Chapter 80 – 80. Lies
I feel like throwing up.
Want to vomit
⋯ Want to vomit?
This is it.
A thought that suddenly came to mind.
She patted her brother on the shoulder and reacted hastily.
“Are you okay? If you feel like throwing up, tell me.”
I’m not sure because I haven’t looked back yet, but what I heard was the voice of my motive.
He probably didn’t leave after leaving the seat, so there’s no sister here, probably.
I don’t know when they came, and it’s unclear if they caught the kissing scene.
Since I’m taller than Winter, I might not have been able to see him from behind.
If it’s an older sister, there’s a precedent, so even if you can doubt it, she won’t think that way at all.
If you do well, you can gloss over it.
You can lie this time too.
If you pass this time…
“⋯I think I’m going crazy because I’m frustrated, oppa.”
“That’s why I told you not to drink. Can you buy me something like digestive medicine? Or what, even a plastic bag…”
“No, ⋯ it’s okay.”
“Oh, winter, are you okay?”
Behind us, a comrade walked towards us.
I don’t think I felt anything strange just by hearing the voice.
⋯ The fuck lived.
Ha⋯, I really thought it was going to be fucked up this time⋯.
“⋯ Huh?”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the moment my brother walked up to us and reached the edge of my field of vision.
Brother’s lips
It touched my lips once more.
“It’s frustrating… I can’t stand it.”
At the same time, the accident stopped.
⋯Why?
Their lips had already touched and fallen, but it was still impossible to grasp the situation.
Not to mention my body, even the movements of my motivation stopped.
The blue light of the traffic light turns on and people walk toward the convenience store across the street.
But,
All three of them stood still.
“⋯I really think I’m going to throw up, oppa.”
“Winter, why all of a sudden…”
“What did we do so wrong…? Every day…, Every day!”
The stopped time flows again.
As is often the case when meeting outside,
My younger brother, who had his head in my arms, sobbed in a tearful voice unlike that time.
The nasty voice I used to hear,
It’s a completely different voice from the lovely voices we used to hear when we were alone.
“It’s hard to do this, I think I’m going crazy, oppa…”
A voice she hadn’t heard since her grandmother died.
A voice that clings to me, unable to control my emotions.
“I’m afraid…”
The stiff body moves again.
For my brother who wants my body temperature.
As a brother,
Hugged me warmly
“⋯.”
Nothing is visible.
Also, only one sound is heard.
My sister’s voice sobbing in her brother’s arms was the only frequency I could hear.
Noise or not, other than that, I didn’t hear anything.
“⋯.”
Brother in my arms.
I still don’t know how it happened.
I don’t know.
⋯Don’t you know?
I don’t know what.
Don’t you actually know?
You knew that someday it would be like this.
You know, it’s like this.
No?
“⋯Are you calm?”
“⋯Yes. It’s a little bit better.”
Sure thing,
All he had to do was comfort his brother.
It was not a matter of worrying about what would happen next.
I have to take care of my younger brother in front of me.
Because my brother
“… Uh, that…”
The cacophony that broke the time between the two was annoying in my ears.
⋯Who is it?
Disturbed, I turned my head with an angry expression,
The comrade covered her mouth with her hand over the mask and was looking at us with her eyes wide open.
⋯.
First of all, I’m glad I’m not your sister.
You are a stranger
Don’t mind us
“⋯Brother, release me because I’m fine.”
“Are you really okay?”
“⋯Yes. Because it’s okay. I have something to say.”
“⋯Okay.”
My younger brother, who was in my arms, came out of me saying he had something to say.
I turn my head for a moment and wipe away the tears,
He looked back and opened his mouth again.
To my friend’s sister, not me.
I am also a friend of my sister
He is also my brother’s motive.
To call it short,
It is a man
My sister started talking to others.
“⋯Sister Haneul. In her sister’s eyes, we’re weird ⋯?”
“⋯That, which one?”
“It seems strange that the younger sister likes the older brother…?”
“⋯.”
Can’t answer
Maybe you don’t even have to answer.
Of course it’s weird.
If it wasn’t weird, I wouldn’t have made that face.
As if I couldn’t even imagine, my eyes are shaking wildly.
Doubt, perhaps, turns into certainty.
“It’s not like we committed a crime. But, but why? Why? Every day… We’re the only ones who are nervous… Why…”
“⋯.”
“Why are you so interested in us, everyone…”
Wiped away tears flow again.
Feelings that cannot be expressed in words drip down my cheeks as if I want to somehow form them.
I’m glad everyone around me passed by.
It’s not a scene I want to show others.
“⋯I like you. Oppa also likes me. ⋯Actually, I have a boyfriend. Because we are dating siblings.”
“⋯.”
“⋯Do you know what it feels like to lie to your loved ones?”
The inside that I didn’t even know leaked out.
No, it’s just things you already know.
Because it’s the same feeling anyway.
They only pretended not to know each other because there were only things that were too disgusting to taste by chewing the cud.
“⋯I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I didn’t know⋯, but still⋯. Even if I know now, I like it…”
“⋯.”
“It’s someone else anyway. So please…!”
Who are you pouring it on?
To me?
No
‘Cause I’m not a stranger
To the motive?
Neither is that.
I’m not talking about asking someone to listen.
Just spit it out
“Please pretend you don’t know…!”
You gasp for breath and pour out everything.
I vomit all the things I tried to pretend not to know or feel.
Hearing is an innocent man,
Because we are sinners
Even a prisoner can protest.
⋯Can we not talk?
It’s not
“Uh, that winter? Uh…”
“⋯I’m sorry, ⋯Sister Haneul. I didn’t mean to say that to my sister…”
“That… First of all, let’s go to the convenience store. Convenience store. I came because I also wanted to eat chocolate milk. Uh… You have to go back first, right? Because I have an older sister, Anna. So… Well…”
Would you have imagined hearing this?
Have you ever dreamed that a situation like this would happen?
In fact, the motivation that had no reason to be hit with emotional fragments,
He treated me in a much more mature way than I thought.
⋯ He is a good person.
But it’s a man
I’m much more trashy and bad than him, but
Still, there are things I can do for my brother.
Because blood is connected.
“⋯We forgot to come out without masks. Can’t I ask for something instead of the convenience store?”
“Ah, yes! Yes yes I’ll buy yours too, so stay here.”
“⋯.”
“Hey, do you have to stay here?”
“⋯I’m not going anywhere, so you can go to the convenience store.”
As soon as I was promised not to run away, the traffic light changed just in time.
The motive escaped from this place as if running away and crossed over to the other side.
And again, there are only two left.
Because I’m done talking to others,
Now, there is a story left to tell between the siblings.
Start is,
This time it was from my brother.
“⋯Sorry, brother.”
“Why. What are you sorry about?”
“Sorry… Because of me.”
“I don’t have to say I’m sorry because you didn’t bother me.”
As if he didn’t want to show his crying face, he hid in my arms once again and continued the conversation with a trembling voice.
Why?
I know.
Only me and you know
Must have been very stressful
Lying to mom
Lying to her cousin,
Outside, from friends to part-time colleagues.
A father who doesn’t even know whether he is across the water or across the water.
⋯Maybe even to the deceased grandparents.
Lying isn’t easy.
It’s because you’re trying to hide something you shouldn’t find out.
There is always bound to be a prisoner in one’s heart.
“Tell me if it’s difficult. To me.”
“I know it’s hard for you too… But how is it…”
“⋯But I’m your brother.”
“⋯ Still.”
“Why did you harass your innocent friend’s sister? If she’s going to bully, she’ll bully me.”
“Even if it feels good… It gets worse in an instant. Getting depressed I feel comfortable being with oppa again… But seeing someone I know again made my heart race… I felt like going crazy.”
Happy to have two
I am relieved.
Sometimes I get excited.
The brain becomes overjoyed and loses its function,
Everything seems ideal to the point that I can’t even think of anything negative.
However, if one more person enters in between, everything changes.
Anxious,
Worried about the future,
The brain is riddled with doubts and suffers from delusions of persecution.
Everything seems strange to the point that I can’t even think positively.
It was a problem that would explode someday.
It might be better to explode now.
Because he’s a stranger
Maybe it was fortunate that I vomited on someone with less kite.
“⋯It would have been better if there was only one more person who would understand. Right?”
“If so, it would have been… Better.”
“It would be fine. ⋯Rather than grunting together.”
We are also ordinary people.
I met such a nice person,
We have such a pretty love.
Even siblings
I am so happy.
I want to brag.
In fact, even if it’s nothing to brag about,
Even if you’ve done something wrong enough to bring tears to someone’s eyes,
Even a lie is fine, so I want to be acknowledged.
I guess there are people like this…
Even empty words are fine…
⋯ No.
I was too greedy.
Actually, you don’t need all of them.
You are the only one
“⋯Thank you, always.”
“⋯.”
“Actually, there were times when I wanted to shout similarly. ⋯Thank you for taking my place.”
“⋯.”
“Sometimes I think you are more mature than me. I can’t speak so coherently.”
“⋯Brother.”
“Why, winter.”
“Do you like me?”
What do you mean by liking?
Seeing as he asked while knowing that he liked it, he didn’t want a simple answer.
Looking at the flow so far, there is only one answer you want.
I now know how to read the atmosphere.
We are brother and sister who are matched in heaven.
This much is easy.
You are the only one who knows all my weaknesses,
You are the only one who knows all about me,
Because I am the only one who knows everything about you.
“I know, but I like it. I knew it would be like this… And I like it even if it gets harder in the future. ⋯I like it no matter what, so don’t worry.”
“⋯Thank you, brother.”
There was no need for a kiss this time.
It doesn’t matter if there is no such thing.
For now, it was enough just to connect my heart.
Hugging is because it’s cold, so look at me.
Even if the road ahead is muddy,
Likes.
It’s okay if the road is a bit rough.
It will work out somehow.
When siblings join forces,
“Of course, thanks to you, it looks like he won’t be able to hold his head up when he goes back to school, but …I’ll ask him how to deal with that.”
“⋯Oppa always adds strange sounds to break the mood, really⋯.”
“I need to break the mood. Do you want to go back to the store with this atmosphere? When you go home with your eyes swollen, your sister will be trembling with fuss and fuss when she sees you, but the three of you can manage your expression well.
“Really, it’s useless to have a good head…”
“What is useless? Do you know how important this is? If I had such a bad head, there would have been a few more things like today.”
“Okay. ⋯I love you, brother.”
“⋯I just need to know.”
Emotional ups and downs are like riding a roller coaster.
Maybe it’s because he took me to an amusement park the day he first fell for me.
I can’t stay still because I’m afraid of shaking up and down in that moment.
Still⋯,
You can’t get off the roller coaster in the middle.
Die if you fall
There is no escape, no stop, no crossroads.
As long as I’m in the seat next to you, I’ll go with you until the end.
Because I knew it would be like this.
