Chapter 155 – 155. Unlucky Day
How many minutes did you cry?
How many hours did you weep?
The tears that seemed like they would never stop were bound to stop someday.
Even if I want to cry any more, my tears won’t come out because I don’t have enough moisture.
My heart, which had been pounding like I was going to vomit, was tired and began to sink slowly.
My body, which I couldn’t properly control because I wanted to die because I was sorry, gradually became able to move according to my will.
“After… Whoa…”
Crying regardless of who said it first.
Stop crying no matter who said it first.
Only the sound you can barely control as you stop breathing fills the living room.
Because it’s my responsibility
I have to wake up first.
I roughly hide my face, which is a mess of tears and runny nose, with my hands and walk to the bathroom.
Go to the sink and rinse everything in cold water.
It’s still dirty.
Rinse thoroughly once more.
I look in the mirror again.
“⋯.”
I tried to force myself to smile, but my red, bulging eyes wouldn’t allow me to smile.
I have to press down on my swollen eyes to squeeze out all the remaining tears and face tomorrow.
Because it’s not over.
This is the start.
You can’t do anything until you start.
Whether you get scolded or beaten
Be despised and abandoned.
Be forgiven and comforted.
Be understood and acknowledged.
Because I realized that if I don’t say anything, nothing will happen.
“⋯It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Even though I knew, I didn’t say what I had to say until now.
I finally said something I shouldn’t have said.
I wanted to say so much.
Who is my favorite person
Who I want to be with for the rest of my life.
I wanted to let you know.
Even if the opponent is a younger sister.
As for my mother,
I wanted to speak and be understood.
“Brother…”
After wiping off the water with a towel and coming out of the bathroom, my younger brother, who had been waiting for me to come out, covered his face and stood in front of the door.
“Cold water comes out, so be careful.”
“Yes.”
In that state, she let the nodding Winter go inside, then went back to where she was sitting and collapsed.
My mother, who was sitting next to me, wasn’t in the living room.
She probably went to the bathroom in the master bedroom.
Because all three faces are messed up.
You have to wipe it off with cold or hot water.
“Ha…”
As her head cooled down, perhaps because of the tears she shed, her thirst was running strong.
I think I need to drink water, but my body won’t move.
I didn’t want to take my cheek stuck to the cold floor.
I want to fall asleep quietly surrounded by cold air.
Like dying slowly
Like that…
“Brother. Wake up…”
As I fell face down, closed my eyes, and stopped thinking, Winter came out of the bathroom first and stood me up.
⋯You have to be alert.
Even for you, you have to stand as straight as I do.
Even for me, I have to support you as much as you.
If I stumble, you will fall,
If you fall, I will fall too.
“⋯Did you go to mom’s bedroom?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s drink water first. Bring your mom too.”
I scoop lukewarm water from the water purifier and drink it in one gulp, and I drink another cup because that still doesn’t quench my thirst.
After me, I wait for Winter to carefully drink the water, then take out a new cup, take a glass of water, and walk to the master bedroom at the same pace.
When was the last time the two of you walked out?
What is certain is that I do not remember visiting the two of them together in the main room where her mother is.
Today may be the first.
Maybe it will be the last
“Mom.”
She knocked twice and called her mother, but there was no answer.
Should I wait for you to reply?
Should I wait until my heart calms down?
“⋯Mom.”
Knock again.
Still no response
While I was thinking about what to do with my lips closed,
A sudden thought.
⋯ No way.
No.
It won’t be.
It can’t be…
“Mom!”
Without even thinking about knocking again, I hurriedly opened the door.
Inside the bedroom,
Her mother was passed out.
“⋯Son.”
On top of the mattress.
He lay still and stared blankly at us, opening his mouth slightly.
Empty eyes.
Helpless voice.
⋯ But there were no problems.
It was a simple rain.
It’s much better than the horrible imagination.
Thank god.
Really… I’m so glad.
“Goodbye mom. Let’s talk tomorrow, son.”
“Drink some water, Mom.”
My wobbly legs don’t listen to me.
Thinking she might drop her water cup, she sinks to her knees and sets the cup down on the floor.
After putting it down, she crawls to her mother on all fours, dragging the glass from which she spilled a sip of water.
Winter, who followed me, also knelt down and followed me.
“Leave it, I’ll drink it. You go in too.”
As she turned her head to the ground, her emotions, which had subsided for a moment, rose again.
Guilty.
Guilt.
Whenever she sees her mother, who has been hurt because of us, the feeling of nausea fills her throat.
A shameful and embarrassing mistake that made me want to cut my throat right away.
Besides those, I was full of 50,000 bad thoughts,
My heart didn’t hurt like before.
“Mom.”
“Go. You go to bed too Let’s cool down and talk tomorrow…”
“We will live happily ever after.”
Because mom didn’t run away.
Me too, winter too.
Even if it hurts and suffers, she endures all the time.
As time goes by, I know that it will get better and better.
Even if it hurts right now, it’s okay.
“Don’t let others see and say anything. Envy… I will live well.”
There are things that cannot be conveyed in words,
There are some things that can only be conveyed through words.
“We’ll live well, we…”
As much as it hurts, it becomes harder and more mature.
It gets so sticky
If Winter wasn’t my sister, I wouldn’t have suffered like this.
But the feelings for each other so painfully,
Would never have found it
“⋯Brother and I will live well, Mom.”
In the eyes of my mother who stared blankly at us on her knees with unfocused eyes,
Tears welled up again.
What are you thinking, I don’t know.
You may be remembering the past,
Maybe you’re worried about how hard we’ll be in the future.
“⋯Son.”
“Yes.”
“The world is not so easy. Children…”
Her mother, who had been lying down, raised her upper body and took a cup of water from her and took a sip.
And let out a long sigh,
Kyeolgi and I held hands at the same time and continued talking.
“You are still children. It wasn’t because her mother looked like a child in her eyes. If I leave your society, I will be like a newborn baby.”
At least a few part-time jobs.
I only served 2 more years in the army there.
The kid who hasn’t gotten out of his student shirt yet.
“The world is scary, kids. No matter where you live There will be people who like you, but there will also be people who hate you.”
Even though it’s a person who doesn’t matter, there are people who hate it for nothing.
Maybe winter has it, and mom has it too.
For some, that might be us.
There must be people who don’t fit with us from head to toe, just the opposite of me and Keum-gyeol.
Such people,
“Your brother and sister. Can’t even get married If you two live together, there will be people who will look at you strangely, and if you live together, you will get hurt a lot. ⋯People who hate you will curse you.”
Because even if you curse at us, you can’t refute anything.
I know everything.
Know.
I know,
I still wanted to be with you.
“So… Just listen to Mom.”
I wanted to be with you
I wanted to fall asleep with you
Crying and laughing together, holding hands and Oh Sun-do-soon.
After living together all my life…
Sometime
“It hasn’t happened yet… Has it?”
“⋯It’s not like that.”
⋯ Someday.
Bringing a dog and a cat into the house,
I see you acting cute and I love you.
Play with toys
Winter and I go for a walk with the kids.
I wanted to.
“Yes. Don’t think about that I can’t do it. You’re sinning against the kid, that’s…”
“⋯Yes.”
I didn’t expect to get everything.
I am responsible because winter alone is heavy and difficult.
Being greedy for something you can’t take responsibility for,
It was something that shouldn’t have been done.
“Yes. Yes. ⋯My children. My cute babies…”
The mother who looked at the back of her child’s hand affectionately and held it tightly,
He untied her hands and took us into her arms.
How long would it be to lean on her mother’s shoulder?
I think it was the last time we hugged each other on the day we enlisted.
“What should I do with my kids, really? How hard is it? What a scary place society is…”
“I will live well. Whose child are you?”
“I am my mother’s daughter.”
“Yes. It’s my baby Mom is on your side no matter what…”
Not blaming us at all,
The voice of a mother sobbing because she was worried that her children would have a hard time,
It was a sound enough to make her realize that the things she thought she had poured out still remained.
“⋯I’ll have surgery, us. Won’t happen ⋯I was originally going to get it. Just in case… I’ll get it soon.”
“Yes. If you don’t have enough money, tell your mother.”
“I’m sorry, Mom… Because of me, my brother and my mother…”
“It’s okay. ⋯Don’t cry, my daughter.”
Soaking her mother’s T-shirt with her tears,
My t-shirt and her brother’s t-shirt were also wet with tears.
We got everything and gave up one.
Her face, which had been wiped off at best, was ruined to the point where she didn’t want to look again.
But,
It was much better than before.
I was anxious because it was too dangerous to lean on just the two of us,
If the three of us lean on each other, we won’t fall.
Hug each other to keep from falling,
It’s been a long time since the three of us fell asleep.
“I love you, my babies.”
I was just busy crying.
The tears didn’t stop.
But,
Even when I cried, I was often able to laugh.
It’s been a while since I had a dream that wasn’t a nightmare.
I don’t remember the details, but
It was very nice to see the smiling faces of the mother and winter.
