyun’s Ko Eun-seol remains as the world’s bitch.
So, because I don’t like it.
I reached out.
I stretched out my hand behind Chae Do-gyun’s neck, fixed it, and slammed my face into his dazed face.
Lips met. He opened Chae Do-gyun’s lips and put his tongue in them. The feeling of being out of breath… , There was nothing special about it.
‘Only this.’
Only this will be greedy.
Because I suffered more than anyone else. Because I lived really hard.
As a reward, he deserved this much greed.
There was Do-gyun Chae with his eyes wide open.
He seemed very surprised that he didn’t even think about resisting.
If it is also pleasant, would it be pleasant?
My heart raced. The heat soared. Accidents go blank.
I’ve wanted to be like this my whole life, but there’s no way something ridiculous like that would ever happen.
Greed soared. Go Eun-ah did not come.
It was dangerous.
“Puh…”
I took my lips off.
I looked at Chae Do-gyun, who was still dumbfounded, and smiled and hugged Chae Do-gyun.
There was still a heat that would not go away, and Chae Do-gyun’s breath remained inside.
It was satisfactory.
I closed my eyes and whispered in Chae Do-gyun’s ear.
Just one word because I can’t delay any longer.
Not Eun-ah Ko’s defense mechanism, not a substitute for Han-gyeong Seo, but Eun-seol Ko, now as a name that will remain in Chae Do-gyun’s memory forever.
“What are you looking at, bitch?”
Just one word with an impact.
I left it and closed my eyes.
There was no fear.
Because I will remain as Go Eun-seol. Even if I am no longer Ko Eun-seol, there are people who will remember me as Ko Eun-seol. With Chae Do-gyun, I will always be Go Eun-seol.
Before the breath I swallowed in this dissipated, I let go.
