Chapter 222 – Chapter 222. Hug Me(2)
Always.
It was a life that I always thought of who I was.
Even when he first knew he existed in this world.
Even after she was taken in by the guilt of a man who was born completely different from her, and was accepted as his daughter sincerely in the end.
Even when she was chewing on memories of him for half a century after he left, and preparing to move on to her world.
Even when the world I see for the first time is unfamiliar and fearful, even when I look around with curiosity…
Always thinking about who she is as a girl, she has been thinking about how to define herself.
“Haha…”
Such exploration continued over time.
It’s because you couldn’t define yourself with just your name and race, origin and abilities.
Because he knew that all of that was just a moment for him, who had infinite time.
“Ahh, huh… ♡”
However, the flow of such time was colorless for a moment.
There was a time when such considerations were stopped and immersed in everything felt in the present.
While living in eternity, the senses that should fade are maximized, and the senses deeply embedded in the brain.
“Ha ha, well… ♡”
Pleasure permeates the body…
Starting from the day he was held in the arms of a man for the first time, he felt that the world he had been looking at all along was changing.
For the first time in a life where the time to engrave everything visible and organize it inside was over…
The girl who regarded everything in the world as equal, started focusing on one thing she felt especially.
“… It’s okay.”
Even if there is no memory, only the sensations of the body.
While thinking about what it was that she had felt for the first time in her life, and following her familiarity.
It was the first time a girl felt curious about what she was facing, just following her flow, the moment she thought she had to know rather than by her own will.
“Mom mom…”
I felt that curiosity eventually turned into love, but that was only the beginning in the end.
Enlightenment does not mean the end, but it leads to another question.
“… Yes, mother.”
Yes, the girl wondered.
A brief moment of time that was more valuable than life in the first century.
At the end, what form will this heart that blooms change, and how will it end?
She hoped it would be what she wanted it to be, but at the same time she felt her fear that it would turn into her disappointment.
Maybe this happiness I feel now, in fact, doesn’t lead to a greater unhappiness I feel in this future.
Just as the day when you felt someone’s love for the first time led to an eternal breakup, there were times when you felt hesitant at the thought that this might also come as a pain for you.
“Here it is. Dave’s mom.”
But now I know.
She sees the future through the woman who let go of her loved one before she did, and gave her love to him who was left behind.
The girl realized how insignificant the anxiety she had been feeling.
“I missed you.”
Anxiety comes from not knowing anything and being helpless to do anything.
“I want to see… Mom, she never forgot a single day.”
The one who has the freedom and allows that freedom to passionately express love for him and to act.
At this moment when you can seize an opportunity by regurgitating a future you don’t want, how can you rest in fear of a future that won’t come?
“I thought of my mother every night. She’s the way her mom showed her before she broke up with me…”
If you have a future you want, you have to get it.
I’ve known for over a century that the days of doing nothing and waiting won’t change anything in my life.
If you want something, you have to move it. Even if despair might await at the end, if you foresaw such a future, even in order to twist it.
“I want to rape her mother madly…”
Yes, now is the moment to move.
Seeing the person you love make a mistake in the past, when you didn’t know anything about it, and you’re suffering from that mistake.
“I know it shouldn’t be like this. I know it shouldn’t be like this, but I, I…”
Even though I feel hopeless because of him.
Because I can’t let him get drunk with pleasure to soothe the wounds deeply engraved in his soul.
“Are you okay.”
Eventually, a girl who wanted to become an adult whispered softly in his ear as she placed her hands on his body.
“… Mom.”
“Are you okay. Gesok, you can do it.”
The moment of longing for each other while being naked, chasing each other’s warmth and lust.
Even if the sense of immorality stemming from that forbidden relationship came as a deep wound, the girl was already ready to accept it.
“Because my mother embraces everything.”
As much as the wandering was long, I felt the intense light shining on the world full of gray.
The girl who reached this place in pursuit of her light kept the resolution she had made at the beginning and only revealed her own feelings honestly.
“So you don’t have to hold back in front of me. Your pain, wounds, and pleasure… Because I can accept everything.”
Whatever.
That you don’t feel guilty in front of me, and that you can release whatever you want to say.
“… Eww.”
A pitiful man who bites his teeth hard at that whisper, and starts shaking my waist without saying anything.
A child full of scars whose life began with a tragedy, and even the process is dotted with nightmares, and is still suffering.
The boy’s anxious mind was relieved, and what followed was nothing more than a one-sided complaint.
He is violent as if using a herd, and sometimes acts out of control in unknown situations and engages in unexpected actions. The act sometimes harmed those it embraced.
Even so, the girl does not separate the boy.
With a more mature spirit, I just feel the warmth while embracing a body that has just matured.
She only expresses her feelings for him by lovingly embracing even the wild rampage felt in her arms.
“Why…”
At the end of such efforts.
Eventually, he regained his composure, stopped his waist, and began to ask him with his face buried in his arms.
“Why are you doing this?”
I knew. That her own mom doesn’t exist in this world.
Even so, she kept remembering it because she couldn’t forget it, and it came with even greater agony as it intertwined with the memory she most wanted to forget.
“I, I…”
She couldn’t forget even if she wanted to, and at that moment, she felt that her immorality was being cut into her desire.
“I did such a terrible thing to you, why…”
I was afraid.
I’m afraid that such an ugly desire will come as a disappointment to this tender girl who believes in her and follows her.
It’s true that she was hesitant to face it for fear that it would tarnish the beginnings of this girl to whom she would be responsible throughout her life, and that she would make her feel remorse for the rest of her life.
“I. You knew this kind of person. She’s done worse than what she did to you… Why…”
Self-study.
This moment she transparently revealed her own ugly true self.
As he stared at the cloudy liquid flowing between his legs, his face contorted ugly, and even his vision began to get wet and distorted.
“… Dave.”
Still, the girl says.
“Can you please do me a favor?”
Get out of the stagnant time and gradually become an adult.
She became the girl she hoped would grow up to be able to embrace the man she was just following.
“What…”
“Only one.”
He throws away the future he fears, and whispers as if even the tragedy of this moment is nothing.
“You only need to listen to one.”
With such consistency, the tumult in my heart subsides.
Did you feel that even her cries that had filled up in her throat were fading away?
“… Say.”
In the end, she put aside her self-torture to the question that continued.
The girl quietly stepped back from her seat and whispered softly with her eyes closed.
“Hug me.”
Just one.
In this moment, before, and in the future.
To teach her that she always expects only one thing from him.
“Hug me.”
“…”
Just without words.
Dave reluctantly opens his arms and hugs his body when he sees him being in a crowd like a child even though he has become an adult.
“If this is it.”
I can feel that my heart, which has been hardened in anxiety, melts away.
“If this is it, will it work?”
Still unable to let go of her lingering feelings, she hugged him with all her strength and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Yeah, this is fine.”
Just like that.
Wait until the darkness in the space where his heart is projected is removed, until his heart is free.
When I felt that even the warm will that permeated my body had calmed down after just being by my side like that.
“… Dave.”
Calling his name again, she whispered, recalling the past, when she was saved by him.
Brighter than when the rain clouds cleared and the sun rose.
The moment when the dawn’s chill gradually fades and dawn comes to mind.
“Can I repeat what I said then?”
The girl who hugged him with her back to the light whispered her thoughts to him again.
More sorrowful, more desperate.
Even so, without a single point of anxiety, with expectations for the future.
“I will be your eternity.”
She declares that her beloved partner will be the place where she will stay for the rest of her life, and goes forward to keep her side forever.
“So just a little…”
There is one price required for it.
You can look back on this moment in the distant future.
“Can you let me feel you for a little while longer?”
While teaching me that there is only one such simple and intense stimulus that will drive a wedge into this memory.
***
That way.
By the time the long nightmare was over.
“… Are you calm?”
At the whisper of Heira, who was holding me as she lost her mind, she quietly answered as she removed her face buried in her chest.
“Yes I’m fine.”
“You can cry more.”
“No, it’s fine now.”
Is it because I already burst out crying? Now there is nothing left to vomit inside.
In my heart, all the awkwardness of the past had disappeared, leaving only a sense of relief.
“… Yes, I’m glad.”
Of course, it was only a temporary phenomenon, and it might be filled in again someday, but I wasn’t afraid of it.
Even if that time comes again soon, or even if it happens several times in the future life.
“Really, I’m glad.”
Even at this moment, you smile brightly at me.
A companion who will take care of my whole life will always stay by my side and heal my wounds.
“…Whoops.”
With such a sense of relief, I smiled, and quietly looked away from the spot, trying to face the future I would face.
With a girl behind me who will support me no matter what.
“Oh, oh oh… ♡”
…To rectify the disaster I committed without realizing it.
