## Chapter 90 – Low. Secret #6
It’s raining.
It was a torrential downpour accompanied by a fierce wind, making one even feel the illusion that a hole had been torn in the sky.
The dark forest made it impossible to see even an inch ahead, but No. 25 relied on his extremely sensitive senses to slowly take his powerless steps.
He walked aimlessly.
There was no set destination. He just wanted to get far away from this place.
To a place where Low’s touch couldn’t reach, where her warmth couldn’t be felt.
Sometimes his feet got stuck in the mud, and he couldn’t lift them as easily as he thought, causing him to fall several times, but No. 25 didn’t even think about wiping the mud off his body and slowly moved his feet.
Leaving the designated path and entering the deep forest, No. 25 discovered a rock with a slightly protruding front like an eave, and he went under it, thinking of warming himself for a while.
No. 25 sat down on the ground, wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and shivered in the cold, curling up as much as possible.
The damp branches couldn’t even be used as kindling. The best thing to do was to sit still and preserve what little body temperature he had left.
His body was chillingly cold, and the emotions from earlier flew like arrows into his hollow heart, piercing through his body.
He had lived as a slave his entire life.
He had never experienced the warmth of a family, love, or praise that others took for granted.
He thought that only his brothers, who smelled of death as if they were about to collapse at any moment, were his family.
They were too busy taking care of themselves to fully show affection to others.
Since he had never received love from his parents, he was always yearning for affection, as if longing for something he didn’t have.
In the midst of dying like that, he was barely able to find an emotion that could be called love. But even that didn’t last long. The warmth he thought he had finally obtained was taken away in an instant.
Moreover, the person knew about his parents, who didn’t exist in his memory.
She knew that he was their child, as well as the name he had lost without ever being called. He resented her for not giving him a hint during the two years.
Having been deprived of everything and trampled on, all that was left for him were two rings that were now losing their meaning.
Just as he was quietly caressing the only ornaments left to him, No. 25 heard a familiar sound.
Splish, splash.
The sound of footsteps quickly cutting through the mud was getting closer.
Not a monster…
It didn’t take long to find out what the sound was.
It was Low who appeared in the heavy rain. She let out a sigh of relief as she looked at the unharmed No. 25.
“You were here…”
Rainwater dripped from her dress and black hair, which were soaked in the rain. One of her shoes was off, as if to let him know that she had come running in a hurry.
She approached No. 25 and carefully opened her mouth.
“Now, let’s go back. You’ll catch a cold if you stay outside in this weather.”
No. 25 shook his head and put strength into the hand that was wrapped around his shoulder.
The tightly gripped fabric was crumpled in an instant, and her fingernails dug into his flesh.
Bright red blood spread like paint over the wet fabric.
Every single one of her actions, every single one of her words, felt fake. He didn’t know what kind of face she had to come and make worried noises when she had hidden the most important truth.
Low noticed the bloodstains slowly spreading on No. 25’s shoulder and frowned, trying to get closer, but No. 25 saw Low approaching and almost had a seizure, getting up from his seat and shouting again.
“I have nothing to say to you!”
No. 25 tried to escape from her touch this time as well, but not everything went as he wished.
His escape was thwarted when Low grabbed his wrist, and Low pleaded in a voice filled with sadness.
“Calm down first. I’ll tell you everything.”
This wasn’t something that could be calmed down with such words. If it was an emotion that could be resolved with just a few words, he would have released all the pent-up negatives from the beginning in the tower.
No. 25 struggled to pull out his grabbed wrist, knowing that it was a useless resistance.
He shook his hands roughly up and down, raised his voice until the veins in his neck stood out.
“Tell me everything? Do you mean you’re hiding something else from me? How much more do you have to make me a fool to be satisfied!?”
He already knew all about her inner thoughts by reading her diary.
No. 25 didn’t even have any intention of talking to her anymore.
“I have no intention of making you a fool. Won’t you listen to me, even just once…?”
Perhaps it was because of the words “even just once,” but No. 25’s resisting movements gradually subsided.
Low saw No. 25 showing his intention to talk and barely raised the corners of her mouth with a sad expression.
“Now, sit here.”
Low let go of his hand, but No. 25 didn’t run away and sat back against the rock as she said.
Low sat next to No. 25, lit a fire with simple magic, and sighed towards the ground, staring at the flickering flames that crackled.
“Where should I start explaining…”
No. 25 didn’t give Low a single glance, no matter what she said, and stretched out his hand near the fire to warm his rain-soaked body.
“Still, I have to tell you this first. I had no intention of deceiving you.”
No. 25’s eyebrows twitched slightly, who had shown no reaction.
“You had no intention of deceiving me? Then why did you keep it a secret until now? Did you think I was so funny? Were you planning to keep it a secret forever until I found out?”
Even the flames in front of him flickered slightly at the venomous cry filled with resentment.
No. 25 finished speaking as if shooting out words, but Low didn’t answer for a while.
She fiddled with the innocent flames with a branch she didn’t know where she got from and barely opened her mouth.
“Well… every time I remembered those memories, those feelings, it was painful…”
That’s a ridiculous excuse. No. 25 was more tormented than anyone else right now. No. 25 bit down so hard that a sound came from his molars, got up from his seat, and said again quickly, looking down at her.
“What’s so painful? You hid the story about a family I’ve never seen, a family I’ve only dreamed of my whole life, and even my name, and you didn’t even think about my pain and betrayal when I found out about it? What am I to you? Just a slave to relieve your sexual desires, a doll to project my parents onto. Was I nothing more, nothing less?”
No. 25 finished speaking without taking a breath and breathed roughly. The tears that had barely stopped reappeared. It was hard to distinguish them because they were mixed with the rainwater flowing from his hair, but he couldn’t hide his gradually reddening eyes. No. 25 continued to wipe the tears that were obscuring his vision with his hands and looked straight at her.
Low didn’t look at No. 25 and was still staring at the distant mountains.
Her profile, which looked somewhat detached, seemed to be avoiding responsibility, which made him even more annoyed.
Further conversation is useless. No. 25 was about to leave his seat, but Low’s mumbling voice flowed out as if to hold him back.
“I was scared.”
Low finished speaking briefly and closed her eyes.
Soon, a light that seemed to be determined about something could be seen in her eyes when she opened them. No. 25 stopped his departing steps and watched her for a while.
What are you scared of? The words were about to come out of his mouth, but he barely held back because it felt like he shouldn’t say such things in this atmosphere.
“The truth is sometimes the key to liberation for those who yearn for freedom. I was scared that you would leave my side, that you would leave like them, because you found out the truth… I don’t want to lose you. I’ll apologize for that now…”
No. 25 interrupted Low and said again.
“Isn’t that too selfish? Because of your greed…!”
His low voice clearly revealed his anger.
His face, marked with grief, anger, and tears, was distorted beyond recognition.
“Do you… do you know how much I wanted a family? Still, I spent two years, a much longer time than the time I spent in District 7 with people who were like my family, and my thoughts about you were slowly changing…. I don’t know anymore. I don’t think I can treat you the same as before.”
The title ‘Low-nim’ had long disappeared from his mouth, and only the cold expression ‘you’ continued to come out.
Low felt a sense of loneliness at the change and smiled sadly.
Since she had brought all this on herself, she didn’t have anything to say about it.
In No. 25’s heart, who saw Low keeping silent, anger was growing bigger and bigger.
Why doesn’t she make any excuses? Keeping silent is not denying those words, isn’t it admitting that everything No. 25 said is true?
Low, who had been silent for a long time, sighed again.
Is it because of the cold weather? The sigh coming out of her mouth was not much different from the smoke of the pipe she usually smoked.
Low lit the end of the pipe that was already in her hand, as if trying to calm herself down, and took a deep puff.
Low, who was staring blankly at the cigarette smoke scattering into the air with a whoosh, finally opened her mouth.
“I wanted to share the sadness of losing a loved one. Those who have lost their place to lean on will collapse if they don’t unite. So, I tried to bind you, who shared the same pain. I can’t apologize enough for that.”
Low didn’t end there and put the pipe in her mouth again.
Even thicker smoke than before covered her entire face, and Low slowly opened her mouth in the smoke, as if she didn’t want to show the expression she was making now.
“Like you said, I also wanted a family. No, to be honest, I wanted to be a member of them. Not just friends, but a real family. Really… it’s too late to regret it after losing everything. If I had mustered the courage to speak up then, they would have definitely accepted me, but all this happened because I was unnecessarily scared.”
A drop of tears, shining like a jewel, flowed from one of her eyes that was revealed as the smoke cleared, and disappeared into the flames.
“Now that I’ve lost them all, I finally have the courage to say it. I wanted to protect you, the only trace of the people I loved. I wanted to be your family and watch over you from the side…. That’s all. It’s just a selfish story of a selfish woman, like you said.”
